Hi I am new to all this and am looking for some help on where to begin. I am 23 and was with my boyfriend for 7 years which we have a 5 year old together. He went into rehab last may because he was always out drinking weekends an stuff for days. He was in rehab for 3 months and during those 3 months he talked about how he wanted a propper life with me when he came home an told me he was sorry for everything he ever done and came to realise how much he realy loved me. Everyday he told me he loved me an wanted to b with me right up to the day he. Came home. Then he was off with me an said he didn want to be with me an didn love me in the 1st week he was home. There was no other explanation. I am wondering is this a common thing to happin to couples when one comes out of rehab. He is stil on his 12 step programme an goes to meetings. When al this happened I was totaly at a loss an stil am bcoz I realy believed he wantd to b with me then it changed with no
warning or no answers. He stil has never gave me an explanation an just keeps sayin he wil make amends when wer both ready an I know he doesnt mean get back with me becoz he has told me he is seeing an older woman who is in recovery like him. I am just looking for help with this off anyone that knows about this kind of thing and hope I will get it. Thank you
HI shau. welcome to the board. it seems as if you are having relationship problems that you are having a difficult time accepting. we cannot change another person, place or thing. all we have control over is how we react. I am not going to give you any advice because I don't know your full story nor have I walked in your shoes or lived your life but I can tell you that trying to keep someone in your life that does not want to be with you is not the answer to having a good healthy,loving relationship or a happy life.......You deserve better.....
Thank you very much I am wondering is this a common thing to happin to couples when one comes out of rehab. I am not an addicu myself so I am just trying to understand why this would happin.
Welcome Shau~
I want you to know I am sorry for the hurt and pain you are experiencing and 7yrs is a long time for a relationship, especially when there is a child involved. I hear your pain and I also can hear how baffled you are with the whole situation.
I can share with you that in early recovery, it was pretty much all about me. I'm an alcoholic and I suffer from self-centeredness to the extreme and it wasn't until I was sober awhile and continually working the 12 steps did some of that shift. Now with that being said, I didn't leave my husband or children but I was pretty wrapped up with "me".
What I'd love to suggest to you is to take care of yourself & be gentle doing it. Find an Alanon meeting and surround yourself with people who have been where you are and have found some answers, where the 12 steps can help you and give you some clarity.
Take care~
Stacey
I want you to know I am sorry for the hurt and pain you are experiencing and 7yrs is a long time for a relationship, especially when there is a child involved. I hear your pain and I also can hear how baffled you are with the whole situation.
I can share with you that in early recovery, it was pretty much all about me. I'm an alcoholic and I suffer from self-centeredness to the extreme and it wasn't until I was sober awhile and continually working the 12 steps did some of that shift. Now with that being said, I didn't leave my husband or children but I was pretty wrapped up with "me".
What I'd love to suggest to you is to take care of yourself & be gentle doing it. Find an Alanon meeting and surround yourself with people who have been where you are and have found some answers, where the 12 steps can help you and give you some clarity.
Take care~
Stacey
Thank you very much. I am hurt and so confused with how this happened. I was good enough for him when he was addicted but not now. I guess im looking for some one to help me understand why he would do this. Thank you
I too am sorry for your hurt and pain shau. many times I have questioned myself what was wrong with me when I felt I was being pushed aside by my husband so I understand you questioning yourself and wondering why.I understand the feeling of bewilderment and being used. Do not let his behaviour be a reflection on your self worth..YOU ARE WORTHY.. don't ever forget that.....
I hope my thoughts on your following comment help:
I am hurt and so confused with how this happened. I was good enough for him when he was addicted but not now. I guess Im looking for someone to help me understand why he would do this.
I think it could be that the things he told you in rehab (how much he loved you/wanted to be with you) are true but maybe he is scared to make that actually happen. He might be scared to make that happen because he loves you but feels he doesnt deserve someone as good as you, or maybe because he loves you and is worried he might relapse again in the future and doesn't want to let you down again.
I am hurt and so confused with how this happened. I was good enough for him when he was addicted but not now. I guess Im looking for someone to help me understand why he would do this.
I think it could be that the things he told you in rehab (how much he loved you/wanted to be with you) are true but maybe he is scared to make that actually happen. He might be scared to make that happen because he loves you but feels he doesnt deserve someone as good as you, or maybe because he loves you and is worried he might relapse again in the future and doesn't want to let you down again.
