Nausea, headache, sweats, vomiting, chills, sore, foggy brain, shakes, swimming dizziness, crabby...two to three days a week, this is how I wake up. It is becoming so bad that each of those days I spend at least an hour telling myself that I need to get into a program and doing the work of actually researching it! The other mornings, when there is no hangover, I feel like I'm not that bad, like I am in control of my drinking and occasional pill popping, like its no problem, like my life is not about to become a mess AGAIN.
Today is a bad hangover day. I am praying to get through work without throwing up and without making any mistakes. So far, even on the worst of hangover days, I have never had to turn to "the hair of the dog" to make it through work. This makes me proud. This helps me feel like less of a f**k up. But Lord knows it would help. I daydream of getting to my house and taking a boiling hot bath and crawling back into my big bed. Tonight it will only be A drink, maybe two.
I hate that my life revolves around surviving until I can drink. I set my whole life by that clock. When and if I am meeting my best friend (he loves his beverages too) out for a few before going home to finish my drinking in the company of my pets before going to bed alone. Or will today be a day of just me drinking on my couch? Will I take a pill? Won't I? I know it will make me play Hell in the morning if I do, but that high is SO good.
When will I learn to choose me? When will I know that I don't need to escape me? Will I ever feel as though I am "enough"? Will I ever let out the pain that I feel the need to drown with vodka? Is that even possible?
If you are an alcoholic like me you will find your answer here.
AA's HOW IT WORKS http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
It has saved millions - might just be the ticket for you.
If you want to drink - that's your business.
If you want to stop (and can't) - that's AA's business
All the best.
Bob R
AA's HOW IT WORKS http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
It has saved millions - might just be the ticket for you.
If you want to drink - that's your business.
If you want to stop (and can't) - that's AA's business
All the best.
Bob R
Hi. Kay. I have been where you are.. I found a solution to my problem when I became a member of AA in combination with going to a treatment center. The tools I have learned from both have kept me sober for 6 years. I spent a month at the treatment center. I will spend the rest of my life in AA .. not because it is a punishment for having the disease of alcoholism but because it helps me to live a sober life .If you are willing to give it a try you may find you too will find a solution to your problem. keep coming back..
Papa Bear and Pirate, thank you both for your kind responses. I am looking strongly at getting myself into a program. It has been a long time coming, and I think that I am more scared of the changes than anything. What's ironic is that I put my child through rehab twice and watched how well he did. But it's the work of it that scares me too. Just because I know the reasons that drive my behavior doesn't mean that I want to say them out loud or face them.
You know you are an alcoholic/addict when the promise of a better life scares the $hit out of you.
A true alcoholic/addict has lost the ability to make a wise choice, a sane choice.
Our lives had become unmanageable.... sounds like I need a new manager.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
If you follow the direction(s) it will work for you as it does for millions.
Good luck.
Bob R
A true alcoholic/addict has lost the ability to make a wise choice, a sane choice.
Our lives had become unmanageable.... sounds like I need a new manager.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
If you follow the direction(s) it will work for you as it does for millions.
Good luck.
Bob R
Hi Kay. How are you doing?
Has anyone read the allen carr book. How to control alcohol ?
No I havent but I have read a lot of material that teaches me how to maintain my sobriety. I have no desire to learn how to control something that almost took everything from me ,my life included. I have a disease that prevents me from drinking alcohol ever again and I have come to accept that fact. I had a friend who is lying in the grave because she tried to control her drinking so books of such nature do not impress me. wishing you all the best and I hope you find what you are searching for...
Allen Carr book is complete rubbish.
To the OP: Glad you are here. Just go to an AA meeting and see if you hear anything that resonates with you. If you hate it, you never have to go back. My advice.
To the OP: Glad you are here. Just go to an AA meeting and see if you hear anything that resonates with you. If you hate it, you never have to go back. My advice.
It is horrible isn't it?!
It's all consuming, on time; health; finance ets..
That tic-toc tic-toc waiting for a liquor store to open, or racing to one before close.
It is an individual personal journey for all of us. What works for one wont work for you.
For me it was life or death, literally - of course i crave, but slipping is sure death at my stage of recovery sadly.
I would first suggest a work up by a physician to see the damage (hopefully in your case non-little)
But that would be my advice, then make a plan. It's okay to fall.
It's all consuming, on time; health; finance ets..
That tic-toc tic-toc waiting for a liquor store to open, or racing to one before close.
It is an individual personal journey for all of us. What works for one wont work for you.
For me it was life or death, literally - of course i crave, but slipping is sure death at my stage of recovery sadly.
I would first suggest a work up by a physician to see the damage (hopefully in your case non-little)
But that would be my advice, then make a plan. It's okay to fall.
