I Let Go...

Hi guys, hope you're all doing well.

Well the day finally arrived, of me practising tough love. I couldn't take it anymore. I took off work yesterday and drove through to his place to make an end to things.
It was the saddest day of my life. But i had to, his addiction was killing me. I tried so hard, did everything i could, prayed, begged, cried, stood by him through everything. And it didn't bring me anywhere. He's still on H .... and there's a suspicion of Khat as well. I know i can't make that decision for him, he has to do it himself. And i won't stop praying for him.

I saw him for the first time in 2 weeks yesterday and it broke my heart seeing him so depressed and down. Dunno when last he had H, but usually when he's been off it or not able to get hold of it for a couple of days he goes into this mood. When i told him that i don't have the strength to carry on anymore, we both burst into tears and even his mom started crying around the corner where she was supposedly eves-dropping.
We don't wanna throw away 7 years and all the memories that we have, and everything that we've worked so hard on. But it feels like i'm putting in everything and not getting anything in return. And in his depression he's dragging me down. And i can't cope anymore.

As from my previous post "Still addicted to the addict" i was doubting his love for me. But after yesterday i truly believe that he does love me. But we have to give it a break for a while. We've always found our way back to each other in the past seven years and i'm sure things will work out somehow. He's never been abusive towards me, or lifted a hand. But i think the lies hurt more than a smack could ever. He's a wonderful person, and i thank God every day for all the wonderful times i've had with him.

But today i the shock is sinking in. Yesterday i was fine when i left his place but today i'm broken. I've never been so sad in my entire life. He kinda gave me hope yesterday when he said things will come right and work out and that he loves me with all his heart.And i hope and pray to God that it will.

Thanks for letting me vent. And thanks for all the support i really appreciate it.

God bless

T
YAAAAYYY!!!
T, you have officially made my day. I am really happy for you and I promise it will be better in the long run. I know all the sh*t this guy has put you through, and you are such a sweeti and really don't deserve it. Look forward T and you will be amazed at all the opportunities that will come flying your way!
I am so glad for you.
Stay strong my friend.
Love ang
Dear Talula,
I know it hurts as all losses do. You will go through a painful period of morning the loss of the relationship but I believe you have done the right thing both for you and for him. Be extra gentle with yourself during the rough time and treat yourself well. Please continue to share your feelings as sharing is helpful to you as well as the people you share with. My thoughts are with you.
Hey, I know how hard it is but I think you did the right thing. I can really relate to what you said about how it would be easier if he was physically abusive instead of an addict. My bf never hit me or anything like that but I can't imagine anything worse than the hell of loving an addict. It will get better, good luck and I will be praying for you.
Hey T,

I had to do the same thing years ago with a relatiohship that i was in. I remember like it was yesterday (it hurts more when you really, really love someone). I remember I rang my mum after two weeks of us breaking up (after I told her it was over and to leave) and said ' Mum, if I have done the right thing then why do i feel so s***".

Mum's (god bless there souls) said "Kyle it is normal for you to be feeling these emotions. You were with this girl for 5 years of your life. It is going to hurt for a while but it will get better." There were a couple of times I nearly cracked. I just wanted to ring her and say "Baby, come home I Iove and miss you..." But something inside me stopped me. I knew that it would not be the same and that we needed the time appart (the both of us to heal).

She also had a drug problem ( it is just not a good combination). You tend to
feed and deceive each other weather you mean to or not. It is no life.

Love

Kyle


Talula,
Good for you. I just did the same thing with my husband. It was hard but, I am a lot more relaxed. I told him I am not sure if it will work. I hope it does but, He has to want his sobriety and his family more then anything in the world. If he doesn't it will not work. I feel like I have this new strength. I always felt like I would die without him. I am raising 2 toddlers which is hard enough and it is a lot easier without the stress of his life around us. I do love him more then I have loved any man in my life before. I feel like he is my soul mate. I just hope he wants us just as bad as we want him. When addicts are on drugs that is all they care about. Once they get sober they realize all that they have lost. Their drug is like needing food to survive for us. They can not live without it and that is why they go back. Atleast that is how I think it goes. Good luck to you and please stay strong. If he hits bottom he will need you more then ever and that my be his life change and sobriety forever.
Hey there,

I have been keeping an eye out on your posts and i can understand how you're feelings with this loss. However, although i didn't become an addict myself, i too shared the very same emotions that you're going through now and i know how heartbreaking it is. Like you, my boyfriend's addiction was dragging me down and not long after that i was addicted to saving my boyfriend and "us". After many attempts of failure of trying to quit, lying and sneaking around, i knew that i just had to end my misery, i was tried of feeling crazy, tired of worrying where he was, who he was with, where he was going, i had enough and that's where i decided that enough was enough, so... i let go. I just had to no matter how much we loved each other, it was only for the best and so you should think this way, especially for yourself as you're trying to get off h. You have a very low chance of getting clean or staying clean if you're still going to be with a user whether he is your boyfriend or not, it's the same. You can't just take that risk of falling back. Hey, maybe this isn't about what you want anymore but doing what is best for yourself and your boyfriend. I know it hurts but doesn't being with him and seeing the way he's treating you hurt you even more? I don't know about you, but that's the way i saw it. When my boyfriend and i parted, it felt good.. i didn't have to feel crazy everyday although of course miss him more than ever. I guess what i'm trying to say is: what's the point in being in a relationship if you're not happy? If there is no trust, no happiness. It is true what others have said, as long as he is an addict, he's first love is heroin then you. Heroin however will ALWAYS be first! Remember that! And no one deserves to be second to heroin or any drug. As i've always believed, an addict cannot love, love is not selfish. Once an addict, unfortunely they change into a different person, different personality... an addictive personality making them become selfish and liers. I know every emotion that your going through T, i promise you that it will get better, just hang in there and don't go back on your words. This could be the very thing that wakes your boyfriend up to really get his head set on soberity!

note: the scenerio that i mentioned above is what happened to me and my boyfriend in the past, today my boyfriend is clean thanks to rapid detox. That has truly give me true happiness.

Good luck on everything and please keep us posted on how things are going.

xox violet.
((((((((From Bette in Scotland)))))))))))) Just read your message and the tears are running down my face! I understand everything you are feeling! This thing called "tough love" is SO hard! Every helpline I've visited says that's what we must do till they help themselves..but the BIG H IS!!!!!!!!!!! a scourge of this planet even though we know it's historical existence from Day 1! I keep getting the references to my caffeine, alcohol and tobacco dependance..but MY point is that IT'S ME that will pay!NOT the innocent bystanders, plus I buy what I can afford and NOT what I crave! My VERY intelligent son is SO plausible! If I hear ANOTHER Bill Hicks quote I'll scream! I have threatened my son with eviction but you've guessed it ! I am scared of the consequences! So NOW I am a prisoner in my own home! TALULA I wish you all the best! SINCERELY I do and keep a link so you can help ME in MY battle! God Bless and take care
Talula,
First of all let me say that you've done the right thing by leaving him. Also, dealing with a smack isn't better than dealing with a lie ok..Don't kid yourself, abuse is not better at all. That is good that he didn't abuse you though. Praying for him is great, and I will say one for the both of you too. But love youself, and keep in mind that he must love himself, and want to get help for himself. Move on with your life, reguardless of his decisions. You only get one to life on this earth..I'm proud of you...
degaille