My little girl has always been shy. Of course at home she never stops talking but when she gets around new people she totally clams up. Our family doctor, who I think is an a**hole, says there is something wrong with her and she needs medication. I'm not totally against medication but only as a last resort. She is so young. Plus I don't think she is depressed. Her teacher says that although she is quiet in class she does participate and she has several friends. I just hate the thought of medicating her. I'm definitly getting a second opinion before I decide anything. I'm just so worried about her. She has always told me everything and I've asked her if anything is bothering her and she claims that nothing is wrong. I really think a lot of it is hormonal. I know 10 is young to start puberty but it's not impossible. Anybody out there have experience with this kind of situation? Thanks in advance.
Hi Shelley,
your little girl just sounds like a child who is a little shy but not painfully so. She participates in class and has friends, and she's talking a lot at home.
What a shame that a Dr. would want to medicate her for such a thing. She sounds rather charming and endearing to me.
My youngest son (11) is very ADHD. I had him on medication for a time but took him off. He just hated it. He has difficult moments and it can be draining but I want him to be happy. I don't agree with medicating a child for everything.
I'm sure you'll decide what's best for your little girl but she sounds happy and well adjusted to me.
Good luck
xxxooo
your little girl just sounds like a child who is a little shy but not painfully so. She participates in class and has friends, and she's talking a lot at home.
What a shame that a Dr. would want to medicate her for such a thing. She sounds rather charming and endearing to me.
My youngest son (11) is very ADHD. I had him on medication for a time but took him off. He just hated it. He has difficult moments and it can be draining but I want him to be happy. I don't agree with medicating a child for everything.
I'm sure you'll decide what's best for your little girl but she sounds happy and well adjusted to me.
Good luck
xxxooo
Hi,
I hadn't planned on posting tonight, I just stopped in to read a little before heading to bed. But this caught my eye. I just don't get some doctors today?
Some are so quick to wanna medicate today I just don't understand. She's only 10 for God sakes. From what you posted she seems totally normal to me. She particapates in class, has friends, is fine at home yet shy around strangers. Seems normal to me for a child, even seems normal for an adult. Getting a second opinion is for sure a good idea. For me, I don't think I'd even give it another thought. My youngest, 11 couldn't be more outgoing, my oldest 16 is very talkative most of the time and she like your daughter is quiet around someone new or people she doesn't know. Personally I'd say don't even worry about it. And like you said she could be going through the girl thing a little younger than you expected. Alanna, my youngest started getting her period just this past year, I think just before she turned 11? But even at 11 that seems young to me, but from what I understand is quite normal these days. My oldest started early too. Anyway, try to relaxe, I'm sure from what you shared she's fine. And it's obvious your a good mom just going by the concern your sharing here. If my girls doctor suggested medecation because I said she was shy I'd seriously dump that doctor in a heartbeat. Thats just my opinion.
Take care,
Bob
I hadn't planned on posting tonight, I just stopped in to read a little before heading to bed. But this caught my eye. I just don't get some doctors today?
Some are so quick to wanna medicate today I just don't understand. She's only 10 for God sakes. From what you posted she seems totally normal to me. She particapates in class, has friends, is fine at home yet shy around strangers. Seems normal to me for a child, even seems normal for an adult. Getting a second opinion is for sure a good idea. For me, I don't think I'd even give it another thought. My youngest, 11 couldn't be more outgoing, my oldest 16 is very talkative most of the time and she like your daughter is quiet around someone new or people she doesn't know. Personally I'd say don't even worry about it. And like you said she could be going through the girl thing a little younger than you expected. Alanna, my youngest started getting her period just this past year, I think just before she turned 11? But even at 11 that seems young to me, but from what I understand is quite normal these days. My oldest started early too. Anyway, try to relaxe, I'm sure from what you shared she's fine. And it's obvious your a good mom just going by the concern your sharing here. If my girls doctor suggested medecation because I said she was shy I'd seriously dump that doctor in a heartbeat. Thats just my opinion.
Take care,
Bob
Shelly, you might want to forgo the drugs and perhaps enroll her in some after school or Saturday activity type of thing. Shyness is normal and certainly not something to medicate a child over, if that is the only real problem.
I think kids today are way over medicated.
It's just my opinion though. As her Mom, you know best.
I think kids today are way over medicated.
It's just my opinion though. As her Mom, you know best.
Sounds like my 14 year old at about that age....
She was so quiet always, and maybe if not for her sister a few years older I don't think she would have talked to anyone. Very timid in school, but participated, and the teachers brought it to my attention, that she was so shy. I basically just watched, and waited.....
It was so weird ( totally different then the other 3 all the way around ), more excited/chatty at home about things and then the call when she stayed out that she wanted home NOW. She still only sleeps at 2 of her friends houses...I just let her move at her pace, and oh hell I can't keep her still now. She is always out, always at friends....Still though only has a few close gf's but not lacking socially at all.
She did get her peroid very young, at 11....And yes I thought the same thing almost as if she had PMS....
I sit in the same worry, she is having migraines, and medicine might be necessary. The doctors are working with us( checking any other reason as a cause for them ) because they know of the addiction history and she is now in accupuncture, which helps a lot.
I almost cringe at the thought of meds in children this young for any reason unless life threatening. I have lots of questions that can't be answered as to what could be as children age. Keep talking to her, watching her....and yes a second opinion, maybe third, maybe just letting some time go by and allowing her to spread her wings at her pace. Tough call, always.
I wish you the best.
Love,
Tina
She was so quiet always, and maybe if not for her sister a few years older I don't think she would have talked to anyone. Very timid in school, but participated, and the teachers brought it to my attention, that she was so shy. I basically just watched, and waited.....
It was so weird ( totally different then the other 3 all the way around ), more excited/chatty at home about things and then the call when she stayed out that she wanted home NOW. She still only sleeps at 2 of her friends houses...I just let her move at her pace, and oh hell I can't keep her still now. She is always out, always at friends....Still though only has a few close gf's but not lacking socially at all.
She did get her peroid very young, at 11....And yes I thought the same thing almost as if she had PMS....
I sit in the same worry, she is having migraines, and medicine might be necessary. The doctors are working with us( checking any other reason as a cause for them ) because they know of the addiction history and she is now in accupuncture, which helps a lot.
I almost cringe at the thought of meds in children this young for any reason unless life threatening. I have lots of questions that can't be answered as to what could be as children age. Keep talking to her, watching her....and yes a second opinion, maybe third, maybe just letting some time go by and allowing her to spread her wings at her pace. Tough call, always.
I wish you the best.
Love,
Tina
Shelly,
I don't know everything about your daughter's situation, but...
If her main "symptom" is shyness I do not think medication is the answer. At 10 years old she may very well be beginning puberty. If she is or is not, being shy is completely normal at that age. If she is participating in class and has friends at school, I have to wonder how much this is affecting her life.
I can understand your concern as a parent, and it's great that you are in tune with her feelings. Please consider letting nature run it's course. Someone suggested activities, I think that is a great start. Anything that will help her confidence and social skills is probably the best course of action right now.
I don't remember much about my childhood. I do vividly remember the awkward stage in my life as I began puberty. I felt very backwards and different. I recall a few situations where I was scared of teachers and other adults. I couldn't speak up when I needed to. I was sometimes afraid to ask my teacher to use the bathroom. Once, a teacher held me after class for punishment for something. I watched my mom's car from the window of my class, she was waiting to pick me up. I saw her get out and walk around searching for me. I could tell she was upset because I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I was too shy to tell my teacher that my mom was outside waiting for me.
At age 30, it's hard for me to fathom that I was ever that shy/scared. But, life is hard at that age. I'm sure her hormones are beginning to stir and every woman can remember how awful that was. If she is, for the most part, developing normally and doing okay in school, and it seems like she is, I would not even consider medication.
Everyone in their mid twenties or older made it through that stage of life without being medicated for shyness. The medications did not exist then. The majority of people turned out just fine. From what you have posted, I feel that your daughter will be just fine with some encouragement and activities.
Unless she begins having major issues with school and/or social skills, I would forgo the meds. Let life and nature run it's course and be sure she knows you are there for her (which I'm sure she does.)
I don't know everything about your daughter's situation, but...
If her main "symptom" is shyness I do not think medication is the answer. At 10 years old she may very well be beginning puberty. If she is or is not, being shy is completely normal at that age. If she is participating in class and has friends at school, I have to wonder how much this is affecting her life.
I can understand your concern as a parent, and it's great that you are in tune with her feelings. Please consider letting nature run it's course. Someone suggested activities, I think that is a great start. Anything that will help her confidence and social skills is probably the best course of action right now.
I don't remember much about my childhood. I do vividly remember the awkward stage in my life as I began puberty. I felt very backwards and different. I recall a few situations where I was scared of teachers and other adults. I couldn't speak up when I needed to. I was sometimes afraid to ask my teacher to use the bathroom. Once, a teacher held me after class for punishment for something. I watched my mom's car from the window of my class, she was waiting to pick me up. I saw her get out and walk around searching for me. I could tell she was upset because I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I was too shy to tell my teacher that my mom was outside waiting for me.
At age 30, it's hard for me to fathom that I was ever that shy/scared. But, life is hard at that age. I'm sure her hormones are beginning to stir and every woman can remember how awful that was. If she is, for the most part, developing normally and doing okay in school, and it seems like she is, I would not even consider medication.
Everyone in their mid twenties or older made it through that stage of life without being medicated for shyness. The medications did not exist then. The majority of people turned out just fine. From what you have posted, I feel that your daughter will be just fine with some encouragement and activities.
Unless she begins having major issues with school and/or social skills, I would forgo the meds. Let life and nature run it's course and be sure she knows you are there for her (which I'm sure she does.)
Shelly,
My sons are shy in adult company. They will not make eye contact with strangers. I've talked to their pediatrician, their teachers, our family counselor, and my own psychiatrist about this. They say it's a phase and not to worry about it if all other indicators are good, which they are, thankfully.
If you think your doctor is an a******, then get a second opinion before you do anything as drastic as medicating your child. (What on earth is that man thinking?!!!)
Love,
Gina
My sons are shy in adult company. They will not make eye contact with strangers. I've talked to their pediatrician, their teachers, our family counselor, and my own psychiatrist about this. They say it's a phase and not to worry about it if all other indicators are good, which they are, thankfully.
If you think your doctor is an a******, then get a second opinion before you do anything as drastic as medicating your child. (What on earth is that man thinking?!!!)
Love,
Gina
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Tina, when I read your post it reminded me that I didn't mention that my daughter also has headaches. Usually in the evening she'll complain about her head hurting. I just chalk it up to being tired or maybe be stressed out from homework. She is at a new school this year and the academic schedule is much harder then at her old school. She is scheduled to have a cat-scan next Thursday. The doctor just wants to eliminate any serious problems. Gina, my daughter also won't look people in the eye when they are speaking to her. Her doctor told me this means she is either ashamed of herself or ashamed of me. That broke my heart. I truly don't think my daughter is ashamed of herself or of me. I am definitly taking her to a new doctor. I know she's not perfect but she is one very special little girl.
| QUOTE |
| Her doctor told me this means she is either ashamed of herself or ashamed of me |
Perhaps she is ashamed of her doctor?
What an a******.
Hey Shelly, I don't envy your position. Whatever you do...don't medicate, get another opinion. Your doctor is such a A hole. It bewilders me why that is the first option with the medical profession.
I also can't believe how fast these adolescents these days are developing. Someone here said there daughter had her period! She was almost 10. This breaks my heart. That is so little. Saddens me.
I had my son tested at age 11 for ADHD..the test showed that he most likely did have this. We talked about medication and my son absolutely refused. He said "I will never take any drug to change my personality" I gave him that...and I am so glad I didn't. We had to work through alot and those years were not easy! But today I am so proud of him and happy that I did not force the issue.
MY daughter was the exact opposite of yours! She told everyone her opinion starting very young...even when it was not solicited! She had a very hard time through grade school. Teased because she was flat chested and to skinny! It was a horrible time for her....she managed and got through it and grew into a great beauty.
We can't lump all children into the same group. That is ridiculous. You know her best. I would talk with her and try to find out what she is thinking. What does she say about all of this and what does she think about what the doctor is recommending. She is old enough to have an opinion about her own life.
Tough time for you and your daughter but you will get through, thank god she has you!
I also can't believe how fast these adolescents these days are developing. Someone here said there daughter had her period! She was almost 10. This breaks my heart. That is so little. Saddens me.
I had my son tested at age 11 for ADHD..the test showed that he most likely did have this. We talked about medication and my son absolutely refused. He said "I will never take any drug to change my personality" I gave him that...and I am so glad I didn't. We had to work through alot and those years were not easy! But today I am so proud of him and happy that I did not force the issue.
MY daughter was the exact opposite of yours! She told everyone her opinion starting very young...even when it was not solicited! She had a very hard time through grade school. Teased because she was flat chested and to skinny! It was a horrible time for her....she managed and got through it and grew into a great beauty.
We can't lump all children into the same group. That is ridiculous. You know her best. I would talk with her and try to find out what she is thinking. What does she say about all of this and what does she think about what the doctor is recommending. She is old enough to have an opinion about her own life.
Tough time for you and your daughter but you will get through, thank god she has you!
Shelly, what is your personality like? My middle son was very shy as a child, and as an adult, he still is. My other two are in your face, more like I am. I could never understand how a child of mine could be so quiet and not be able to look people in the eye. I feel like some of that is my fault, we all talked for him, I never let him stand up for himself, did everything for him. Felt like I had to protect him from the world. I didn't do him any favors. He gets along in the world ok but it's painful for him at times. Some kids are just that way. Let her pick her way through this without meds. It's not depression, it's childhood and life, I think, is so much harder for kids than it was for us. Take care, Cowgirl
shelly,
how about email me the address of the doctor? <eg>
how about email me the address of the doctor? <eg>
I'm definitly not going to put her on medicine. We are going to find a new doctor. I did ask her if anything was bothering her and she told me honestly, no. She did tell me that the doctor makes her nervous and she would like to have a new one. So that's what we'll do. Somebody's post above mentioned that they felt like maybe they spoke to much for there child and tried to protect him to much. I think I am guilty of the same thing. I think that I am so sensitive towards her feelings that I try to protect her from any hurt or obstacles. And of course a lot of what we learn in life comes from overcoming hurt and difficult things. I know I need to let go a little at a time and let her learn some life lessons. But I agree with all of you...medicating a 10 year old is not the lesson she needs to learn! Thanks again, you all are the best.
Shelly
Shelly
Hope it's O.K. to post over here. I'm usually on another part of the board. Shelly's post broke my heart, and then got me fuming, and then had tears in my eyes.
O.K., this "Doctor" had the audacity to say your daughter is ashamed of herself or her mom? Whaaat? He's a family Doc, right, but was going to give this sweet 10 year old medication?
Shelly, that makes my blood boil. It's a great sign too your daughter told you she is uncomfortable with him. Good lookout from your child. Good parenting on your part as well.
Your daughter is shy. She's 10. There's a world of time and socialization. As long as she told you that nothing is truly bothering her it sounds like she would tell you otherwise.
She gets the headaches only at night? Maybe it's after a load of homework?
May be her eyes. It could even be a food allergy. The key is that they are at the same time during the day. Well, I think so though. Just me. Hope the scan goes well. You're a good mom.
O.K., this "Doctor" had the audacity to say your daughter is ashamed of herself or her mom? Whaaat? He's a family Doc, right, but was going to give this sweet 10 year old medication?
Shelly, that makes my blood boil. It's a great sign too your daughter told you she is uncomfortable with him. Good lookout from your child. Good parenting on your part as well.
Your daughter is shy. She's 10. There's a world of time and socialization. As long as she told you that nothing is truly bothering her it sounds like she would tell you otherwise.
She gets the headaches only at night? Maybe it's after a load of homework?
May be her eyes. It could even be a food allergy. The key is that they are at the same time during the day. Well, I think so though. Just me. Hope the scan goes well. You're a good mom.
Shelly,
How dare he suggest that she is ashamed of herself or you! Believe me, medical offices are for-profit businesses. Take yourself and your daughter somewhere else. No surprise she doesn't like her doctor! There are plenty of doctors who love children and make them feel special when they come in for a visit. Maybe ask some other mothers who they take their children to.
How dare he suggest that she is ashamed of herself or you! Believe me, medical offices are for-profit businesses. Take yourself and your daughter somewhere else. No surprise she doesn't like her doctor! There are plenty of doctors who love children and make them feel special when they come in for a visit. Maybe ask some other mothers who they take their children to.
Have you had your daughter's eyesight checked recently? This could explain the headaches and also could be affecting shyness - if she has trouble seeing people clearly?
just a thought - this was a problem for me at that age and it was an eyesight issue.
Glad you have decided not to medicate and get a new doctor - what an a**.
just a thought - this was a problem for me at that age and it was an eyesight issue.
Glad you have decided not to medicate and get a new doctor - what an a**.
