Pirate
I still think the fact that you are putting up soooo much resistance to this is exactly why you should attempt it. There's a reason you are digging in your heels - something you don't want to face.
Doesn't mean you have to do the Step this minute.
but instead of avoiding it - why not pray for "willingness to be ready to do it"
that is something constructive you can do to reach the point where you're able to cope with it.
I really am concerned for you about this Pirate - because I did EXACTLY the same thing about 10 months ago- took Step 3, and then kicked up about Step 4, couldn't face it and ended up drinking again - and its taken me that long to get really truly back serious about sobriety again Pirate.
I was on and off drinking most of last year - and that rejection and denial about Step 4 (looking back on it now) was what triggered it.
Pray for the willingness Pirate- cause right now you are trying to figure out a brand new way to sobriety - "your way, your will" and if you take an honest look back over your years of drinking I think you'll have to admit that "your way" didn't work.
I am having to face that right now myself - I have this week had to humble myself to the realisation that MY way just doesn't work. And Monday I carted my sorry a** off to 2 AA meetings. I am looking for a new sponsor and have a new willingness to do what ever it takes.
Be very careful here Pirate - do lots of praying and talk to your sponsor.
Idgie
Good post Idg!! Positive and not pushy.
With respect, skq, I am not an Al-anon, whatever that might be. Like you, I am a human being trying to help myself and others by exploring my thoughts feelings and ideas so that I gain the clarity, self-awareness and understanding that leads to sanity.....serenity I'll continue to aspire to! I think that's what we were doing anyway. I'm sorry if anything I wrote gave any other impression and I'll have a think about my part in that.
Edit:
And I hope this post doesn't sound defensive.....it got to the point with my ex that if we disagreed on something, anything, she would scream and shout at me as if I was attacking her. After years of that part of me flees in confusion and terror from the slightest sign of conflict, but part of me stays behind to stand my ground and protect my sense of self....it's not a very wise or compassionate or emotional part or me. It's not very mature, but I love it for keeping me safe. What I'm trying to say is I have a very fragile sense of whether I'm being reasonable or not and I'm sorry if I've been unreasonable or argumentative.
Edit:
And I hope this post doesn't sound defensive.....it got to the point with my ex that if we disagreed on something, anything, she would scream and shout at me as if I was attacking her. After years of that part of me flees in confusion and terror from the slightest sign of conflict, but part of me stays behind to stand my ground and protect my sense of self....it's not a very wise or compassionate or emotional part or me. It's not very mature, but I love it for keeping me safe. What I'm trying to say is I have a very fragile sense of whether I'm being reasonable or not and I'm sorry if I've been unreasonable or argumentative.
Martin,
I don't think you sounded defensive. I think what got feathers ruffled was the fact that you came onto the alkie board and started off saying you were not an alcoholic. You may be an addict to another d.o.c but it's hard for us to listen when we don't think you have walked the walk so to speak.
This site is for everyone. Not just the Steppers. AA works for millions of people and I would be the first one to run to a meeting if my way quit working. To each his own I say.
That is not to say that you aren't helpful. I enjoyed your posts and thought alot of it was very thought provoking.
I just wanted to give you my take on the situation.
Have a great day.
I don't think you sounded defensive. I think what got feathers ruffled was the fact that you came onto the alkie board and started off saying you were not an alcoholic. You may be an addict to another d.o.c but it's hard for us to listen when we don't think you have walked the walk so to speak.
This site is for everyone. Not just the Steppers. AA works for millions of people and I would be the first one to run to a meeting if my way quit working. To each his own I say.
That is not to say that you aren't helpful. I enjoyed your posts and thought alot of it was very thought provoking.
I just wanted to give you my take on the situation.
Have a great day.
I don't know what all the fuss is. Pirate asked, people shared. If I was wrong I apologise to Martin. This is a recovery board. It's about recovery. When someone asks about Step 4 in The Program of AA I, having some history and experience in both The Program AND with the person asking the question, I provide my experience and suggestion.
If you, Martin, find this offensive, don't. I know "pirate" as much as anyone can "know" someone on the web, and have provided some Step suggestions at her request privately for a couple weeks. Probably I shouldn't have become stern or flippant with you and for that I apologize to you (Step 10). Recovery isn't pretty, but patting heads isn't always the answer, either.
Press on, my friends! Nothing more comical than a bunch of drunks getting sullen for imaginary reasons--not like that would ever happen, though!
If you, Martin, find this offensive, don't. I know "pirate" as much as anyone can "know" someone on the web, and have provided some Step suggestions at her request privately for a couple weeks. Probably I shouldn't have become stern or flippant with you and for that I apologize to you (Step 10). Recovery isn't pretty, but patting heads isn't always the answer, either.
Press on, my friends! Nothing more comical than a bunch of drunks getting sullen for imaginary reasons--not like that would ever happen, though!
Pirate,
Listen to your sponsor, that's what a sponsor is for. My sponsor (at that time) and Miss Katbird (12stepper) walked me thru my 4th step and now it's tucked in a recovery book as it lost all it's power when I did my 5th step.
I know for me, making mouse turds into mountains was a daily way of living for a long time....For me, to stay clean & sober and to grow in recovery, I have to stay in the solution and do the work. It is an action program.
There are no more big deals, Pirate. The 4th step is as simple as putting your resentments down on paper...it's a fact finding process, one that I did and tried to keep the emotion out of it, put down the facts. Read the big book, listen to your sponsor, and don't sit and dwell on it that's not how the book tells us to do it.
Great post, Idgie and Val...
SKG, I understand where you are coming from. For me, F2F support, is so very critical and I understand Pirate isn't close enough for meetings but there are on-line AA meetings you could check out and above all, listen to your Sponsor.
Do the fourth step...if you've taken the 3rd step, you are ready for the 4th step.
Have faith, trust your HP and walk through your fears.
Take care,
Stacey
Listen to your sponsor, that's what a sponsor is for. My sponsor (at that time) and Miss Katbird (12stepper) walked me thru my 4th step and now it's tucked in a recovery book as it lost all it's power when I did my 5th step.
I know for me, making mouse turds into mountains was a daily way of living for a long time....For me, to stay clean & sober and to grow in recovery, I have to stay in the solution and do the work. It is an action program.
There are no more big deals, Pirate. The 4th step is as simple as putting your resentments down on paper...it's a fact finding process, one that I did and tried to keep the emotion out of it, put down the facts. Read the big book, listen to your sponsor, and don't sit and dwell on it that's not how the book tells us to do it.
Great post, Idgie and Val...
SKG, I understand where you are coming from. For me, F2F support, is so very critical and I understand Pirate isn't close enough for meetings but there are on-line AA meetings you could check out and above all, listen to your Sponsor.
Do the fourth step...if you've taken the 3rd step, you are ready for the 4th step.
Have faith, trust your HP and walk through your fears.
Take care,
Stacey
Guys I appreciated everyones posts and everyones advice. I don't want to see anyone offended or arguing over what was said or what was been advised. Everyone had good intentions and I also know everyone had my best interests at heart. So please no arguing because I welcomed it all. I count on you guys and all your support and suggestions to help me along the way. Though there maybe differences of opinions among you I value each and every post and take from them what I feel is the most helpful to me. Thank you all so much for your kindness and caring. God bless and be safe
Pirate, my dear friend,
You said it perfectly, you aren't ready. Take your time. If step three is still causing dissonance then keep working on that. You will know intuitively when to move on. Also remember, the program and book are all SUGGESTIONS.....it is a program of suggestions that have worked well for others. If your sponsor has already suggested you work on step 4 than you have the power and right to suggest to him/her that you are not ready....only you know when the timing feels right. Don't let ANYONE tell you what you HAVE to do....Remember, we all, as children of God, Universe, Loving Spirit (whatever you name your HP) have a god-given right to FREE WILL. Don't let anyone tell you that you HAVE to do this and do it on THEIR time table....
People may disagree what I've written but I can tell you from experience, taking a step too soon or for the wrong reasons (to appease someone else) than devastating results may ensue....
Stay sober no matter. In my opinion, no one has the right to tell you the condition of your soul....your subconsious, spirit, soul, whatever may be relenting NOT b/c you have more issues than you realize and now's the time to explore but ACTUALLY a tool of self-preservation and protection and telling you that it IS NOT TIME!!!!
In spirit, my friend,
Zipper
You said it perfectly, you aren't ready. Take your time. If step three is still causing dissonance then keep working on that. You will know intuitively when to move on. Also remember, the program and book are all SUGGESTIONS.....it is a program of suggestions that have worked well for others. If your sponsor has already suggested you work on step 4 than you have the power and right to suggest to him/her that you are not ready....only you know when the timing feels right. Don't let ANYONE tell you what you HAVE to do....Remember, we all, as children of God, Universe, Loving Spirit (whatever you name your HP) have a god-given right to FREE WILL. Don't let anyone tell you that you HAVE to do this and do it on THEIR time table....
People may disagree what I've written but I can tell you from experience, taking a step too soon or for the wrong reasons (to appease someone else) than devastating results may ensue....
Stay sober no matter. In my opinion, no one has the right to tell you the condition of your soul....your subconsious, spirit, soul, whatever may be relenting NOT b/c you have more issues than you realize and now's the time to explore but ACTUALLY a tool of self-preservation and protection and telling you that it IS NOT TIME!!!!
In spirit, my friend,
Zipper
Thankyou Everyone
I have sat and read formed opinions then came back read some more the next day etc and every day my opinions are growing and changing for the better to all the posters thanks for a really good example of how it works:)
light and love zac
I have sat and read formed opinions then came back read some more the next day etc and every day my opinions are growing and changing for the better to all the posters thanks for a really good example of how it works:)
light and love zac
