tHIS MIGHT SEEM REALY WEIRD THAT IM ASKING FOR ONE OF YOU, OR SOME OF YOU, OR ALL OF YOU, WHOEVER ANSWERS, BUT IT MIGHT SOUND WEIRD WHAT IM ABOUT TO ASK......
IM AN ADDICT(ADDICTED TO PAIN KILLERS) AND HAVE BEEN FOR ABOUT 4 YEARS NOW, I WENT TO TREATMENT AND HAVE COME OUT OF ALL OF IT PRITTY WELL(SOMEDAYS BETTER THAN OTHERS) BUT I HAVE THIS MAN IN MY LIFE...HE'S GREAT AND WONDERFUL......WHEN HE'S NOT DRINKING!!!!!
HE SEEMS TO GET ABOUT 6MONTHS SOBER AND CLEAN AND THEN HE RELAPSES AGAIN AND AGAIN, AND IT TAKES US AT LEAST ANOTHER 6MONTHS TO GET HIM BACK ON TRACK. I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND I REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON HIM, EVEN WHEN HE'S HITTING ME CAUSE I REFUSE TO GIVE HIM MONEYT FOR LIQUOR WHEN HES OUT. I STAY WITH HIM THROUGH ALL OF THE BAD AND ALL OF THE HORRIBLE AND ALL OF THE HORRIBLY BAD THINGS THAT HE DOS AND SAYS AND THINKS!!! HE TELLS ME THAT HE HATES ME WHEN HES DRUNK AND HE TRIES TO HIT ME AND THEN AFTER HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IM LOWWER THAN LOW, AND I GET TO THE POINT TO WHERE IM READY TO GIVE UP AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE, HE SOBERS UP AND CALLS AND TELLS ME HOW MUCH I HAVE HELPED HIM AND HOW I HAVE SAVED HIS LIFE SOOOOO MANY TIMES AND THAT HE CANT LIVE WITHOUT ME AND TO PLEASE COME BACK HOME. SO WHAT DO I DO...I GO BACK HOME!!!! IM THE ONE THATS GOT A F#$*ED UP WAY OF THINKING, NOT HIM!!!!
ANYWAY, I COULD GO ON FOR A LIFETIME ABOUT ALL THIS , THE POINT IS..I UNDERSTAND THE WHYOLE ADDICTION PROSSES, I REALY DO...LIKE I SAID, IM ONE TOO...BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOES THIS TO ME AND IS IT ALL TRUE WHAT HE SAYS WHEN HES DRUNK TO ME??? IS HE REALY BEING HONEST THEN AND LIEING TO ME WHEN HES SOBER CAUSE IM THE ONLY GOLABLE ONE THAT WILL PUT UP WITH HIS S$#T AND KEEP GOING BACK AND SAVEING HIM?????
I DONT WANT ANYOTHER WOPMEN TO WALK INTO OUR LIVES AND TRY TO HELP HIM AND HE TELLS ME ALL THE TIME THAT IF I DONT HELP HIM, THEN SOEMONE ELES WILL. I'V TRIED THINKING THAT I SHOULD JUST GO AWAY FROM HIM UNTIL HE GETS BETTER AND LET HIM GET THE HELP HE NEEDS BY HIMSELF...BUT I DONT WANT TO LEAVE AND LOOSE HIM WHEN HE DOES GET BETTER AND ITS NOT FAIR FOR ANOTHER WOMEN TO GET THE GREAT PART OF HIM WHILE I HAD TO PUT UP WITH THE HORRIBLE PART, AND ALL THE HITS AND YELLS AND SCREAMS.
IS THIS TYPE OF CRAP NORMAL IN AN ALCOHOLICS LIFE??? IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS TO RELATIONSHIPS IN THE END??? AND AM I IN FOR THIS FOR THE REAT OF MY LIFE?? IS THERE HOPE LIKE THERE WAS FOR ME?? AND IF SOOO MANY DRINKERS HAVE FOUND THE AA WAY OF LIFE AND HOW TO LIVE DRINK FREE....WHY CANT HE??? HE JUST DOSNT GET IT AFTER 28 YEARS!!!! WHATS SOOO DIFFERENT ABOUT HIM THAN OTHERS>???
IM SORRY FOR WRITEING SOOO MUCH, BUT IT FELT REALY GOOD TO GET IT ALL OUT OF MY HEAD AT LEAST.!!! THATS GOT TO BE WHAT THIS SITE IS FOR..TO JUST GET IT ALL OUT AND FEEL ALITTLE BIT BETTER AT THE END OF THE DAY!!!
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND TAKEING THE TIME TO HELP ME. IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU OUT THERE THAT HAVE ANY COMMENTS, AND OR ADVISE TO GIVE TO ME!!!
THANKS AGAIN....HelpMe
Help Me,
Well the one thing that stuck out to me about your post the most was that he is physically abusive to you. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! Under no circumstance should he put his hands on you. I don't care if he is drunk. No one has the right to hurt you. That alone should be enough for you to walk away.
With that said...I was in an abusive relationship a long time ago and people would tell me until they were blue in the face that I should leave. I didn't leave until I had had enough. You will get to that point too. I hope it comes sooner rather than later before you get hurt really badly.
You said that you are also an addict but that doesn't mean you deserve his abuse. Take care of yourself and know that you deserve better than some jackass that hits you and threatens you and tells you that if you don't help him someone else will. Let someone else help him. Then they can take his abuse.
Welcome to the board. I have been gone for a while but I used to post quite regularly. Sorry if I sound harsh but physical abuse is a harsh matter. Get out before it's too late.
Keep coming back to the boards. Many people here have great advice and you will probably even come away with some really great friends as I have.
Take care and I wish you all the luck with this.
Well the one thing that stuck out to me about your post the most was that he is physically abusive to you. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! Under no circumstance should he put his hands on you. I don't care if he is drunk. No one has the right to hurt you. That alone should be enough for you to walk away.
With that said...I was in an abusive relationship a long time ago and people would tell me until they were blue in the face that I should leave. I didn't leave until I had had enough. You will get to that point too. I hope it comes sooner rather than later before you get hurt really badly.
You said that you are also an addict but that doesn't mean you deserve his abuse. Take care of yourself and know that you deserve better than some jackass that hits you and threatens you and tells you that if you don't help him someone else will. Let someone else help him. Then they can take his abuse.
Welcome to the board. I have been gone for a while but I used to post quite regularly. Sorry if I sound harsh but physical abuse is a harsh matter. Get out before it's too late.
Keep coming back to the boards. Many people here have great advice and you will probably even come away with some really great friends as I have.
Take care and I wish you all the luck with this.
Mmmmm......sounds to me like you are making too many excuses for him.
He too has f***ed up thinking; a) he is alcoholic, b) violent.
Also, you are possessing an illusion of him that doesn't exist, and you don't want any other woman to have that in reality. It might not ever become reality. On the other hand it might, but how can you build a loving relationship out of a violent and abusive mess?
I feel your post is full of fear, it is addictive clinging, not love.
I am not just casting judgements here, I was in a violent relationship myself - two actually. One with an alcoholic, one with a heroin addict. I can completely understand what you are saying, but from my own experience it is a delusional reality of what could be; putting him on a pedestal, and excusing the abuse because he is ill.
He is violent - it ain't worth it, it is going nowhere. You are just a punchbag that keeps coming back for more. Do himself and yourself a favour and get out. Oh, and don' t imagine he will go off into the sunset meet a new woman and have a rosy relationship, he has too far to go for that to happen. It just don't work that way.
Good luck.
He too has f***ed up thinking; a) he is alcoholic, b) violent.
Also, you are possessing an illusion of him that doesn't exist, and you don't want any other woman to have that in reality. It might not ever become reality. On the other hand it might, but how can you build a loving relationship out of a violent and abusive mess?
I feel your post is full of fear, it is addictive clinging, not love.
I am not just casting judgements here, I was in a violent relationship myself - two actually. One with an alcoholic, one with a heroin addict. I can completely understand what you are saying, but from my own experience it is a delusional reality of what could be; putting him on a pedestal, and excusing the abuse because he is ill.
He is violent - it ain't worth it, it is going nowhere. You are just a punchbag that keeps coming back for more. Do himself and yourself a favour and get out. Oh, and don' t imagine he will go off into the sunset meet a new woman and have a rosy relationship, he has too far to go for that to happen. It just don't work that way.
Good luck.
Good suggestions from the two ladies who posted before me....it's hard to leave I know, and I for one, have a hard time leaving a relationship... I stayed with the same man for almost 20 years in a sham of a marriage, when I realized at 6 years it was over...I know this isn't for everyone, but have you tried Ala-non?
Gidday Helpme
You cannot mentally live your partners recovery or lack of it because it will make youre recovery falter, you are already living it physically etc.
The hope you are using up in your mind for him is taking away from your own recovery. Go to Alanon and start to pick up the tools you will need to set him free and yourself.
For 13 years i used my partner for the feelgood i needed when i was sober and when i was drunk i used alcohol to cover all my other addictions. I would say what she needed to hear just to get her off my back and i knew when to cry on cue at the Monday night grilling. Youre partner will only give up if he wants to and when he does if he does then and only then will decisions of the future and who is in it have any real bearing.
So whatever happens you need to protect yourself.
I watched my mother and all us kids take beating after beating untill that was all my mum felt comfortable with because at least she was needed for something. Dont go there with your own life and it is only his negativety that has you doubting a future without him.
If he is true for you then he will be there when he, if he gets sober, dont stop your life waiting for that day
Light and love Zac
You cannot mentally live your partners recovery or lack of it because it will make youre recovery falter, you are already living it physically etc.
The hope you are using up in your mind for him is taking away from your own recovery. Go to Alanon and start to pick up the tools you will need to set him free and yourself.
For 13 years i used my partner for the feelgood i needed when i was sober and when i was drunk i used alcohol to cover all my other addictions. I would say what she needed to hear just to get her off my back and i knew when to cry on cue at the Monday night grilling. Youre partner will only give up if he wants to and when he does if he does then and only then will decisions of the future and who is in it have any real bearing.
So whatever happens you need to protect yourself.
I watched my mother and all us kids take beating after beating untill that was all my mum felt comfortable with because at least she was needed for something. Dont go there with your own life and it is only his negativety that has you doubting a future without him.
If he is true for you then he will be there when he, if he gets sober, dont stop your life waiting for that day
Light and love Zac
Are you KIDDING ME!? You've finally started getting your life turned around and now you want to pick up another addiction, i.e., abuse? I don't understand the whole, "He's beating the snot out of me but I know he loves me," rationalization, really I don't. What kind of a man has such disrespect for another human being that he feels the need to beat the s*** out of them because he loves them? Especially a woman? Let's not even GO THERE with children! Get out, get a restraining order (so it's documented), get a friend (buddy system so that you're not alone when DumFuk comes calling), and find a shelter. NOW. Don't wait and don't rationalize.
There are way too many lonely guys out there who know and respect how to treat women well that some jerk-off abusive son-of-a-b**** should beallowed to ruin another one.
Grrrr.
There are way too many lonely guys out there who know and respect how to treat women well that some jerk-off abusive son-of-a-b**** should beallowed to ruin another one.
Grrrr.
Please go to al-anon....they can help you gain some perspective.
