I am looking for the truth. I am a girlfriend of a heroin addict. He was clean for almost a year until 3 weeks ago. I loved him very much. He had his life going in such a great direction with a good job, apartment, car, girlfriend that treated him like a King and he treated like a Queen, therapy, meetings, group therapy, a sponsor. If you looked at him, you'd think he was doing so well. He was. Until that fateful night when he left his friends home (during the holiday) and went to the crack house at 4am. He got crack, smoked it there, and immediately got heroin, went home and shot up. He was on a real bender for about 2 weeks (me, his family and friends only found out in the second week of his relapse). He lost his apartment, all of his savings, car, outran the police, etcetera.
I am taking a break from it.
But, I'd like to know if you can somehow, some way, describe what Heroin and Crack feel like. Can you tell me of your relapse stories, what happened, and what your reasons were?
What is being high like?
What are your thoughts like?
***I hate to ask an addict that is in recovery to talk about drugs, but if you are at a point where you think you could, please reply.
I love my boyfriend very much. But, he lied a lot during all of this. And I know that he doesn't want me to know the harsh truth. But, I want to know the harsh truth.
I have read a lot about Heroin and Crack.
But, little of it describes the FEELING OF BEING HIGH on those two things.
I am not trying to help him thru my knowledge; I am just trying to educate myself.
Thanks.
Love, Shylah
Here's a good post to answer the crack part of your question.
Also be sure to read the vaults at Erowid, it's about as honest as you can get. Pretty graphic though.
<<Also be sure to read the vaults at Erowid>>
What are the vaults at Erowid?
What are the vaults at Erowid?
Scroll down to the "experiences" sections.
Thanks. This totally sent me spinning in anger. But, thats ok. Its what I asked for. Whew!
Anger is OK for a little while, but then we must move on to understanding and end up with compassion. It's something we must do for ourselves, or else we end up full of resentment that just eats away at us. Keep reading and researching, continue to gain knowledge, the more we know, the more we "get it" without the firsthand experience. You're doing well.
Shylah I am sorry you are in such pain. Your heart must be torn from your chest. So many of our loved ones ask that very same question. What does it feel like? At one point my mom evenm said "Go get me some of that so I know just why you would rob your own child, and push your own mother".
Do you know what I thought? I actually thought "Well if i got her some I could get me some, and I could beat her (scam) not smack her down although that was coming probably but that is how insane we are.
I think we have to truly look at why we use in the first place to understand lapses or relapses. That's a relapse alright, and pretty common as far as going way out there. You knowing a feeling of a powder substance isn't the answer. He has to know the answer, and good for you from taking a break. Care for you. Care for you first.
I know I didn't answer your question, and I know lots of us have different answers. For me it felt like the trauma I hid since I was a kid disappeared. Physical pain like migraines disappeared. My brain chemistry changed. Then real, real quick I became an addict to only try to keep pushing all that stuff down or away, and then having to do it 24/7. It don't work.
Do you know what I thought? I actually thought "Well if i got her some I could get me some, and I could beat her (scam) not smack her down although that was coming probably but that is how insane we are.
I think we have to truly look at why we use in the first place to understand lapses or relapses. That's a relapse alright, and pretty common as far as going way out there. You knowing a feeling of a powder substance isn't the answer. He has to know the answer, and good for you from taking a break. Care for you. Care for you first.
I know I didn't answer your question, and I know lots of us have different answers. For me it felt like the trauma I hid since I was a kid disappeared. Physical pain like migraines disappeared. My brain chemistry changed. Then real, real quick I became an addict to only try to keep pushing all that stuff down or away, and then having to do it 24/7. It don't work.
Hi hun... your b/f did the same thing I did. Having a year sober to an addict is such a scary thing. The addict is afraid that they are going to fail, terrified!! Some of us see it as a celebration, but to self destructive people like myself, we get afraid that some outside source is going to take everything we've worked for away even though we are sober and we've tried so hard, so we go out and destroy it ourselves. I got high again on my one year anniversary of sobriety, and my life went to complete s***, but in my sick head I caused the destruction, so I had the control. It is rediculous thinking, but it's the way some of us think. It comes out of self hatred.
