I am a professional health care-giver. Hence, my hesitancy to enter into a rehab setting. No sympathy asked. I started buying codeine and xanax from internet sites after the sudden death of my sister from a cerebral hemorrhage in 2000. She was my best friend and buddy. At first, it was just a quick fix to make things feel better and to be able to sign my name taking care of her affairs without shaking. Oh yes, etoh was a always a big player in my numbing of pain, but a quick pill or 2 with Instant Breakfast was easier, and got me through the day. I am tired of feeling so out of control. I am married to a great man. He had etoh issues too and has been sober 2 years today after near death from alcoholic cardiomyopathy arrythmia. Another excuse for me to numb myself. He is thankfully doing extremely well in his sobriety. In my addiction, I have experienced many feelings...anger, guilt, and questions why? The cloud of addiction is most pleasant and makes everything feel o.k. But only for the moment. My husband and I have a mutually committed relationship. There is however, much distance. He does not know my problem. I am 4 days without codeine. Called out of work for 2 days because I wanted to withdraw at home. Please know that I never procured controlled substances in my place of work. Not that it not cross my mind. This is quintessentially the toughest challenge of my life. I am going through all of the symptoms of withdrawal. How can I feel better? Let me clarify, get off my chest that I did take one Vicodin from one of my clients. One for him, one for me. It got me to the next day. I feel so ashamed and just want to feel like me again.
Andrea, Welcome to the board! Sorry to hear about your sister. I know that must still be hard for you. So your on day 4, that's great! Hang in there it will get easier. Acknowledging you have a problem is one of the first steps. Now your doing something about it so good for you. Is all the pain medication out of your house and out of reach?
It sounds like you have a wonderful husband that will help you through this. What physical symptoms are you having this evening? Rae
It sounds like you have a wonderful husband that will help you through this. What physical symptoms are you having this evening? Rae
rae give her the otc remdies
i too was in the health care arena... I never diverted meds however that is just because that was my line in the sand... I am not sure of your question... You just want to know how to feel better?.... If that is your only question right now and that is about physical w/d then all I can say is treat the symptoms.... immodium for diarrhea, benedryl for sleep... pepto for nausea, ect.... wait it out and it will eventually get better.... as for the rest which will be much harder which is the 'recovery' part of it.. I can answer your question better on that one when you are ready and willing....
Teresa
Teresa
Hey welcome to the board.The first thing to do is what your doing.Reaching out for help IS a big step & it takes ALOT OF GUTS to admit you have a problem & that you cannot handle it by yourself.My DOC were pain killers I joined here in Nov 04 and not a days goes by that Im not thankful.There are ALOT of great people who can understand & offer advise.I think you know that you are the one that will do the work you need to do to pull it together.But know that we will be here to help in anyway we can.
Im not familiar with the Xa so I cany say too much but I know someone will jump in & talk with you.So anyways WELcome & take Care....mj
Im not familiar with the Xa so I cany say too much but I know someone will jump in & talk with you.So anyways WELcome & take Care....mj
I am only 5 days clean and dealing with things but getting clean is definitely worth it.You said you have a wonderful husband who doesnt know. How would he react if you told him? Maybe theay shoulder to lean on would help..plut the OTC remedies plus the boards!
Many of us have done things we are ashamed of..me included. Dont look at the past..look towards the future.Let us help you.
Many of us have done things we are ashamed of..me included. Dont look at the past..look towards the future.Let us help you.
Welcome to the board. Alot of good people here. I hope things get better for you soon. Please, check in to let us know.
Hey there Welcome to the board. You have ALOT of courage and I admire that.
My addiction is hydro's and withdraws are definately challenging. Alot of wonderful people here have great remidies and advice for OTC meds I can remember a few
1. immodiam for the diareha(pardon my spelling).
2. vitaminb12
3. vitamin b6 helps me also
4. nightime sleep aide.
I also become overwhelemed with anxiety so I would advise to try and stay away from caffine as much as possible.
I'm here with you if you need me!
My addiction is hydro's and withdraws are definately challenging. Alot of wonderful people here have great remidies and advice for OTC meds I can remember a few
1. immodiam for the diareha(pardon my spelling).
2. vitaminb12
3. vitamin b6 helps me also
4. nightime sleep aide.
I also become overwhelemed with anxiety so I would advise to try and stay away from caffine as much as possible.
I'm here with you if you need me!
i don't know how much codiene ur were doing, but the hard part of the wd should be over, or almost over by now, unless u were doing a real high aomount (maybe more then 20 # 4's a day) & even then, again depending on your body & the quantity, it should not be too long. Matter of fact, if u were to take a drug test today, the codiene more then likely wouldnt show if you have not used for 5 days.
What concerns me a lot is the benzos. You must know how dangerous a ct wd can be, unless u were not taking many. Be careful on those.
If the worse u did was take one of ur patients 1 time& never did it again, & you gave him one, that is not a good thing, though it is not an absolutely evil thing either, especially if the 1 took care of his pain. The fact that you feel guilt about it is good, especially if it leads you to the realization that no matter what (even if you relapse & start using) you will never, ever do something like that again, (unless it's in the garbage or something, then ud just be being not so smart, but its not like the other thing.) Knowing that, & realizing that, whatever your faith practices to ask G-d forgiveness for sing, I would do that as you have already repented, & then forgive myself & move on. THis is nothing you can ever tell your patient or anyone else to make it right. So it is time to forgive yourself, (knowing u wont do it-no matter what) and move on. I've gotta think it is also probably not a good thing to ever tell anyone, and I do mean anyone, again.
It might not be a bad idea to edit ur post.
What concerns me a lot is the benzos. You must know how dangerous a ct wd can be, unless u were not taking many. Be careful on those.
If the worse u did was take one of ur patients 1 time& never did it again, & you gave him one, that is not a good thing, though it is not an absolutely evil thing either, especially if the 1 took care of his pain. The fact that you feel guilt about it is good, especially if it leads you to the realization that no matter what (even if you relapse & start using) you will never, ever do something like that again, (unless it's in the garbage or something, then ud just be being not so smart, but its not like the other thing.) Knowing that, & realizing that, whatever your faith practices to ask G-d forgiveness for sing, I would do that as you have already repented, & then forgive myself & move on. THis is nothing you can ever tell your patient or anyone else to make it right. So it is time to forgive yourself, (knowing u wont do it-no matter what) and move on. I've gotta think it is also probably not a good thing to ever tell anyone, and I do mean anyone, again.
It might not be a bad idea to edit ur post.
Hi, I worked in the health care field also and I know you feel so.....bad for what happened. You can tell by your post. I'm scared for you, because once you do it then it could be easier the next time (hopefully there won't be) and then the next. I'm afraid you might lose your job as so many of us have. Please, please be careful.
I was gonna say I feel bad for you, but you know what? I am amazed by your courage..I do however feel sorry for your loss, I know my sister is my very best friend, and I can't imagine life without her, so on that level my heart goes out. You have admitted the problem and a board of (not for long) strangers and that takes GUTS chicky! I can only repeat what everyone else said..this board helped me through c/t withdrawals, they made me laugh when I thought I was dying, and kicked me in the butt when I needed it! God bless you, and we are hear if you need us..big hugs to you, Kim
andrea,
way to go on your 4 days, i have used hydrocodone for 4 years, and i have never been given an rx- i have no pain--when i think about all of the people on this board who have actual pain and manage to get clean-it really inspires me. I am clean now, and i still think about the pills alot- but i dont have pain to make me think of them more(dont know if that makes any sense to you)
you have taken a step in the right direction- alot of your story hit home with me because i have not told anyone either-i too am in the health care field-im single-with 2kids and couldnt risk anyone finding me out, the guilt and worry about when the next drug test would come-was hard to deal with.(lots of random drug testing in this field)not to menyion the shame of having such a habit
but let me say- all of that is gone now-whew what a relief
i hope that you can get some outside support, especially if you feel that you cant tell anyone
have you thought about a meeting?
the hard part is staying clean-cant tell you how many times i have quit- but i always went back- i go to meetings on my lunch hour- if i didnt i would still be using im sure
keep up the good work- you deserve the clean life
keep posting
love,
adrienne
ps-my e mail is adriennef23@aol.com
if you would like to talk in private-we have alot in common
way to go on your 4 days, i have used hydrocodone for 4 years, and i have never been given an rx- i have no pain--when i think about all of the people on this board who have actual pain and manage to get clean-it really inspires me. I am clean now, and i still think about the pills alot- but i dont have pain to make me think of them more(dont know if that makes any sense to you)
you have taken a step in the right direction- alot of your story hit home with me because i have not told anyone either-i too am in the health care field-im single-with 2kids and couldnt risk anyone finding me out, the guilt and worry about when the next drug test would come-was hard to deal with.(lots of random drug testing in this field)not to menyion the shame of having such a habit
but let me say- all of that is gone now-whew what a relief
i hope that you can get some outside support, especially if you feel that you cant tell anyone
have you thought about a meeting?
the hard part is staying clean-cant tell you how many times i have quit- but i always went back- i go to meetings on my lunch hour- if i didnt i would still be using im sure
keep up the good work- you deserve the clean life
keep posting
love,
adrienne
ps-my e mail is adriennef23@aol.com
if you would like to talk in private-we have alot in common
Didi is right about people in actual pain who have also gotten a habit. That would be tough when the pain kicks in. My hat off to you guys. Very rarely have i ever needed narcs legitiamtely & even tyhe few times i did, i exagerated , polonged & found other ways to misuse the meds or script.
The other thing that is difficult it those of you in the health care industry- if you get caught. The expensive 'treatment' & prolonged treatment and scrutiny is brutal. I have heard that some give up their liscence, even if they get clean because of the treatment of the medical board. I don't know if thats really true (about being cleanandgiving up ur liscence) but a drug counselor told me that.
Best thing to do if you are in the medical end of it is to quit before getting caught. I guess you are supposed to be 'better' then us other mushuganas who use,u are called to a higher standard.
In my case,, even though I'm not actively using any more, I think I will cross Dr. off of my career choices even though there was a time (more then 7 years ago) when i had a good theoretical knowledge of prescription (much of which I learned from a government pamphlet given out at a treatment place, that told all the ins outs & medical codes on presscription. Kind of like a "how to pamplet: it is always heart warming to see out tax dollars at work.)
But not being a Dr. bothers me a little as I was planning on some experimental surgery in Vinnys brain, & if that worked I had a new procedure planned out, using a video camera & a mirror, checking out some things on my own.
Well guy, lunch time, we got this new jelly & some crunchy peanut butter, so i am gosh darn excited. Yesterday, i bought my son some justice league & superman comics at the flea maket, so i'm gonna borrow a couple to read with lunch. SUPERMAN, YA HOO, MY LIFE is getting overwhelmingly exciting.
The other thing that is difficult it those of you in the health care industry- if you get caught. The expensive 'treatment' & prolonged treatment and scrutiny is brutal. I have heard that some give up their liscence, even if they get clean because of the treatment of the medical board. I don't know if thats really true (about being cleanandgiving up ur liscence) but a drug counselor told me that.
Best thing to do if you are in the medical end of it is to quit before getting caught. I guess you are supposed to be 'better' then us other mushuganas who use,u are called to a higher standard.
In my case,, even though I'm not actively using any more, I think I will cross Dr. off of my career choices even though there was a time (more then 7 years ago) when i had a good theoretical knowledge of prescription (much of which I learned from a government pamphlet given out at a treatment place, that told all the ins outs & medical codes on presscription. Kind of like a "how to pamplet: it is always heart warming to see out tax dollars at work.)
But not being a Dr. bothers me a little as I was planning on some experimental surgery in Vinnys brain, & if that worked I had a new procedure planned out, using a video camera & a mirror, checking out some things on my own.
Well guy, lunch time, we got this new jelly & some crunchy peanut butter, so i am gosh darn excited. Yesterday, i bought my son some justice league & superman comics at the flea maket, so i'm gonna borrow a couple to read with lunch. SUPERMAN, YA HOO, MY LIFE is getting overwhelmingly exciting.
browndog,
you crack me up-when you get done with vinnys brain could you come do some work on mine
as far as the medical profession and higher standards....drug use is very common in the health care industry-sad to say
in my state we have a program as a part of our nursing board,specific to addicted nurses- nursing is an extremly stressful job- nurses self medicate due to the stress. If you fail a drug test you have to enter into this drug program(if you want to try to keep your license), they will give you a chance to get clean and keep your license- if you are caught- you have to go through a hearing-they are not tolerant of taking meds from a patient, or making errors while under the influence.
i work with 2 nurses who are in this program- they are not allowed the keys to the narcotic drawer- until they pass drug test for 5 years
im glad im clean now-its a hugh weight lifted
you crack me up-when you get done with vinnys brain could you come do some work on mine
as far as the medical profession and higher standards....drug use is very common in the health care industry-sad to say
in my state we have a program as a part of our nursing board,specific to addicted nurses- nursing is an extremly stressful job- nurses self medicate due to the stress. If you fail a drug test you have to enter into this drug program(if you want to try to keep your license), they will give you a chance to get clean and keep your license- if you are caught- you have to go through a hearing-they are not tolerant of taking meds from a patient, or making errors while under the influence.
i work with 2 nurses who are in this program- they are not allowed the keys to the narcotic drawer- until they pass drug test for 5 years
im glad im clean now-its a hugh weight lifted
