Hi guys, I need to say it out loud.....I'm so sickof the drink, I'm tired of feeling that labelled person, I NEED to love myself, I NEED to be a fully conscious Mum to my three children, I want to feel comfy with my sobriety and need some sort of crutch to help me keep it. I'm fed up of hurting those close to me, my partner and my children, I'm sick of the lies. I was dry for 12 moths whilst I had my little girl never touched a drop and now I'm back on this rollercoaster knowing I simply HAVE to get off it. I wish I knew why I do it, why do we do it? can somebody please tell me? I cant make sense of it, my partner asks me why and I cant tell him. the demons are there and no matter how strong I am sometimes my mind pursuades me its ok to drink and its not am I going mad?
Hi Flojo, and welcome!
You've taken the first step, and that's to recognize you have a problem. It's a problem many, many, MANY thousands of people have. A bunch of them are here providing the "WE" in the support steps.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, too. Hangovers every morning and SEARING to myself that I'd put it down. By the time noon rolled around, though, I'd be figuring out where I was going to buy my next bottle of wine, where the empty ones were from last night, and how much damage had been caused. After a while even the memory of the latter two was gone due to blacking out and not caring. I could only HOPE I'd taken care of the rubbish while I was on my drink.
I did a good job of it, too. I had regular places to put stuff and many times I could hide things in plain sight--that is, leaving an open bottle in the fridge (even though I'd pour into it from hidden stashes).
I hadn't gotten a DUI yet, I hadn't lost my job YET, I hadn't lost my family YET, but it was just a matter of time. I had all my yets and still I could not stop drinking. I didn't WANT to face it. I was the ONLY PERSON who DID NOT HAVE A PROBLEM. I'd tried everything: controlled drinking, only drinking while with others, only drinking after 5PM, only drinking when I was awake, you get the picture. I finally had to admit to myself that I was Powerless. THEN I had to get up the guts and BALLS to go to a meeting. How could I POSSIBLY be a drunk like all of those people? Weren't they all bowl-hugging, ditch living, trolls that lived in cardboard boxes?
A friend of a friend offered to accompany me to my first meeting.
24 April--my first meeting
For ME, after denying that AA and Face to Face (F2F) meetings could possibly help me, I found my epiphany. If you follow my progress on this website, I've relied HEAVILY on being able to work my stuff here.
As I said, this is what worked for me. After years of anguish, hangovers and self-denigration, I've found a life I never could have imagined: Alcohol free, chem free, and angst free. And all I had to do was "Give Up and Give God," or my Higher Power. And the people here that have become my sponsors. May their HP give them extra points for having the patience to put up with my stubborn a** until I found my own.
It works if you work it.
You've taken the first step, and that's to recognize you have a problem. It's a problem many, many, MANY thousands of people have. A bunch of them are here providing the "WE" in the support steps.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, too. Hangovers every morning and SEARING to myself that I'd put it down. By the time noon rolled around, though, I'd be figuring out where I was going to buy my next bottle of wine, where the empty ones were from last night, and how much damage had been caused. After a while even the memory of the latter two was gone due to blacking out and not caring. I could only HOPE I'd taken care of the rubbish while I was on my drink.
I did a good job of it, too. I had regular places to put stuff and many times I could hide things in plain sight--that is, leaving an open bottle in the fridge (even though I'd pour into it from hidden stashes).
I hadn't gotten a DUI yet, I hadn't lost my job YET, I hadn't lost my family YET, but it was just a matter of time. I had all my yets and still I could not stop drinking. I didn't WANT to face it. I was the ONLY PERSON who DID NOT HAVE A PROBLEM. I'd tried everything: controlled drinking, only drinking while with others, only drinking after 5PM, only drinking when I was awake, you get the picture. I finally had to admit to myself that I was Powerless. THEN I had to get up the guts and BALLS to go to a meeting. How could I POSSIBLY be a drunk like all of those people? Weren't they all bowl-hugging, ditch living, trolls that lived in cardboard boxes?
A friend of a friend offered to accompany me to my first meeting.
24 April--my first meeting
For ME, after denying that AA and Face to Face (F2F) meetings could possibly help me, I found my epiphany. If you follow my progress on this website, I've relied HEAVILY on being able to work my stuff here.
As I said, this is what worked for me. After years of anguish, hangovers and self-denigration, I've found a life I never could have imagined: Alcohol free, chem free, and angst free. And all I had to do was "Give Up and Give God," or my Higher Power. And the people here that have become my sponsors. May their HP give them extra points for having the patience to put up with my stubborn a** until I found my own.
It works if you work it.
Thanks skg, I'm going to go to a meeting locally this weekend or next week, If i'm to be truthful, I never went into it before wholeheartedly wanting sobriety, we always think we can handle it by ourselves dont we? Its stronger than me but I'm so determined now to beat this thing, I have to. Thanks for your kind words of support. It makes me want to succeed.
Read the "How it Works," section of the Big Book (you can find it online here) and read it slowly--with conviction. Remember that YOU are doing it for YOU. WE are here to help.
read and digested, I must go to a meeting, everything in it is so true, I need to locate the HP within myself and for once instead of running around worrying about everything and everyone else think about ME and my sobriety. Hey I got through today and didnt pick up a drink, need to get myself a sponsor and start from scratch...one day at a time....and Happy birthday to you, what an accomplishment!!!
Nothing seemed to work for me except to go to meetings, read the Big Book, and not pick up a drink for today. "Let Go and Let MYGod" works for me--and I have to share, too. It is, in fact, a WE thing...
Congratulations on your first 24--go to a F2F and pick up a 24 hour chip! It's silly, but I've always been attuned to shiny objects...
:)
Congratulations on your first 24--go to a F2F and pick up a 24 hour chip! It's silly, but I've always been attuned to shiny objects...
:)
Hi Flojo,
Welcome to our little group of people who are day by day staying sober. You can do that too. You know, the one thing that really really helps me and it is so true, is that as long as you stay away from that first drink then you are ok. It is all in that one drink. For me hell would begin as soon as I have bought that can of special brew.......... I know that is where it would start. All I have to do is never be in a position where I realistically go and buy that can. I know that can will lead to another, to another to a whole huge binge.
So, it is beautifully simple - don't take that first drink and then you will be fine.
There's alot of demons lying underneath the drink which are the reasons why you do it. As you sober up and stay sober those demons will start to show themselves and you will begin to understand why you drank.
Stick around, this place is grand!!
Welcome to our little group of people who are day by day staying sober. You can do that too. You know, the one thing that really really helps me and it is so true, is that as long as you stay away from that first drink then you are ok. It is all in that one drink. For me hell would begin as soon as I have bought that can of special brew.......... I know that is where it would start. All I have to do is never be in a position where I realistically go and buy that can. I know that can will lead to another, to another to a whole huge binge.
So, it is beautifully simple - don't take that first drink and then you will be fine.
There's alot of demons lying underneath the drink which are the reasons why you do it. As you sober up and stay sober those demons will start to show themselves and you will begin to understand why you drank.
Stick around, this place is grand!!
Welcome Flojo...
How awesome to read your post...
Way to go!!! I remember that first 24hrs very clearly and it's huge...For me, I had to go to meetings and get comfortable with myself and slowly, the more meetings I attended, the more I came to believe in my HP, God...
You're on your way....let us know how your meeting goes...you're hanging out with good company on here...SKG is a shining example of how recovery works if you work it...
Glad to see you here and I so look forward to getting to know you better...
xoxo
Stacey
How awesome to read your post...
| QUOTE |
| Hey I got through today and didnt pick up a drink |
Way to go!!! I remember that first 24hrs very clearly and it's huge...For me, I had to go to meetings and get comfortable with myself and slowly, the more meetings I attended, the more I came to believe in my HP, God...
You're on your way....let us know how your meeting goes...you're hanging out with good company on here...SKG is a shining example of how recovery works if you work it...
Glad to see you here and I so look forward to getting to know you better...
xoxo
Stacey
Welcome Flojo! Congratulations on not picking up a drink for 24 hours, if you are anything like me it is a huge deal not to drink for 24 hours! I was told early on that it's the first drink that will get me drunk. "One drink is too many and a thousand is not enough" . Keep comin' back and let us know how you are doing.
SKG, thank you for your powerful posts, so glad I checked the site tonight!
SKG, thank you for your powerful posts, so glad I checked the site tonight!
Hi Flojo,
Why do I drink? Well I drank because I was angry, felt offended, I was afraid, I was depressed, I had anxiety & stress. I drank because I was afraid, bored, lonely. I drank to relax, I drank to sleep & relax, I drank for energy, I drank for a reward, I drank for fun, I drank because I felt self-pity, I drank because I wanted to socialize . I drank because I was defeated, I drank because I felt inadequate. I drank because I felt unlovable, I drank because I had a headache, I drank because I broke my legs. I drank because somebody pissed me off or hurt my feelings. I drank because I thought it gave me control. I drank because I was sexually molested, beaten physically & emotionally in my childhood. I was physically & emotionally abused in my married adult life as well. Now I'm trying to get off the roller coaster. So, I allow myself to actually feel my emotions face them straight on instead of running away to escape them. At out patient re-hab the counselors teach that EVERYONE drinks/drugs guess what TO CHANGE THE WAY THEY FEEL. The only problem is I'm an alcoholic/addict who can't stop 80% -90% when I start. As the others said go to AA, find counseling if thats what you need. Because you & your family don't have to stay in the dark & suffer anymore. Find out what triggers you and deal with it. Watch the cravings pass on by until your HP/God has removed them. Learn new coping skills so you can pursue the life you deserve Flojo. Keep reading posting & working at it one day at a time. My biggest problem is me thinking with my carnal body forgetting that I'm a beautiful spirit a precious soul made by my creator God. Take Care, Your Friend, Chris
Why do I drink? Well I drank because I was angry, felt offended, I was afraid, I was depressed, I had anxiety & stress. I drank because I was afraid, bored, lonely. I drank to relax, I drank to sleep & relax, I drank for energy, I drank for a reward, I drank for fun, I drank because I felt self-pity, I drank because I wanted to socialize . I drank because I was defeated, I drank because I felt inadequate. I drank because I felt unlovable, I drank because I had a headache, I drank because I broke my legs. I drank because somebody pissed me off or hurt my feelings. I drank because I thought it gave me control. I drank because I was sexually molested, beaten physically & emotionally in my childhood. I was physically & emotionally abused in my married adult life as well. Now I'm trying to get off the roller coaster. So, I allow myself to actually feel my emotions face them straight on instead of running away to escape them. At out patient re-hab the counselors teach that EVERYONE drinks/drugs guess what TO CHANGE THE WAY THEY FEEL. The only problem is I'm an alcoholic/addict who can't stop 80% -90% when I start. As the others said go to AA, find counseling if thats what you need. Because you & your family don't have to stay in the dark & suffer anymore. Find out what triggers you and deal with it. Watch the cravings pass on by until your HP/God has removed them. Learn new coping skills so you can pursue the life you deserve Flojo. Keep reading posting & working at it one day at a time. My biggest problem is me thinking with my carnal body forgetting that I'm a beautiful spirit a precious soul made by my creator God. Take Care, Your Friend, Chris
Excellent post Lookinup!
Gidday Flojo
Awesome posts from everyday people sharing experience strength and hope, congradulations on one day and hang onto the gratitude for one day sober and use it if needed, we are all one day sober for today and after awhile they add up, one day at a time.
If you can get to AA meetings and also if your partner is keen to understand suggest Alanon as an option or even an open AA meeting where he may ask the question as a topic.
I drank because i loved the mayhem and blackout and of course i do love the f ing stuff, and yet it wanted to kill me and also i am one of the 10% who when they use any mindaltering substance one is too many and a thousand is not enough and usually it continues to a rock bottom which can differ for everyone.
Flojo start on the journey of recovery and embrace it with all your heart and seek help from any positive source:)
Light and love zac
Awesome posts from everyday people sharing experience strength and hope, congradulations on one day and hang onto the gratitude for one day sober and use it if needed, we are all one day sober for today and after awhile they add up, one day at a time.
If you can get to AA meetings and also if your partner is keen to understand suggest Alanon as an option or even an open AA meeting where he may ask the question as a topic.
I drank because i loved the mayhem and blackout and of course i do love the f ing stuff, and yet it wanted to kill me and also i am one of the 10% who when they use any mindaltering substance one is too many and a thousand is not enough and usually it continues to a rock bottom which can differ for everyone.
Flojo start on the journey of recovery and embrace it with all your heart and seek help from any positive source:)
Light and love zac
Thanks, I'm keeping busy and have stuff in place...as they say just for today. thanks for all your posts. Lookin up, I cant wait for these cravings to pass on by the demons have been there this morning but I've chosen so far to ignore them. I went to meetings around 18 months ago and I guess I mustnt have been ready. We call all talk the talk and tell everyone what they want to hear, all the positives but I understand now that I was saying it but not believing what I was saying, does that make sense? I started drinking when I was about 15 yrs old, it made me feel warm and comfortable in my own little world, it was the odd one back then but soon progressed when I was about 17 and out everything I've done in my life has had consequences, and in a way I guess I've wallowed in it, from losing both my parents 6 months apart when I was 21 and 22 to the miscarriage and pregnancies that have never progressed, then I met and totally f****d up a marriage then lasted 11 yrs (2lovely kids) 1 messy divorce and no custody of my children (due to drink) one unhappy Flojo sat on her own drinking until I met Dan my partner who took all this mess on board and loved me for being me without hassling me or asking anything other than to try. I had a 2nd chance of motherhood and along came Anna 8 months ago, managed to stay sober 12 months and then feeling low over xmas I have my other 2 kids every other weekend and one night for t in the week and miss them like crazy, I caved in..oh the GUILT!!!! since then I've lapsed been ok for even weeks then lapsed again and its got to the point now where I'm sick of it, I look back and see what I've lost. It has cost me more than money I feel I need to buck myself up dust down and get the hell n with it now, I want my kids back! want my life back! want to live without these chains around me, most of all i want peace, I want this busy mind to shut up! I know I'm going on but I believe I'm ready....thanks for reading and thank God I found this forum as I believe I will find help from you all!!
Hi Flojo,
I can relate to your wondering why you drink, I used to wonder about my own drinking. I spent a long time wanting to be free, but wanting wasn't enough. Recovery for me happened when I moved from wondering why I drank to wondering how not to drink; I became willing to accept sobriety. My turning point was when I fully accepted how powerless I was over alcohol.
I hope you find your way to sobriety, you deserve to be free of this slavery.
one day at a time... Cookster
I can relate to your wondering why you drink, I used to wonder about my own drinking. I spent a long time wanting to be free, but wanting wasn't enough. Recovery for me happened when I moved from wondering why I drank to wondering how not to drink; I became willing to accept sobriety. My turning point was when I fully accepted how powerless I was over alcohol.
I hope you find your way to sobriety, you deserve to be free of this slavery.
one day at a time... Cookster
I ask myself every morning why I drink. I wake up and feel totally sick to my stomach. I get in the shower in hopes that it wash away my stinch from drinking all night. I get in the car and head to the gas station in order to get the biggest cup of coffee that serve. I hope by the time I make my twenty minute commute to work I will be awake and alert and ready for my daily 8 am meeting. I am usually not. I sat there while everyone else participates znd I feel guilty and wonder if anyone knows I am hung over and attempting to sober up. I am usually sober by lunch and then I am energetic and full off ideas. I usually say around lunch time that I am not gonna drink tonight..by 3 o'clock I am thinking, I cannot wait to get home and get a drink. This is a cycle that happens every day. I want to break the cycle. When I go into work on Monday mornings and everyone ask what I did this weekend, I don't want to have to make up stories because the truth is I drank all night Friday, all night and day Saturday and Sunday and did not do anything but sleep and drink...my, how did I end up here?
Hey absolute, I know how you are feeling, we all do on this forum If you want sobriety its there, I can taste it, I want to feel it, I need to learn how to cope with the cravings that little demon thats pops into your head, lets spur each other on, we CAN DO IT!!!!!!! lets break those chains and feel free. Have you ever been to any meetings? I'm off to one tomorrow evening hoping for a sponsor. U so deserve a good life away from all this s***! chin up, keep posting, keep reading, I'm doing it and its sinking in finally!! 2 days in and still sober....x
It's late and I NEVER post from home...
Flojo, did you get to a F2F? Tell us how it went! I know it's scary, but after you've done it once and realized that the people who've gone through this know the way and can guide you, all the fear seems to vanish. It WAS my awakening to a life I'd never known, or at least since I was a child. I often wonder how I would have turned out had I not allowed alcohol to become the epicenter of my world?
Flojo, did you get to a F2F? Tell us how it went! I know it's scary, but after you've done it once and realized that the people who've gone through this know the way and can guide you, all the fear seems to vanish. It WAS my awakening to a life I'd never known, or at least since I was a child. I often wonder how I would have turned out had I not allowed alcohol to become the epicenter of my world?
Hi, I'm going to a meeting tonight feel nervous but glad to be going. I know its going to be so up hill but I feel the urgency to do it now. I've had a confrontation over the phone today with my ex husband over access to the kids I am having very little at the moment as he doesnt trust me. So much to the point he is going away for a week next week and they will be staying at his bros. Makes me feel incompetent as a mother. I love and miss them beyond belief. If something usually pushesme over the edge its mostly this, whichwas my doing in the first place you all understand where I'm at? Well I've not picked up that drink...
I am so gonna do this.......
Hope u are all having a good, sober day....
Flojo x
I am so gonna do this.......
Hope u are all having a good, sober day....
Flojo x
My wreckage didn't disappear, but it's becoming more manageable for me. Remember, you don't have to do this alone--that's what you'll find in meetings (there are many different ones, so visit a couple to get a comfy zone)--because it's the WE in the steps and Promises that makes it so relevant. Be open to everything, expect nothing--Let Go and Let YOURGod--and you'll find a new happiness.
And if you need a Higher Power until you find yours, you can borrow mine!
:)
And if you need a Higher Power until you find yours, you can borrow mine!
:)
thanks skg, wonder if I will get a sponsor? hope so, could do with all the support we can get cant we? keep you posted...
x flojo
x flojo
