I am a convicted felon. I was 18yrs old and had a girlfriend that was 16. Make a Very, Very Long story short..I was sent to Prison at age 18 for Statutory Rape. The girl who sent me to the Pen, so many years ago, only caused this because I broke up with her because I met my wife of now of 12 years of marriage. When this all happened I was 18....I got out of Prison when I was 20...When I was released from Prison, I had to attend sex offender classes...I was the only one in the class for being 18 and in for Statutory Rape. I had to sit in with 30-70 year old men, that told how they raped their victims.......I am now 32 and still trying to erase this s*** from my mind.....you would not beleive what I have heard in my life!!!! MAJOR SICKOS!!!!!
My wife and I have a very happy marriage, with one 9 yr old daughter! We have been married for 12 years, during these years, I have worked for TV Stations, Radio Stations & Nursing Homes.....But do to Sex Offender lists, dating back to when I was only 18.....My life....is still at 32....SUCKS!!!!!
I am now drinking at least 8 beers a night...Maybe a 750ml bottle of wine! I have gone to an AA meeting..however, sitting in this group, brings back memories of sitting in groups with convicted felons....The AA meeting I went to only reminded me of the people I meet In Prison.......Most of all them were orderd by a judge to be there.....I was not........
To End this......I drink everynight....to forget about the REAL RAPE I Had when I was in PRISON....I was 18...I was sold for a carton of Cools.....This is the reason why I drink.........
Unfortunately drinking does not really help one forget the problem....it is kind of like applying a bandaid to the wound....you may not see it as it is covered up but once you remove the bandaid you will see that the wound is still there and must be aired and administered to for it to properly heal....if not it will only fester and get worse.
Drinking only compounds the problem as well as you are tempting fate by developing an addiction which would be another issue you would have to deal with in addition to the original problem..
I attend groups for ex military service veterans and to my suprise there are a number of men in my groups that had been raped in the service as well....some them had served time in prison and were raped and there are some men who have been raped in their childhoods....
Unlike women who are the victims of sexual abuse....i find that it is harder for men to be more forthcoming in divulging that they were sexually abused.....i may be wrong but i think it is because it is some how tied up with how they feel others will view them in terms of their sexuality....the fear of being remotely thought of as having homosexual tendencies....which of course is all crap and the sexual abuse is more about the deviant behavior of the abuser as opposed to the one who was abused..
It is not about your manhood or lack thereof...you were a young teen in prison and extremely vulnerable and taken advantage of horribly....
Are you at present in any kind of one and one therapy or attending any group therapy that deals mainly with PTSD post traumatic stress syndrome disorder ? It is good that you go to AA to deal with your drinking but perhaps you don't feel safe and confident enough to reveal the nature of your crime personally or what had happened to you while in prison..
I wasn't really too clear on what kind of advice you were looking for in your original post but as a recovering alcoholic myself i felt obligated to respond in some manner.....i know you are struggling but trying to drink and forget is not really the answer as you are only trying to drink and detach....but when the "buzz" wears off...you will see that the shadow of what was is still right behind you......
Good Luck to you
Drinking only compounds the problem as well as you are tempting fate by developing an addiction which would be another issue you would have to deal with in addition to the original problem..
I attend groups for ex military service veterans and to my suprise there are a number of men in my groups that had been raped in the service as well....some them had served time in prison and were raped and there are some men who have been raped in their childhoods....
Unlike women who are the victims of sexual abuse....i find that it is harder for men to be more forthcoming in divulging that they were sexually abused.....i may be wrong but i think it is because it is some how tied up with how they feel others will view them in terms of their sexuality....the fear of being remotely thought of as having homosexual tendencies....which of course is all crap and the sexual abuse is more about the deviant behavior of the abuser as opposed to the one who was abused..
It is not about your manhood or lack thereof...you were a young teen in prison and extremely vulnerable and taken advantage of horribly....
Are you at present in any kind of one and one therapy or attending any group therapy that deals mainly with PTSD post traumatic stress syndrome disorder ? It is good that you go to AA to deal with your drinking but perhaps you don't feel safe and confident enough to reveal the nature of your crime personally or what had happened to you while in prison..
I wasn't really too clear on what kind of advice you were looking for in your original post but as a recovering alcoholic myself i felt obligated to respond in some manner.....i know you are struggling but trying to drink and forget is not really the answer as you are only trying to drink and detach....but when the "buzz" wears off...you will see that the shadow of what was is still right behind you......
Good Luck to you
Thank You! You made me feel really good tonight.. May God Bless You! Thank You!
teenfelon,
Your story really touched me, what an awful experience for you.
Justice system..... should be called injustice system!
I really feel for you.....
nzchick
xx
Your story really touched me, what an awful experience for you.
Justice system..... should be called injustice system!
I really feel for you.....
nzchick
xx
Thank You! I will go more into this when I am sober.....I have alot to tell..what I have seen, what I have been through. When I attended my first AA meeting, they never told me how to deal with the problems of being raped and seeing people raped & people beaten...I know my problems go beyond this site and the AA groups....but, it just feels good to read what you posted....Thank You!
my heart goes out to you so much I beleive Jesus is around you at the moment and your experience can help others to be a better person keep going your doing well.
rhonda70
GOD BLESS
rhonda70
GOD BLESS
teenfelon,
i'm really sorry for all you have been dealing with. have you ever considered going to get help. go to counseling so you can sort out these feelings and maybe put some of these things to rest? i really think it would help to talk to a person who specialized in sexual assult victims. it could be very benificial. i know it must be hard to talk about these things, but it may make it easier to deal with. give these struggles away, write in a journal. you need someway of dealing with this, other than drinking.
good luck to you
raerae
i'm really sorry for all you have been dealing with. have you ever considered going to get help. go to counseling so you can sort out these feelings and maybe put some of these things to rest? i really think it would help to talk to a person who specialized in sexual assult victims. it could be very benificial. i know it must be hard to talk about these things, but it may make it easier to deal with. give these struggles away, write in a journal. you need someway of dealing with this, other than drinking.
good luck to you
raerae
Teenfellon - Besides the traumatic feelings you must have experienced by being incarcerated, rape, whether it happens to a woman, man or child is an act of the worst possible abuse. You are trying to deal with this by keeping this monster in the dark of your consciousness by blunting your feelings with the temporary effects of alcohol.
It is *so* important for you to seek out a rape councillor to help you deal with all those demons which are still haunting you. You truly do not need to feel embarrassed or self conscious as these counsellors are specifically trained to deal with the various aspects of male rape and whatever you tell them, there will be no shock as they hear it every day and through caring and compassion for this dreadful act which thankfully more and more men are speaking about today than they did a generation or so ago - you will get the proper help which you need.
The answer truly does not lie in soaking your senses in alcohol but getting at the real root of the problem which you have obviously never dealt with yet and I am sure that once you are helped professionally, you will no longer have that urge to keep on trying to 'forget' what happened.
Show yourself the love and understanding you deserve and get professional help.
Blessings and healing.
It is *so* important for you to seek out a rape councillor to help you deal with all those demons which are still haunting you. You truly do not need to feel embarrassed or self conscious as these counsellors are specifically trained to deal with the various aspects of male rape and whatever you tell them, there will be no shock as they hear it every day and through caring and compassion for this dreadful act which thankfully more and more men are speaking about today than they did a generation or so ago - you will get the proper help which you need.
The answer truly does not lie in soaking your senses in alcohol but getting at the real root of the problem which you have obviously never dealt with yet and I am sure that once you are helped professionally, you will no longer have that urge to keep on trying to 'forget' what happened.
Show yourself the love and understanding you deserve and get professional help.
Blessings and healing.
Teenfelon,
When I read your post I cried. I am so sad that you went through such a horrible experience. I was raped when I was 16. I am now 39 and never realized how much it affected me. I always blamed myself and never thought that I was raped but I was. I started drinking at 16 and always thought I was a social drinker until recently. Now my drinking is out of control. I was drinking everyday after work and all day and night on the weekends. My husband and I went to marriage counseling recently and that's when I confronted all my "baggage" and realized that I've been drinking all these years to cope with my problems which included being raped. I'm babbling but my point is I was amazed how much going to counseling has helped me. I at least feel like I know so much more about myself and can accept who I am, move on and am trying to cope without alcohol. I hope that you consider some kind of one on one couseling and find someone that you can open up to. I tried one counselor and didn't like that person so I never went back. I tried someone else a year later and we "clicked". If you do decide to try counseling, don't give up until you find someone you like. It has made a huge difference in my life. Good Luck. I am thinking of you.
When I read your post I cried. I am so sad that you went through such a horrible experience. I was raped when I was 16. I am now 39 and never realized how much it affected me. I always blamed myself and never thought that I was raped but I was. I started drinking at 16 and always thought I was a social drinker until recently. Now my drinking is out of control. I was drinking everyday after work and all day and night on the weekends. My husband and I went to marriage counseling recently and that's when I confronted all my "baggage" and realized that I've been drinking all these years to cope with my problems which included being raped. I'm babbling but my point is I was amazed how much going to counseling has helped me. I at least feel like I know so much more about myself and can accept who I am, move on and am trying to cope without alcohol. I hope that you consider some kind of one on one couseling and find someone that you can open up to. I tried one counselor and didn't like that person so I never went back. I tried someone else a year later and we "clicked". If you do decide to try counseling, don't give up until you find someone you like. It has made a huge difference in my life. Good Luck. I am thinking of you.
hi teenfelen
well I have just read your story and am very touched and sorrowful that you have had to endure firstly an incarceration and the treatment that came with that but also the fact that it has continued to impact on your life in such a brutal manner I hope what I am about to pray gives you some comfort and deeper understanding of yourself and circumstanses, I am not sure where you are in the world but please know in all of this that you have touched the hearts of many
Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them
Let us not beg for the stilling of pain
but for the heart to conquer it
Let us not look to allies in lifes battlefield
but to our own strength
Let us not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for patience to win freedom
May the chains that bind you be released and may you have freedom
well I have just read your story and am very touched and sorrowful that you have had to endure firstly an incarceration and the treatment that came with that but also the fact that it has continued to impact on your life in such a brutal manner I hope what I am about to pray gives you some comfort and deeper understanding of yourself and circumstanses, I am not sure where you are in the world but please know in all of this that you have touched the hearts of many
Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them
Let us not beg for the stilling of pain
but for the heart to conquer it
Let us not look to allies in lifes battlefield
but to our own strength
Let us not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for patience to win freedom
May the chains that bind you be released and may you have freedom
