Hey guys!
I haven't posted on here for a while but I thought I would give you an update. Basically, I have hit rock bottom.
When I started posting on here I had stopped drinking, then I started again, especially drinking and driving. It got REALLY bad during May and June. I went out of town during Memorial Day weekend to a few amusement parks and stayed dry for the most part, minus the six pack I almost finished off driving up to my friend's house. Actually by the time I got to her house I had 2 beers left, and she made me pour them out. During that whole weekend I avoided the parties (this was a coaster enthusiast event) and stayed sober. The parks I went to doesn't sell alcohol so that wasn't a problem. I was irritable though, even though the roller coasters helped with the need to feel "high" so to speak. I didn't really think about booze that much.
After visiting the amusement parks I went home, but then took off again to another amusement park (I am a HUGE roller coaster fanatic, hence the name "Dragster" which is my favorite coaster) and stayed with another friend of mine for several days. I pretty much stayed on a good drunk for about 4 days. At the amusement park I got drunk (which is VERY rare since I don't like paying the high prices. This particular amusement park DID sell beer, plus there was a Friday's nearby.) My friend was NOT pleased, especially since I was plastered in front of her son. Riding coasters drunk isn't fun by the way, but at the time I thought it was.
I wasn't exactly proud of myself and apologized. Once I left my friend's house I didn't want to go home just yet, so I drank more (while driving...about a 3 hour trip) and decided to stay in a motel for 2 days......drinking more and more. Between those two days I went to another small amusement park.....plastered. I finally came home......broke, hungover, and feeling like crap. I told my best friend about it (the one I mentioned first.....that made me pour out my beer) and I basically came clean about all the drinking and lying. Well, she hasn't talked to me since, not that I blame her. I came clean to everyone....my parents, all my friends. Everyone was supportive. Dissapointed but supportive.
Finally I gave up and went into detox, which I was only in there for 2 days. I live with my parents and they are well aware of my alcohol problem. I told them I had been drinking heavily again so they took me to the detox. This place is mostly for people who don't have insurance, so it isn't exactly the Betty Ford Clinic. I stayed there as they pumped me full of vitamins and some type of pill to help with withdrawls. After the two days I wanted to leave. I felt awesome. For the next 21 days I stayed sober and started going to AA regularily
Everything seemed to be going well until last night. I was on my way to AA when I decided to stop by a liquor store. I down a whole bottle of vodka (one of the smaller ones that you can easily hide underneath your shirt) plus a 40 oz. of beer. I then drove to a parking lot and just SAT there and drank. I got so lit that I called another friend who lives nearby to pick me up. Well, she picked me up alright, but instead of taking me to her house she took me home. I was so trashed I could barely walk in the door before passing out on the bed. This morning my parents informed me that they are taking my car (which is technically theirs since it is in their name....I just make the car payments to them) and selling it because they don't trust me in it. So I have no car. I lost my job because of the boozing. It was a VERY well-paying job but I stayed buzzed during most of the training classes, and ended up failing the tests. I failed them because I couldn't focus or pay attention in class. Even the times I WAS sober my mind was all over the place. I just basically walked out and never went back. This was right before Memorial Day.
So I am f*****. TO be honest I was angry at my parents at first but I really don't trust myself. I live in an area where there are no bars or convenience stores or grocery stores nearby so basically I have no access to booze. If I had it right now I would drink it, simply because a feel like crap. . WHY I didn't call my sponsor I don't know. Why I didn't go to AA I don't know. I just felt like drinking again. There was NO way I could of drove home last night.
Actually I have almost had 2 accidents in that new car. I was tipsy one time and accidently scraped the side of a guard rail, leaving a nasty mark. Another time I almost passed out and almost ran off the road. It's sickening. How can someone go 21 days without a drink and then do this crap?
So I went to a hospital's behavioral health department and they "assessed" me. This was a regular hospital and not the halfway-house type of place I went to before. They asked me questions, and basically told me that I didn't require inpatient treatment but they recommended an intense outpatient treatment program which I am going to look into.
Have no insurance sucks, which I DID have when I had that good job. I can't go to anymore parks for a LONG time, and I can't believe I am sitting here wanting a drink so bad I can't even sleep.
So yeah, I am paying the price right now. It's cost me my car and my freedom. I guess it could be worse. I could be in jail or dead, or worse yet, killing someone else. I have never been stopped or had a DUI but I don't see how I have gotten away with it so many times. Last night even if I wasn't driving I was still sitting in my car drinking and the cops could of arrested me for that.
If it was my car in my name they wouldn't make such a deal about it, but since it's their car they are positive that I will eventually get into an accident, which they are probably right.
I was thinking about my drinking and although it didn't start to really affect my life until about 8 or 9 years ago (with it steadily getting worse each year) I figure I have had the problem since I was 14 when I had my first beer. I know a lot of us liked to do that sort of thing in high school in college. I didn't drink much at that time but when I DID I drank to GET drunk, and continued to.
If I had one single beer in the fridge right now I wouldn't touch it. I would have to have half a case.
So yeah, I relapsed big time and paid the price for it........no transportation. The thing that gets me the most is if I would of stayed sober since January like I had planned I would still have that job making good money and would probably be driving to an amusement park this weekend.
So that's what has been going on.
-Dragstergirl
Welcome back DG!
Thanks! I went to AA again this morning. I pretty much decided I have to go everyday.
It feels good to be back and sober, though, even though I am basically starting my life over from scratch.
Now what I REALLY want right now is a ride or two on Dragster. ;-) It's the BEST feeling in the world......being launched from 0 to 120 in 2 seconds....straight up in the air 420 feet! Now I would take that over ANY booze anyday!
-Dragstergirl
It feels good to be back and sober, though, even though I am basically starting my life over from scratch.
Now what I REALLY want right now is a ride or two on Dragster. ;-) It's the BEST feeling in the world......being launched from 0 to 120 in 2 seconds....straight up in the air 420 feet! Now I would take that over ANY booze anyday!
-Dragstergirl
We are glad you are here.
DG: Welcome back. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. The past is behind us and we can only learn from it. Don't let your past destroy your future. Take it one day at a time. Maybe even one hour at a time. Keep posting. We are all here for you. If you need to talk, joyjonkat2@hotmail.com.
Of the subject, I am just learning to ride coasters. My kids love them. They were my excuse for so long when we would go to Kings Dominion. I would just tell everyone that I couldn't ride because my little girl was scared. Well, now she loves them and drags me on them!!!!!! I have to say, I have had major panic attacks as soon as I am locked in on one. But I am learning!!!!!!!!
I will be praying for you.
Joy
Of the subject, I am just learning to ride coasters. My kids love them. They were my excuse for so long when we would go to Kings Dominion. I would just tell everyone that I couldn't ride because my little girl was scared. Well, now she loves them and drags me on them!!!!!! I have to say, I have had major panic attacks as soon as I am locked in on one. But I am learning!!!!!!!!
I will be praying for you.
Joy
DG, What is it with us alcoholics? I think we are all thrill seekers too! I love roller coasters too! The faster the better! I also like those rides where they take you up in the air and just drop you! Anything with risk, is such an adrenaline rush for me...swimming in the ocean when the waves are big, riding on the back of my BF's motorcyle (yelling go faster, go faster)...I could go on and on...however, I do tone it today...that's for sure...how are you doing?
I am doing fine today. :-) How about you guys?
Oh man I LOVE motorcycles! I would love to buy a Harley Sportster! I also want to try skydiving, BASE jumping, and bunjee jumping as I have NO fear of heights whatsoever. I have been addicted (a healthy addiction, thank God!) to coasters all my life and have been travelling around the country and Canada visiting different parks and going to "enthusiast" events. I haven't travelled much this year since I am not presently working, but I have been to a few this year.
I found this on a rollercoaster message board I post on quite frequently. I thought you guys might be interested....
http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/2006062...ralcoholismrisk
Although it doesn't specifically mention rollercoasters, I find it very interesting. I don't really believe in most of these so-called "studies" but on the other hand it does make sense. Out of all of my close "coaster" friends (probably about 20 to 30 that I regularly hang out with/meet up with) there are two of us that are recovering alcoholics. The rest of them are not, although they do like to socially drink, usually after an event (which I now avoid due to the temptations!) One of my best friends, however, is addicted to Vicoden, and a few of them are regular pot smokers. Some just ride coasters and nothing else. Some, like one of my friends, rarely drinks but he's a skydiving fanatic, and jumps out of planes about every weekend!
My coaster pals are all crazy in some way. ;-) We are the type of people you see on those shows on the Discovery and Travel Channels. I have been to a few of the video shoots myself. :-)
Then again there are some that have never touched the stuff and still go thrillseeking. As far as the family thing, my parents never drank and my brother doesn't drink, but alcoholism runs VERY high on my mom's side of the family.
When I am doing a "natural" high like riding my favorite rollercoaster or playing Dance Dance Revolution or leaning over skyscrapers scaring the crap out of my friends I get that same great feeling I get from being buzzed or drunk. I think one of the scariest (in a euphoric way) rides I have been on was the X-Scream
A bunch of us flew out to California last year and did a day trip to Vegas and got to go up in the Stratosphere. Oh MAN! We didn't get to ride Insanity (it hadn't quite opened yet) but we got to ride X-Scream and the Big Shot and High Roller (the coaster that runs around the top of the Strat....they removed it this year.)
Now you talk about getting HIGH or DRUNK! The X-Scream kind of slings you over the edge of the Tower giving you the sensation that you are going to just slip right off. We all got on that thing and of course I had to get in the front seat. The guy I was kind of seeing at the time sat next to me (and he is afraid of heights!) and had his eyes closed the whole time.
When that thing went over the edge I was hollering, leaning over, waving my arms going "woooohoooo!" and although I was a little buzzing from a few margaritas I had had before, I was going NUTS! I loved being up that high.
Vegas, by the way is NO place for an alcoholic! We only went to ride the coasters, but you can't resist the alcohol that flows freely. For anyone who hasn't been to Vegas, ANY addiction you can think of is plentiful and way too easy to get.....alcohol, drugs, sex, food, gambling......MORE alcohol! We were there for a day and I didn't get soused but I did my fair share of 99 cent margaritas.
Anyway, when I am on my favorite ride I don't think about booze at all, cause it gives me the same, sometimes better feeling.
So maybe there is some truth to that article. :-)
Saying that, it feels great to be sober today!
Peace,
Dragstergirl
Oh man I LOVE motorcycles! I would love to buy a Harley Sportster! I also want to try skydiving, BASE jumping, and bunjee jumping as I have NO fear of heights whatsoever. I have been addicted (a healthy addiction, thank God!) to coasters all my life and have been travelling around the country and Canada visiting different parks and going to "enthusiast" events. I haven't travelled much this year since I am not presently working, but I have been to a few this year.
I found this on a rollercoaster message board I post on quite frequently. I thought you guys might be interested....
http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/2006062...ralcoholismrisk
Although it doesn't specifically mention rollercoasters, I find it very interesting. I don't really believe in most of these so-called "studies" but on the other hand it does make sense. Out of all of my close "coaster" friends (probably about 20 to 30 that I regularly hang out with/meet up with) there are two of us that are recovering alcoholics. The rest of them are not, although they do like to socially drink, usually after an event (which I now avoid due to the temptations!) One of my best friends, however, is addicted to Vicoden, and a few of them are regular pot smokers. Some just ride coasters and nothing else. Some, like one of my friends, rarely drinks but he's a skydiving fanatic, and jumps out of planes about every weekend!
My coaster pals are all crazy in some way. ;-) We are the type of people you see on those shows on the Discovery and Travel Channels. I have been to a few of the video shoots myself. :-)
Then again there are some that have never touched the stuff and still go thrillseeking. As far as the family thing, my parents never drank and my brother doesn't drink, but alcoholism runs VERY high on my mom's side of the family.
When I am doing a "natural" high like riding my favorite rollercoaster or playing Dance Dance Revolution or leaning over skyscrapers scaring the crap out of my friends I get that same great feeling I get from being buzzed or drunk. I think one of the scariest (in a euphoric way) rides I have been on was the X-Scream
A bunch of us flew out to California last year and did a day trip to Vegas and got to go up in the Stratosphere. Oh MAN! We didn't get to ride Insanity (it hadn't quite opened yet) but we got to ride X-Scream and the Big Shot and High Roller (the coaster that runs around the top of the Strat....they removed it this year.)
Now you talk about getting HIGH or DRUNK! The X-Scream kind of slings you over the edge of the Tower giving you the sensation that you are going to just slip right off. We all got on that thing and of course I had to get in the front seat. The guy I was kind of seeing at the time sat next to me (and he is afraid of heights!) and had his eyes closed the whole time.
When that thing went over the edge I was hollering, leaning over, waving my arms going "woooohoooo!" and although I was a little buzzing from a few margaritas I had had before, I was going NUTS! I loved being up that high.
Vegas, by the way is NO place for an alcoholic! We only went to ride the coasters, but you can't resist the alcohol that flows freely. For anyone who hasn't been to Vegas, ANY addiction you can think of is plentiful and way too easy to get.....alcohol, drugs, sex, food, gambling......MORE alcohol! We were there for a day and I didn't get soused but I did my fair share of 99 cent margaritas.
Anyway, when I am on my favorite ride I don't think about booze at all, cause it gives me the same, sometimes better feeling.
So maybe there is some truth to that article. :-)
Saying that, it feels great to be sober today!
Peace,
Dragstergirl
VW Girl, I like anything that is FAST and goes higher and higher and has plenty of airtime!
And yes, I LOVE those drop towers! My favorite one is at King's Island in Ohio. I LOVE The Drop Zone!
As far as coasters I like them smooth, but fast and furious! We just got back from Holiday World in Indiana and they have a new woody called The Voyagethat is just......beyond words. Check out the on-ride footage!
I like really smooth woodies with a LOT speed and airtime. As far as steel coasters I like the launchers. My FAVORITE of all time is of course Dragster Now I would take that over alcohol ANY day!
There's some awesome POV of that one at the bottom of the page. I LOVE that launch! It still gets me.
I could talk coasters forever. :-P
-Dragstergirl
And yes, I LOVE those drop towers! My favorite one is at King's Island in Ohio. I LOVE The Drop Zone!
As far as coasters I like them smooth, but fast and furious! We just got back from Holiday World in Indiana and they have a new woody called The Voyagethat is just......beyond words. Check out the on-ride footage!
I like really smooth woodies with a LOT speed and airtime. As far as steel coasters I like the launchers. My FAVORITE of all time is of course Dragster Now I would take that over alcohol ANY day!
There's some awesome POV of that one at the bottom of the page. I LOVE that launch! It still gets me.
I could talk coasters forever. :-P
-Dragstergirl
Hi Dragster
We haven't spoken before. I'm sorry you had such a bad bust. But just wanted to thank you for posting it. I'm about 16 days sober right now and have been stinking thinking for hours about "how bad could it really be if I went and got drunk tonight." I've been plotting and planning it in my mind all afternoon.
Well I just read your post about how you lost your job and car and while I'm sorry that happened to you it was just what I needed to hear right now.
I've got a sponsor and AA people I could call too, but haven't!!!!! I'm about to head off and catch the bus in a few - but I'm going to make those calls now as soon as I get home.
SOOOO thank you for sharing!! I wish you all the best with getting and staying sober again - I know how tough it is.
hope you keep posting - even thoug h Ican't relate to your love of rides - I am terrified of them LOL.
We haven't spoken before. I'm sorry you had such a bad bust. But just wanted to thank you for posting it. I'm about 16 days sober right now and have been stinking thinking for hours about "how bad could it really be if I went and got drunk tonight." I've been plotting and planning it in my mind all afternoon.
Well I just read your post about how you lost your job and car and while I'm sorry that happened to you it was just what I needed to hear right now.
I've got a sponsor and AA people I could call too, but haven't!!!!! I'm about to head off and catch the bus in a few - but I'm going to make those calls now as soon as I get home.
SOOOO thank you for sharing!! I wish you all the best with getting and staying sober again - I know how tough it is.
hope you keep posting - even thoug h Ican't relate to your love of rides - I am terrified of them LOL.
DG ~ How are you doing today? Just checkin' in with you before I head out. Wow, you really are a roller coaster enthusiast...I think for me the thrill seeking and risky behavior is sometimes a way to replace the high I got from coke; it is comparable. My youngest daughter is a thrill seeker today, especially since she is a Surfer, the bigger the wave, the better...but she has been like that since is was a tiny little thing, she started walking at 9 months and then, well, she was into everything...once I found her trying to climb up to the top of the refrigerator! Like I've said lately, I'm saving her a seat in the rooms of AA meetings!
Idgie,
Make those calls! I wish I would have before I lost my job and car. Instead I had a relapse, which is not uncommon. Last night I called a friend on my list because I was feeling so low and wanted to drink so bad even though I had no access to it. If I would of had the car and a few bucks I would of been to the grocery store buying beer. I was in one of those "Oh who gives a f***! What's one more night of getting buzzed?" type of moods. I was SO bored and so ancy and so depressed. That's what those phone numbers are for!
Today I don't feel as bad, and am getting ready to go to a meeting in an hour or so. :-) Keep on posting as well, Idgie...all of ya!
I see you like cats as well. I use my two as another reason NOT to drink as well. Since I lost my car and job....I keep thinking it would only be time before I lose them as well, and THAT is NOT happening! I have two spoiled little kitties...Timbers and Kumba (named after coasters of course!) and your addiction affects them as well, not just your "human" friends and family.
VWGirl, I was laughing reading what you said about your daughter! I used to be the same way....no fear of anything! My little brother and I built our own "Evil Kneivel" ramp in our parents backyard one time and flew through the air with our bicycles. The higher the better! My brother is a thrillseeker as well but he does not drink or do drugs, thank goodness.
Peace to all.....
-Dragstergirl
Make those calls! I wish I would have before I lost my job and car. Instead I had a relapse, which is not uncommon. Last night I called a friend on my list because I was feeling so low and wanted to drink so bad even though I had no access to it. If I would of had the car and a few bucks I would of been to the grocery store buying beer. I was in one of those "Oh who gives a f***! What's one more night of getting buzzed?" type of moods. I was SO bored and so ancy and so depressed. That's what those phone numbers are for!
Today I don't feel as bad, and am getting ready to go to a meeting in an hour or so. :-) Keep on posting as well, Idgie...all of ya!
I see you like cats as well. I use my two as another reason NOT to drink as well. Since I lost my car and job....I keep thinking it would only be time before I lose them as well, and THAT is NOT happening! I have two spoiled little kitties...Timbers and Kumba (named after coasters of course!) and your addiction affects them as well, not just your "human" friends and family.
VWGirl, I was laughing reading what you said about your daughter! I used to be the same way....no fear of anything! My little brother and I built our own "Evil Kneivel" ramp in our parents backyard one time and flew through the air with our bicycles. The higher the better! My brother is a thrillseeker as well but he does not drink or do drugs, thank goodness.
Peace to all.....
-Dragstergirl
Hey dragster
well I made it through the evening!! Hurray!! I decided on the bus that I would cook some comfort food when I got home - a big pot of homestyl beans, yummy.
Yes I know about the pets as well. My little angel Ming certainly suffered when I was drinking. Mainly in that he didn't get enough love, he always got fed. So yes it is an incentive. That's the great thing about animals, they are always there to give you love.
So glad you called your friend last night D, yup I know those f*** it feelings all too well. They are a highly dangerous thing. I've got a meeting tonight, that I more or less made a committment to last week so I'll go to that. Some days are easier than others.
The weather's wet today which always makes me want to stay home and drink. Not so bad today though, i'm just in a grumpy mood, resenting life and the burdens of it for some reason. Hopefully it will pass soon.
I'm finding as I get sober I'm experiencing a lot of mood swings. How about you?
well I made it through the evening!! Hurray!! I decided on the bus that I would cook some comfort food when I got home - a big pot of homestyl beans, yummy.
Yes I know about the pets as well. My little angel Ming certainly suffered when I was drinking. Mainly in that he didn't get enough love, he always got fed. So yes it is an incentive. That's the great thing about animals, they are always there to give you love.
So glad you called your friend last night D, yup I know those f*** it feelings all too well. They are a highly dangerous thing. I've got a meeting tonight, that I more or less made a committment to last week so I'll go to that. Some days are easier than others.
The weather's wet today which always makes me want to stay home and drink. Not so bad today though, i'm just in a grumpy mood, resenting life and the burdens of it for some reason. Hopefully it will pass soon.
I'm finding as I get sober I'm experiencing a lot of mood swings. How about you?
Hey Dragstergirl welcome aboard the scariest rollercoaster of them all living sober and it is the best adrenalin buzz you'll ever get cause it only gets better
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
