Just under the six month mark. I panicked, I was angry, I got scared.....oh a million reasons. None of it matters now. I want this evil stuff AWAY from me. AWAY from my house, my garage, my LIFE. My husband may have to leave FOREVER with it. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get me. He doesn't even know what to say to support me, or encourage me or I don't know. I feel pretty alone right now. Nevermind, no more drama and he's headed to work out of town with his weed between his legs. Coward.
So I just light a candle and reflect. Try to find my light again.
I have shame and deep disappointment in myself.
I have much to share at my meeting tomorrow.
Thanks for holding my hand all these months.
My daughter is with me tonight.
WW...sorry to hear this, but you know what to do...dust off the seat of your britches and get back on the horse.
I find it strange that for some reason, alot of us fall when we are coming up on a certain anniversary...for me it was 30 days...
Just know that we love you and we are here for you, no matter what
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I find it strange that for some reason, alot of us fall when we are coming up on a certain anniversary...for me it was 30 days...
Just know that we love you and we are here for you, no matter what
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Sacred time six months long. Sounds like an accomplishment to me, but then I'm the hippe.
Watched 60 minutes last night about the "prince of pot" boy he had some bags under his eyes, but he only used "occasionally" or so he said, must be genetic for him.
The only way to quit is to quit.
You smoked, and then you felt bad. This is utimately a good thing.
Watched 60 minutes last night about the "prince of pot" boy he had some bags under his eyes, but he only used "occasionally" or so he said, must be genetic for him.
The only way to quit is to quit.
You smoked, and then you felt bad. This is utimately a good thing.
Oh Sweetie.....
6 months was a really difficult time for me too. Like Bumps said, get back up on that horse. As long as you go to a meeting tomorrow and share what is going on with you - picking up where you left off- it will be ok.
She has also heard me say this before - Ask around the rooms, most people have enough white chips to tile their bathroom.
I've read your posts before - does your husband smoke in the garage? That would be very difficult for me. I had to get rid of all my paraphinalia(sp). It would make me uncomfortable to smell it in my home or smell it on him.
You did the right thing - came clean- girl you know what to do- thats the program kicking in.
Isn't it great we have all of these tools and support instead of having to muck through it alone?
You're doing so good, this is just a minor setback- Don't be too hard on your self - just dive right back into the program.
Love and Respect-
Carolyn
6 months was a really difficult time for me too. Like Bumps said, get back up on that horse. As long as you go to a meeting tomorrow and share what is going on with you - picking up where you left off- it will be ok.
She has also heard me say this before - Ask around the rooms, most people have enough white chips to tile their bathroom.
I've read your posts before - does your husband smoke in the garage? That would be very difficult for me. I had to get rid of all my paraphinalia(sp). It would make me uncomfortable to smell it in my home or smell it on him.
You did the right thing - came clean- girl you know what to do- thats the program kicking in.
Isn't it great we have all of these tools and support instead of having to muck through it alone?
You're doing so good, this is just a minor setback- Don't be too hard on your self - just dive right back into the program.
Love and Respect-
Carolyn
Rigourous Honesty. Good for you! I have the utmost admiration for you.
Let go of the guilt and shame, what's done is done, turn it over.
I have faith that you will do the next right thing for you.
with love,
Kerrbear
Let go of the guilt and shame, what's done is done, turn it over.
I have faith that you will do the next right thing for you.
with love,
Kerrbear
Thank you. You have no idea what your posts mean to me right now.
Sacred time...definitely sacred. Thank you for that.
Getting back on the horse...I'm allergic to horses. LOL Must find different analogy. :-)
My husband has smoked since age 12. He's had two weeks clean in Disneyland. Must give credit where credit is due.
I had relapsed in 2003 after at least a decade of sobriety. I blame the relapse on a suicide in our family.
This recent incident would NOT have happened if it wasn't available. Plain and simple. He uses mouthwash and is very considerate of the smell over the last few months, I noticed. But I can't be trusted obviously. I know where it is and I have the key to the garage.
It's probably better that he's gone right now, as we need some time apart to figure out how WE are going to deal with this. Something has to change for something to change. I just can't have IT here. Bottom line. This is my life we're talking about. I do NOT want to go back to the hospital again.
They don't hand out chips in the group I go to, but they are definitely a strong, courageous group of women working hard on their committment to recovery.
Thank you for all your support and encouragement.
Sacred time...definitely sacred. Thank you for that.
Getting back on the horse...I'm allergic to horses. LOL Must find different analogy. :-)
My husband has smoked since age 12. He's had two weeks clean in Disneyland. Must give credit where credit is due.
I had relapsed in 2003 after at least a decade of sobriety. I blame the relapse on a suicide in our family.
This recent incident would NOT have happened if it wasn't available. Plain and simple. He uses mouthwash and is very considerate of the smell over the last few months, I noticed. But I can't be trusted obviously. I know where it is and I have the key to the garage.
It's probably better that he's gone right now, as we need some time apart to figure out how WE are going to deal with this. Something has to change for something to change. I just can't have IT here. Bottom line. This is my life we're talking about. I do NOT want to go back to the hospital again.
They don't hand out chips in the group I go to, but they are definitely a strong, courageous group of women working hard on their committment to recovery.
Thank you for all your support and encouragement.
ww- 110% with what hippie said!
stay close ...xo jojo
ps.
for what it's worth i've often thought i would have been in the garage the first week.
essential for me, the cupboard must be bare.
stay close ...xo jojo
ps.
for what it's worth i've often thought i would have been in the garage the first week.
essential for me, the cupboard must be bare.
Wonderwoman...just echoing what other have said...get back on that horse! Put the "slip" behind you and move forward!
I have not lasted 24 hours yet. But I promised myself that tonight is the last night. Tomorrow is a new day, and I am determined to become and stay clean.
We can do it together!
I have not lasted 24 hours yet. But I promised myself that tonight is the last night. Tomorrow is a new day, and I am determined to become and stay clean.
We can do it together!
WONDER WOMAN,
WELL DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP TOO MUCH SWEETIE. s*** HAPPENS YA KNOW? BUT I THINK IT HAPPENED CAUSE THE STUFF WAS RIGHT IN YOUR GARAGE. WAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!! YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN. IF MY B-FRIEND WAS IN THE GARAGE SMOKIN AND I KNEW IT WAS RIGHT THERE SO AVAILABLE TO ME, I WOULDN'T HAVE LASTED 5 MINUTES WITHOUT USING. SO I DONT KNOW...YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THAT. ANYWAY, TAKE CARE AND BE STRONG. I WILL SAY A PRAYER FOR U!
LOVE, ANDREA
WELL DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP TOO MUCH SWEETIE. s*** HAPPENS YA KNOW? BUT I THINK IT HAPPENED CAUSE THE STUFF WAS RIGHT IN YOUR GARAGE. WAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!! YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN. IF MY B-FRIEND WAS IN THE GARAGE SMOKIN AND I KNEW IT WAS RIGHT THERE SO AVAILABLE TO ME, I WOULDN'T HAVE LASTED 5 MINUTES WITHOUT USING. SO I DONT KNOW...YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THAT. ANYWAY, TAKE CARE AND BE STRONG. I WILL SAY A PRAYER FOR U!
LOVE, ANDREA
Andrea took the exact words out of my mouth - s*** happens! So, what now? Just get back up and start swinging again. Remember, the past is the past, whether it's 30 years ago or 30 minutes ago or 30 seconds ago... it's OVER. The future is all you can control, and tomorrow is a new day. Just keep fighting, girl!
Wonderwoman,
Just like the rest of the FAMILY here said, don't beat yourself up, we're only human. Considering you've had it around you all this time, and just now slipped...well that says you are truly a "wonderwoman". Don't know that I could of done it.You admitted your mistake, and its done. This time you were six months, now your ready for the full meal deal for a lifetime. You can do it, and we all believe in you and as you know, were all here for you. Get some sleep tonight and start off fresh in the morning.
much love
Bubba J
Just like the rest of the FAMILY here said, don't beat yourself up, we're only human. Considering you've had it around you all this time, and just now slipped...well that says you are truly a "wonderwoman". Don't know that I could of done it.You admitted your mistake, and its done. This time you were six months, now your ready for the full meal deal for a lifetime. You can do it, and we all believe in you and as you know, were all here for you. Get some sleep tonight and start off fresh in the morning.
much love
Bubba J
Maybe you can buy hubby a stashbox with a lock? He is something very rare you know, a user who is supportive of your wanting to quit.
ww,
i am so sorry you are having to deal with this. as jojo said, my cupboard has to be bare. as i have said before you are so much stronger than me. i know i never could have quit with it around all the time. i dont even have to tell you to jump back up and kick pot square on its a**. because i know thats what your gonna do. i have faith in you and i know you can do this. you are more in touch with your self than most of us on the board. you know who you are and where you are in life.i wish i could give you a good hug right now. cyber hugs just do give us that release of tension. just know we are here for you. surround your self with caring and supportive people right now. you will be in my prayers.
if its not to personal, i was just curious if you smoked alone or with your husband?
you are truely my wonderwoman and being human and caving does'nt change that.
i am so sorry you are having to deal with this. as jojo said, my cupboard has to be bare. as i have said before you are so much stronger than me. i know i never could have quit with it around all the time. i dont even have to tell you to jump back up and kick pot square on its a**. because i know thats what your gonna do. i have faith in you and i know you can do this. you are more in touch with your self than most of us on the board. you know who you are and where you are in life.i wish i could give you a good hug right now. cyber hugs just do give us that release of tension. just know we are here for you. surround your self with caring and supportive people right now. you will be in my prayers.
if its not to personal, i was just curious if you smoked alone or with your husband?
you are truely my wonderwoman and being human and caving does'nt change that.
Well, I want to make sure I say the right words...
I am sad for you and I have to say that It was a huge slap in the face as to how easy it is for ALL of us to pick up at anytime. We are all at risk, we all could be starting day one again at anytime, and to become complacent in that is dangerous.
We have all learned so much from you and this is just another lesson (at least for me). You will be fine and the world will go on. The important thing to remember is your learning experience. Take some time to reflect before taking any actions, center yourself, and go back to the pampering that we all did early on.
You obviously were in need... of something, someone, etc. You did all you could do at the time.
Today is today.
I am sad for you and I have to say that It was a huge slap in the face as to how easy it is for ALL of us to pick up at anytime. We are all at risk, we all could be starting day one again at anytime, and to become complacent in that is dangerous.
We have all learned so much from you and this is just another lesson (at least for me). You will be fine and the world will go on. The important thing to remember is your learning experience. Take some time to reflect before taking any actions, center yourself, and go back to the pampering that we all did early on.
You obviously were in need... of something, someone, etc. You did all you could do at the time.
Today is today.
It's taking everything I have to go to this meeting this morning. I'm not sleeping very well again and my bed is still warm. Where does the expression come from ? Face the music. Is it funeral music ?
I feel like a deflated balloon. I was bouncing around a few days ago. Feeling pretty invincible and then something sharp, something from the INSIDE caused me to pop. I suppose I am grateful I'm not whipping all over the room like some balloons do, with no direction and confused. Today I'm grateful nobody picked me up and threw me in the garbage. :-)
You guys make me all teary eyed, I put the coffee on, I'm eating a healthy breakfast, I put on my favorite t-shirt. The one my husband bought me from six flags.
YES I like the idea about locking it up. Thank you HN and thanks for reminding me as usual how my husbands perspective may be.
Yes, Jamv, honestly, I feel like I let you down. Intellectually, I know it's about letting myself down. It doesn't take away the feeling of pure disregard for others and selfishness on my part. I'm sorry. :-(
You are so right. You guys can't be complacent. Trust me on this one.
CL- we smoked together for a long time at first that's all I would do. Just wait for when he got home after work. Then it became a lone thing for me. This time i was alone. Me and my conscience and my spirit guides whom I hear never get pissed off, just wait around until I ask for help again.
When I get home I will be doing a meditation.
Angie, it really is a matter of making up your mind. I had at least 175 days or so. 4200 hours. It feels good to know that, nobody can take that away. The improvements were there, it was happening for me. Good stuff. Self-sabotage is a b****.
I feel like a deflated balloon. I was bouncing around a few days ago. Feeling pretty invincible and then something sharp, something from the INSIDE caused me to pop. I suppose I am grateful I'm not whipping all over the room like some balloons do, with no direction and confused. Today I'm grateful nobody picked me up and threw me in the garbage. :-)
You guys make me all teary eyed, I put the coffee on, I'm eating a healthy breakfast, I put on my favorite t-shirt. The one my husband bought me from six flags.
YES I like the idea about locking it up. Thank you HN and thanks for reminding me as usual how my husbands perspective may be.
Yes, Jamv, honestly, I feel like I let you down. Intellectually, I know it's about letting myself down. It doesn't take away the feeling of pure disregard for others and selfishness on my part. I'm sorry. :-(
You are so right. You guys can't be complacent. Trust me on this one.
CL- we smoked together for a long time at first that's all I would do. Just wait for when he got home after work. Then it became a lone thing for me. This time i was alone. Me and my conscience and my spirit guides whom I hear never get pissed off, just wait around until I ask for help again.
When I get home I will be doing a meditation.
Angie, it really is a matter of making up your mind. I had at least 175 days or so. 4200 hours. It feels good to know that, nobody can take that away. The improvements were there, it was happening for me. Good stuff. Self-sabotage is a b****.
WW, thanks for saying that, it means you care. of course you didnt let me down, in fact I am the one who has been moping around here feeling like i might use at my 1 year mark. I am glad to know if I did so I could come right back here and be welcomed with open arms, because guess what you are human, we all are. Hopefully I can cont. to learn from you as i always have, in good times and bad.
Dont beat yourself up, love yourself.
Dont beat yourself up, love yourself.
It is said that our disease pops up when we least expect it. And it LOVES to catch us alone.
I know you don't want to go to that meeting, but you will feel mad relief afterwards,everyone there loves you and wants the best for you. It's just the guilt and shame talking-
The deflated ballon feeling- When I picked up another white chip for slipping with weed @ 3 months- I felt like that for a few days. It was my ego that has been popped. Humility is a B****. But a necessary part of recovery.
Think how much you will learn from this experience -
God Bless-
Carolyn
I know you don't want to go to that meeting, but you will feel mad relief afterwards,everyone there loves you and wants the best for you. It's just the guilt and shame talking-
The deflated ballon feeling- When I picked up another white chip for slipping with weed @ 3 months- I felt like that for a few days. It was my ego that has been popped. Humility is a B****. But a necessary part of recovery.
Think how much you will learn from this experience -
God Bless-
Carolyn
Oh yes....ego, that is soooo what this feeling is. Glad I popped in here once last time before heading out the door.
Ego, such a big thing and only three letters. :-)
Talk to you soon. Staying close- JoJo. :-)
Bless your hearts.
Yes, Jamv- Loving myself, just hugged myself. Is that weird ? LOL
Ego, such a big thing and only three letters. :-)
Talk to you soon. Staying close- JoJo. :-)
Bless your hearts.
Yes, Jamv- Loving myself, just hugged myself. Is that weird ? LOL
E-dging
G-od (or the rubber tree plant)
O-ut
Heard this last night at my meeting (not the rubber tree plant part<smile>)
A lock box sounds like a fab idea. I know how you feel, when I started smoking cigs again after 8 months, I hated myself. Hubby smokes, not an excuse, it just is what it is.
Today is a new day, we are here for you.
Kerrbear
G-od (or the rubber tree plant)
O-ut
Heard this last night at my meeting (not the rubber tree plant part<smile>)
A lock box sounds like a fab idea. I know how you feel, when I started smoking cigs again after 8 months, I hated myself. Hubby smokes, not an excuse, it just is what it is.
Today is a new day, we are here for you.
Kerrbear
What makes that little ant think he can move a rubber tree plant?
High hopes (no pun intended)!!!!
High hopes (no pun intended)!!!!
