I've been married 14 years and have an 11 year old daughter.
My husband and I are separated and are divorcing.
He's a meth addict. He's been using daily since March 2010. I left with my child in January 2013.
I'm currently attending Alanon meetings.
They help.
I've struggled with many emotions. A rollarcoaster if you will.
Because he is a professional I did not want to "snitch" but I did tell his family and his one friend on hopes they could help him.
I've begged, pleaded, and turned over every rock just to make sure divorce is the right thing.
I know it's messed up. I love him. Or maybe loved him. Today he is a shell of someone that was attentive, caring, connected, thoughtful and excellent provider.
After 4 years of meth use he is:
A liar
A manipulator
A cheater
Blames me for destroying him.
Our home has been foreclosed on
He hasn't worked since May
He hasn't paid any child support since June
And my child and I are facing eviction as we've leased a condo counting on child support
We use EBT & are on Medicaid
My husband made ALOT of money. Deposited over $200,000 in one month and has nothing to show for it.
He had a "secretary" which he got pregnant and lost the baby because they were both smoking meth together.
His mother has further enabled him and purchased (cash) a home for him in another city.
His mom gave him money to use for food when my child visited him. She ate noodles and he used the money to buy meth.
I'm disquieted with myself for enabling him by covering for him, pretending it would get better and offering love when all my child & I got was neglect, blame, arguments, and hate.
She's only 11 and he treats her like crap.
He's called DFACS on me just to aggravate me.
He bailed out a "friend" (meth dealer) out of jail and allowed him to stay with my husband.
Yet he can not pay child support.
His secretary/girl friend stole $2,000 and nothing was done.
His home was robbed.
He crashed at someone home and "lost" $900
The list is on & on.
I'm devastated, hurt, resentful and mad as all get out. I know he's on a dark place. I don't think anyone would choose to be an addict.
It sure seems his choice is a Baggie, pipe, needle and not his family.
I pray a lot, I see a shrink and attend meetings.
I have good days and bad days.
He hit me and is now no longer allowed at my home. He texts & emails hateful words. Calls me a fat w****, useless, worthless, dumb a** and I pushed him to do what he does. I've seen pics on his computer of his private parts sent to a woman who responded with her private parts, seen emails and the secretary has the nerve to text me looking for him! She's threatened to come to my home, and acts as if my husband is now her family.
She spent Christmas last year with him and he did not bother calling his own child.
If it were not for his mother he wouldn't bother with his visitation. It breaks my heart when my daughter ask "why doesn't daddy love me?"
I'm just broken & have absolutely no self worth.
I've lost myself with his addiction.
I try to stay positive but it's extremely hard.
I have all the responsibility of parenting, caring for our animals, and ensuring our child has food, clothes & shelter.
Letting go lovingly is harder than it sounds.
I'm crushed.
Its good your in counseling. Can your daughter get counseling so that she can understand that it is not her fault that her Daddy is sick and that her Daddy does and always will love her because that is what Daddys do...but that he needs to get himself well before he is able to spend time with her?
I'm curious...and I am not judging...but can you do something to stop all of this? Can you get a restraining order on the secretary? Can you stop looking at his Facebook? Can you find some sort of employment while your daughter is in school? Or will the state pay for some type of training for you? I just lost a job after 19 years and I'm about to start an on line course. I'm just thinking it has been over a year and your husband has not shown you any improvement and I am hoping your counselor is helping you find better ways to disconnect. Even obtain supervised visitation (not with you) for your daughter and her Dad when he has sober days...if any. Your list is appalling and on the other hand...after more than a year..your list should end. You should absolutely continue with your divorce..end it. There is nothing that says in 5 years if he is better that you can reconcile but it seems that your putting yourself thru more than you or your daughter deserve. Let GO. Let him have his miserable life and make his life stop impacting your life. You letting him affect you right now...Make it stop.
I'm curious...and I am not judging...but can you do something to stop all of this? Can you get a restraining order on the secretary? Can you stop looking at his Facebook? Can you find some sort of employment while your daughter is in school? Or will the state pay for some type of training for you? I just lost a job after 19 years and I'm about to start an on line course. I'm just thinking it has been over a year and your husband has not shown you any improvement and I am hoping your counselor is helping you find better ways to disconnect. Even obtain supervised visitation (not with you) for your daughter and her Dad when he has sober days...if any. Your list is appalling and on the other hand...after more than a year..your list should end. You should absolutely continue with your divorce..end it. There is nothing that says in 5 years if he is better that you can reconcile but it seems that your putting yourself thru more than you or your daughter deserve. Let GO. Let him have his miserable life and make his life stop impacting your life. You letting him affect you right now...Make it stop.
Hello, I am going through the exact same thing with my husband. The meth, lies, stealing, cheating, abuse, destroying my property, deserting our daughter. Used to be the most loving husband and dad. Now he hates me and has a gf who also uses and he never sees our daughter. He even blew her off on Christmas. I also started al anon recently and it is helpful. Can you give an update on your situation, since its been a year? I hope for the best for your situation and mine.
Keep going to your Al-Anon meetings. The oldtimers there will get you through this.
All the best.
Bob R
All the best.
Bob R
Thanks Bob. Im trying, some days the grief is just too much and I wonder how I will even go on. I do always feel better after al anon meetings and so I plan to stick with it. Although today the story is hes sober and his gf is too. So for the moment I feel al anon cannot help me if he is in fact sober and this doed not have as much to do w drugs as I suspected.
