My son is 19 tomorrow. He should be happy and enjoying life yet at the moment he has been asleep in bed since lunchtime yesterday after having yet another episode of going missing for days with his circle of mates smoking cannibis and taking legal highs(mephedrone). His nostrils are red raw and bleed,he is so skinny and looks so pale.I love him so much but am at my wits end and its effecting the whole family.
I never know when he is telling the truth as he lies all the time. He has stolen and sold many items from the house as well as personal items from all members of the family,even his christmas presents(adidas coat and bag and dvd box set) all gone.
At the moment i am trying to get some family support. I feel completely alone,scared
ashamed,disappointed,angry and so sad.I know this isint going to go away and i just hope he will realise one day what he is doing to himself and be strong enough to admit and get help.
We have tried to talk to him,got angry with him,told him he is so much better than this.But at the moment we are just nagging parents and get told he hasnt got an addiction.
I KNOW I HAVE TO GIVE TOUGHER LOVE AND I AM REALLY TRYING.
Please read other posts here that literally mirror your situation.
There is help at the tables of Nar-Anon and Al-Anon for family & friends of addicts/alcoholics.
Look them up in your telephone book or on-line and get to the meetings.
It will change your life.
All the best.
Bob R
There is help at the tables of Nar-Anon and Al-Anon for family & friends of addicts/alcoholics.
Look them up in your telephone book or on-line and get to the meetings.
It will change your life.
All the best.
Bob R
The only advice I could give you is that my boyfriend stole from his parents before to get drug money, and his parents called the cops on him, it made him realize that they weren't playing anymore and were serious, although they decided to not get him arrested he got alil hint that this is a serious matter and your taking it serious.
If I could go back in time and do things differently this is what I would have done.
Convince him he needs help and that his life style is making the people he loves sad and afraid of him. Let him know you love him very much and you dont know what to do to help him but your not going to give up on him because you know he is worth it. Then do whatever you have to to get him sober/clean. If you have any money get him in a long term, inpatient rehab. The longer the better. Dont think you can do enough because you cant his life is dangling and you dont want to look back and say if only I knew how serious it was. Get him in rehab!!!! This is pretty extreme but my brother had his son stealing from him for drug money. He called the cops and had him arrested. I have 2 brothers, one had lots of issues so we learned early. My nephew was 16 and starting to show the signs of a serious drug problem. My brother lied.... ya I know it was a big chance would it help or hurt. but in his situation he didnt know what else to do. He trumped up the charges in a big way claiming there was more then there was, I wont go into details because frankly I could not have done what he did. I wish I could. He got him arrested and when he came home he lied to him and took him straight away to Texas where he was able to ut him in a lock down school where he stayed the next year. My brother was not wealthy but he was willing to sacrifice everything for this kid. I think he saved him. Hes a good boy... not perfect but hes not an addict now and hes 23 . Do what you have to while you have the chance.
Convince him he needs help and that his life style is making the people he loves sad and afraid of him. Let him know you love him very much and you dont know what to do to help him but your not going to give up on him because you know he is worth it. Then do whatever you have to to get him sober/clean. If you have any money get him in a long term, inpatient rehab. The longer the better. Dont think you can do enough because you cant his life is dangling and you dont want to look back and say if only I knew how serious it was. Get him in rehab!!!! This is pretty extreme but my brother had his son stealing from him for drug money. He called the cops and had him arrested. I have 2 brothers, one had lots of issues so we learned early. My nephew was 16 and starting to show the signs of a serious drug problem. My brother lied.... ya I know it was a big chance would it help or hurt. but in his situation he didnt know what else to do. He trumped up the charges in a big way claiming there was more then there was, I wont go into details because frankly I could not have done what he did. I wish I could. He got him arrested and when he came home he lied to him and took him straight away to Texas where he was able to ut him in a lock down school where he stayed the next year. My brother was not wealthy but he was willing to sacrifice everything for this kid. I think he saved him. Hes a good boy... not perfect but hes not an addict now and hes 23 . Do what you have to while you have the chance.
Those of us with active addicts in our lives all suffer a similar situation. Just can't believe it's happening. You find out that person is not who you thought they were. Hard to forget all they did and wonder why it happened to us. It's hard to get past seeing my Gf as a little devious lying pill head that was once a beautiful, intelligent, impressive young woman. We all want the person they were back. Not exactly sure how they will ever be that person again and if it will ever be the same. When I look at her now I have tears instead of the big smile I had before.I will always love her someway. Nothing we can do to fix this. I never would of imagined addiction to be as miserable as it is and it would ever affect me. It's the only sickness I know that is able to inflict it's terrible consequences on someone who doesn't have it.
Beingme... Im so sorry your in so much pain. It must be ripping you apart. I feel so much for you and everyone with addiction or drug issues god knows Ive had more then my share. Its not your fault. I don't use and didn't use nor did my brothers yet addiction or drug issue hit us all big time. I guess its just the worst joke ever. I use to think my brother got all our bad luck so we could be happy until my sons started having issues. My beautiful boys both very good .. one we nick named bible boy .. behind his back as he was so innocent and would say things about how he wanted to be good. When this horrible thing happens you want something to blame so bad you cant see straight. I think the only thing you can do is try to make everything you do have control over better. Be the best you can be and know life is short and is full of s*** and rainbows. Hopefully you can focus on the rainbows but there is no fair, no just, no right. Ship happens to wonderful people and all you can do is try. Try to duck , try to run , try to see the light and not let the bad things make you bitter. There is plenty good too. Sometimes it just doesnt seem that way or you gotta wait till the tide turns. Keep your hope my friends!
Has anyone else tried Marchman Acts/ court ordered involuntary detox and treatments? If a loved one gets so bad off that they are at risk of harming others or themselves, that's all you have to explain on the paperwork... in Florida anyway. The Sheriffs Office hunts them down and takes them to the Stewart Marchman residential rehab. They are court ordered to stay for so long, but you can continually file for extensions as well. It's like jail, but no charges, still locked down and monitered, but a safe environment surrounded by nurses and counselors. It saved my fiances life.
