hello,Sorry i havent been around in awhile.Some may member me and most i see are new and some may just not even remember me.But,i dont have anyone to talk too this late and really right now i just want to be alone.Im sick of this addiction.I was on pers.,loracets ect...Then i turn to suboxone that i thought was so wonder and a really life saver.I thought i had my life back.Its really expenese and was costing too much so i started missing appt. and my sub. doctor he would tell me it was ok not to come unless i needed a refill.then back in Sept. of last year i got a letter stateing he couldnt see me any longer.I had what i thought was plenty of sub. to make it for about a year.because he was give me 90/8mg tabs a month.I had two scripts in my pocket book and some still to get off another script at the pharmacy.So i thought id have plenty of time to ween myself off on the sub.Well i called the pharamry asked how long the scripts were good for and the lady at said one year.She was wrong it was only six month from the day it was wrote.But,i didnt know until it was too late.By the time i found out i had done got the ones off file.I got upset and started mixing sub. with pain pills trying to hold on to the like 30 sub. i had left.i call and call the sub. doctor and his daughter and law is a u know what.She said that i was out the program and couldnt get back in.i would call and call leave my number and he hasnt never called me back.i have mailed three letter from Nov. until last week and they all come back marked failed to be deliverd.I had got three address from a friend that still see him.I havent got the last one back yet.But,it takes about two months for them to come back.My suboxone dr. he acted so good and said he understood not haveing the money and all.So i thought i had nothing to worry about.Now im useing pain pills and i get a few sub. from a friend.I beleive that im hooked on sub. and pain pills.I need to talk to someone that this has happen too.I have plenty of loracet 10/500 i get like 450 a month between a few differnt sources.Im useing way too many.My depression has got so bad i feel i like just dont want to live.My birthday was friday i turned 30.My mothers passing date is march 26th will be three years.Every year i get like this .i get down and i dont haper on it .I just get so depresed.Im wonder if it is becaue of her passing comeing up also my family doctor has me on soma,clonazepam 1mg,seroquel 25mgs twice a day.I dont use the soma or clonazepam much at all.I dont want to add to the problem.I started the seroquel 10 days ago.I feel sleeply all the time.i wake up sick and i sleep in the chair all day long off and on.i have been doing this for about a month.I dont want to leave the house unless i have too .I need someone to talk to about this.i have alot more to add but,i know many want read if i write a lot.I would like other thought on this.I will start another post and finish the rest of my post.Thanks for whoever can hep or give me some advive.im down and i just dont feel like anything or anyone is helping.crystal
I've been here since November 2005 even though it says June 2006. I had to re-register. Anyway I don't believe we ever met but I want you to know I feel so bad for what you are going through. I truly understand because I have been there as well. I have been so depressed before that I not only did I not leave the house, I would get panic attacks when I had to go out. The sad thing is that this happened after I got clean. Depression is so horrible and it can impact your life profoundly. Of course the first thing you need to do is start making plans to get off the pills. Is there another sub doc in your area? Did your sub doc kick you out because you couldn't pay anymore? Because, IMO, you would be much better off if you could stop taking all the other pills and just get on sub along with some therapy. I didn't use to think therapy helped at all. I thought it was a waste of time and money but if you can find a therapist you are comfortable with and feel you can trust, it really can help. For now, you need to force yourself to get up and try to get out of your house a little bit each day. Sometimes I just take a walk or a car ride and listen to music. Every little bit helps. The hardest part is just making yourself get up and go out. Once you do it you'll be glad you did. I will be praying for you and hope you feel better soon. Peace.
Shelly
Shelly
Thanks ,Shelly for the advice.I know what you mean about makeing yourself get out but once out i do feel better.Its just i so lazy and down i dont want to fix my hair make up and anythign.Before addiction i wouldnt be caught out with my hair fixed.I dont go visit anyone my brothers had a birthday party for mr today.they called about 30 times i didnt answer .i just couldnt pull myself togethr to make it.I do feel bad and they wonder what is wrong with me.They think im just rude anyways.Im not a thoughtfulness as i use to be.I hated that i did go now i have to make up a lie to tell them.they knew i was home im sure.Im been addictied since 2000 and i have come clean for a short two months .It was around x-mas time and even after the worst was over the depression was so bad .I had to go christmad shopping i thought i would get a few from a friend just so i would feel better to go shopping.I thought two want hurt.Boy,was i wrong i went back through the hell and heard about sub. looked up my old sub. dr.i sold my car which was just a extra i had .i sold it for six hundred and it took every bit of that too get my first visit and 30 sub. tab.I remember comeing home like i was the old me again.my husband was so suprised.he thoought it was a waste of money.he could beleive how that little half of a pill could make my life better.But as the year went by i started not feeling so good on it.Just like the pain pills.And i tried ween off of the sub. the sub. dr, said it was easier then the pain pills.he didnt know what he was talking about ethier..I have learn sub. is good for a short tearm use to get you off the pills.Now if suffering even worst then before .I would go into rehab but,if i have two kids 13 and 12 .i dont have anyone that will take care of them and look out for them...Im really about to have that talk with my husband again though.he refused me to leave for treatment before sub.I had hit rock bottom and he just didnt want me to leave.he said stay here lay in the bed and do nothing.I tried that and took care of my girls in withdrals.It was so hard also kept the house clean.I was sick but i still had life here that had to be done.Then around that time i heard about sub. and researched it.
Good night to you all i would like to come back tomm. and i hope that my post with have plenty of advice for me .......
Your kids are 12 and 13 and your husband is around. They are fine. Go to rehab.
MY husband is suffering from sever depression also from his accident.So he is not a person to leave my kids with.he fusses over every little thing they do.Most of the time its crazy at how much and im not leaveing them to fin for themselfes.
Crystal.
I cannot tell you how happy I am to talk to you girl. I am sorry things are going so badly, I have been struggling badly myself.
You sweet girl cannot lose hope. You were one of the first to greet me on this board and helped me so so much. I will never ever forget that.
Please I would like to talk with you...........Email me if you still have it, and I will email you back my number, or you can even call me collect.
You are not alone.
Love and Hugs.
Javagirl1976@hotmail.com
I cannot tell you how happy I am to talk to you girl. I am sorry things are going so badly, I have been struggling badly myself.
You sweet girl cannot lose hope. You were one of the first to greet me on this board and helped me so so much. I will never ever forget that.
Please I would like to talk with you...........Email me if you still have it, and I will email you back my number, or you can even call me collect.
You are not alone.
Love and Hugs.
Javagirl1976@hotmail.com
Dear gagrl:
your story sounds so much like my life, you are definately depressed, are you getting help with an anti depressant? paxil works great for me as far as depression and panic feelings go.
it would be great if you could go to rehab somehow, i could NEVER leave my family and animals too fearful on my part that they would not be well cared for while i was away, i was terrified to leave them with their alcoholic father, he does not abuse our boys, i just worried that he would pass out drunk like he has before in the garage with the door down and carbon monoxide our home.
when it got so bad i couldnt take it anymore i had no choice but to go... i had hit my rock bottom because i was having thoughts of not wanting to live anymore and so terrified as to how i wasn't able to get more pills.so for the second time
i checked into rehab last july and started sub.
i was so panic stricken after one day there, i told the nurse i had to leave, i was so worried about my sons and animals, the nurse would not let me leave yet she said to go to my room with a brown lunch bag she gave me and advised me to write down on separate pieces of paperevery worry i was experiencing, put those worries into your "God bag" know that you have given your worries to the Lord and when you worry pull out of the bag whatever you were worrying about and pray to God about it. that calmed me down and helped tremendously as i was able to stay 16 days! i cannot to this day know how i accomplished that. but i understand what you are going thru, we sometimes just get "stuck" and the depression is sooooooo bad believe me i know and the more you get stuck the more you get depressed, if you are a spiritual person ask God to help you, so many times i think to myself why God have you forsaken me? i will allow myself to get dark.... but as i go thru the trial i realize after i feel better, wow! God your were there, you provided this or that opportunity for me and i never realized it until now,think about the kids too, they must be depressed too if you and your husband are, children absorb so much of what their parents are feeling and God forbid we would never want our children to have the misery we went thru. right? pray pray pray, God will listen i know this for a fact, its happened in my life, the miracle may not come to you as fast as you like, it sometimes takes longer than this inpatient person that i am wants, but if its the Lords will it does come.... God bless you jewels
your story sounds so much like my life, you are definately depressed, are you getting help with an anti depressant? paxil works great for me as far as depression and panic feelings go.
it would be great if you could go to rehab somehow, i could NEVER leave my family and animals too fearful on my part that they would not be well cared for while i was away, i was terrified to leave them with their alcoholic father, he does not abuse our boys, i just worried that he would pass out drunk like he has before in the garage with the door down and carbon monoxide our home.
when it got so bad i couldnt take it anymore i had no choice but to go... i had hit my rock bottom because i was having thoughts of not wanting to live anymore and so terrified as to how i wasn't able to get more pills.so for the second time
i checked into rehab last july and started sub.
i was so panic stricken after one day there, i told the nurse i had to leave, i was so worried about my sons and animals, the nurse would not let me leave yet she said to go to my room with a brown lunch bag she gave me and advised me to write down on separate pieces of paperevery worry i was experiencing, put those worries into your "God bag" know that you have given your worries to the Lord and when you worry pull out of the bag whatever you were worrying about and pray to God about it. that calmed me down and helped tremendously as i was able to stay 16 days! i cannot to this day know how i accomplished that. but i understand what you are going thru, we sometimes just get "stuck" and the depression is sooooooo bad believe me i know and the more you get stuck the more you get depressed, if you are a spiritual person ask God to help you, so many times i think to myself why God have you forsaken me? i will allow myself to get dark.... but as i go thru the trial i realize after i feel better, wow! God your were there, you provided this or that opportunity for me and i never realized it until now,think about the kids too, they must be depressed too if you and your husband are, children absorb so much of what their parents are feeling and God forbid we would never want our children to have the misery we went thru. right? pray pray pray, God will listen i know this for a fact, its happened in my life, the miracle may not come to you as fast as you like, it sometimes takes longer than this inpatient person that i am wants, but if its the Lords will it does come.... God bless you jewels
