I left my husband almost 1 week ago after 18 months of hell... The meth use has broken all trust, it led to lying, gambling, staying out all night and the fights just got worse daily. He has of course been clean now since Sunday...and every time I speak to him he just tells me how sorry he is for all that I have been through. I know that I have made the right decision to leave but I miss him so much and it is so hard not to put my arms around him and tell him it will be ok...I just keep telling him that he has to make the decision to get better for himself he cant do it for me or because he thinks that if he does get clean I will come home he has to do it for him. I am on such an emotional roller coaster and although my friends and family love and support me they don't understand why this is so hard. The only thing that everyone else looks at is how long I have been lonely and sad, they see that I have been the only one fighting for this relationship, I do not have anyone who understands how hard this is now that he seems to want to be a part of this marriage again. I know that the changes he has made were only made after he realized that I was not coming home, but that does not make it any easier for me. I am so hurt and so angry that things have turned out this way that I can not give him the love and the support that he needs to get better, I keep telling him that I have no more to give, it is time for me to work on me and to figure out what I want out of all this...Yesterday I picked up my divorce papers, today I can't stop crying...I don't know what to do. I know that he has a long way to go before I can even begin to trust him again, like I said he has only been clean since Sunday. My question is this, even if he gets better will I ever be able to trust him? Will we ever be able to move past all the bull@#!& and be happy again? Will there ever come a time when I will not be suspicious about every little thing? How do I make this decision? How long will this take? I am so confused right now and I feel like I have no control. Any words of wisdom? Thanks for listening...
Jessie
stick to your guns ..although my story is different from yours my problem is the same .....i am in love with a meth addict and for the past 14 months she's gonna start getting better for herself too
I know EXACTLY how you feel.... I want so badly to tell him I don't want to be with him anymore. We are moving in approx 2 weeks -- away from this whole drug drama neighborhood...he is dealing and slamming dope. I have told him he needs to get professional help but he seems to feel he can do it on his own. I don't think he can... I can't stand to even be around him anymore. I wish he would go to jail -- then he would HAVE to go thru rehab. The phucked up police around here aren't doing a damn thing about the excessive amount of meth that is saturating this town... they say they are going to do a "Meth roundup" but then they start talking about all of the budget cuts and nothing gets done. I have been trying to keep myself sane until we move to give him another chance but today he has really pushed it. We had to go to the dump to get rid of somethings before we move and OF COURSE I threw away some of HIS STUFF...according to him it was sentimental stuff... YEAH f***ing right.. it was TWEAKER CRAP and I am not loading that stuff from one house to another. Well the fight was on after that.. he was threatening to throw away my stuff... I don't have anything to throw away except shoes... wwooo hooo...so damn what.....my stuff doesn't take up 2 sheds, a carport, and clutter thru out the entire house.... I am so pissed right now I could explode. He was calling me names under his breath...then took off to one of his dope buddies houses... I pray he goes to jail..... he has left me so screwed in everyway...
I don't know if I can handle this anymore.... I want to go check myself into a psych ward... between killing myself at work and coming home to deal with all of that stupid tweaker drama...I just can't do it. I am really afraid I am going to hurt myself just to get away from him..
I don't know if I can handle this anymore.... I want to go check myself into a psych ward... between killing myself at work and coming home to deal with all of that stupid tweaker drama...I just can't do it. I am really afraid I am going to hurt myself just to get away from him..
Heather, HANG IN THERE!! I don't know how long you have been dealing with this but I do know what you are going through...Leaving my husband has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, especially now that he has been sober since I left and he is doing all the things I have been begging him to do for over a year now. One thing that I know is that moving is not going to make him any better...I thought that if my husband changed jobs and was farther away from "those people" he would get better, that is so bull@#$%!!! No matter how many times my husband changes jobs and no matter how far away you move the bottom line is, If they want it they will find it...If they want to get better it does not matter where it is!! They are the only ones who can make it better. I can't even tell you how long I tried to fix it for him and it never worked. No matter what boundaries I put in place and no matter how much I checked up on him he still did it...and he just lied and lied to me. I can tell you that only you can make the decision to stay and put up with it or walk away. He is either going to continue doing what he is doing now until he goes to jail or worse!!! Or he will make the decision that this is not the life he wants and he will get help.. Maybe he can do it on his own maybe he cant but only he can do it!!! I miss my husband so much!! I have been gone for 9 days now and some days I just want to go home and put my arms around him and tell him that it will all be OK, but I don't know that he is doing this for the right reasons... I know that he loves me but this addiction takes over and addicts will say and do anything and everything to get there enabler back...My husband never thought that I would leave...And for a long time neither did I!! I have started feeling better since I decided not to make any decisions yet. My husband is begging me every day to come home, but I can't. Not yet, if ever...I have decided that he needs to continue to do the right thing and he needs to be responsible for himself and be able to resist the temptation and I need to get help for my own hurt and my own anger before I can even decide weather or not this relationship is going to get another chance...I don't know yet if the trust can ever be rebuilt...I wish everyone out there in these situations the strength you will all need to get through this...BE STRONG and remember there are people here who understand if you ever need to borrow strength all you have to do is ask.
All is well so far so good.
Still alote going on next door that sucks but my hubby has regained my
trust.And he seems so confident i am sooooo proud of him!!!
The dreams he has havent botherd him as much and he acts like a person agin.
he enjoys the kids and dosent flip out on them any more we have even made it through potty training our 2yr old.
This has made allmost everything we have went through worth it.
sorry i'm off topic but i just wanted to give every one a little hope for the long run. I know how easy it is to loose hope
monny
xoxoxoxoxox
I pasted this post from my topic (an ice head moved in next door) My hubby is now clean 4 18 months after 12 years of meth use and this is were we are now.
i never thought i could trust him agin but now i find my self trusting him more than ever.It took along time to get hear and some day's were harder than others 4 both of us but it can happin.
good luck
Still alote going on next door that sucks but my hubby has regained my
trust.And he seems so confident i am sooooo proud of him!!!
The dreams he has havent botherd him as much and he acts like a person agin.
he enjoys the kids and dosent flip out on them any more we have even made it through potty training our 2yr old.
This has made allmost everything we have went through worth it.
sorry i'm off topic but i just wanted to give every one a little hope for the long run. I know how easy it is to loose hope
monny
xoxoxoxoxox
I pasted this post from my topic (an ice head moved in next door) My hubby is now clean 4 18 months after 12 years of meth use and this is were we are now.
i never thought i could trust him agin but now i find my self trusting him more than ever.It took along time to get hear and some day's were harder than others 4 both of us but it can happin.
good luck
It has now been 11 days since I left and I think it is getting harder not easier...Maybe I am just having a rough day, some are better than others right now and I have no control of them at all. I miss my husband so much, and what I don't understand is why it is effecting me so much different than it did when I was at home waiting for him and worrying about him every night that he was out with crystal (meth)... I would leave him messages and beg him to just come home or to just call me to let me know that he was alive. Now he is the one begging me to come home, but I am still the one hurting. This does not seem fair. I am trying to have hope but it does not feel like I am ever going to get over this and get on with my life...I still picture my life with him even though I know that it's probably not at all possible...I am just so sad, how long will this last? How can I stop the pain and the loss that I feel? Will it ever go away?
Jessie,
I left my husband about 15mths. ago. I feel like I went through the proverbial tunnel and came out on the other side! I no longer view this as the end of my life but as a God sent second chance and new beginning. I am stonger, yet softer, wiser, more secure and self assured and infinitly more ready to take on life!
Here are the pointers that I can give you:
1. Leaving your husband because of the madness that drugs can bring to you and your childrens life does not necessarily mean you dont love him, you dont wish his wellness with all of your heart, or that you are turning your back on him. You are breaking a cycle that saw no ending in near sight, that was distructive, to your children, to you AND your addict. It does nt mean that you cannot or will not help him when he is ready to do whatever it takes to get himself well and it does nt mean that you will never be with him again. For now you need to be seperated and later....is later, you will cross that bridge when you come to it.
I continue to stay in contact with my ex. During the worst of times we barely spoke. He called when he wanted money or wanted a place to stay and screamed at me and said the most horrible things when I did nt give in, when I did nt think I could handle him. About 6 - 8 months later he decided it was time to call it quits. The first person he called...me. He knew I would be there for him when he was ready. I am an integral part of his recovery, though we are not back together again. In many ways we have deeper relationship than ever, we are both on journeys of self discovery, of starting over and if our paths happen to cross we will embrace each other with open arms....until then being together is not a priority for either.
2. If you concentrate on yourself, on faking it till you make, going through the motions untill it all starts to feel normal and confortable, you will see little bits of progress and once you are off and running you will never go back. Its about getting little things done at first - going to a hairdresser, buying something new, making a good meal, going out for a drink with someone....eventually that will give you the strength to keep going and when you stop to look back you will not believe how far you have come. I promise!
3. The loneliness is torture...I dont know about you, but for me the anxiety of not knowing where he was and if he was dead or alive, the anger in catching him over and over again, the hurt at being lied to and treated as though I was stupid, the shame, the fear.....all of that was far worse than the lonelyness.
Keep going Jessie, keep putting one foot in fron of the other and soon you will feel what it is like to breathe again! It is a long and weary journey, but one that is well worth all the effort in the end. At the end of it all you will find yourself....and no one will ever take that away from you ever,
Stay strong and brave
C-
I left my husband about 15mths. ago. I feel like I went through the proverbial tunnel and came out on the other side! I no longer view this as the end of my life but as a God sent second chance and new beginning. I am stonger, yet softer, wiser, more secure and self assured and infinitly more ready to take on life!
Here are the pointers that I can give you:
1. Leaving your husband because of the madness that drugs can bring to you and your childrens life does not necessarily mean you dont love him, you dont wish his wellness with all of your heart, or that you are turning your back on him. You are breaking a cycle that saw no ending in near sight, that was distructive, to your children, to you AND your addict. It does nt mean that you cannot or will not help him when he is ready to do whatever it takes to get himself well and it does nt mean that you will never be with him again. For now you need to be seperated and later....is later, you will cross that bridge when you come to it.
I continue to stay in contact with my ex. During the worst of times we barely spoke. He called when he wanted money or wanted a place to stay and screamed at me and said the most horrible things when I did nt give in, when I did nt think I could handle him. About 6 - 8 months later he decided it was time to call it quits. The first person he called...me. He knew I would be there for him when he was ready. I am an integral part of his recovery, though we are not back together again. In many ways we have deeper relationship than ever, we are both on journeys of self discovery, of starting over and if our paths happen to cross we will embrace each other with open arms....until then being together is not a priority for either.
2. If you concentrate on yourself, on faking it till you make, going through the motions untill it all starts to feel normal and confortable, you will see little bits of progress and once you are off and running you will never go back. Its about getting little things done at first - going to a hairdresser, buying something new, making a good meal, going out for a drink with someone....eventually that will give you the strength to keep going and when you stop to look back you will not believe how far you have come. I promise!
3. The loneliness is torture...I dont know about you, but for me the anxiety of not knowing where he was and if he was dead or alive, the anger in catching him over and over again, the hurt at being lied to and treated as though I was stupid, the shame, the fear.....all of that was far worse than the lonelyness.
Keep going Jessie, keep putting one foot in fron of the other and soon you will feel what it is like to breathe again! It is a long and weary journey, but one that is well worth all the effort in the end. At the end of it all you will find yourself....and no one will ever take that away from you ever,
Stay strong and brave
C-
Thank you for the encouragement...I still can't believe I can read things that someone else posts and I feel like they are telling my story! I am lonely I miss him so much and in so many ways. It has now been 15 days since I left my husband and I still cant stop my emotions. One minute I am sure that I am doing the right thing and I am sure that I will never go back, and the next minute I am just wishing that I was in his arms. But you are right I was way more miserable when I was sitting at home waiting for him to come home or when I was being lied to and treated badly. At least now I know that I am in control of my life, even if it does not always feel like I am. He calls me and tells me that he loves me and that he misses me and that he will never use again... that he will never gamble again. He says that all he wants is to take care of me the way he should have been all along...but he is still not doing anything to help himself. He quit his job...AGAIN. This is the second time he has quit his job since I left. HOW CAN HE TAKE CARE OF ME WITH NO JOB? He says that he quit because he needed to get away from the people who ruined his life...I keep telling him to quit blaming everyone else for his mistakes. He needs to take responsibility for the decisions he has made. I have tried and failed to get him into rehab, and even on Thursday I did everything I could do including offer to give him the money to get into counseling and he still made excuses about why he could not go in and talk to someone. So for now even though this is the hardest thing I have ever done I am going to stay away...He is not better and I know it won't happen over night...But he is not taking any steps towards getting is life back together...I am praying for strength right now...I just hope I make the right choices...Till next time,
Jessie
Jessie
jessie,
For my hubby it was veary importint that he got away from every thing and every one ((family and job also friends))that involved meth.So there is a small chance he could be telling you some truth when it comes to the job situation.
I know you have been through alot looking at your husband and thinking his soal must be gone, the sleepless nights you sit in front of the window in tears praying to god and thinking he might be dead (( and if he's not he is going to wish he was when you see him))
There is still hope for your family. Your husband is still in there some where
But i'm not going to lie to you it takes a long time.and alot of hard work and sacrafice (sp?) BUT in my case it was worth it.
MONNY
XOXOXOXOXOX
For my hubby it was veary importint that he got away from every thing and every one ((family and job also friends))that involved meth.So there is a small chance he could be telling you some truth when it comes to the job situation.
I know you have been through alot looking at your husband and thinking his soal must be gone, the sleepless nights you sit in front of the window in tears praying to god and thinking he might be dead (( and if he's not he is going to wish he was when you see him))
There is still hope for your family. Your husband is still in there some where
But i'm not going to lie to you it takes a long time.and alot of hard work and sacrafice (sp?) BUT in my case it was worth it.
MONNY
XOXOXOXOXOX
Jesse,
Sorry to hear about your predicament. I had to deal with a similar situation with my brother. He is a hard-core meth addict; he would steal from me, lie to me and walk all over me. I have my own addiction issues--pain pills---that I have to deal with. I stopped ennabling him about a month ago. I kicked him out, after he stole prescribed meds for my mental illness. I have had enough! I know deep down that is not my brother, but I cannot be stuck in a co-dependent relationship with him. I need to start working on myself and not always trying to resolve my brother's issues. I think what you did took tremendous courage, and I think you will heal and help yourself. Stop worrying about him; I know that sounds harsh, but you have to realize that you need time for yourself.
My regards,
Medusa
Sorry to hear about your predicament. I had to deal with a similar situation with my brother. He is a hard-core meth addict; he would steal from me, lie to me and walk all over me. I have my own addiction issues--pain pills---that I have to deal with. I stopped ennabling him about a month ago. I kicked him out, after he stole prescribed meds for my mental illness. I have had enough! I know deep down that is not my brother, but I cannot be stuck in a co-dependent relationship with him. I need to start working on myself and not always trying to resolve my brother's issues. I think what you did took tremendous courage, and I think you will heal and help yourself. Stop worrying about him; I know that sounds harsh, but you have to realize that you need time for yourself.
My regards,
Medusa
Jessie,
So many people have walked and are walking down this exact same path its frightning and conforting all at once. If you read some posts on the friends and loved ones board you will see post after post after post of your story told in different continents with different names but the same beginning middle and end. The good news is that we are all coping...each sharing our own little secrets to doing so and hoping that we are reaching out to someone, someone who we understand so well because we have been that person.
I just wanted to tell you again that the trick really is for you to work on yourself, to put one foot in front of the other and just keep moving at your own pace in the direction you feel you need to go. All the rest will start falling into place and life will be normal again. It wont be the same, your relationship to your hubby wont be the same...nothing will ever be the same but you can start to work on it eventually, if that is where the road takes you.
My answears to your questions are yes, you will be able to eventually trust him again if a) you want to, b) he does what he needs to do to get well. I emphasize the word DOES here, because its not what he sais its what he DOES that counts. I love something Ive read on these boards a couple of times:"watch his feet not his mouth." or something to that extent.
I would suggest to you that also depending on his recovery work it may take as much as 2 years for you to really connect and trust again. My ex hubby has been working on his recovery as have I, and what I found at the end of a long dark tunnel is that we have both been so much and such a profound change that in all honesty I am dealing with a different person with glimpses of the man I once loved. Someone who knows my past so well and so much of what I have been through that he feels familiar, yet is surprised by many things that I say and do!
The past is in the past, somethings have been inbedded in me and they will always be a part of me and others I cannot remeber as clearly. For example I can spot blame shifting and excuse making a mile away now...it took about 2 years to really understand it, but I dont remeber every little scene I lived through in order to finally get it.
Though I can see him trying hard to stay on track and move forward also, to me the biggest transformation is within myself. I trust myself now, my instincts. I know what I can live with and what I cannot and I am not scared to say the things that bother me.
So yes you get past it....but you need to work it!
Take care
C-
So many people have walked and are walking down this exact same path its frightning and conforting all at once. If you read some posts on the friends and loved ones board you will see post after post after post of your story told in different continents with different names but the same beginning middle and end. The good news is that we are all coping...each sharing our own little secrets to doing so and hoping that we are reaching out to someone, someone who we understand so well because we have been that person.
I just wanted to tell you again that the trick really is for you to work on yourself, to put one foot in front of the other and just keep moving at your own pace in the direction you feel you need to go. All the rest will start falling into place and life will be normal again. It wont be the same, your relationship to your hubby wont be the same...nothing will ever be the same but you can start to work on it eventually, if that is where the road takes you.
My answears to your questions are yes, you will be able to eventually trust him again if a) you want to, b) he does what he needs to do to get well. I emphasize the word DOES here, because its not what he sais its what he DOES that counts. I love something Ive read on these boards a couple of times:"watch his feet not his mouth." or something to that extent.
I would suggest to you that also depending on his recovery work it may take as much as 2 years for you to really connect and trust again. My ex hubby has been working on his recovery as have I, and what I found at the end of a long dark tunnel is that we have both been so much and such a profound change that in all honesty I am dealing with a different person with glimpses of the man I once loved. Someone who knows my past so well and so much of what I have been through that he feels familiar, yet is surprised by many things that I say and do!
The past is in the past, somethings have been inbedded in me and they will always be a part of me and others I cannot remeber as clearly. For example I can spot blame shifting and excuse making a mile away now...it took about 2 years to really understand it, but I dont remeber every little scene I lived through in order to finally get it.
Though I can see him trying hard to stay on track and move forward also, to me the biggest transformation is within myself. I trust myself now, my instincts. I know what I can live with and what I cannot and I am not scared to say the things that bother me.
So yes you get past it....but you need to work it!
Take care
C-
Jesse,
this is pretty much my story .. except we have a 2 year old . my partner is staying with his sister right now who is also an addict although one would never know it because she manages her home and great job..
my addict was so good the year i was pregnant, infact i honestly didn't realise how bad he was or that he had the addiction to meth until right before halloween of last year . maybe i didn't realise the addiction to meth is as strong as it is and just what it is . an addiction .
Every year once a year like clockwork for 5 years there was something . the 1st year there were lies and unexplained absences for like 2 or 3 days with ofcourse good excuses and we were fresh in . the 2nd year he picked a fight over the 4th of July. gone for 2 weeks. the 3rd year he committed to the baby although again unexplained absenses over a weekend etc.. the 4th year .. well we nearly made it to the 4th year.. but then .. he left just before Halloween .. he missed her 1st & her 1st thanksgiving, her 1st Christmas & her 1st Birthday as well as her 1st steps. i took him back out of hope and the fact i missed him Soo much .. and then it happened again .. however when he left the 4th year.. he began to lie more .. he just plain vanished.. i met him one day for coffee .. he was the absolute most sincere i have Ever seen him .. crying .. i love you's .. i Will be home tomorrow.. he wasn't .. i was absolutely blown away .. and devastated to say the Least.. he came back for 3 months and Then .. he disappeared to his home state.. no word from him .. i was shocked.. he stayed gone for 3 months and called scatteredly throughout .. he stayed with other tweakers in an apartment comlex and used heavily .. i can only imagine what went on during this time .. i try not to .. he Then left a message saying well i'll be home the day After your f'ing birthday.. well he returned looking rough and voice all deep and even rougher.. he was a mess.. I slowly began talking to him .. I wanted to know the Whys !! Why why why .. He Returned home Even once again after that.. and he stayed for awhile until another half of month ago .. he went on another major binge.. I finally have told him until he does the footwork .. distancing from his sister .. finding his own place.. attending Rehab.. Going to the meetings and getting a sponsor .. we are No longer in his lives.. he even needs to do this to even be around the baby period.. no discussion .. these are my newly placed Rules.. they stand strong for phone contact as well ..
He since found a place and is moving in on the 1st .. he swears to no end he needs help and loves us etc. etc.. and is going through the necessary steps to change.. i'll believe it when i see it ..
This last time he left.. he spent Every penny he had .. Nothing for the baby .. he even emptied out her piggy bank swearing to replace it .. he has not .. there was only ten dollars in and i have replaced that but that's not the point .. the point is .. he can't stop .. He can't be around Anyone who uses or even mentions the word or he will crave the use..
Does this ever stop ? i know one thing .. even after they are done using .. they Still have user behaviors.. and it takes a Long time for them to Really clean up and they have to want it .. I dont' mean to stomp out all hope .. Everyone is differant .. but realistically it is Not an easy road..
It had gotten to the point where we were fighting Everyday .. i felt the worlds Absolute biggest Nag .. b**** .. what have you .. I blamed myself for many of the fights .. or atleast 2nd guessed myself until this year when it clicked..
If they can Keep us 2nd guessing ourselves and focused on us .. it takes our focus off of them and the Real issue.. we are Not the crazy ones here.. it also clicked like you .. I am fighting Him .. He is the One i am Literally Fighting to stay with Me..
We've have been through All the headgames.. All the blame games .. and All the crazy making schemes.. Believe me .. if you were a little fly onthe wall in my home while he was in his active use this time .. you would have been blown away .. or maybe not ..having married an addict .. he has Never been in my home high that i'm aware but he has been here coming down .. it's no picknic .. and much of the time he started the fights it was either for an excuse to go and not feel guilty or it was because of the come down .. when he wanted to use this place as the comedown castle and crash for half the day .. which i no longer tolerated..
I Know you will get through this but the truth is .. If You personally change nothing he has No reason to change.. it really is important to learn to Say what you mean and Mean what you say .. i am just learning this now .. He will have No reason to change and Nothing to change for if he is able to continue to slide by .. maybe your standing up to him will give him the momentum to change..
I wish you much strength and the courage to make the necessary changes you need to so that maybe you will raise his bottom .. especially before there are children involved.. that only gets harder.. then there's the new fears of will he ever gain custody and will she ever be exposed to meth .. etc..
i wish you luck my friend .. take care in this and keep posting back .. it really helps.. read alot of posts.. if need be read mine .. type in lynnette in the search and it will take you back to my firsts as well .. i So know how you are feeling .. it hurts.. but you have us .. and use us because as you Read Your story .. over and over you will get stronger.. Knowledge Really is power..
this is pretty much my story .. except we have a 2 year old . my partner is staying with his sister right now who is also an addict although one would never know it because she manages her home and great job..
my addict was so good the year i was pregnant, infact i honestly didn't realise how bad he was or that he had the addiction to meth until right before halloween of last year . maybe i didn't realise the addiction to meth is as strong as it is and just what it is . an addiction .
Every year once a year like clockwork for 5 years there was something . the 1st year there were lies and unexplained absences for like 2 or 3 days with ofcourse good excuses and we were fresh in . the 2nd year he picked a fight over the 4th of July. gone for 2 weeks. the 3rd year he committed to the baby although again unexplained absenses over a weekend etc.. the 4th year .. well we nearly made it to the 4th year.. but then .. he left just before Halloween .. he missed her 1st & her 1st thanksgiving, her 1st Christmas & her 1st Birthday as well as her 1st steps. i took him back out of hope and the fact i missed him Soo much .. and then it happened again .. however when he left the 4th year.. he began to lie more .. he just plain vanished.. i met him one day for coffee .. he was the absolute most sincere i have Ever seen him .. crying .. i love you's .. i Will be home tomorrow.. he wasn't .. i was absolutely blown away .. and devastated to say the Least.. he came back for 3 months and Then .. he disappeared to his home state.. no word from him .. i was shocked.. he stayed gone for 3 months and called scatteredly throughout .. he stayed with other tweakers in an apartment comlex and used heavily .. i can only imagine what went on during this time .. i try not to .. he Then left a message saying well i'll be home the day After your f'ing birthday.. well he returned looking rough and voice all deep and even rougher.. he was a mess.. I slowly began talking to him .. I wanted to know the Whys !! Why why why .. He Returned home Even once again after that.. and he stayed for awhile until another half of month ago .. he went on another major binge.. I finally have told him until he does the footwork .. distancing from his sister .. finding his own place.. attending Rehab.. Going to the meetings and getting a sponsor .. we are No longer in his lives.. he even needs to do this to even be around the baby period.. no discussion .. these are my newly placed Rules.. they stand strong for phone contact as well ..
He since found a place and is moving in on the 1st .. he swears to no end he needs help and loves us etc. etc.. and is going through the necessary steps to change.. i'll believe it when i see it ..
This last time he left.. he spent Every penny he had .. Nothing for the baby .. he even emptied out her piggy bank swearing to replace it .. he has not .. there was only ten dollars in and i have replaced that but that's not the point .. the point is .. he can't stop .. He can't be around Anyone who uses or even mentions the word or he will crave the use..
Does this ever stop ? i know one thing .. even after they are done using .. they Still have user behaviors.. and it takes a Long time for them to Really clean up and they have to want it .. I dont' mean to stomp out all hope .. Everyone is differant .. but realistically it is Not an easy road..
It had gotten to the point where we were fighting Everyday .. i felt the worlds Absolute biggest Nag .. b**** .. what have you .. I blamed myself for many of the fights .. or atleast 2nd guessed myself until this year when it clicked..
If they can Keep us 2nd guessing ourselves and focused on us .. it takes our focus off of them and the Real issue.. we are Not the crazy ones here.. it also clicked like you .. I am fighting Him .. He is the One i am Literally Fighting to stay with Me..
We've have been through All the headgames.. All the blame games .. and All the crazy making schemes.. Believe me .. if you were a little fly onthe wall in my home while he was in his active use this time .. you would have been blown away .. or maybe not ..having married an addict .. he has Never been in my home high that i'm aware but he has been here coming down .. it's no picknic .. and much of the time he started the fights it was either for an excuse to go and not feel guilty or it was because of the come down .. when he wanted to use this place as the comedown castle and crash for half the day .. which i no longer tolerated..
I Know you will get through this but the truth is .. If You personally change nothing he has No reason to change.. it really is important to learn to Say what you mean and Mean what you say .. i am just learning this now .. He will have No reason to change and Nothing to change for if he is able to continue to slide by .. maybe your standing up to him will give him the momentum to change..
I wish you much strength and the courage to make the necessary changes you need to so that maybe you will raise his bottom .. especially before there are children involved.. that only gets harder.. then there's the new fears of will he ever gain custody and will she ever be exposed to meth .. etc..
i wish you luck my friend .. take care in this and keep posting back .. it really helps.. read alot of posts.. if need be read mine .. type in lynnette in the search and it will take you back to my firsts as well .. i So know how you are feeling .. it hurts.. but you have us .. and use us because as you Read Your story .. over and over you will get stronger.. Knowledge Really is power..
lynette hit it right on the head............knowledge is power
