im gonna stay on sub! i hate being sober i was a way better mother on pills, and got so much more done, i am miserable!
Tammy,
Sometimes it feels like that doesn't it? But the truth is after you get over this personal speed bump (maybe it's just today, or maybe just this week) Things will get better and your attitude will more than likely improve. There are other cliches (sp?) that I could throw in but the crazy thing is its true! They all are. I couldn't have believed alot of days. I remember what your going through. And that definately doesn't help you now. But every day your in "recovery" (of anything)(Even of attitude) you have to break it off into little bits. Its easier to digest that way. Hence the one day a time theory. Sometimes its a minute at a time. I don't log on often any more but I am on a while tonight. If you want to talk I am here. If we don't meet on here again there are a ton of us. I just want you to know you are special. Just like everyone else *wink and smile.
Hang in there.
justjane
Sometimes it feels like that doesn't it? But the truth is after you get over this personal speed bump (maybe it's just today, or maybe just this week) Things will get better and your attitude will more than likely improve. There are other cliches (sp?) that I could throw in but the crazy thing is its true! They all are. I couldn't have believed alot of days. I remember what your going through. And that definately doesn't help you now. But every day your in "recovery" (of anything)(Even of attitude) you have to break it off into little bits. Its easier to digest that way. Hence the one day a time theory. Sometimes its a minute at a time. I don't log on often any more but I am on a while tonight. If you want to talk I am here. If we don't meet on here again there are a ton of us. I just want you to know you are special. Just like everyone else *wink and smile.
Hang in there.
justjane
LOL LOL...Jesus so dont I !!!!!! Totally, miserably, quite honestly absolutly hate being sober....but their right...break it down into little bits...its the only way...staying sober has got to be the hardest damn thing I ever tried to do...and your post made me laugh right out loud cuz that is EXACTLY how I am feeling too...:) Thanks for making laugh and letting me know Im not the only one feeling like that too...:) We will make it...
Constantine
Constantine
I hated the way I felt at the beginning too!
It was so hard, and I felt so drained all the time...but, like everyone says, hindsight is 20/20...and I am so grateful I am not a slave to pills anymore! (Now, to get rid of these cigarettes!)
Honestly, I THOUGHT I got so much more done, and maybe if you measured "activity for activity" I did do more back then...but, it wasn't really me doing it, it was me and my chemical mix doing it. To be honest, when I finally stopped taking pills, it took me a while to realize how exhausted I was from using for so long. The rest you get on opiates isn't real rest, ya know?
The way I felt on pills is NOT the way I really feel in the world now that I am clean. I look back and shudder! It was unrealistic to think of getting all that stuff done in one day and it damn sure wasn't worth the other behavior that went with it....(short fuse, crazy mind racing, obsessive counting of pills, hiding of pills, lying to family about pills, money spent on pills, internet ordering, dicey people/places to buy pills from, etc., etc. the list does go on.)
I was clean for 2 years in June, and I wouldn't go back for love or money. I am happier, more energetic, and what I think and feel about the world is not glazed with opiates. It is me, my clear thinking mind. My experiences are not chemically enhanced, they are mine and mine alone...I don't have to share them with "hydrocodone".
Doing the work of getting clean, and understanding why we used to begin with isn't easy, but it is so worth it. I looked back in the beginning, but with a little time, I learned to look at today...just today, and one day at a time. It is actually very liberating to let it all go.
I hope you feel better soon....keep posting.
Sarah
It was so hard, and I felt so drained all the time...but, like everyone says, hindsight is 20/20...and I am so grateful I am not a slave to pills anymore! (Now, to get rid of these cigarettes!)
Honestly, I THOUGHT I got so much more done, and maybe if you measured "activity for activity" I did do more back then...but, it wasn't really me doing it, it was me and my chemical mix doing it. To be honest, when I finally stopped taking pills, it took me a while to realize how exhausted I was from using for so long. The rest you get on opiates isn't real rest, ya know?
The way I felt on pills is NOT the way I really feel in the world now that I am clean. I look back and shudder! It was unrealistic to think of getting all that stuff done in one day and it damn sure wasn't worth the other behavior that went with it....(short fuse, crazy mind racing, obsessive counting of pills, hiding of pills, lying to family about pills, money spent on pills, internet ordering, dicey people/places to buy pills from, etc., etc. the list does go on.)
I was clean for 2 years in June, and I wouldn't go back for love or money. I am happier, more energetic, and what I think and feel about the world is not glazed with opiates. It is me, my clear thinking mind. My experiences are not chemically enhanced, they are mine and mine alone...I don't have to share them with "hydrocodone".
Doing the work of getting clean, and understanding why we used to begin with isn't easy, but it is so worth it. I looked back in the beginning, but with a little time, I learned to look at today...just today, and one day at a time. It is actually very liberating to let it all go.
I hope you feel better soon....keep posting.
Sarah
If you were/are functional and stable on sub, taking your meds as prescribed, not using, and so on, there's nothing wrong with continuing to take it. When you're ready to taper off of it, you can do that, and there's no shame in not being ready for that, or wanting to do that, right this second. In fact, forcing yourself to discontinue treatment that is working for you in favor of a different treatment is unlikely to work out too great, I think.
T. your post is actually very inspiring because you are telling the truth about how you feel right now. And a lot of people, including me, can relate so well. That one small thing - relating to your e-mail and the ones folllowing it is enough to make me feel better and feel like I can make it through today.
Thank you so much for being honest and vulnerable. I think if you keep that up then some kind of success will surely come your way.
Jack..........
Thank you so much for being honest and vulnerable. I think if you keep that up then some kind of success will surely come your way.
Jack..........
I guess I was reaqdy when I quit. I loved being sober. I loved the way I could feel again and not be numb anymore. My family liked me way better too. As far as not getting anything done...it'll be waiting for you when you feel better. 100 years from now, no one will remember if your house was clean or not. Be gentle with yourself...
I wish I could say like Lisa I LOVE being sober............but honesty is the key....I too do not enjoy being sober.I stay sober only because I know the next time may kill me.But I miss that energy
MJ
MJ
It gets better. Much better. Hang in there.
As far as being a better mother, you might want to check that conclusion with your kids after a few months. You might be surprised at their perceptions. I certainly was.
None
As far as being a better mother, you might want to check that conclusion with your kids after a few months. You might be surprised at their perceptions. I certainly was.
None
My boys tell me now that they like this mother way better. The like this one that doesn't yell, doesn't fly off the handle for no reason, isn't sick all of the time...who is kinder, calmer and more real. It does take some time but the pay off is so worth it, and so are you.
Part of the delusion of addiction is that we think we were better employees, friends, mothers, sisters, ad infinitum, while we were half in the bag. We weren't fooling anyone, only ourselves. It does get better when we get healthy and start enjoying exercising, our families, being reliable, being accountable, paying bills, etc. I would suggest getting involved in an AA/NA group where you can share your feelings face to face and get the live support that you need.
~Rachel
~Rachel
Tanyi,
Actually after awhile sub will give you a little lift that you need. Not as much as the pain pills but it does provide some energy......
Hang in there. It does get better.
Actually after awhile sub will give you a little lift that you need. Not as much as the pain pills but it does provide some energy......
Hang in there. It does get better.
Rachel gave you excellent advice. You should be working a program of recovery while on Sub...I think it's irresponsible of drs to prescribe sub and not require patients to be in 12 step recovery or some other type of program. Sub alone is not going to help you. Face to face support is crucial.
You know....I hated it too! I felt "unnormal" clean.... and "normal" loaded. It was completely backwards. That's why is so hard for folks to stay clean and sober... It is why i always relasped. This last time I got clean.... I took sub and I felt normal immediately. I loved the way that felt. I never took another pp to date..... and Godwilling I won't. I am a believer in the sub/support program. Must have counseling and group meetings to build an arsenal of tools to fight relaspe especially once you get off of sub. Hang in there and give it time. It will get better.
Tanyami,
Were you trying to come off sub and then figured you'd rather stay on it??? or were you on sub and would rather go back to pain pills?
I've been on a mg of sub for a couple months and am dropping gradually.. at times (usually if I'm exhausted, or depressed) CRAVE to have a pill again, but I have to ask myself why... and in the long run, what is it worth?
This month is 2 years free of pain pills... it took me a very long time to bring myself to put those damn oxy's down. I was super mom, super wife... but after a while it got worse than I could have ever imagined.
If you need to talk you can email me.
kaylinsmom440@yahoo.com
Stacey
Were you trying to come off sub and then figured you'd rather stay on it??? or were you on sub and would rather go back to pain pills?
I've been on a mg of sub for a couple months and am dropping gradually.. at times (usually if I'm exhausted, or depressed) CRAVE to have a pill again, but I have to ask myself why... and in the long run, what is it worth?
This month is 2 years free of pain pills... it took me a very long time to bring myself to put those damn oxy's down. I was super mom, super wife... but after a while it got worse than I could have ever imagined.
If you need to talk you can email me.
kaylinsmom440@yahoo.com
Stacey
Regarding not likeing being sober.I like being sober.I dont like waking up in a police -cell,i dont like not hav8ing any money, I dont like puking,and feeling anziety and depression, I dont like being the part of the FOOL?? Whats there to like about being an impaired,out of control fool??
I've felt the same way when I walk into a pub with friends. What's the harm in a glass of wine, or a pint of Stella?
None at all.
Except for me they make me feel different, better, more fully me, more alive, alert, fun to b e with, relaxed, happy, sparkling....and so I want some more. I want to dive into that deep, clear cool place....and FEEL it all.....wow, real life isn't like this! Real life is dull and bland and tiring and full of tiny, annoying details that screw things up and there's no colour or excitement or fun. Real life isn't like this!
Of course it isn't. That's what ten years of alcohol abuse will do to my heart, my mind, my soul: rob me of all the potential I have for joy, peace, bliss, love, delight and the sparkling reality of what this life is, what this gift of a journey is.
More importantly even than that, events long ago and far away in my life shaped my reaction to things, shaped the way I thought and felt and feared....and I pushed all of that into a box and threw away the key....
From the Home page of this website: -
"Because psychological illnesses and traumas often underlie addiction, treatment by mental health practitioners can be an important part of the process. Support systems like 12 step programs are critical for most."
I drank for a reason. I overworked for a reason. I cared for others copulsively for a reason. I created a false character for a reason. I broke apart for a reason.
After a year of counselling and reading about alcoholism and addiction and trying to understand myself I think I know why life was always so gray and why I always felt broken and false inside and why alcohol seemed to heal all that....Stella, as medicine, works....but you have to drink it all the time cos it also deepens the illness.
I don't know about pain pills, but I've learnt a little about addiction and a lot about life.
Sobriety?
Someone gave me a ticket to the most incredible, colourful, peaceful, joy-filled place called real life, and its trials and tribulations are as nothing to the sheer amazement and awe I feel at watching clouds stroll across the big blue canvas and at the knowledge, the FEELING that I belong here, and am loved.
I didn't have to buy a ticket or win one, I didn't have to earn my existence or steal it or do a single thing....and today I can sit on my sofa, listen to music and feel peace and love filling me from within while birds soar across the sky....words can't convey this....I wish they could...if I'd read this even six months ago I wouldn't have understood.....
Give yourself a chance, take some time, a wonderful life is waiting for you...and the Universe is holding its breath. It's on your side.
None at all.
Except for me they make me feel different, better, more fully me, more alive, alert, fun to b e with, relaxed, happy, sparkling....and so I want some more. I want to dive into that deep, clear cool place....and FEEL it all.....wow, real life isn't like this! Real life is dull and bland and tiring and full of tiny, annoying details that screw things up and there's no colour or excitement or fun. Real life isn't like this!
Of course it isn't. That's what ten years of alcohol abuse will do to my heart, my mind, my soul: rob me of all the potential I have for joy, peace, bliss, love, delight and the sparkling reality of what this life is, what this gift of a journey is.
More importantly even than that, events long ago and far away in my life shaped my reaction to things, shaped the way I thought and felt and feared....and I pushed all of that into a box and threw away the key....
From the Home page of this website: -
"Because psychological illnesses and traumas often underlie addiction, treatment by mental health practitioners can be an important part of the process. Support systems like 12 step programs are critical for most."
I drank for a reason. I overworked for a reason. I cared for others copulsively for a reason. I created a false character for a reason. I broke apart for a reason.
After a year of counselling and reading about alcoholism and addiction and trying to understand myself I think I know why life was always so gray and why I always felt broken and false inside and why alcohol seemed to heal all that....Stella, as medicine, works....but you have to drink it all the time cos it also deepens the illness.
I don't know about pain pills, but I've learnt a little about addiction and a lot about life.
Sobriety?
Someone gave me a ticket to the most incredible, colourful, peaceful, joy-filled place called real life, and its trials and tribulations are as nothing to the sheer amazement and awe I feel at watching clouds stroll across the big blue canvas and at the knowledge, the FEELING that I belong here, and am loved.
I didn't have to buy a ticket or win one, I didn't have to earn my existence or steal it or do a single thing....and today I can sit on my sofa, listen to music and feel peace and love filling me from within while birds soar across the sky....words can't convey this....I wish they could...if I'd read this even six months ago I wouldn't have understood.....
Give yourself a chance, take some time, a wonderful life is waiting for you...and the Universe is holding its breath. It's on your side.
So, feeling sorry for yourself is the latest excuse for staying on drugs? You go, girl!!
You always have a choice.
It happens to me when people don't clean their side of the street up.As soon as I get back to that little cliche that all I need to do is worry about my own s***...I'm fine again.
One of the things that got me into this mess was that I thought life was supposed to be grand all the time.It's not or is it for anyone.Addict or non-addict.
As soon as I accepted that,my sobriety kept getting more important.
I hope it changes for you.
Rachel..........thanks.I needed to hear that
It happens to me when people don't clean their side of the street up.As soon as I get back to that little cliche that all I need to do is worry about my own s***...I'm fine again.
One of the things that got me into this mess was that I thought life was supposed to be grand all the time.It's not or is it for anyone.Addict or non-addict.
As soon as I accepted that,my sobriety kept getting more important.
I hope it changes for you.
Rachel..........thanks.I needed to hear that
"Latest excuse"????
There is nothing new about feeling sorry for yourself as an excuse to stay on drugs. but I wonder where that even fits in here? what is the purpose of that statement?
There is nothing new about feeling sorry for yourself as an excuse to stay on drugs. but I wonder where that even fits in here? what is the purpose of that statement?