I am a smart, educated professional who works in the health care field and I am currently taking up to 10 Hydrocodone a day to "help me get through the day" This has been going on for quite some time. Nobody in my family, friends, etc is aware of this. It is causing me financial hardship, I am counting pills daily etc. I take them because they seem to give me more energy. Also, I might add, I have a handicapped daughter, my only child, who has just moved from home and is living in a center for handiapped people. This has been very difficult for me. I know I am depressed, and am taking Effexor for this. I work closely with a physician and I am aware of what I am doing to myself, but can't seem to quit. Please help me with suggestions, even horror stories if they will help me see the light. Hoping to hear from someone,
Bailey
Dear Bailey,
First of all welcome to this site! I for one can relate to your story being in Health Care myself....I was taking Percocet for 5 years and not one person knew what i was doing.......I became overwelmed with the shame and secrets sometimes that I just used more to feel better about myself! The fact that you came to this site and admitted that you have a problem is great! You have choices that will bring you to recovery.......But by continuing to take those pills you limit your choices very much. They control your life and I know this all too well.......If you have not, read through the post on this site. There are many inspiring stories here and many people who are there for you to guide you into your right direction.....But whatever you do.......try to be honest with yourself and find a plan of action that will work best for you to get you clean! I hope that this may have helped....
A big hug in case you need one! Russell
First of all welcome to this site! I for one can relate to your story being in Health Care myself....I was taking Percocet for 5 years and not one person knew what i was doing.......I became overwelmed with the shame and secrets sometimes that I just used more to feel better about myself! The fact that you came to this site and admitted that you have a problem is great! You have choices that will bring you to recovery.......But by continuing to take those pills you limit your choices very much. They control your life and I know this all too well.......If you have not, read through the post on this site. There are many inspiring stories here and many people who are there for you to guide you into your right direction.....But whatever you do.......try to be honest with yourself and find a plan of action that will work best for you to get you clean! I hope that this may have helped....
A big hug in case you need one! Russell
Dear Russell-
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I am afraid that without my medication I will have no energy or ambition to accomplish anything. I am becoming a very unhappy person, and I used to be so full of life and laughter. Although, I must admit, as I stated before, my handicapped daughter moving out has hit me hard. She was and is my life. Without her home I feel somewhat useless and my pills seem to help me cope. I actually do not have a choice about stopping, because there is no way financially I can afford this any longer. I have been purchasing them off the web at astronomical prices, actually taking food off my table. I can't believe I have come to this. I feel especially bad in the mornings, like I can't face the day. Is this because I am depressed, or do you think it is because I have gone without medication through the night? As I said, Thank you again for responding.
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I am afraid that without my medication I will have no energy or ambition to accomplish anything. I am becoming a very unhappy person, and I used to be so full of life and laughter. Although, I must admit, as I stated before, my handicapped daughter moving out has hit me hard. She was and is my life. Without her home I feel somewhat useless and my pills seem to help me cope. I actually do not have a choice about stopping, because there is no way financially I can afford this any longer. I have been purchasing them off the web at astronomical prices, actually taking food off my table. I can't believe I have come to this. I feel especially bad in the mornings, like I can't face the day. Is this because I am depressed, or do you think it is because I have gone without medication through the night? As I said, Thank you again for responding.
dear bailey
my opinion is that you feel awful in the am because you dont have alot of the drug in you by the time you wake up. i used to feel energized by hydrocodone but after awhile i had to take more and more to feel the same energy. your daughter - i she happy, because i know as a mom that is what really matters. if your daughter is happy, can you be happy for her and find what makes you happy - i think that is the best thing you can do for her and yourself. good luck.
fondly
crystal
my opinion is that you feel awful in the am because you dont have alot of the drug in you by the time you wake up. i used to feel energized by hydrocodone but after awhile i had to take more and more to feel the same energy. your daughter - i she happy, because i know as a mom that is what really matters. if your daughter is happy, can you be happy for her and find what makes you happy - i think that is the best thing you can do for her and yourself. good luck.
fondly
crystal
my name is julie and like alot of you i am addicted to lortab and work in the medical field as a nurse i was taking 40 a day i took it to wake up i took it to go to sleep i took it if i was happy i took it if i was sad it didnt matter i had to have it right now i am 9 days sober and am currently on a detox med that has helped tremendously with the withdrawls and cravings and i feel good about myself i hope that you can share this website with your boyfriend for you and for him
good luck
good luck
Bailey,
I recently found out my husband was addicted to the same pills as you. He was hiding it and only by chance did I find out. He was ordering them off the web and taking about the same amount. He right now is 3 days clean. It was not easy but with my help we started by weaning him off and cutting down his dosage to where he was down to three a day and then he made a cold turkey stop. He had withdrawals and is dealing with some insomnia right now but working through it. His dr. is helping too. He is also on Zoloft for depression. I hope that you have some supportive family and close friends that can help you through this. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter that must be very tough and hard for you. I don't know much of the circumstances but I'm sure she needs her father now too.
Geri
I recently found out my husband was addicted to the same pills as you. He was hiding it and only by chance did I find out. He was ordering them off the web and taking about the same amount. He right now is 3 days clean. It was not easy but with my help we started by weaning him off and cutting down his dosage to where he was down to three a day and then he made a cold turkey stop. He had withdrawals and is dealing with some insomnia right now but working through it. His dr. is helping too. He is also on Zoloft for depression. I hope that you have some supportive family and close friends that can help you through this. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter that must be very tough and hard for you. I don't know much of the circumstances but I'm sure she needs her father now too.
Geri
Thank you so much to everyone who has responded to me. I only have a few pills left, so will be quiting soon. I am not sure what to expect. Can someone tell me how I might feel? I am concerned about my job, because I have to face the public all day long. Honestly, I don't even know if they are doing anything for me anymore, it has just become such a habit. I believe it was Lisa who said I take them when I am happy, I take them when I am sad, I take one to accomplish something and that is exactly how I feel. If I have a confrontation with someone I take one. Have taken one while on the phone and heard some "big news". Is any of this making sense to anyone? I'm sure, because I know I cannot be the only one who does this. I would be mortified if anyone found out. I am leery about seeking medical advice, because this is a small community and I am afraid people would find out. I truly want to feel like myself again, but am afraid of being without. When I have gone a few days without, I find I am tearful and just want to sleep. Thanks again for listening-
Bailey
Bailey
Dear Bailey, I just read your posts and wanted to help you with one of your questions. You said you were almost out of pills and wanted to know what to expect once they are gone. This is called withdrawals..and it isn't pretty. If it is possible for you to take some time off work, you should. The first and second days won't be as bad as day 3 and 4...they seem to be the worst. If you are anything like me, you actually won't be able to work. There will be severe vomiting, cramps, diarrhea, chills, sweats...etc. The good news is that it will pass...7-10 days is the worst of it. Take lots of baths when the muscle aches become unbearable...tylenol p.m. may help you to try and sleep..and immodium for the diarrhea. If you can find a few valium or something like that to help you sleep through the worst of it..it may help. I have been clean from the codeine now since the 10th of June..and every day gets better. I can't say that I don't still crave the drug...but it does get better and easier each day. I am not in pain (thankfully) so I don't really need any pills..I just took them because I liked them so much. At first, 25 years ago...I did take them for pain...and I would lie to the doctors about the pain just to get pills. Now that I am clean, I realize that I never needed them..I just liked them and they were easy to get and I became addicted. Once you go through withdrawals, it should be enough to make you realize you never want to go through it again and that sometimes helps to keep us clean. Whatever method you choose..good luck. The goal of being clean and not addicted to these pills is worth the pain of a week or so.
God Bless you....
God Bless you....
I have a couple of questions- for those of you who were taking up to 40 pills a day, how did you possibly obtain these? I am curious about that. The funny thing is I go 8 hours a day at work without any pills and actually don't even think about it. But you can bet it is the first thing I do after work. As I said before, I am not even sure they are doing anything for me anymore. I have gone up to a week before without any pills and did not experience any physical things such as diarrhea, stomach problems, etc. but did have a feeling of lethargy and no interest in anything and crying periods. It has just become such a habit to put a pill in my mouth whether it is going to do anything for me or not. I have even gone as far as going to the Federal Express office to pick up my medicine so I could have it earlier than they delivered. I really am so sick of this and believe it is totally messing my mental status all up. Please continue to talk to me as I need all of your help and experience- Thanks,
Bailey
Bailey
Bailey, When I read what you write it is so much like what my husband was experiencing. He first went on the pills to mellow him out, forget about stress then as time past he was on them not for the same reasons rather because he needed them. He too is in a job that requires him to be alert and professional. If anyone were to find out it would be devastating to his career. I'm not quite sure how long you have been on them. He was on them for 7 months. Betsy, I have to disagree with some of the advice that you have given. Don't use Valium to get you through. Bailey, you have to see what you can tolerate and your withdrawals are. Everyone's withdrawals symptoms are different. Since you seem to be following the same path as my husband I can describe his. He did experience stomach cramps that he treated with Maalox, diarrhea that immodium helped. Nothing that wasn't intolerable. His body tempature was off, cold clamy hands and cold. Day 1 and Day 2 were his roughest. Day 3 he was sort of returning to himself. Insomnia at night is a problem for him. Today is day 4 for him being clean. Last night was a better nights sleep but still not back to normal. His dr. has given him something to help with the sleep. It is called Sonata. I realize that you say you are in a small town but dr's/patient information is confidential. What about a psychiatrist to help treat the depression and help with the pain pills?
Geri
Geri
Dear Bailey,
Glad to see that you are still hanging in there and asking questions.......For me getting off of these pills was very new and I was scared to death! The fear of the unknown had been one of my worst enemies......Although it does not work for everyone I choose to taper off the pills I was taking slowly......What was suppose to be a 3 week plan turned into a 2 week plan when I was taking less and less and my body was withdrawing slowly........I was able to adjust to the lower dose each day and when it came time to stop I was able to. Some of the people on this board here were so helpful that I will be grateful to them forever! After I completely stopped I continued to have some withdraw.........The bathroom trips became less after day 4 and I was able to sleep better around day 5........You have to take it slow and let your body heal.........the withdraw as unpleasent as it may be is your body just returning to normal and your brain trying to desperately hold on to this addiction! One you complete the physical side of this recovery you then need to work on some serious issues that brought you using these pills to begin with. This is where support comes in......For me attending 12 step meetins........NA or AA has been the key to getting me going down the right path of recovery.....At first you will have absolutely no energy to do anything except to feel bad.........but with each passing day it becomes a bit better staying clean. The first few days to a week can be rough...........but the rewards of staying clean after that are endless! If you do seek medical help with this addiction your records CANNOT be disclosed to anyone!!!! This is the law! So be aware that your MD would be in a heap of trouble if any word got out from what you shared with him or her. I do not know if any of this may have helped you but I am here if I can perhaps help you with any other questions you may have.........
Big Hugs, Russell
Glad to see that you are still hanging in there and asking questions.......For me getting off of these pills was very new and I was scared to death! The fear of the unknown had been one of my worst enemies......Although it does not work for everyone I choose to taper off the pills I was taking slowly......What was suppose to be a 3 week plan turned into a 2 week plan when I was taking less and less and my body was withdrawing slowly........I was able to adjust to the lower dose each day and when it came time to stop I was able to. Some of the people on this board here were so helpful that I will be grateful to them forever! After I completely stopped I continued to have some withdraw.........The bathroom trips became less after day 4 and I was able to sleep better around day 5........You have to take it slow and let your body heal.........the withdraw as unpleasent as it may be is your body just returning to normal and your brain trying to desperately hold on to this addiction! One you complete the physical side of this recovery you then need to work on some serious issues that brought you using these pills to begin with. This is where support comes in......For me attending 12 step meetins........NA or AA has been the key to getting me going down the right path of recovery.....At first you will have absolutely no energy to do anything except to feel bad.........but with each passing day it becomes a bit better staying clean. The first few days to a week can be rough...........but the rewards of staying clean after that are endless! If you do seek medical help with this addiction your records CANNOT be disclosed to anyone!!!! This is the law! So be aware that your MD would be in a heap of trouble if any word got out from what you shared with him or her. I do not know if any of this may have helped you but I am here if I can perhaps help you with any other questions you may have.........
Big Hugs, Russell
Bailey...you're getting some excellent advice here and I'm so glad to see your continued posts and questions. I think that you are very serious about your recovery right now. But that's just it, it's a recovery. A recovery of your life.
Everyone is different in what they experience with withdrawals. You're lucky to go a week without the pills and not feel anything except tired. If that's the worst of it, you can get through that no problem. But be prepared for the slam of depression if you are already depressed. Hence, you need a proffessional. I know that in your field of work, that might be a little sticky, but there are ways around it. Find an addictionologist. One that isn't related to your work place. You know that it's confidentional. Or better yet, a pychologist. Then find an NA meeting. The support you need goes beyond this board.
God willing, I've got 90 days coming up next week and I've tried to get clean all kinds of ways, none worked until I got honest and put it in someone else's hands. 25 years of percocet will do that to you.
Stay strong....
Cowgirl
Everyone is different in what they experience with withdrawals. You're lucky to go a week without the pills and not feel anything except tired. If that's the worst of it, you can get through that no problem. But be prepared for the slam of depression if you are already depressed. Hence, you need a proffessional. I know that in your field of work, that might be a little sticky, but there are ways around it. Find an addictionologist. One that isn't related to your work place. You know that it's confidentional. Or better yet, a pychologist. Then find an NA meeting. The support you need goes beyond this board.
God willing, I've got 90 days coming up next week and I've tried to get clean all kinds of ways, none worked until I got honest and put it in someone else's hands. 25 years of percocet will do that to you.
Stay strong....
Cowgirl
Once again, thank you to everyone who has responded. I actually did talk to my Dr. (whom I also work with) ie- I am his nurse, and no I did not tell him about my addiction. But I did tell him the way I was feeling about the depression, etc. We increased my antidepressant, which I was only taking half the dose that the average person takes. Maybe this will help, but probably not if I am still taking the pills. I have a lovely home that I have decorated myself, my flowers are beautiful, I sew, etc, and this is all probably due to my "buzz of energy" that I get when I take the medication. I am scared I won't give a s*** about anything without them. Once again, my daughter's disease is a progressive disease that will eventually take her life and I feel on a subconscious level that I will probably never be happy because of this. I know other's have it much worse than I do, but somehow that doesn't ease the pain that much. Let me give you an example- invited my parents over for dinner last Saturday, had alot to do before they came such as vacuuming, some cleaning as this was spur of the moment, and of course took 3 Hydrocodone and man did I zip through everything! Will I be able to do this off of them? That is what scares me. I should also mention that I am a Type A personaility and like or strive to have everything "perfect." Bed is always made, dishes always done, never go to bed without my tasks done, etc. This probably doesn't help matters much in trying to function without meds. Have been walking alot with my cousin, up to three miles nightly hoping this would help my mood, but of course couldn't do that without taking a couple of pills first. What a crazy cycle.
Anyway, Thank you again and please keep giving me encouragement. You guys are a great help-
Bailey
Anyway, Thank you again and please keep giving me encouragement. You guys are a great help-
Bailey
Bailey, can you remember what you were like before you took them, a time when you were in control of YOUR life, not anyone else's, but yours? If you haven't had that type of peace, then guess what..it's great! You'll have twice the energy when you get through this. Exercise if you can and keep busy..stay away from negative things (like constant negative newscasts). I don't care if you have to read nursery rhymes!! Just be positive for now and realize that you don't need this medicine to be a wonderful, creative person. You were put here without them in your system and they are a false sense of security. Remember, when the high wears off, the problems are still there..you need to face why you are disappointed in life and fix that. I know, it's hard..believe me, I'm going through a divorce and have taken codeine to kill the pain, but what's the point of a temporary fix? There is none.. You might do very well with weaning (physically) but remember, the longer you are on these, the harder the withdrawal will be..best of luck, you are really making strides by facing this and trying..a great effort!
That's a good point. My husband, now 5 days clean is starting to get back to himself. He just said last night how he is amazed at the things in life that he enjoyed prior to the pills and forgotten. He is gaining is energy and optimistic.
I am not sure I am getting all my replies- how do you get the next page. It says I have 14 replies, but when I go to the next page- it is someone else?!
good luck bailey,
i love reading all the replies. i quit cold turkey. i took pain medication off and on for a couple of years. my dr. gave me 120 pills because he saw i was not an abuser. i then started taking a couple everyday. i saw i was taking them just to take them. i quit smoking and deceided to quit taking the perocets. its 8 days now. no cravings at all. im still not quit 100% but feel so much better. im up to exercising everday again. my quad muscles still ache a little. i think by mid week i will be back to normal. i made up my mind, i am not taking them anymore. best of luck to you.
i love reading all the replies. i quit cold turkey. i took pain medication off and on for a couple of years. my dr. gave me 120 pills because he saw i was not an abuser. i then started taking a couple everyday. i saw i was taking them just to take them. i quit smoking and deceided to quit taking the perocets. its 8 days now. no cravings at all. im still not quit 100% but feel so much better. im up to exercising everday again. my quad muscles still ache a little. i think by mid week i will be back to normal. i made up my mind, i am not taking them anymore. best of luck to you.
Bailey, I just read this thread and wanted to add my support. I am also a professional with a great family, good job -- evreything to lose. Yet I taking 20-30 a day over the course of 5-6 months, via the web. As you may have noticed, the tolerance builds. It's a dead end street. If you keep taking them, 10 a day won't be nearly enough to experience any relief or high -- hell, I was taking 6-8 at a time at the end, and feeling disappointed. Glad to hear you've decided to quit when this batch runs out. I tapered down to 6/day over the course of 2 weeks, then flushed the remainder and went c/t. I went through withdrawals, but it was doable -- like having a really bad cold with restless legs. Sleeping is a problem, but no one ever died from insomnia -- and plenty of people die from addiction. I'm not sure how long you've been on 10/day, but I would imagine that c/t will be very doable for you as well. Just don't let the fear of it keep you from following through on your conviction. I used Immodium A-D and Thera-Flu to good advantage during the first 5 days. For me, the worst was over after Day 3. I hope you stay the course -- it's so worth it. Keep us posted! M.
i too am addicted to prescription pain pills and need help. want to stop but am scared of the withdrawals. i don't know life without them anymore. please help!
I hope to hear from someone soon. I can use all the encouragement I can get.
