I didn't know if I should post this one or not. I don't want to appear to be whining but at the same time I need to vent to people whom I know will understand my fears and emotions and help put things in perspective for me.The fear is beginning to take over on me and the committee in my head is having a full blown meeting. I feel I am losing my grip on what control I had. Things are happening that I have no control over and I am sad.scared and anxious. My daughter (the one who is having all the problems) and her boyfriend ended their relationship on Saturday,or I should say he ended it. IT was not a pretty breakup as all breakups are I guess but he drove her out with no place to go ,after I talked to him he had agreed to let her stay for the night and i was too pay her way to come back here home on the bus on sunday morning. We had a storm and the bus got cancelled and he wanted her out so on Sunday he drove her out on the streets . I was frantic because there wasn't any way I could get to her nor any way to bring her home. To make a long story short she found a friend from here at unniversity and spent the night at his place and she will be home today by bus (hopefully). The other thing in all this is that her boyfriend is a drinker and as far as I am concerned has a drinking problem which I have said to my daughter lots of times before. Besides all this I found out yesterday that he had installed something on my daughters computer where he can trace every site,every conversation,every thing she did on the computer.I am worried because when I visited my daughter I used her computer and I had some very personal conversations with my friends some whom had told me personal stuff and whom I had told stuff too as well. I also was in contact with my sponsor while in there so some things I had said to him. I would not want other people to know. Here is that trust thing again. Always seems to be something in my life to justify my not been able to trust. I would never have thought M would do something like that. I thought this kind of thing was done in movies. I am so worried about my daughter, her emotional state,her mental wellness and also about the possibility of some of the things I said on her computer to be made known and I worry that this will drive her over the edge. This is only part of what I am dealing with at the moment but right now its the top thing on my mind.I just need some encouragement, please help me.
Just finished talking to my daughter. she is hurting so much and I feel so helpless. She has no choice but to come back home because she has no where else to go. she can't afford an apartment on her own because it is too expensive and she can only work part time because she is been treated for post traumatic stress disorder and in rehab. But by coming homes she has to give up her reab because there is none here and give up her doctor because there is none here. Heck we live in a remote town in the country where nothing is available to us. My heart is breaking for her and times like this when I feel pain and hurt I want to drown it with alcohol. I don't know what to do and on back of all this the court is coming up in a couple of weeks. I was talking to her boyfriend and he says he can't deal with the situation anymore it is too stressful for him. My heart is breaking for her. she have had it so hard. with the rape,the addiction to prescription drugs and the withdrawal and now this. I feel so utterly broken and hurt. I want to take away her pain and there is nothing I can do.If someone could give me some advice on how to handle this I would appreciate it. My own demons are beckoning to me to drink. I want to just to kill this hurt,get lost in a world where there are no feelings . I am stressing so much but at the same time I am trying to be strong for her and it all seems too much to bear.I thankyou all for taking the time to read my post and I hope someone can give me some helpful advice because I am running out of ways to cope. God bless and be safe
Hi Pirate,
Breathe! one step at a time. I don't have a magical answer to this situation either, but it sounds like your daughter and you will survive another day. It is unfortunate that her access to therapy will be interupted but at some time she will be able to resume it. In the meantime, she is away from her alcoholic boyfriend who snoops on her computer, that is one positive.
Can you focuss on the next 12 hours and find one positive thing?
one step at a time, Cookster
Breathe! one step at a time. I don't have a magical answer to this situation either, but it sounds like your daughter and you will survive another day. It is unfortunate that her access to therapy will be interupted but at some time she will be able to resume it. In the meantime, she is away from her alcoholic boyfriend who snoops on her computer, that is one positive.
Can you focuss on the next 12 hours and find one positive thing?
one step at a time, Cookster
Pirate
All you can do is take care of today. Unless you have more power than the rest of us you cannot predict the future. Since I've gotten sober I've learned that things usually work themselves out without too much effort on my part and God does provide. I know its tough because its your daughter but you have to take care of you too. All this stress you're putting on yourself is not safe at this stage in your sobriety. Stay in today, let God worry about tomorrow. Whatever personal stuff you put on that computer is out of your hands. Let it go. It's in the past and you can't change it. Relax. Things WILL work out.
smooches
All you can do is take care of today. Unless you have more power than the rest of us you cannot predict the future. Since I've gotten sober I've learned that things usually work themselves out without too much effort on my part and God does provide. I know its tough because its your daughter but you have to take care of you too. All this stress you're putting on yourself is not safe at this stage in your sobriety. Stay in today, let God worry about tomorrow. Whatever personal stuff you put on that computer is out of your hands. Let it go. It's in the past and you can't change it. Relax. Things WILL work out.
smooches
I'm praying for you pirate!
Oh Pirate,
I see your worries with an adult child and the pain. But, as has been said, you have to focus on you as when we lose track of our recovery, its easy to lose focus.....Just hold her and tell her you know shes in pain, and you love her , no matter what..
I hear you with the computer thing, my "loved one" went and read private e-mails re:him, he was p'od. Anyone that has to snoop on someone, is a rat , in my book, I think, he was too nosey, shouldn't be that way. Private is that, and your thoughts at any given time, are yours....
Good Luck!
Keep yourself well!
Lucky
I see your worries with an adult child and the pain. But, as has been said, you have to focus on you as when we lose track of our recovery, its easy to lose focus.....Just hold her and tell her you know shes in pain, and you love her , no matter what..
I hear you with the computer thing, my "loved one" went and read private e-mails re:him, he was p'od. Anyone that has to snoop on someone, is a rat , in my book, I think, he was too nosey, shouldn't be that way. Private is that, and your thoughts at any given time, are yours....
Good Luck!
Keep yourself well!
Lucky
Pirate...I am praying for you! Breathe, pray, and be gentle with yourself today. Drinking will only create more problems...keep reminding yourself of that fact.
As for the snooping...I know personally what a violation that is. Hang in there.
Is it possible to start a meeting in your area? What is it they say???? It takes two alcoholics/addicts and god to have a meeting. Your daughter, you, and god...you have a perfect meeting right in your home. Try looking at the positives. I know how hard that can be when it feels like your world is crumbling all around you. Keep sharing here, talk wit your sponsor, go for a walk; just don't pick up that first drink.
Hugs and prayers.
As for the snooping...I know personally what a violation that is. Hang in there.
Is it possible to start a meeting in your area? What is it they say???? It takes two alcoholics/addicts and god to have a meeting. Your daughter, you, and god...you have a perfect meeting right in your home. Try looking at the positives. I know how hard that can be when it feels like your world is crumbling all around you. Keep sharing here, talk wit your sponsor, go for a walk; just don't pick up that first drink.
Hugs and prayers.
Hi pirate, things sound really tough for you and your daughter at the moment. I don't know if it will help to try to separate the two out....it might sound daft but I've met a few people who go to AA and also come to Al-anon because although the steps are the same the issues, stresses and concerns are different. Just last week one very impressive woman (with a very powerful personality!) who has been through the grinder with alcohol herself turned up at Al-anon and simply said "this is where I need to be right now".....recognising the challenge facing her as a relative of an alcoholic.....getting support in that situation for her own sanity.... and thus her own sobriety.....
If there aren't any meetings near you then the Families and Partners board here is really friendly, and there are other web resources available.
I hope things improve for you both.....one positive already is that it certainly sounds like it was a relationship she could do without....
Be gentle with yourself and do whetever it takes to keep yourself safe and healthy....only then can you be there for your daughter.
M
If there aren't any meetings near you then the Families and Partners board here is really friendly, and there are other web resources available.
I hope things improve for you both.....one positive already is that it certainly sounds like it was a relationship she could do without....
Be gentle with yourself and do whetever it takes to keep yourself safe and healthy....only then can you be there for your daughter.
M
Dear Pirate,
Please stop saying that your whining! People from all the boards from time to time come and share their problems, pains, worries, struggles, anxieties, fears and angers. Your heart is very heavy . Better then picking up. Besides we weren't meant to carry our burdens alone in this world.
You are a mother grieving for her child she is still young and it doesn't matter how old they are; they are our babies. It is natural for you to hurt to be afraid. It is natural for you to want to protect her. It's your instinct. It's your deep love.
Part of your brain the amygdala was created to react in response to fear. It is reacting normal doing what it's suppose to. My therapist likes to call the frontal lobes the God part of the brain. She explains that it has power over the amygdala. You can engage it by getting busy. Movement is quite helpful so is singing, or reading. Put on Casting Crowns that Lineman told you about then sing and move about. It will stop fear in it's tracks.
But I don't want to undermind your feelings either, they are normal. But you can make a concious decision to not drink today, or this hour-minute. Go ahead and sceam cry and let it out Pirate. You have a right to be upset! But if you were to drink to stop the pain because you my friend are an alcoholic. One or two would not do. You would drink into a mad rage.
This is not the kind of behavior that you want to dispaly for yourself or your welcoming home for your daughter. Who needs you to be strong. You need to be strong for Pirate!
As for the ex bf I as a Mom see it as a blessing in disguise. Of course your daughter won't see it this way for probably quite sometime. Just listen to her. Try not to say very much. Advice my own daughters have offered me from my past ways of trying to give to much advice to soon. Try and distract her with getting her involved with some other activity. Just like when they were little divert her attention. Make her favorite meal. Bake cookies together.
Now about the PC info. being violated. Often in life we are powerless over other peoples decisions and actions. What I do hope is that there isn't your daughter's personal identification numbers and any financial info available to him. Maybe someday I will tell you about the sick head ache my oldest daughter's ex bf did took out my ss and opened credit cards in my name, ouch.
This is how I would handle it. I would contact your sponser and anyone whom you think is in jeopardy of being hurt by what is in the files about them. Let them know honestly what happened and that your sorry about their privacy being violated.
I replied to your e-mails about the more private concerns as we should all use proper e-mail etiquette. I hope your daughter is now safely home. Where she will find real love and support from her parents. We will keep praying Pirate! It is our weapon.
God Bless You
Love, Chris xxx
Please stop saying that your whining! People from all the boards from time to time come and share their problems, pains, worries, struggles, anxieties, fears and angers. Your heart is very heavy . Better then picking up. Besides we weren't meant to carry our burdens alone in this world.
You are a mother grieving for her child she is still young and it doesn't matter how old they are; they are our babies. It is natural for you to hurt to be afraid. It is natural for you to want to protect her. It's your instinct. It's your deep love.
Part of your brain the amygdala was created to react in response to fear. It is reacting normal doing what it's suppose to. My therapist likes to call the frontal lobes the God part of the brain. She explains that it has power over the amygdala. You can engage it by getting busy. Movement is quite helpful so is singing, or reading. Put on Casting Crowns that Lineman told you about then sing and move about. It will stop fear in it's tracks.
But I don't want to undermind your feelings either, they are normal. But you can make a concious decision to not drink today, or this hour-minute. Go ahead and sceam cry and let it out Pirate. You have a right to be upset! But if you were to drink to stop the pain because you my friend are an alcoholic. One or two would not do. You would drink into a mad rage.
This is not the kind of behavior that you want to dispaly for yourself or your welcoming home for your daughter. Who needs you to be strong. You need to be strong for Pirate!
As for the ex bf I as a Mom see it as a blessing in disguise. Of course your daughter won't see it this way for probably quite sometime. Just listen to her. Try not to say very much. Advice my own daughters have offered me from my past ways of trying to give to much advice to soon. Try and distract her with getting her involved with some other activity. Just like when they were little divert her attention. Make her favorite meal. Bake cookies together.
Now about the PC info. being violated. Often in life we are powerless over other peoples decisions and actions. What I do hope is that there isn't your daughter's personal identification numbers and any financial info available to him. Maybe someday I will tell you about the sick head ache my oldest daughter's ex bf did took out my ss and opened credit cards in my name, ouch.
This is how I would handle it. I would contact your sponser and anyone whom you think is in jeopardy of being hurt by what is in the files about them. Let them know honestly what happened and that your sorry about their privacy being violated.
I replied to your e-mails about the more private concerns as we should all use proper e-mail etiquette. I hope your daughter is now safely home. Where she will find real love and support from her parents. We will keep praying Pirate! It is our weapon.
God Bless You
Love, Chris xxx
Thank you all for your replies and the encouragement and advice.My daughter is home now. she was quite upset on arrival but later on seemed more calm and not so sad. Hopefully today will be a good day for us all. Thank you guys for helping me through my bad days. I appreciate all what you say and do because it keeps me from picking up that first drink.Maybe someday I will face an upsetting situation where I won't want to drink as a coping method but I want you all to know you really do help me in giving me the strength to not pick up now.God bless and be safe
Gidday Pirate
sending you both energy and love from NZ
light and love Zac
sending you both energy and love from NZ
light and love Zac
