Hello everyone,
8/5/12
Intro:
You can call me "Krug", I'm a new member for the Marijuana forum. I was reading a over a handbook for my school and stumbled across this website link. I'm very skeptical about googling how to battle marijuana addiction but this forum has me convinced that there are active users who are willing to listen and help each other. Thanks in advance everyone.
Brief 'about me'
I have been a user of marijuana for almost 4 consecutive years, literally smoking pot 3-8x/day almost everyday out of the week. I am currently in my early twenties and currently in college for a health profession. I recently realized how much i need to quit smoking marijuana. Marijuana has gained its way through pop culture, songs, movies, etc (only to influence me more to use)... I once tried it when I was about 17 then picked it back up when i was about 19 or 20 then stopped . I'm a very well-mannered and respectable person, though i spend alot of time alone when im not out training @ my combat gym , working out, and attending fitness clubs at school, attending fulltime school or with my friends. I value my qualities and wish to see the world in a more clearer perspective so i can carry myself to 100%. Go ahead and read, i write alot lol....
How the Nightmare Began...
In college partying happens(who would've thought lol) usually im a social drinker drinking on the weekends with the close friends and attending many parties back then. I never considered alcohol use as a problem. When i was about 21, things began to turn into a dark nightmare. I lived with my family in a great house, had my own car, job, intellect for school (attending fulltime at a university). At age 20 everything was going great until my parents decided upon a divorce, things were just hectic, it took almost a whole year (summer to summer) to get the divorce situated, within that year of madness i was turning 21. I'm usually always at the house alone, as my parents worked and brother was at school and i was at either work or school so i hardly saw them. My parents got in many fights throughout the process and at that time i didnt understand fully why everything was happening the way it was and eventually that summer i woke up one morning and all of my mom and little brothers stuff were gone and they had moved out... It was such a dark awakening it made me depressed I viewed my perception of the world so dark and so negative, my self esteem began to drop to zero. then I picked up some marijuna..... Over the years my usage increased from once a month> once a week> once every day> 3-8 times a day every single day. I didnt think it was a problem until i felt the sense of lonliness and internal (non physical) pain without it. I have anxiety and have RX meds but i found myself even trading my anxiety meds for weed since i dont like to take them, and the money my pops would give me to go eat and hang out with friends i would spend on getting gas just to drive and obtain marijuana it made me feel such a deep guilt but i just had to get some. Marijuana takes alot of time out of my day when i could be focusing 110% on my school goals, exploring the world and taking a girl out to a movies n dinner. but instead i spent so much time shy'd away from what i wish i couldve been doing.
How it made me feel then and Today
I can honestly say that I have a very creative imagination. It seems like when i use it my imagination goes wild to the point of entertaining me. Now i realize this a scapegoat for how lonely ive been feeling since my parents and family split because eventualy these great imaginative feelings ceased. during my usage I would do creative and fun things like read things that I would like, listen to music, make music, dance, learn to cook (since no one could make me meals anymore), workout lift weights, draw, play video games,skate, research more on life (since im a health science major) etc.... I felt as marijuna gave me an ego boost to help with the sadness but only temporarily until i get my next high. then it began a part of my everyday life. Id smoke with my friends often but not as often as i would smoke by myself (80%). I dont like being alone anymore like i used to be content with it, but now i realize it's maybe causing my lonliness and pain. The past year was has been the worst smoking literally 24/7 (except when im in class or doing service hours for school; i always felt i needed to keep my pot smoking identity away from my colleagues which stopped me from reaching out and gaining better relationships) . Weed made me feel introspective and i would always look into the mirror for minutes to even an hour and somedays would see a great lookin guy of myself with confidence and high self esteem but somedays i would look and see a completely different and darker man which greyed out all my personal values and qualities which kind of disturbed me, everyday seemed to be a battle to get thru the day without feeling like crap with or without marijuna. I dont know how else to explain how it made me feel but now i realize I really need to stop. during the past month I made it 10days without using and let me tell you those were the best days so far since marijuana had a grip on me. I saw colors much brighter and the environment so much clearer, more aware of my surroundings, attention span was much better,got productive things done like passing entrance exams & focusing on my goal. Then one day I just picked up a gram ( don't know why) then the nightmare began once again for a whole week. then one night again i decided to stop after what i would call a final gathering with my friends before i go off to start school. I had a great time at the club with my friends experiencing no anxiety or social paranoia while on it, dancing the night away with my friends and my date. So i had orientation for school the next day felt like crap but relieved because i thought it was the last time i was ever touching marijuana. I went thru 2 days of school orientation and 1 day of soberness and i was fine. But this weekend I have hung out with my friends and gave into taking a hit from the bong. The way it made me feel was sooo intense that i flipped out on my friends (they were being obnoxious and belligerent to other drivers while i was driving) so when we got back to their house i had to tell them i needed to go home , ive never felt so uncomfortable in my life, every negative thought raced through my head, i became so short tempered and agitated. and Now today 8/5/12 i realized how much this marijuana thing has took over my life and is the root of my lonliness. So now im 24 hours clean and i really dont ever want to touch it again. I'm not sure what to expect with the withdrawals and stuff like that. But I would like to thank you all for listening and for any input that you would like to contribute. I just want to be stronger.
- Krug
Krug, I was a child of the 60s, hippy etc. and you sound like so many of my friends then. We all smoked, got high and continued to do very well in school and life. It all started to fall apart though at about 22. I lost several friends who just lost their minds and drifted about-to Haight Ashbury and things like that. Several died or got killed. I can't urge you enough on your mission to stop. Personally I know nothing about getting off pot (I am a Martini person) but others will.
This is a great site and I am glad you found it! You are very eloquent...
This is a great site and I am glad you found it! You are very eloquent...
I feel the same exact way you do. I stopped smoking for 6 days and went through so much hell! I was depressed, bitchy, angry just wanted to freak out constantl. The 7th day I just couldnt take it anymore and smoked now im back to smoking and dont know what to do but my relationship is on the line of this! And fyi is your name Nick your story sounds fimiliar!
Hello everyone!
"Krug" here, I just wanted to give you all a little update on my progress so far during this cold turkey battle. I had started school last week and made great progress throughout, completing my assignments, various reading assignments, and in class group assignments. I've met some very nice and respectable colleagues since the semester began which gave me more light to follow through with my decision to drop the plant. During the past week I've learned some more things about myself (through readings, lectures, and time spent with others); the first thing I learned that struck an importance to me was personal value. Personal value allows me to see who I am, what I am capable of, and how I can empower myself to be successful. Ive been sober for a week and day (as of today) and it feels exactly how it felt when I quit for 10 days earlier last month. I see my days aren't hazy, my mind isn't clouded with introspective thoughts and feelings, and I am sociable. The honest downside I have personally experienced is that sometimes I feel agitated, aggravated, frustrated, but not as much sad as I have felt before. I feel the progress and I feel my strength but I know cold turkey is easier said than done. I haven't felt the urge to want to smoke, nor do I have any intention of taking a puff or toking up with my friends.... so far at least.
So far the past week was great. Friday I got to hang out with my recently graduated friend, she also had a great experience this week with orientation at her new job and she was excited to tell me all about since I am pursuing the same profession. She's a sober individual who is highly respectable and we've been through school together in the past but haven't had a chance to get caught up since we were both pursuing a very demanding Major. She's aware that I am user but it makes me feel great to have her as my friend since she would never judge me in a negative sense. We talked about our past 2 years and experiences with school & work which got my mind off the darkness that was happening to me this summer. What I learned from this was; talking to someone positive can help reinforce your personal values. The very next day I hung out with my friends (some being users of marijuana) and of course weed was accessible at the barbecue. I kept myself sober during this experience, since in the past I would always give in to smoking with them or if weed was simply available during any social event. I felt exactly how I would think I would have felt if i was smoking, my mood would be the same, I would look and appear the same, but if I was smoking I realized that I would feel negatively introspective and over-analyzed, so it was a great thing that I didn't give in, heck! I honestly didn't even crave it! Of course alcohol was present at the bbq so I had a few drinks (of course responsibly) and still had an awesome time. I realized that I cannot judge others either since i always had this innate feeling(during my highs) that people judge me and honestly, I have judged others when I was using.
This sober perspective allowed me to feel that it is okay to have fun without using. This positive reassurance motivated me to try even harder.
I'm currently in my second week of the semester and I've gotten so much done. The reading assignments are pretty hefty but I feel more confident that I can finish them without procrastinating (like my past highs in school, even though I've always managed to complete my assignments, it was just a matter of "when" at the time). I've been keeping really busy while at home (unemployed) after school, keeping my room clean, doing dishes, cooking and what not, and managed to make time to do things that I like. I've learned in the past week that no matter who you are; you should ALWAYS make time for yourself to do things that you enjoy in my case it was getting caught up with my favorite TV shows, working out whenever I can, and keeping a good sense of humor. So my advice to you is set aside 1-2 hours a day for "you-time" no matter how busy you are and preoccupied you are with work,school, etc. because it is good for healthy release of soul and stress. Who cares if what your doing that's considered fun is making you feel guilty(hopefully nothing illegal =] lol ) just don't hold it against yourself that you're "procrastinating" because either way you need that release!
I'm glad I've gotten some responses from some of you, and Momma1 my name isn't Nick, but I do wish him the best in life since we have similar lifestyles, I'm sure it can be tough struggle sometimes. It's good to see some of you are reading this and of course I'm doing the same for all of your posts. But anyways, that's my update so far, I'm not going to make any promises or guarantees that I'll be able to quit it completely but as of now I'm remaining positive and knowing that it is a possibility. Stay strong guys and lets keep this rounded support going.
Thank you once again!
- "Krug"
"Krug" here, I just wanted to give you all a little update on my progress so far during this cold turkey battle. I had started school last week and made great progress throughout, completing my assignments, various reading assignments, and in class group assignments. I've met some very nice and respectable colleagues since the semester began which gave me more light to follow through with my decision to drop the plant. During the past week I've learned some more things about myself (through readings, lectures, and time spent with others); the first thing I learned that struck an importance to me was personal value. Personal value allows me to see who I am, what I am capable of, and how I can empower myself to be successful. Ive been sober for a week and day (as of today) and it feels exactly how it felt when I quit for 10 days earlier last month. I see my days aren't hazy, my mind isn't clouded with introspective thoughts and feelings, and I am sociable. The honest downside I have personally experienced is that sometimes I feel agitated, aggravated, frustrated, but not as much sad as I have felt before. I feel the progress and I feel my strength but I know cold turkey is easier said than done. I haven't felt the urge to want to smoke, nor do I have any intention of taking a puff or toking up with my friends.... so far at least.
So far the past week was great. Friday I got to hang out with my recently graduated friend, she also had a great experience this week with orientation at her new job and she was excited to tell me all about since I am pursuing the same profession. She's a sober individual who is highly respectable and we've been through school together in the past but haven't had a chance to get caught up since we were both pursuing a very demanding Major. She's aware that I am user but it makes me feel great to have her as my friend since she would never judge me in a negative sense. We talked about our past 2 years and experiences with school & work which got my mind off the darkness that was happening to me this summer. What I learned from this was; talking to someone positive can help reinforce your personal values. The very next day I hung out with my friends (some being users of marijuana) and of course weed was accessible at the barbecue. I kept myself sober during this experience, since in the past I would always give in to smoking with them or if weed was simply available during any social event. I felt exactly how I would think I would have felt if i was smoking, my mood would be the same, I would look and appear the same, but if I was smoking I realized that I would feel negatively introspective and over-analyzed, so it was a great thing that I didn't give in, heck! I honestly didn't even crave it! Of course alcohol was present at the bbq so I had a few drinks (of course responsibly) and still had an awesome time. I realized that I cannot judge others either since i always had this innate feeling(during my highs) that people judge me and honestly, I have judged others when I was using.
This sober perspective allowed me to feel that it is okay to have fun without using. This positive reassurance motivated me to try even harder.
I'm currently in my second week of the semester and I've gotten so much done. The reading assignments are pretty hefty but I feel more confident that I can finish them without procrastinating (like my past highs in school, even though I've always managed to complete my assignments, it was just a matter of "when" at the time). I've been keeping really busy while at home (unemployed) after school, keeping my room clean, doing dishes, cooking and what not, and managed to make time to do things that I like. I've learned in the past week that no matter who you are; you should ALWAYS make time for yourself to do things that you enjoy in my case it was getting caught up with my favorite TV shows, working out whenever I can, and keeping a good sense of humor. So my advice to you is set aside 1-2 hours a day for "you-time" no matter how busy you are and preoccupied you are with work,school, etc. because it is good for healthy release of soul and stress. Who cares if what your doing that's considered fun is making you feel guilty(hopefully nothing illegal =] lol ) just don't hold it against yourself that you're "procrastinating" because either way you need that release!
I'm glad I've gotten some responses from some of you, and Momma1 my name isn't Nick, but I do wish him the best in life since we have similar lifestyles, I'm sure it can be tough struggle sometimes. It's good to see some of you are reading this and of course I'm doing the same for all of your posts. But anyways, that's my update so far, I'm not going to make any promises or guarantees that I'll be able to quit it completely but as of now I'm remaining positive and knowing that it is a possibility. Stay strong guys and lets keep this rounded support going.
Thank you once again!
- "Krug"
krug, i was an everyday smoker myslelf before i had my kids. it is not that hard to quit, all in yor mind with pot. keep your mind clear and you can do it. no withdrawls....ever from pot. maybe a craving but no known side effects to stopping. sounds like you need an anti depressant and thats it.
Krug here,
just checking in, still sober since i 'quit' hopefully i can keep it that way. lately i've had the desire to smoke. I guess everyone wants what they can't have at some point but I'm remaining positive and strong.
just checking in, still sober since i 'quit' hopefully i can keep it that way. lately i've had the desire to smoke. I guess everyone wants what they can't have at some point but I'm remaining positive and strong.
