Amazing story, Sarah. Thank you for sharing that here, as it's a great example of what Harry COULD do if he were so inclined.
Susan, See? Where there is a will, there is a way. If your son wanted to bad enough, he would get out of your home, get clean, and straighten out his own life. It happens everyday somewhere.
He doesn't do it because he knows he doesn't have to. He knows you are going to be there to pick up the pieces,,,,,,again....when he falls. How many times has this happened? How many times have you bailed him out?
I remember the whole robbery story, and seems to me like he had you believing much of that was not his fault. He got shafted......again, always the victim. All of us addicts are like that, Susan. We will let anyone else take the blame for our screw ups as often as the world will allow us to. And you are allowing him to repeatedly.
I am a mom. I know how much you love your son. I know how it must be tearing you apart inside, causing trouble with your marriage, your bank acct., and your other family members. I feel for you from the bottom of my heart. And I know it would be the hardest thing you have ever done. But I honestly think you should tell him this time it's up to him to deal with the mess he has made.
No, using Vicodan to come off of Herion is not a good idea.
Going for drinks with his buddies is not, either.
He's playing you, and you are buying it.
This will never end until you stop taking care of him. It's a vicious circle where Harry is calling the shots.
I do not mean to hurt you, I know you already have enough hurt in your heart to last a life time. I have never been in your situation, thank God, and I know it's easier for me to tell you how you should handle than it is for you to actually do it. I have been in Harry's place, though, and I do know that as long as you enable him to use, he will use.
I wish you and husband luck and love. I know God is going to see you through this one way or another.
Susan...I know all of this is really hard to read. I had to hear this from my NA and AA groups and from a couple of people here (Tina) when we went through this with my son. I know how you're feeling right now. Very defensive and very helpless.
Please know that everything said is out of love and encouragement and from those of us who have been there or on the other side.
My son wasn't able to get his life together until I let go and stop making it work for him. He's married and doing really well now. I didn't kick him out so much as I stop making it easy for him to stay. I changed the rules. I stopped coddling. If he lived at home, he had requirements. Like meetings. That was a no brainer. He had to go at least 3 a week. It saved his life. He still goes to this day.
I've known you for a long time and I've seen what an endearing, loving heart you have. But you are literally loving this child to death.
Big hugs
Lisa
Please know that everything said is out of love and encouragement and from those of us who have been there or on the other side.
My son wasn't able to get his life together until I let go and stop making it work for him. He's married and doing really well now. I didn't kick him out so much as I stop making it easy for him to stay. I changed the rules. I stopped coddling. If he lived at home, he had requirements. Like meetings. That was a no brainer. He had to go at least 3 a week. It saved his life. He still goes to this day.
I've known you for a long time and I've seen what an endearing, loving heart you have. But you are literally loving this child to death.
Big hugs
Lisa
