I have been a demerol addict for over ten years and i cant get clean.I have lowered the dose at times but i cant kick it completely.I lost the euphoric high long ago but i like the nod and stupor i get from the drug too much.I like getting smashed on dope and i always have liked it since i was a teen.Ive been on most all drugs at one time or another and drank alot too.I cant do speed or drink anymore or i will get deathly ill.I can still gobble up demerol and i do every day.I want to get clean and it feels good getting close to it but it also feels good getting smashed,-loaded.I guess im caught up deep in the disease of addiction and how do i stop when i like being high everyday and night???HOW DOES ONE QUIT SOMETHING THEY LIKE????????? THE FEELING OF BEING ON THE NOD??????? does anyone know how i can get my self out of this cycle of addiction?????
why do you want to stop, razor's edge?
namaste'
sammy
namaste'
sammy
razorsedge i am glad i cannot get my hands on demoral, when i broke my arm over a year ago the Dr. gave me a shot of that stuff and WOW!! i told him if i had access to this stuff i would sit at home with a drip in my arm and never leave the house, of course he just chuckled and saids everyone saids that, he told me that alot of his staff in the past got hooked on demoral and was even stealing it, he said it is a bigger problem in the medical profession than most people think, he told me to thank my lucky stars i can't get my hands on this stuff and that if i ever got hooked on it i would have to go thru some serious detox and therapy to stay off, i know this doesn't help you any, but from what little experience i have had with demoral i can understand how people would get hooked, i hope you find yourself out of this mess, if pain pills are this hard to break demoral has to be 10x as hard. Goodluck to you
Edge,
How ya' doin'.
I strongly suggest detox then rehab. I don't think there is an addict alive that doesn't like the feeling getting high gives us. I don't think anyone would quit if it wasn't for the consequences.
It starts out fun, then it's fun with problems, then it's nothin' but problems.
I spent years chasing that first high and as a result those three pills I took the first time turned into anywhere from 50 to 100 pills a day habit. At the end I wasn't getting high from all of this I just needed that amount to feel "normal".
I can say for a fact it doesn't get any better just progressivly worse.
I've tried it all, cutting down, changing my drug of choice, moving to a new town thinking I was gonna get a clean start. Nothing worked, the only thing that worked was getting clean and sober. I couldn't imagine going through a day without at least thinking about using. Now I'm living a clean and sober life, free from the bondage of active addiction. It's a beautiful way to live, I still have alot of problems but thats life on lifes terms and being clean and sober I know things will get better. "One Day At A Time".
You can't quit drinking, drinking or using, using. And it can't be done alone.
I tried it my way didn't work, I asked for help and got it. I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict, clean and sober only by God's grace, A.A. and the people in it.
Take care.....................................God bless.....................................Bob
How ya' doin'.
I strongly suggest detox then rehab. I don't think there is an addict alive that doesn't like the feeling getting high gives us. I don't think anyone would quit if it wasn't for the consequences.
It starts out fun, then it's fun with problems, then it's nothin' but problems.
I spent years chasing that first high and as a result those three pills I took the first time turned into anywhere from 50 to 100 pills a day habit. At the end I wasn't getting high from all of this I just needed that amount to feel "normal".
I can say for a fact it doesn't get any better just progressivly worse.
I've tried it all, cutting down, changing my drug of choice, moving to a new town thinking I was gonna get a clean start. Nothing worked, the only thing that worked was getting clean and sober. I couldn't imagine going through a day without at least thinking about using. Now I'm living a clean and sober life, free from the bondage of active addiction. It's a beautiful way to live, I still have alot of problems but thats life on lifes terms and being clean and sober I know things will get better. "One Day At A Time".
You can't quit drinking, drinking or using, using. And it can't be done alone.
I tried it my way didn't work, I asked for help and got it. I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict, clean and sober only by God's grace, A.A. and the people in it.
Take care.....................................God bless.....................................Bob
I thank you all for caring,...that means alot and touches my heart.I am being honest when i say i like the drug.I wouldnt take it otherwise.I want to stop because i know its got to be taking a toll on my body.It is toxic in the liver.I am not mentally alert on it.I like to be encasulated in the fog and numbness and be away from lifes harm.Living im discovering is very painful and full of things that rip a person up inside.I lost the woman i love,...shes an addict and to live each day grieving that i lost her.Im getting better every day but i loved her so much.I dont handle stress as i have ptsd and anxiety disorder.My heads ffffffffffd up and i struggle with alot of anxiousness.All i know is the drug offers me an escape form everything.when im on dope i feel safe and warm and unafraid and secure.I sober up in the mornings and thats when i get scared about taking this toxic poison.as the day goes by i escalate my using but i can still do what i need to do except hard physical labor,...as night comes on its time for me to start swallowing 100 mgs at a time and get ffffffd up and i like it even though i sometimes get sick or feel ive had a little too much. i do this 2 or 3 times each evening and this is a circle. I think probably wht would save me is N A but i have alot of trouble accepting street addicts because of the prison, crime, scandalousness, and please forgive me if i offend anyone,...but theres aot of low life addicts and i hate court cards popping up with so many people and i feel like a damn fool coming voluntarily with so many court card carrying addicts.And what do i do???? I sit and judge everybody and i feel so bad about that,...that i am so criticle of others.(Please forgive me god or open my eyes so i can really see) i also 13 step and look around drooling over some of the women Not focusing on my recovery doing that.I am so fffffffd up? its kind of like i am so,.........................screwed up and admit it.Trying to get clean i have begun to feel real life again at times and it feels so good and my mind clears up and i can think straight again,...if i beat the physical part some then comes the physcological cravings.Demerol is a wicked drug,...when i first began using it it was all over.It is so good and euphoric that it owns you from day one if you can get MORE.Now it doesnt give me the euphoria but it gives me the nod and warmth and false security.No wonder doctors and nurses get hooked on it! This drug is like heroin i guess,...its made a slave out of me.even though i know its damaging my body and mind i continue to use.I know i am screwed up.Has anyone got an idea that will give me a reason to stop killing myself and fight this drug.I know about N A and maybe thats the only way after all.
First of all my addicts brain and insecure personality sort of was offened... Then I remembered my first reason for not going to NA... I thought I was different. special... I got my drugs from a doctor most of the time and that made me special.. not so "dirty or scum" is that the thought? Well I thought the same thing then I looked at my life and saw after a while that I had the same consequenses as the "court card types" I was just lucky enough to be able to come voluntaritly ... it was a gift only available for a short time... believe me you will not always have that option... without treatment our ends are always the same jail or death.... oh my.... you just have to be around long enough using... so ... get a grip.. you are not special... I was educated making 55,000.00 a year and drugs took it all away... new house car husband... careeer.... Well I really had two problems... the first was that I saw my addiction as a thing that I should be able to control with will power and second I wanted to keep my secrets and not burn my bridges to my drugs... on that path I didnt have a chance.... so I went into detox ... told my family, friends, and collegues...I was a nurse and that was a hard one... Told my doctors and everybody...
I spend 30 days in a controled invironment where I depended on others for my every need. I was around other that had my same disease.. learning each day that this disease spends a lot of time telling us we dont have it.... I attended NA . I did so for years after... three or four meetings a week then as time passed I did fewer but I also ... even until this day ... keep a list of phone numbers of some of those people that I can call... I have been clean for 4+ years and I still have cravings.... but not unlike when I was using I had to learn how to deal with things... (when I was using I had to learn to score or..ect... so in recovery I had to learn how to ask for help and see my addiction as a disease not a morale defect..) but unlike when I was using I know how to handle them and move on....
So .. my best advice for permanent or at lease long lasting recovery is NA and in patient rehab.. give yourself a gift.... Secrets and deceptions will take you back out .... Get a better perspective or keep doing what you are doing and end up one of the Court cards or in the obits...
I hope this helps... by the way ...I have my career back and I gained a lot of really good friends... my life is happy now and I am free for all the crazy circles of using....
PS. I didnt take this advice the first three times I tried to get clean either so I know you probably wont either...
Good luck...and God Bless....
Teresa
I spend 30 days in a controled invironment where I depended on others for my every need. I was around other that had my same disease.. learning each day that this disease spends a lot of time telling us we dont have it.... I attended NA . I did so for years after... three or four meetings a week then as time passed I did fewer but I also ... even until this day ... keep a list of phone numbers of some of those people that I can call... I have been clean for 4+ years and I still have cravings.... but not unlike when I was using I had to learn how to deal with things... (when I was using I had to learn to score or..ect... so in recovery I had to learn how to ask for help and see my addiction as a disease not a morale defect..) but unlike when I was using I know how to handle them and move on....
So .. my best advice for permanent or at lease long lasting recovery is NA and in patient rehab.. give yourself a gift.... Secrets and deceptions will take you back out .... Get a better perspective or keep doing what you are doing and end up one of the Court cards or in the obits...
I hope this helps... by the way ...I have my career back and I gained a lot of really good friends... my life is happy now and I am free for all the crazy circles of using....
PS. I didnt take this advice the first three times I tried to get clean either so I know you probably wont either...
Good luck...and God Bless....
Teresa
Dear Edge.
From what I get out of your posts, you are a gut level honest guy. Make that work for you. I've only been to one aa meeting, and just sat through it hoping I wouldn't see anyone I know, but kept thinking that from everything I've heard here about na and aa, that there's no way that all of those people can be wrong. Not to be nosy, but can you elaborate a little more about your ptsd? Sounds like you've got alot your trying not to feel and running away from.
I'm sorry you lost the woman you love, I'm sure thats very difficult. Is there a way that if you both get clean, you can try again? I just could really feel your pain in the posts and I feel for you.
Are you getting your demerol from a doctor? Because if you are, maybe just tell him the truth, hon, it seems like you really need some professional help. This board is great, but cannot take the place of professionals.
I like using too, beats the hell out of being in a bad mood. But its no good for me and getting worse and worse and I can see that and I'm going to talk to my doctor and tell him the truth, and hopefully he'll get me off these somehow.
I'm not familiar with demerol, I got a few shots of it at different times I was in the hospital and really liked the way it made me feel but am not sure how it compares to percocets. Edge, keep writing, keep talking, and read about the people who have been here for a long time, they really know what they're talking about. But above all, Please get yourself some help. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy.
My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Briar
From what I get out of your posts, you are a gut level honest guy. Make that work for you. I've only been to one aa meeting, and just sat through it hoping I wouldn't see anyone I know, but kept thinking that from everything I've heard here about na and aa, that there's no way that all of those people can be wrong. Not to be nosy, but can you elaborate a little more about your ptsd? Sounds like you've got alot your trying not to feel and running away from.
I'm sorry you lost the woman you love, I'm sure thats very difficult. Is there a way that if you both get clean, you can try again? I just could really feel your pain in the posts and I feel for you.
Are you getting your demerol from a doctor? Because if you are, maybe just tell him the truth, hon, it seems like you really need some professional help. This board is great, but cannot take the place of professionals.
I like using too, beats the hell out of being in a bad mood. But its no good for me and getting worse and worse and I can see that and I'm going to talk to my doctor and tell him the truth, and hopefully he'll get me off these somehow.
I'm not familiar with demerol, I got a few shots of it at different times I was in the hospital and really liked the way it made me feel but am not sure how it compares to percocets. Edge, keep writing, keep talking, and read about the people who have been here for a long time, they really know what they're talking about. But above all, Please get yourself some help. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy.
My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Briar
another thought - video tape yourself high and nodding off and than see how much you like it. ask people what you look like? Guarenteed its a scary sight. and people notice that your high whether your nodding off or not. you are going to od if you dont seek help.
