over the last few years I have come a long way, someone said to me that I seemed so calm that my son is in prison, well I am. Those earlier days that I was so angry, scared and I was out of control, I allowed horrendous things to happen at our house and ignored it, I traveled to shady parts of town, was a staple at the jail and knew far too much about the drug world. Only through daily contact and help from this site did I even have the strength to attempt sanity and change. I denied my son was an addict, made excuses, paid bills, bought cars, paid for school...all the things that many of us do trying to "help" only to see that he was getting worse and I was helping, only when I stepped back did I gain some sanity and a life I deserved (and a grandson) it seems overwhelming, and it is, for families starting this process, it isn't easy, it is a laborious path but there are people that have survived this and I am one of them hang in there everybody MomG
Don't you wish the journey to this point could have been a little shorter? I know I did. You offer hope to newcomers, momg...be a beacon. You have grown and learned and though they are all lessons we wish we could have done without, they show us an awful about ourselves and our capacity to live and keep learning.
(((HUGS))) M&M
(((HUGS))) M&M
Good for you mom.
How are you, Dawn?
Hi Mom,
Thanks for asking. I'm doing okay. (A) had her own apartment but left after the landlord couldn't get the roaches under control. And what do I do? I allow her to come back here.
I was making all kinds of excuses as to why I allowed it. ie She was working steadily, she was paying me rent, she wasn't using, she signed up for on-line schooling. Thought things would be different. It wasn't. Things deteriorated quickly. Her boss would call to do a run and she would decline it, found empty vodka bottles in her room and then found out money was taken out of our account to pay her phone bill. Claimed it was because she had used card once before and it must have been on file so they used it again. This all happened within two weeks of her coming home. Two weeks too long. She left for a run and I packed her things and put them in the garage.
I may be her mother but WE are not compatible for each other. All those resentments which, I thought were gone, came rushing back in. When she was on her own, she seemed so much better and so was I.
Oh well, two steps forward, one step back.
How are you doing?
Thanks for asking. I'm doing okay. (A) had her own apartment but left after the landlord couldn't get the roaches under control. And what do I do? I allow her to come back here.
I was making all kinds of excuses as to why I allowed it. ie She was working steadily, she was paying me rent, she wasn't using, she signed up for on-line schooling. Thought things would be different. It wasn't. Things deteriorated quickly. Her boss would call to do a run and she would decline it, found empty vodka bottles in her room and then found out money was taken out of our account to pay her phone bill. Claimed it was because she had used card once before and it must have been on file so they used it again. This all happened within two weeks of her coming home. Two weeks too long. She left for a run and I packed her things and put them in the garage.
I may be her mother but WE are not compatible for each other. All those resentments which, I thought were gone, came rushing back in. When she was on her own, she seemed so much better and so was I.
Oh well, two steps forward, one step back.
How are you doing?
I'm fine, Dawn. R is doing very well, and I am grateful every day that we were able to help her purchase her own condo because we are not compatible either. She and I get a long great most of the time, with her doing what she needs to be doing in her life, and me in mine. When we are together for too long I start telling her what I think she 'should' do and you know the rest from there. So we spend some time together, and then one of us goes home, and that's perfect. I don't go to her place often because she's not much of a housekeeper and it bugs me, but hey, I don't live there. She is raising a great kid and spending most of her house cleaning time playing with him and spending time with him, so it's really none of my business. I can still some addict-brain in her, but I can still a fair bit of codie-brain in me, so who am I to judge?
Sometimes it's just hard to learn things over and over again...ya know?
Hang in there ~ M&M
Sometimes it's just hard to learn things over and over again...ya know?
Hang in there ~ M&M
That's awesome momg. I didn't know that he had gone to jail. But I do love seeing the pictures of Bud. He's growing up so fast!
I still practice letting go every day. Had an issue with my oldest a couple of weeks ago that sent me screaming back into therapy. Not much growth there, right? But, as least I know where to turn now and how not to deal with it. Which is to fix it. Always want to fix it. I'm never in denial about it, just can't turn that fix it button off in my brain.
You made me smile S. Thinking about R and her lack of housecleaning. My DIL is the same and it makes me so nuts that I don't tell her what to do, I just do it. Yes, I clean her house. Can't stand it. And while I'm doing that, she's playing with Bean. Who's smarter?
Sure love seeing all of you here... waving at Dawn!
I still practice letting go every day. Had an issue with my oldest a couple of weeks ago that sent me screaming back into therapy. Not much growth there, right? But, as least I know where to turn now and how not to deal with it. Which is to fix it. Always want to fix it. I'm never in denial about it, just can't turn that fix it button off in my brain.
You made me smile S. Thinking about R and her lack of housecleaning. My DIL is the same and it makes me so nuts that I don't tell her what to do, I just do it. Yes, I clean her house. Can't stand it. And while I'm doing that, she's playing with Bean. Who's smarter?
Sure love seeing all of you here... waving at Dawn!
Hi Cowgirl. Have not seen you around much which sometimes is a good thing. Hi to momg and momNMore too.
I am doin' pretty good. I was diagnosed with complex sleep apnea a month or two ago and am trying to learn how to sleep with all the stuff on my face, around my nose etc. My brain has stopped communicating with my lungs and so I stop breathing a lot during the night, hence my very dry mouth and being tired in the morning. I Hope all this equipment helps as I am tired of being tired all the time but at least now I know why. Its amazing how many people have this when I mention my diagnosis!
My granddaughter, bless her heart, is doing really well. She's been off her meds for months now and is doing great in school. This gal has a good plan for her life.
Her brother, on the other hand, still hates school, doesn't see its importance, and wants instant gratification when trying to accomplish anything. He isn't willing to do the work it takes to get anywhere. Unfortunately he will turn 18 a few months before the start of his senior year. Hopefully we can turn things around before that time gets here.
It is so cool to hear about the successes in all the families here. Its too bad we have to go thru all the other crappolla first. We are somewhat slow on the heroin and methadone boards at times but I am glad they are there when people need them.
take care,
granny
I am doin' pretty good. I was diagnosed with complex sleep apnea a month or two ago and am trying to learn how to sleep with all the stuff on my face, around my nose etc. My brain has stopped communicating with my lungs and so I stop breathing a lot during the night, hence my very dry mouth and being tired in the morning. I Hope all this equipment helps as I am tired of being tired all the time but at least now I know why. Its amazing how many people have this when I mention my diagnosis!
My granddaughter, bless her heart, is doing really well. She's been off her meds for months now and is doing great in school. This gal has a good plan for her life.
Her brother, on the other hand, still hates school, doesn't see its importance, and wants instant gratification when trying to accomplish anything. He isn't willing to do the work it takes to get anywhere. Unfortunately he will turn 18 a few months before the start of his senior year. Hopefully we can turn things around before that time gets here.
It is so cool to hear about the successes in all the families here. Its too bad we have to go thru all the other crappolla first. We are somewhat slow on the heroin and methadone boards at times but I am glad they are there when people need them.
take care,
granny
