Hiya All
Thxs for your kind words & support last wk when I posted saying I couldnt do this anymore.
Yeah Ive had a pretty s*** few days since then, on that old rollercoaster of emotion. I keep thinkin to myself that surely it will get beta soon as Im now just past the 4 months clean mark, free of all drugs, street or prescribed. Yet I still keep getn these odd periods of thinking all sorts & crying lots. Im strugln with the whole NA thing, is it because of goin there that I look at everything as sum major problem & defect of my character, or am I just finding out about myself.
For me personally my using wasnt really all that chaotic, I been takin drugs in one form or another for 26yrs smoking pot every day and since approx 1991 heroin and latterly crack (along with anything else that was around at the time!). I held down a job throughout all of this until about 2007 when I knew that I couldnt do the crack any longer as it was turnin me into sum1 I really despised.
I dont really know what Im tryin to say here - I just keep having this nigglin feelin that Im not sure if NA is for me, or if any 12 step program is for me. I have no problem with looking at myself but as I say is it making me over analyze everything that I do? I also find that even tho u stay clean, if u dont attend meetings sum (not all, but majority) of people are no longer ur friend. Surely friends should be friends regardless whether u attend a meetin or not
Oh I dont know...................Im glad Im still clean & what Im gona do about NA - oh I dont know.
Any advice/thoughtssuggestions.
Hey Hayley, good to hear from you. Listen, go with your gut instinct! I'm in exactly the same situation as you, i want to still stay clean, do the right thing ect, but i don't want too feel ile i'm going to relapse for having a few games of poker, or i buy something off the back of a lorry.
Staying clean is bloody hard, but i do not need the added pressure of pshyco analysing everything i do. I have defects, but sh*t, so do you, everyone on here, everyone off of here. AS long as i don't hurt people i'll be ok.
NA has giving me the tools to stay clean, but when you are coming out of meets in a worse state than you went in it is time to get out......
As long as we do not forget where we have been, what hell we went through and also to stay focused and not get compacient, life will be good.
Congrats on your 4 months ;)
I've sent you an email, Kev
Staying clean is bloody hard, but i do not need the added pressure of pshyco analysing everything i do. I have defects, but sh*t, so do you, everyone on here, everyone off of here. AS long as i don't hurt people i'll be ok.
NA has giving me the tools to stay clean, but when you are coming out of meets in a worse state than you went in it is time to get out......
As long as we do not forget where we have been, what hell we went through and also to stay focused and not get compacient, life will be good.
Congrats on your 4 months ;)
I've sent you an email, Kev
Hi hayley thanks for the replie much appreciated and hey many pats on the back for 4 mths total clenliness big it up 4 you babe , i was reading your thread and kinda understand what your saying its kinda horses for courses na works and is a great thing but all people aren't alike and don't get the same out of it i think it's all about getting a life back and staying clear of the one you got caught up in yeh we do need to remind ourself that it's easy to slip up but at the same time some people don't need constant reminders and just want to move on and if you can get your own social life back na and the 12 steps might be a waste of time , its been a bit of a ramble and not exactly as i wanted to say it but i think the fact you can get it down on here shows your a fighter and i'm sure you'll win this is a great sight with some REAL people with some really helpfull thoughts take care pal PEACE OUT !!!paul
just keep going "just for today" i'm also didn't sure how long i can go, but as other say i have only live today...i just follow...i attend meetings...i express myself of what i really feel today and whats really on my mind, those things i can say w/ courage...feel comfortable w/ the group to say what i'm going to say...the rest i told my Higher Power...
robemac
robemac
Alrite Hayley....well done on yer 4mnths its a great achievement after a life long struggle with drugs,which most of us to varying degrees have experianced on here(forum).Its natural that in the first few months of clean time we get those feelings of deppression,anxiety and guilt....as i said its natural,yer mind and body are only now coming outta the fog of drugs.....youve done it yer way i.e completly clean,some of us need methadone or subs to get on.....i for one choose the methadone route and it saved me and all that was close to me....so im thankful for that.I have never been to a N.A meeting in all my life of taking drugs and now not(2+yrs)....so i cant comment on the right approach to take....there is a well worn view in N.A circles that the only way to beat addiction is to give up to a H.P.....and fairplay to those whove worked the steps and gained freedom from addiction...thats one way....but the mind is a wonderful thing and i think in many cases can overcome our worst fears itself...so i think the individual can beat addiction with or without N.A....buts thats just my view and i know many on these boards who will disagree....sorry for the ramble.Take care Hayley and get back to us when ya can.....coz whatever ive said above,i think most would agree that this forum is one of the best places to chat get advice or just for friendship....chat soon.........Davey
Hiya all
Thxs for the replies. Not been to a meetin for a wk now & 2b honest not misn it too much. Just gona take sum time out to decide what I want to do bout it all. Have had a good wk been helpin my sis in law out at work, she owns a chemist - ha ha ha - an addict workin in a chemist. Though it doesnt bother me one bit bein around all those drugs & she trusts me & that means more to me than anythin. Off for the wknd to Aviemore with her my bro & my nephews am SO lookin forward to the break, they have paid for it all as a thank u for all the babysitn etc I do but Id do it anyway as I luv spendin time wi them as I neva saw them at all when I was usin. Never went to the weddin or the births of either nephew who are now 6 & 11, so its great that they have accepted me back tho I had to work hard at regainin ther trust.
Got accepted to do an HND in Social Sciences start in Aug, worked throughout my usin in Accounting in Oil Industry & am gona look for a tempin job to get me thru til coll starts. The boredom is getn to me a lot now, I need to keep busy.
Thxs for the diff views on what I should do, I realise that ultimately its my decision but its great to get diff feedback & I am grateful to NA for getn me to this point (neva got this far b4 & ther have been many b4's!!!!) Im sure I will find an answer. I think its the total abstinence I struggle with. Drinkin was neva a problem for me and I have not had drink in sum while but.........sometimes when Im with my bro & sis in law & they are having a glass o wine I quite fancy it...........again will just have to see what happens with this one.
So ill be offline til mon/tues hope u all have a good wknd I am enjoyin this site as it gives me diff perspectives on stuff & rite now thats what I feel I need. As I still need to talk sum of my stuff over with others who understand but arent thumpin the NA way as the ONLY way.
Peace n Love
xxxx
Thxs for the replies. Not been to a meetin for a wk now & 2b honest not misn it too much. Just gona take sum time out to decide what I want to do bout it all. Have had a good wk been helpin my sis in law out at work, she owns a chemist - ha ha ha - an addict workin in a chemist. Though it doesnt bother me one bit bein around all those drugs & she trusts me & that means more to me than anythin. Off for the wknd to Aviemore with her my bro & my nephews am SO lookin forward to the break, they have paid for it all as a thank u for all the babysitn etc I do but Id do it anyway as I luv spendin time wi them as I neva saw them at all when I was usin. Never went to the weddin or the births of either nephew who are now 6 & 11, so its great that they have accepted me back tho I had to work hard at regainin ther trust.
Got accepted to do an HND in Social Sciences start in Aug, worked throughout my usin in Accounting in Oil Industry & am gona look for a tempin job to get me thru til coll starts. The boredom is getn to me a lot now, I need to keep busy.
Thxs for the diff views on what I should do, I realise that ultimately its my decision but its great to get diff feedback & I am grateful to NA for getn me to this point (neva got this far b4 & ther have been many b4's!!!!) Im sure I will find an answer. I think its the total abstinence I struggle with. Drinkin was neva a problem for me and I have not had drink in sum while but.........sometimes when Im with my bro & sis in law & they are having a glass o wine I quite fancy it...........again will just have to see what happens with this one.
So ill be offline til mon/tues hope u all have a good wknd I am enjoyin this site as it gives me diff perspectives on stuff & rite now thats what I feel I need. As I still need to talk sum of my stuff over with others who understand but arent thumpin the NA way as the ONLY way.
Peace n Love
xxxx
hi hope,
this is meeting for me in this site, but it so nice being in the real meeting w/ our fellow NA, keep going getting sober, me too...goodluck...
robemac
this is meeting for me in this site, but it so nice being in the real meeting w/ our fellow NA, keep going getting sober, me too...goodluck...
robemac
The 12steps r not for everyone anyway,different strokes for different folks.when i went to meetings i quite enjoyed them but had no intention of doing the steps,also one meeting i went to there was a guy that i,d been in barlinnie(HMP)with and although he was saying all the correct things in my view he was out his f***in tree.There was also a girl who bust my nut,her life was so perfect and i honestly felt like tellin her to f*** off and go and yap to someone who gave a f***,sorry for the rant...ECK
how you doing eckie?
Hey all
Hows tricks. Things just getn beta & beta for me of late. Hve now got my self a wee part time job in the afternoon so that is helpin me with my boredom. Having always worked I was findin it real hard not doin aything thru the day although I really needed that 4 months to get ma hed sorted (well a bit sorted) its still mad sumdays!!!!
Started the job ystrdy and its so nice to have a purpose to my day. Still not decided about goin back to meetins, maybe its just not for me, I still am in touch wi a few close friends that are willing to continue to be my friends even to Im no longer attending NA & as they are the 2/3 closest friends that suits me just fine.
Was away for the weekend wi my family had a fantastic time so all in all things are good. Had a long lie (well for me ayway) today must be the shock to my system o working again Ha Ha
Just wanted to express my thanks for all who took time to respond. Im gona post o here regular now as I still feel I need the support when Im strugln with feelings, emotions etc (which isnt always that often) but........there are sum days I need feedback.
Hope ur all well, off to chill in a bath o many bubbles then get masel ready for work.
Have a good day u all
luv n Hugs ;o)
Hows tricks. Things just getn beta & beta for me of late. Hve now got my self a wee part time job in the afternoon so that is helpin me with my boredom. Having always worked I was findin it real hard not doin aything thru the day although I really needed that 4 months to get ma hed sorted (well a bit sorted) its still mad sumdays!!!!
Started the job ystrdy and its so nice to have a purpose to my day. Still not decided about goin back to meetins, maybe its just not for me, I still am in touch wi a few close friends that are willing to continue to be my friends even to Im no longer attending NA & as they are the 2/3 closest friends that suits me just fine.
Was away for the weekend wi my family had a fantastic time so all in all things are good. Had a long lie (well for me ayway) today must be the shock to my system o working again Ha Ha
Just wanted to express my thanks for all who took time to respond. Im gona post o here regular now as I still feel I need the support when Im strugln with feelings, emotions etc (which isnt always that often) but........there are sum days I need feedback.
Hope ur all well, off to chill in a bath o many bubbles then get masel ready for work.
Have a good day u all
luv n Hugs ;o)
Well done for staying clean for 4mths girl.
I dont do the meetings, half of the key workers wouldnt no what it was like getting off a asprin hehe, And most of all i cant stand anyone preaching to me...
Its all about determination right know...if u wanna stay clean u will,
You've done great better than me, alright im only on 4ml of subutex (from 32ml) but sometimes even thats a reminder of what was b4...
I cant wait for the day i aint gotta rush down there every 2wks for a new script.
Stop looking at the negative start looking at what u have achieved,,, Well done!!!
O, and eckie u made me giggle about that bird doing ur nutt in lol haha.. c, ya!!
I dont do the meetings, half of the key workers wouldnt no what it was like getting off a asprin hehe, And most of all i cant stand anyone preaching to me...
Its all about determination right know...if u wanna stay clean u will,
You've done great better than me, alright im only on 4ml of subutex (from 32ml) but sometimes even thats a reminder of what was b4...
I cant wait for the day i aint gotta rush down there every 2wks for a new script.
Stop looking at the negative start looking at what u have achieved,,, Well done!!!
O, and eckie u made me giggle about that bird doing ur nutt in lol haha.. c, ya!!
Hope yer squeky clean after yer bubble bath Hales(sorry 4 da pun)glad yer filling yer days its makes more of a differance not being idle .....i only work two days a week cash in hand at a garage...but ive also have my Sian of nearly 10yrs so she keeps me focused....anyone she might think is dodgy that calls to thr house she follows me and whoever round earwigging then asking what this word or that means....si im well policed by her.About the meetings i.e N.A there are plenty of us on here (hello Trace) that have got clean on its own,so i wouldnt fret over that bizzness........working in yer Sisters chemist musta been fun ...Jaysus i dunno if i could hold onto my willpower if working in one even just to be nosey,coz i was a big benzo user when on gear....more power to ya Hayley.
Trace good to see ya posting again and doin so well.....getting clean and staying clean is what you have done and coming down from 32mg. to 4mg. is class on its own are ya gonna stay on that dose for awhile oor are ya still tapering?Anyway Trace dont be a stranger....best regards to yerself and Skye........Davey
Trace good to see ya posting again and doin so well.....getting clean and staying clean is what you have done and coming down from 32mg. to 4mg. is class on its own are ya gonna stay on that dose for awhile oor are ya still tapering?Anyway Trace dont be a stranger....best regards to yerself and Skye........Davey
