I've Fallen Off The Wagon

Pain Pills
21
Hey guys and gals,
Today was tough, hard as h*ll actually. I had to be up by 5:30 to help my wife get our son ready for school. Wait lets back up a bit- heres the deal I have a girlfriend not a wife . We have been together 6 yrs past october. we are just like husband and wife just not legally. We have some issues there when she talks about me I'm her boyfiend, When I talk about her she is my wife. We've both been married before, so we decided to just go with it. We wern't in any hurry both late 20's actually we had dated 5 yrs before about 6 months, I was a bit of h*ll raiser hard to believe huh? It was a little much for her. She said i scared her because she felt something for me more than anyone before. So she left me HIGH and dry. Time past she married. I already had a 1 yr old girl then. My life went down from there drugs, drugs & more drugs.Jail, prison, I straighten out for a while got married had a little boy in 1999, hooked back up with my girlfriend now. she got divorced, then i did too, we've been together every since.
She has raised my son since he was 13 months old, his bio mom bailed, I have full custody. Now OUR son is 7. This women is my life, what wonderful person could go through that and do it excellant. then I come along about 3 yrs ago and get strung out, hurt prescribed by Dr. then more & h*ll yall know the rest of that. 3 years i'm eating 20, 30 then 40 # 10 hydros a day, then 50 or more.fate had me stopped for no blinker, bam searched, methadone, valium, pot, hydros, & morphine 5:00 pm no body knows where I am 4:30 am I finally get my phone call. Home, lied of course other people had driven that truck days prior. bailed out two days later. alls well. Court is 6 mo away. No prob. get to court,, of course ive had 225 or 30 hdros by then hell it was 9:00am. cops noticed took me to sherifffs office, DRUG test on spot. holding cell till 5:30 pm judge decided I was sober enough for trial- guilty 90 to 120 days bootcamp. Still wife in dark more lies, she loves believes me! 3 weeks to turn myself in. Could you stop & sober up withdrawls and all and still keep up the lie. Went to boot camp my dad drove me I don't even know how many pills I took in about 3 hrs that am got to boot camp faked cough ate last 8 somas left in watch pocket before strip dwn. Don't remember much about first day, crashed that night. day 2 9:00am I hit the floor like a rock. next day bus to ASHP. meth plan 2 weeks back to boot camp. well by now my wife knows ALL. my "friend" filled in all the blanks for her. 102 days of goups and clean I came home. To a wonderfully kept house a perfect little boy and a n 11 yr old girl who she still got every 2 weeks( who calls her mom too) Now I've lied betrayed broken every thing we had she stayed we worked thruogh it still had ups and downs. 4-5 months later i'm using again, small amounts this time 5 a day 10 a day back to about 20 when she found them on 02/01/07 she woke me up and put everything in my hands. BOOM THE BOMB went off. she flushed it all!! Now I have to fix me and us. Our kids kew why i went to jail. they don't know this. I still have 10 ys probation. My addiction is only part of my poblem. Proving to my wif why I lied again after I promised if i ever had problems I swore totell her another lie. addiction hurts the ones closest to us mor than us. got any suggestions on this prob? I called few docs today some woudn't return my call some sounded good just close to 100 miles away trying for a little closer bought some holistic stuff helps some. Stress over my wife is making things worse. I can't just lay down and withdraw I have to keep up in real world kids, job begging my wife to help support and just be my friend. She is the only friend I have the est all have some connection to drugs. she said she would try but shes to mad. I can't blame her at all but where do we reach a point for support and proving trust? I believe ya'll right I need to change my name from lortab loser, I've attained a new position in life. Thanks for all your posts i hope i gave some a little insite to all sides of addiction next time i wont be so long on typing if i missed a specific post question i;ll reread and answer you then hey, cowgirl who is Tim? shaking ,sweating and nausea but I'm stilll here!!!!!!!!!