I'm 4 Today (vwgirl)

Alcohol
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Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! I am celebrating my four year sobriety birthday today (still having a bit of PC problems though)....just wanted to share my experience, strength and hope with all of you. I know some of you have already read it, buy hey I'm gonna try to make it an annual tradition to post it! Hope everyone is well, can you believe a drunk like me hasn't picked up a drink or snorted cocaine in four years??? I talked to my Dad today who I haven't seen in almost 17 years; my youngest daughter has 26 days today; I have a good relationship with the rest of my family and my best friend, who happens to be my sister is on the program too! Life is good today!

What it was like: I grew up in California the oldest of two girls. My Mother, although neurotic was not alcoholic or addict, however, my Father was and is now what I consider a dry drunk. I never felt "normal" or "part of" for as far back as I remember, but when I was sixteen years old and tried coke for the first time I knew all my problems had been solved...little did I know that was not going to be the case. I "partied" by drinking myself into blackouts and using coke to be able to drink more. I never used either substance recreationally, I only used them to "numb out", to bury my feelings. At times both chemicals would work for me, however most times they would not...I inevitably would end up physically ill, then my emotional state became jeopardized as well...

What happened: Graduated from High School, dated all of the wrong men, landed a job at a local Corporation, married the wrong man, bought a couple of houses, cars, etc - most of the material things I had always wanted for status...had two daughters - all this done while using and drinking. However, during every milestone of my life: getting engaged, getting married, becoming pregnant, buying a house, landing that job, etc I thought I should get my sh** together - my sister introduced me to the 12 Step program when I was 23 and in my heart of hearts I knew I was an alcoholic, couldn't admit I was an addict, oh, no, not me - addict how disgusting I thought! Well, I tried to get clean and sober for about twenty years (popping in and out of the program - mostly out) and tried various other programs and religious organizations to try to get "well". Nothing worked...I honestly thought I would die a hopeless, desperate drunk/addict woman. Well, in May of 2002 I left that man I was with for twenty years because of his using and drinking and inability to stay employed - he had a problem not me (smile). Took the kids with me and boy, did that speed up my alcoholism/addiction. I started to sneak drugs and alcohol into my place of employment to get through the day and needed a tumbler full of vodka and a couple of lines just to jump start my day (something I swore I would never do, use and drink in the morning - oh, it was okay as long as I did it when I came home from work, but yuck in the morning - well, that's where my addiction took me to...) So, one morning I walked off my job (thankfully, they have kept me employed and I have 23 years with that Corporation). Once again I broke a promise to my daughters (who are 20 and 16, almost 21 and 17) and they walked out on me...to go live with their Dad. That was my wake up call, when my oldest daughter screamed at me "You are nothing but a f' in alcoholic and we are not coming back" - she took her little sister by the hand and left. I called my sister who I had just reconciled with and told her I needed help, I had all the material possessions I needed in the world, however, all I wanted was sobriety. I went to my sisters and started to detox, I called Central Office and immediately went to an AA meeting...what I am doing differently than what I did during the previous twenty years I tried to get clean and sober before is this: attend 12 step meetings on a daily basis, if possible, have a Sponsor, follow her direction, work the 12 steps and the 12 traditions in my daily life, have the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober and clean, I surrender my will and my life to my Higher Power each and every day (I pray and meditate daily), I'm of service to other alcoholics and addicts and I take commitments (I currently have three) at the meetings I attend. Nothing today, and I say today - because I only have today, is more important than my sobriety, not my kids, not my job, not my place where I live, nothing, because without my sobriety I have nothing. I totally embrace the 12 Step Program's way to achieve sobriety and recovery...I never want to forget where I came from...I am a liar, cheat and thief and addict/alcoholic through and through...

What's It's Like Now: I am a 48 year professional woman, I live by the beach in California, am gainfully still employed in "Corporate" America, my 16 year old daughter lives with me full time again, I have my Higher Power walking with me day in and day out, I am never alone - and know I never have to do this thing alone...I am dating a great guy...I am celebrating FOUR YEARS of sobriety on this here 22 November 2007 what a day of Thanksgiving - unbelievable, I am a miracle - if I can do it - after twenty-eight years of continuous drinking and using -you can too! Keep the faith - remember "First things First; One Day at a Time; This too Shall Pass; Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes...all those corny cliches, hey but they work for me and countless others...I wish each and everyone of you the peace and serenity I have found. Thank you for allowing me to perform a 12 step call on each of you who read this...ending this post with heartfelt gratitude.
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Gidday VWG

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,happy birthday dear VW happy birthday to you....yyyaaaaaayyyy

Thankyou VWGirl for your rigourous honesty, endless gratitude and life inspiring experience, strength and hope. Youre ability to tune into the now and life experience sharing have helped this grateful Alky with every post read, youre enthusiasm for recovery is so infectious i catch it every time.
Thanks VW for being there.

light and love Zac
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Congratulations and Happy Birthday!
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Happy Birthday VW!! You are awsome!!

I still apreciate your welcoming words when I first posted to the board, at my rock bottom, wondering if it was possible for me to be sober... I enjoy your warmth , strength and experience .....

have a happy thanksgiving holiday... Cookster
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That is amazing VW. Congratulations and well done. I really hope that one day I will be where you are today. XX x XX
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Thanks for sharing, Geri. I'd like to say something profound but words escape me, and that's a good thing. You're so blessed to get a second chance at life. Thanks for giving some back.

s
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gerri
I left you a note under "HappyThanksgiving" in this forum
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Thank you so much Zac, SKG, Cookster, Ruth, Jack & MnM,

I am very, very grateful for this gift of sobriety that has been given to me by my Higher Power's grace...life is good today and I took a cake at a Women's stag meeting last night and then at a "Reflections" meeting this morning...I want to humbly thank all of you and the others here that have helped this woman who was once a hopeless alcoholic/addict be free of that bondage one day at a time.

Have a wonderful weekend all!
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Thank you Janet too....I really enjoy your posts and can identify with so much ~ since we got sober about the same time and we are pretty close in age...thanks for being there for me, I appreciate it! Geri
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Bumping up for "Jones"