I am so frustrated. I don't even know how I found this message board. My husband has been smoking marijuana frequently. ( daily to a few times a week) He also drinks beer. He drinks in the car, smokes pot and now i have been finding empty small bottles of something called yagermeister. I feel like i am losing my husband. He is always on something. We went out to dinner last night, and he had already been drinking. My 11 year old daughter even told me, dad has already been drinking. He has beer cans in the bedroom by his nightstand, in the car, in the basement, etc. He lies about everything.
My life is in turmoil. I don't know who to talk to. If I talk to his parents, they will belittle him, my family will be upset fromwhat he is doing to this family. I don't know who to talk to. I am going literally crazy. Please help me. Do I say anything to anyone? I have talked over and over to my husband. Always empty promises, and i doubt he wants to change at all. I don't think he is ever "straight" anymore. What should I do? Thanks for helping. Please write soon
I can understand your frustration and its good your reaching out.
Eventually he might seek help for his marihuana.... Marijuana Anonymous World Services (www.marijuana-anonymous.org)
Marijuana Anonymous uses the basic 12-step recovery program founded by Alcoholics Anonymous. Their web site covers the 12-steps and the 12-traditions, online pamphlets on various aspects of marijuana addiction, a meeting directory by geographic area and a list of online meetings.
Alcoholics Anonymous would also be a good idea.
In the meantime you could definitely get help at Alanon from alot of people in your same situation.
Good luck
..
Eventually he might seek help for his marihuana.... Marijuana Anonymous World Services (www.marijuana-anonymous.org)
Marijuana Anonymous uses the basic 12-step recovery program founded by Alcoholics Anonymous. Their web site covers the 12-steps and the 12-traditions, online pamphlets on various aspects of marijuana addiction, a meeting directory by geographic area and a list of online meetings.
Alcoholics Anonymous would also be a good idea.
In the meantime you could definitely get help at Alanon from alot of people in your same situation.
Good luck
..
I know exactly what you are going through. I have been married for over 25 years and have found my husband is going downhill quickly.
Not only does he drink and smoke pot, I found out he is smoking crystal meth. He also has empty liquor bottles in his closet, beer bottles around his bedroom, bathroom, etc. He spend hours in the closet at a time with his alcohol and his prn. He has a real addiction to prn. He tells me he is in one town and he is in another often hours away from where he says he is. I can track him by the ATM withdrawals. He doesn't realize that I can get the address from the bank on line statement and then put the address in google.com. I have seen the ATM's are in "clubs" . He often takes out 500 a day. Often late at night (midnight) and then again early the next morning (1:30am) Sometimes within an hour he has taken out $500. I think the three addictions (drugs, alcohol and porn) all feed off one another.
Four of my six kids are in college. The two at home 16 and 19 have commented on his changes over the past few months. I finally told the oldest two boys, my h's sister, a good friend of his and my brother.
He will not look people in the eye anymore. He is scratching and hyper, disorganized, secretive, paranoid...all the signs of speed. One of my kids said his sense of humor has changed. He said my h used to be funny -- now he is cruel. Usually these are directed towards me or women in general.
His family and mine all live out of town. His sister does not want to approach his parents unless I talk to him first and he refuses treatment. I have a friend in town who knows what is going on.
I have told my h in the past that I though he was bi-polar because of his major depressions. (Now, I think it was just crystal meth withdrawal.) He refused and said there was nothing wrong with him. I told him I thought he was addicted to sx. (He carries six boxes of prn, a briefcase full of prn, a tv/vcr and other bags of porn with him in the car. He stays at work all night and views p and makes 900 calls.) He told me he is just a Type A, competitive personality. He said all the most successful men are like that and suggested a few books I should read.
I don't know what to do. If I tell him what I know, he may become violent or verbally abusive. He will probably refuse treatment. The I have to tell him to move out which will really anger him. He is an attorney and does not follow rules he does not like so a Temporary Restraining Order would be useless. If he does agree to go to treatment, I have to figure out how he can be away for a while without his partners finding out where he is.
I feel like I am moving towards action -- but I don't know what it will be.
Anyone with input, please let me here from you.
Not only does he drink and smoke pot, I found out he is smoking crystal meth. He also has empty liquor bottles in his closet, beer bottles around his bedroom, bathroom, etc. He spend hours in the closet at a time with his alcohol and his prn. He has a real addiction to prn. He tells me he is in one town and he is in another often hours away from where he says he is. I can track him by the ATM withdrawals. He doesn't realize that I can get the address from the bank on line statement and then put the address in google.com. I have seen the ATM's are in "clubs" . He often takes out 500 a day. Often late at night (midnight) and then again early the next morning (1:30am) Sometimes within an hour he has taken out $500. I think the three addictions (drugs, alcohol and porn) all feed off one another.
Four of my six kids are in college. The two at home 16 and 19 have commented on his changes over the past few months. I finally told the oldest two boys, my h's sister, a good friend of his and my brother.
He will not look people in the eye anymore. He is scratching and hyper, disorganized, secretive, paranoid...all the signs of speed. One of my kids said his sense of humor has changed. He said my h used to be funny -- now he is cruel. Usually these are directed towards me or women in general.
His family and mine all live out of town. His sister does not want to approach his parents unless I talk to him first and he refuses treatment. I have a friend in town who knows what is going on.
I have told my h in the past that I though he was bi-polar because of his major depressions. (Now, I think it was just crystal meth withdrawal.) He refused and said there was nothing wrong with him. I told him I thought he was addicted to sx. (He carries six boxes of prn, a briefcase full of prn, a tv/vcr and other bags of porn with him in the car. He stays at work all night and views p and makes 900 calls.) He told me he is just a Type A, competitive personality. He said all the most successful men are like that and suggested a few books I should read.
I don't know what to do. If I tell him what I know, he may become violent or verbally abusive. He will probably refuse treatment. The I have to tell him to move out which will really anger him. He is an attorney and does not follow rules he does not like so a Temporary Restraining Order would be useless. If he does agree to go to treatment, I have to figure out how he can be away for a while without his partners finding out where he is.
I feel like I am moving towards action -- but I don't know what it will be.
Anyone with input, please let me here from you.
lackner:
Somewhere, there is a reason your husband is taking part in this self-destructive behavior. I won't pretend to know what that is. But I would say the main thing for you to worry about, besides his well being, is the well being of you and your daughter. If for any reason you feel threatened, get away. That's the first thing. Second, he has to make a conscious effort to want to help himself. Like I said, there is a reason for all this and if he doesn't want to address the problem, well...I'm not sure what you can do...there really isn't much you can do..he has to want to, ya know? And to me it sounds like he's at the very least, depressed about something bigtime and he's self-medicating to alleviate what it is that eats at him. I would suggest counsoling...getting him to have an open, honest conversation about what is on his mind might reap huge dividends.
hope,
humanist
oh, and if he's drinking and driving, do not get into the car with him. You're better off walking, hon.
Somewhere, there is a reason your husband is taking part in this self-destructive behavior. I won't pretend to know what that is. But I would say the main thing for you to worry about, besides his well being, is the well being of you and your daughter. If for any reason you feel threatened, get away. That's the first thing. Second, he has to make a conscious effort to want to help himself. Like I said, there is a reason for all this and if he doesn't want to address the problem, well...I'm not sure what you can do...there really isn't much you can do..he has to want to, ya know? And to me it sounds like he's at the very least, depressed about something bigtime and he's self-medicating to alleviate what it is that eats at him. I would suggest counsoling...getting him to have an open, honest conversation about what is on his mind might reap huge dividends.
hope,
humanist
oh, and if he's drinking and driving, do not get into the car with him. You're better off walking, hon.
Michelle,
I just stumbles across this site today and reading your message sounds just like my life right now. I have a one year old and a three year old and have been married for 9 years. I know my husband smoked pot frequently but PROMISED each time I was pregnant he would quit(silly me for believing that). His behavior has also been "cruel", his moods all over the place for 6 months and I just found his bag of "crystal meth" supplies last week. He flipped and I had to call the police. They made him leave and the only time he calls now is for money(which I will not give him). I have gone to a family conselor and have also been told to go to ALANON. I can't tell you what to do but, I will pray for you because I know my heart hurts so bad sometimes I feel like just giving up myself. Please post if you figure out what to do. Maybe it will give me some hope! Hang in there. You are not alone, believe me.......
K.
I just stumbles across this site today and reading your message sounds just like my life right now. I have a one year old and a three year old and have been married for 9 years. I know my husband smoked pot frequently but PROMISED each time I was pregnant he would quit(silly me for believing that). His behavior has also been "cruel", his moods all over the place for 6 months and I just found his bag of "crystal meth" supplies last week. He flipped and I had to call the police. They made him leave and the only time he calls now is for money(which I will not give him). I have gone to a family conselor and have also been told to go to ALANON. I can't tell you what to do but, I will pray for you because I know my heart hurts so bad sometimes I feel like just giving up myself. Please post if you figure out what to do. Maybe it will give me some hope! Hang in there. You are not alone, believe me.......
K.
There is a posative action you can take.
Call Alanon in your area to have someone pay you a visit and share from their experience or Alcolholics Annonimus to get help understanding what you're really dealing with regarding your husbands behaviour.
Keep in touch here also.
Call Alanon in your area to have someone pay you a visit and share from their experience or Alcolholics Annonimus to get help understanding what you're really dealing with regarding your husbands behaviour.
Keep in touch here also.