I Cannot! I cannot sit here anymore acting like i have a good life....cause i don't;( As bad as i want it! AS BAD AS I WANT IT! I* still sit here wanting what you all have;(
Like my Psych said to me time and time again. Only YOU can change what you have... I know that's hard coz at present I don't believe it but at the back of my mind I know it's the truth... things will ge better... maybe you're going through a bad patch right now??? Don't give up on yourself...
Izzy x
Izzy x
Thank Izzy! Keep postin;) Love....Jayde;)
Jayde,
Don't be so down on yourself. Everyone else's life always looks better to me too! Things are not always that green on the other side you know. Sometimes when we are in the middle of our personal hell we never think things will get better, but they always do. Know that we all care about you and your posts have helped me too. I don't really know what to say to make you feel better, I just wanted you to know I was here and do care!
Peace and Sobriety my friend!
Valarie
Don't be so down on yourself. Everyone else's life always looks better to me too! Things are not always that green on the other side you know. Sometimes when we are in the middle of our personal hell we never think things will get better, but they always do. Know that we all care about you and your posts have helped me too. I don't really know what to say to make you feel better, I just wanted you to know I was here and do care!
Peace and Sobriety my friend!
Valarie
Okay, so what would make your life good? What steps can you take to reach those goals? Only you know.
Jayde, hi hun, sounds like you need a friend, well email me emc1850@telus.net Believe me, EVERYONE has their own demons and issues to deal with, it's not what you get in life it is how we deal with it that makes all the difference. Believe me my life is far from perfect, and I'm not telling you how to deal with your problems but I'm here to help you if you need or want to talk. You are a great person Jayde, and I value and appreciate all your words of wisdom you have given me, and your encouragement, I am here!
Big Hugs and as always, lots of love
Liz :)
Big Hugs and as always, lots of love
Liz :)
Jayde, How are doing? I just logged on and it's 8:48 pm on the West Coast. If you want to send me an email to: vwgeri@verizon.net I could give you my phone # and you could call me if you like. I want to share with you what it was like a little bit and what it is like today. When I was drinking I was married to someone who was not at all right for me, we were miserable, the only thing we had in common was drinking and using and that fell apart too, I was in such a depression, I weighed 30 lbs more than I do now, I sometimes couldn't even get out of bed for four days at a time...except to get more alcohol and drugs...but I had a townhouse (that was trashed) 5 blocks from the ocean, two cars in the garage, two wonderful daughters, a great job and I was miserable! Fast forward, I am sober by the grace of God, nothing else, I live in a one bedroom apt I share with my 15 year old, very challenging daughter, I sleep in the living room on a futon and give her the bedroom, I owe thousands of dollars due to some bad mistakes, my divorce and the attorney fees...but I'm whittling my way out...it may take a while but that's okay, cause I'm sober. Is everyday good, nope it's not...sometimes I'm very sad...sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm on the pity pot. But, I just don't pick up a drink no matter what...I've said it before and I'll say it again if I can get sober and stay sober anybody can...I was a hope to die alcoholic/addict woman. Let me know how you are doing.
Jayde, no preachin from here. You're goin the right road seeing what you want. Sometimes staying on the road is tough as heck. You're ok in my book. *smile*
Thanks everyone for being here for me. Yesterday sucked big time. Sorry i didn't get back on last night so i didn't see your posts til now, otherwise i would've emailed you guys;) I'm starting to wonder if i'm losing my mind. I hate my husband right now he is just an a******!!!!!! I swear he is a professional at reverse pschycology. I mean it...i really think he is trying to drive me nuts! He is just miserable all the time, no matter what. It's starting to turn me into a hateful person, and i'm really NOT a hateful person;( He even tries to turn my parents against me, because he's trying to make himself look good.) See, it sounds bad, but my parents don't care too much for him at all and they feel that he is the cause of alot of my problems, which he is, but they have been a little disapointed in me because they know i've been drinking again off and on, so now they don't know who to believe. But the thing that kills me is my husband knows how much my parents mean to me, and now he's even trying to screw that up. The bottom line is, he doesn't want me to have any contact with anyone. He would never admit it, but i know that's what he's doing. He absolutely hates me to be on this computer! I don't care though...it's all i have;(
VWGirl...thanks soooo much for sharing that with me....i hope i can be half the woman that you are someday;)
VWGirl...thanks soooo much for sharing that with me....i hope i can be half the woman that you are someday;)
Jayde- it is the typical if I cant have you no-one else will mentality. I know, I went through that with my exagf and HER exabf. Control. What do YOU want, Jayde? Is the relationship with nthe 2 of you not what you want in your heart, and you want to move on? ah these decisions we all have to make. Don't let the fear of being alone keep you trapped in a place you are miserable. Hang in there!
Jayde, I know how you feel... things have been getting better for me in a lot of areas of my life, but I'm still not really happy, and I envy what a lot of people have - great educations, careers they love, homes of their own, strong relationships, etc. Often I feel like a huge failure, so many of my relatives have such good, upstanding lives so when I go to famiily reunions etc I feel ashamed of how little I've accomplished in my life. But that's my thing, not theirs. I don't know you well, obviously, but I think you have a huge heart and so much to offer, and I bet your little boy thinks you're pretty special too. If your H doesn't appreciate you it's ultimately his loss. I've never been married so I don't know too much to say to you, but if your H isn't willing to compomise or work on things maybe you should think about making a change in the future? It really does sound like a case of misery loves company - bringing you down makes him feel better somehow. And if he doesn't treat you well it may be a big part of why you feel so down on yourself. You don't deserve to be treated poorly, and your little boy doesnt deserve to see it happen. Keep posting, I hope things will get better for you, sending hugs and wishes your way...
Jayde my love and hugs to you find the warrior within and draw a line and in small steps take back your life and use whatever is available, go and see your parents talk, talk ,talk the time for the truth is now, let your husband as*fu*k himself by trying to start lies but he can't if the people you care for know the truth.
Hey Ciaobella some people can buy happiness and some people are good at faking it and them some people after many life lessons actually find it... keep going you are on your way.
Hey Idgie you are gonna make an awesome sponsor one day:)
I'm having acces troubles to the net and life is busy for next few days but i am thinking of you all so look for the smiles the adds that make you laugh and sing songs out loud enjoy life and it will enjoy you:):):):)
Light and love Zac
Hey Ciaobella some people can buy happiness and some people are good at faking it and them some people after many life lessons actually find it... keep going you are on your way.
Hey Idgie you are gonna make an awesome sponsor one day:)
I'm having acces troubles to the net and life is busy for next few days but i am thinking of you all so look for the smiles the adds that make you laugh and sing songs out loud enjoy life and it will enjoy you:):):):)
Light and love Zac
Hey Zac, sorry you havent been able to post much, as always your words of wisdom go straight to the heart. I guess there are many people/familes everyone sees as perfect that are anything but, I just let frustration blind me. I'm trying hard now to make myself happier, at 33 I still have time although I still regret all the time I've wasted. For a long time I sat waiting for someone else to come along and change my life and finally realized that only I can do that. Still working on it though, it's hard but at least now I'm a little more aware. Thanks again Zac for all your wise words. They are invaluable.
Jayde, I hope you are feeling better?? Hugs and keep in touch...
Jayde, I hope you are feeling better?? Hugs and keep in touch...
Jayde, How are you doing now? Just wanted to let you know I'm thinkin' about ya!
Hey Ciaobella you havn't wasted any time in your life because it is all learning and you will be able to use it and do now to help other people in recovery with your wisdom, keep posting
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
Thanks sooo much everyone for your kind words. You all mean so much to me;) Why is it that you all can understand what i'm saying, and my husband doesn't have a clue?;(
Wonders, HI!!!! Hope you are doing well. Your post was right on! That's basically what i was trying to spit out, but you did it with alot less diarrhea of the mouth! lol....thanks.
Ciaobella, great, great post! Thanks for that;)
Hope you are all doing well and thanks again for being here for me;)
Wonders, HI!!!! Hope you are doing well. Your post was right on! That's basically what i was trying to spit out, but you did it with alot less diarrhea of the mouth! lol....thanks.
Ciaobella, great, great post! Thanks for that;)
Hope you are all doing well and thanks again for being here for me;)
We probably understand and can relate to you because we have a little more clarity now that we are sober. When I'd try to get sober when I was married, on many occasions my ex-husband would sabotage my efforts...he didn't want to lose his drinking buddy....
