Hey guys Just have to get a little something of my chest . I have been told that I am a selfish person, I have been told that my posts are to gain attention for me. I have been told that its ALL about me. Well I beg to differ,. I post on here ,THIS BOARD because it IS an alcohol and addiction recovery board..So wouldn't this be the place to post about one weakness ,insecurities. and doubts.?f we cant express our feelings and tspeak what is on our mind while we are looking for support advice and inspiration and guidance that can help us,why bother to log in. ? I can keep everything to myself forever if need be but I look for help and guidance from friends that I have made on here because I know they understand how I am feeling and can relate to what I have to say. Just because all of us don't have the same opinions on what works for getting sober is irrevelant It doesn't mean one way is right and the other wrong. some people liked fried eggs, some people like boiled eggs,some like them poached ,either way they get to eat the egg.It's the same with getting sober I don't think it is right for someone to put someone down just because there is a difference of opinion. in the method used to gain sobriety..If any of you think I am whining .looking for pity,or just going on about ME then I would appreciate you telling me,but only for the facts at hand not because I have disagreed with some of your opinions or choosing other methods than yours to get sober . Thanking you to take the time to read this post. God bless and be safe
I think what you're describing is what the recovering alcoholics I know would call "taking someone else's inventory". Instead of looking at their own behaviour and working their own programme they're obviously trying to control yours.
If this person is your sponsor and you've committed to following their "instructions" then you need to listen to their point of view....but in the end you surrender your Will and life to YOUR HP, not to some other human being, and if your sponsor isn't working for you then fire him/her.
BUT.....again, only in my humble opinion, it's vital that you really consider what has been said to you because there might be something in it.......everyone is in your path for a reason and considering what has been said MIGHT help you progress....That's how we learn and grow, by getting outside of our own inevitably limited and potentially damaged perspective and thinking and taking on board what others say.....it's good that you're asking for views, because that's one way of checking you're not being blindsided by someone else's distorted thinking/issues on top of any you MIGHT have yourself....your HP MIGHT want you to learn to listen to others OR might want you to learn to trust yourself and stick to your guns.....only your HP knows the reason it's been said to YOU....so get in touch with Him/Her/It
Personally, I've found the self-doubt required for growth very unsettling.....but my best thinking got me where it did and I was lucky in that my HP took me to Al-anon and AA and made me listen to others' perspectives....so I've grown a little....baby steps.
Deep inside, however deep it might be, is the real you.....and in the end what we hear is the real us crying for the light....let the light in on your heart, let your HP in.....sit with the question, wonder, ponder, don't agonise....just sit quietly and go about your business and do not fret. Your HP will find a way to let you know your truth....and remember, today's truth for you might be different to yesterday's and tomorrow's...that's called growth.
Finally.....personally I believe that expressing our deepest fears, hurts and dreads is the road to freedom....part of the psychological process bound up in steps 4-7....only PART of that process mind.....the other parts are about accceptance, understanding and a willingness to use ALL our resources, conscious and unconscious, internal and external, in the pursuit of the truly spiritual quest to find ourselves. I believe that's what He wants for us....and He sent an Angel named Wendy to tell me just that one night under the stars outside an AA meeting......
Speaking of Angels, I called the Samaritans to express my dread, terror, deperssion, anger, rage, guilt, shame.....every day for MONTHS and up to 4 times a day.....and I am convinced that was necessary for ME to begin to understand and make progress out of the pit I put myself in. THEIR acceptance of me, along with the acceptance of ME at AA and the acceptance of ME at Al-anon, with all my faults and failings and ego-centricity and EVERYTHING saved my life, precisely because ALL MY LIFE I'd been absolutely ripped apart inside by the constant self-flagellation of being WRONG, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, FAILING, BROKEN...and a load of other rubbish.....leanring that I'M OK, and even ACCEPTABLE and LOVABLE, was essential to SAVING MY LIFE....
And all that's in capitals because in my opinion anyone who is telling you that is being absolutely reckless with your well-being and confusing themselves with yourself. If they don't want to read your posts they don't have to. Simple.
You're enough as you are pirate, you are wonderful and lovable and interesting and glorious and as flawed as every other human being walking this planet. And you know what, you'll be even better without alcohol in your life. you're EXACTLY where you're meant to be in life. Only God is God.
Your HP is on your side....open the door and let Him/Her/It take your hand and lead the way.....it's happening already, you're here......opening the door wider increases your conscious contact is all.....and is all you need.
Take what you like and leave the rest. Always.
If this person is your sponsor and you've committed to following their "instructions" then you need to listen to their point of view....but in the end you surrender your Will and life to YOUR HP, not to some other human being, and if your sponsor isn't working for you then fire him/her.
BUT.....again, only in my humble opinion, it's vital that you really consider what has been said to you because there might be something in it.......everyone is in your path for a reason and considering what has been said MIGHT help you progress....That's how we learn and grow, by getting outside of our own inevitably limited and potentially damaged perspective and thinking and taking on board what others say.....it's good that you're asking for views, because that's one way of checking you're not being blindsided by someone else's distorted thinking/issues on top of any you MIGHT have yourself....your HP MIGHT want you to learn to listen to others OR might want you to learn to trust yourself and stick to your guns.....only your HP knows the reason it's been said to YOU....so get in touch with Him/Her/It
Personally, I've found the self-doubt required for growth very unsettling.....but my best thinking got me where it did and I was lucky in that my HP took me to Al-anon and AA and made me listen to others' perspectives....so I've grown a little....baby steps.
Deep inside, however deep it might be, is the real you.....and in the end what we hear is the real us crying for the light....let the light in on your heart, let your HP in.....sit with the question, wonder, ponder, don't agonise....just sit quietly and go about your business and do not fret. Your HP will find a way to let you know your truth....and remember, today's truth for you might be different to yesterday's and tomorrow's...that's called growth.
Finally.....personally I believe that expressing our deepest fears, hurts and dreads is the road to freedom....part of the psychological process bound up in steps 4-7....only PART of that process mind.....the other parts are about accceptance, understanding and a willingness to use ALL our resources, conscious and unconscious, internal and external, in the pursuit of the truly spiritual quest to find ourselves. I believe that's what He wants for us....and He sent an Angel named Wendy to tell me just that one night under the stars outside an AA meeting......
Speaking of Angels, I called the Samaritans to express my dread, terror, deperssion, anger, rage, guilt, shame.....every day for MONTHS and up to 4 times a day.....and I am convinced that was necessary for ME to begin to understand and make progress out of the pit I put myself in. THEIR acceptance of me, along with the acceptance of ME at AA and the acceptance of ME at Al-anon, with all my faults and failings and ego-centricity and EVERYTHING saved my life, precisely because ALL MY LIFE I'd been absolutely ripped apart inside by the constant self-flagellation of being WRONG, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, FAILING, BROKEN...and a load of other rubbish.....leanring that I'M OK, and even ACCEPTABLE and LOVABLE, was essential to SAVING MY LIFE....
And all that's in capitals because in my opinion anyone who is telling you that is being absolutely reckless with your well-being and confusing themselves with yourself. If they don't want to read your posts they don't have to. Simple.
You're enough as you are pirate, you are wonderful and lovable and interesting and glorious and as flawed as every other human being walking this planet. And you know what, you'll be even better without alcohol in your life. you're EXACTLY where you're meant to be in life. Only God is God.
Your HP is on your side....open the door and let Him/Her/It take your hand and lead the way.....it's happening already, you're here......opening the door wider increases your conscious contact is all.....and is all you need.
Take what you like and leave the rest. Always.
Gidday Pirate
I actually didnt want to answer because i dont want to be a part of another here we go again thread on AA and how everyone percieves what is right or wrong in each others programme and trys for brownie points in replies and yes i have been guilty of this in the past, and i must admit that the whole 4th step arguement is becoming more about personalities than sobriety and i can easily be drawn in if i allow myself to be lured by the fishers bait....there you go im caught...guilty by answer:)
What im trying to say is do whatever you have to, to stay sober, take what you want from the answers that you like and leave the rest and that applies for whatever anyone says to you as well....time is the decider and in my recovery i have made a heck of a lot of mistakes that i can only see with hindsight and over time what i thought was right sometimes was wrong and vice versa
All i know is that for every day i dont drink then i have a chance to be sober the next
The one thing that is hard when typing answers or questions is for the reader to get the text that the questioner or answerer is intending and this can lead to clashes of personalities and that is what i was worried about when i posted the i factor, awhile ago
Keep posting, keep questioning, keep reading and keep sober because if you do the above it helps this Alkie as well
take what you want and leave the rest, i do not know all of the answers and i do not want to, this isnt typed with a vengeance, it is typed with a lets just all stay sober for today:)
light and love zac
I actually didnt want to answer because i dont want to be a part of another here we go again thread on AA and how everyone percieves what is right or wrong in each others programme and trys for brownie points in replies and yes i have been guilty of this in the past, and i must admit that the whole 4th step arguement is becoming more about personalities than sobriety and i can easily be drawn in if i allow myself to be lured by the fishers bait....there you go im caught...guilty by answer:)
What im trying to say is do whatever you have to, to stay sober, take what you want from the answers that you like and leave the rest and that applies for whatever anyone says to you as well....time is the decider and in my recovery i have made a heck of a lot of mistakes that i can only see with hindsight and over time what i thought was right sometimes was wrong and vice versa
All i know is that for every day i dont drink then i have a chance to be sober the next
The one thing that is hard when typing answers or questions is for the reader to get the text that the questioner or answerer is intending and this can lead to clashes of personalities and that is what i was worried about when i posted the i factor, awhile ago
Keep posting, keep questioning, keep reading and keep sober because if you do the above it helps this Alkie as well
take what you want and leave the rest, i do not know all of the answers and i do not want to, this isnt typed with a vengeance, it is typed with a lets just all stay sober for today:)
light and love zac
Zac,
Your post was really helpful to me, thank you.
I typed it passionately and only after reading your post and looking again at what I've written did I see that at least two paragraphs of mine are unnecessary, unhelpful and venting my own stuff rather than helping pirate, myself or anyone else. I apologise to everyone and would edit them out if I could.
The two paragraphs I can see these unpleasant characteristics in are the first one about taking someone else's inventory (which of course is EXACTLY what I was doing in those two paras) and the other one is about someone being reckless. I apologise unreservedly.
If there are any other elements in my post that cause offence or might do please do point them out.
Apologies to pirate too, you didn't need my lack of insight and control/anger issues snarling up your thread.
I ask anyone offended by those immature elements in my response to help preserve the spirit of this board and the integrity of our venture by showing more maturity and restraint in their reply than I did there.
Thanks
Your post was really helpful to me, thank you.
I typed it passionately and only after reading your post and looking again at what I've written did I see that at least two paragraphs of mine are unnecessary, unhelpful and venting my own stuff rather than helping pirate, myself or anyone else. I apologise to everyone and would edit them out if I could.
The two paragraphs I can see these unpleasant characteristics in are the first one about taking someone else's inventory (which of course is EXACTLY what I was doing in those two paras) and the other one is about someone being reckless. I apologise unreservedly.
If there are any other elements in my post that cause offence or might do please do point them out.
Apologies to pirate too, you didn't need my lack of insight and control/anger issues snarling up your thread.
I ask anyone offended by those immature elements in my response to help preserve the spirit of this board and the integrity of our venture by showing more maturity and restraint in their reply than I did there.
Thanks
Pirate
Honey, if you need to vent this is as good a place as any. All of us alkies know how difficult early sobriety can be. OMG The mood swings and doubts and am I really an alcoholic? It's a very difficult period in our lives. The problem with 12 steppers is we know that the program works. We want to spread our joy at being sober and going thru the changes that are necessary to stay that way. I am sure we have all made mistakes about our recoveries. I know I have. I'm not saying that what you are doing is a mistake, don't take it that way. You have to find your own path. If you don't want to work the steps there is no law that says you have to to stay sober. If you don't want to do them no one should think any less of you and they won't if they truly know the Big Book. Everyone is entitled to learn their own way to recovery and don't let anyone tell you different. In early recovery, yes, it is all about you because without newcomers the rest of us have no hope. If you need to come here and vent please do so. But remember there are many different personalities here and you will probably hear things you don't want to hear. If you can't roll with the punches though, I suggest you be careful what you post. You can always email me and I will listen while you work things out.
Keep comin back, Pirate. Smooches.
Honey, if you need to vent this is as good a place as any. All of us alkies know how difficult early sobriety can be. OMG The mood swings and doubts and am I really an alcoholic? It's a very difficult period in our lives. The problem with 12 steppers is we know that the program works. We want to spread our joy at being sober and going thru the changes that are necessary to stay that way. I am sure we have all made mistakes about our recoveries. I know I have. I'm not saying that what you are doing is a mistake, don't take it that way. You have to find your own path. If you don't want to work the steps there is no law that says you have to to stay sober. If you don't want to do them no one should think any less of you and they won't if they truly know the Big Book. Everyone is entitled to learn their own way to recovery and don't let anyone tell you different. In early recovery, yes, it is all about you because without newcomers the rest of us have no hope. If you need to come here and vent please do so. But remember there are many different personalities here and you will probably hear things you don't want to hear. If you can't roll with the punches though, I suggest you be careful what you post. You can always email me and I will listen while you work things out.
Keep comin back, Pirate. Smooches.
Yes it is, in fact, all about you. If you don't take sobriety seriously, you'll wind up right back out there. The wonderful horror of this program is that it is deceptively simple--and hard to understand. Give in to win? Simple but hard? Gotta be selfish to give?
My sponsor, in working The Program with me, pissed me off regularly but I was willing to do whatever it took to get sober. What I found out later is that he was making me look at the ugly stuff I'd either over-compensated for, or buried. He had every right to, too, because I'd ASKED HIM to help. If you're going to get better, and it is entirely up to you, then the next time you point a finger, check out how many are curled back at you. I was absolutely horrified when enlightened about WHY I reacted to people's "faults." It was because I recognized them so readily...
The difference between an alcoholic that has worked The Program of AA, and one that hasn't, is that "we have ceased fighting everything and everyone.." and we are placed in a position of neutrality, contingent upon our spiritual condition.
You can listen/read what ever you want. Take what is relevant and leave the rest. If you want to understand The Program of AA, though, I suggest you ask a sponsor who's actually DONE it.
Best of luck.
My sponsor, in working The Program with me, pissed me off regularly but I was willing to do whatever it took to get sober. What I found out later is that he was making me look at the ugly stuff I'd either over-compensated for, or buried. He had every right to, too, because I'd ASKED HIM to help. If you're going to get better, and it is entirely up to you, then the next time you point a finger, check out how many are curled back at you. I was absolutely horrified when enlightened about WHY I reacted to people's "faults." It was because I recognized them so readily...
The difference between an alcoholic that has worked The Program of AA, and one that hasn't, is that "we have ceased fighting everything and everyone.." and we are placed in a position of neutrality, contingent upon our spiritual condition.
You can listen/read what ever you want. Take what is relevant and leave the rest. If you want to understand The Program of AA, though, I suggest you ask a sponsor who's actually DONE it.
Best of luck.
Pirate,
Girlfriend you post whatever the hell you want. No one on this board but the mods are in charge. This is not an AA site. However, with that said most of the recovery you will hear is a direct result of AA! God Bless it!
Like I said, AA WORKS!! People relapse because they quit doing what they are supposed to. If my way quits working I will hop skip my happy a** right to a meeting. First I would probably come here and get the input from people that actually know what they are talking about.
12 Stepper- As always I love your posts. Different personalities running through this place for sure. It changes with how the wind blows. lol
Zac-ROTFLMAO----"Brownie Points for replies"! LOLOLOLOL...
Pirate- I don't see you posting for attention at all. There are a few people here that IMO do. You are new to all of this. When I was first on this site I was posting up a storm. EVERYOENE was wonderful. Even people from all over the other boards.
P.S. Hell yes we alkies take other people's inventory. I ain't tryin' to look within myself! LOLOLOLOL
Keep up the good work Pirate. Take what is helpful to you and let the rest roll off your back.
Girlfriend you post whatever the hell you want. No one on this board but the mods are in charge. This is not an AA site. However, with that said most of the recovery you will hear is a direct result of AA! God Bless it!
Like I said, AA WORKS!! People relapse because they quit doing what they are supposed to. If my way quits working I will hop skip my happy a** right to a meeting. First I would probably come here and get the input from people that actually know what they are talking about.
12 Stepper- As always I love your posts. Different personalities running through this place for sure. It changes with how the wind blows. lol
Zac-ROTFLMAO----"Brownie Points for replies"! LOLOLOLOL...
Pirate- I don't see you posting for attention at all. There are a few people here that IMO do. You are new to all of this. When I was first on this site I was posting up a storm. EVERYOENE was wonderful. Even people from all over the other boards.
P.S. Hell yes we alkies take other people's inventory. I ain't tryin' to look within myself! LOLOLOLOL
Keep up the good work Pirate. Take what is helpful to you and let the rest roll off your back.
Hell yes we alkies take other people's inventory. I ain't tryin' to look within myself! LOLOLOLOL
LOL Ain't that the truth!
LOL Ain't that the truth!
| QUOTE |
| P.S. Hell yes we alkies take other people's inventory. I ain't tryin' to look within myself! LOLOLOLOL |
LMAO, Val. Yep, you're right on. I think for me, when I see people asking the same questions and having the same fears that I had at that point in my recovery, I just wanna tell them what to do because I remember the many times I relapsed and how I'd relapse wayyyy before I ever took the first drink or pill. But, like it's been said, everyone has their own path to take and it's none of my business. One thing though, when asked a question on the steps or the program, I will share my experiences as it was others on these boards, by sharing what worked for them and them sharing openly and honestly, not worrying if they were hurting my sensitive feelings, that helped me sooooo much and I've been able to stay clean & sober and learn how to live life and deal with life situations....
But, hey, I'm an alcoholic and when I first read the title of this post my first thought was, "No, it's all about ME"...lol
Everyone have a wonderful, sober day...
xoxo
Stacey
Stacey,
I think it is great that all the Steppers help the new ones with questions. I think I would come here first and ask questions of all of you. AA isn't my thing but I am all for it. I think many people get put off by it sometimes because they feel like they aren't part of the "club" so to speak. People often don't like what they don't understand. Just ignorance if you ask me.
When I first came to this site there was one poster in particular that shoved it down everyone's throat. That person hasn't been around in about a year. Probably moved on to another site where they could dominate and prey on the newcomers. The Branch Dividian comes to mind! lolol...
From coming here I KNOW FOR A FACT that I have been helped to stay sober. I listen to anyone with experience. :-)
Have a good one ladies!
Edited to say: I learned eventually that it wasn't a club at all. lol Just a way of thinking. :-)
Edit #2: Sorry to hijack your thread PIRATE. How are you today?
I think it is great that all the Steppers help the new ones with questions. I think I would come here first and ask questions of all of you. AA isn't my thing but I am all for it. I think many people get put off by it sometimes because they feel like they aren't part of the "club" so to speak. People often don't like what they don't understand. Just ignorance if you ask me.
When I first came to this site there was one poster in particular that shoved it down everyone's throat. That person hasn't been around in about a year. Probably moved on to another site where they could dominate and prey on the newcomers. The Branch Dividian comes to mind! lolol...
From coming here I KNOW FOR A FACT that I have been helped to stay sober. I listen to anyone with experience. :-)
Have a good one ladies!
Edited to say: I learned eventually that it wasn't a club at all. lol Just a way of thinking. :-)
Edit #2: Sorry to hijack your thread PIRATE. How are you today?
| QUOTE |
| But, hey, I'm an alcoholic and when I first read the title of this post my first thought was, "No, it's all about ME"...lol |
It was actually about ME, but I played it off as being about her being about me.
~rolling~
Funny thing: Today there was a person that came into the rooms and complained about having relapsed and rehab and phshrinks and the whole gamut of excuses for reasons. The friggin' Old Toads simply said, "You've been in the rooms? What kept you sober?"
Damned Toads...
Refering to your original post Pirate - I go on about me all the time!! I am selfish, self pitying, self absorbed - it's called alcoholism.
Pirate,
I love the saying, "take what you want and leave the rest". Some of the best advise I've received in these rooms. I am sorry you have felt/heard the message that you are selfish....I have a postive spin on this: if being selfish means you are taking care of yourself, sharing, expressing your feeling, then don't let people's opinions stop you. As for the notion that you are seeking attention...then I belong in this category too. I come here and post in hopes that my posts will get the attention of someone, somewhere, so they can offer wisdom and their ESH.
Hang in there my dear friend,
I love the saying, "take what you want and leave the rest". Some of the best advise I've received in these rooms. I am sorry you have felt/heard the message that you are selfish....I have a postive spin on this: if being selfish means you are taking care of yourself, sharing, expressing your feeling, then don't let people's opinions stop you. As for the notion that you are seeking attention...then I belong in this category too. I come here and post in hopes that my posts will get the attention of someone, somewhere, so they can offer wisdom and their ESH.
Hang in there my dear friend,
Hey Pirate
Selfishness and self-centreedness is something that we need to work on in our recovery. But early sobriety is a bit of a selfish time in a lot of ways -
This board is one of those rare places (like the rooms) that you can share in that selfish way if you want to and its OK. Its what we ALL are doing.
And in actual fact, it only seems selfish - in reality its not - because everytime you post about this stuff WE all read it and you can't know who you might have helped keep sober who read what you posted that day.
so spill it out girl.
You know Pirate - opinions are like a**holes, everyone's got one. Sorry I know that's crude - but its the truth.
I read a lot of stuff that irritates the heck out of me on these various forums from time to time. I am learning to separate the opinions from the ESH (experience strength and hope).
Its the ESH that matters to ME because it is what's real.
cheers Idgie.
Selfishness and self-centreedness is something that we need to work on in our recovery. But early sobriety is a bit of a selfish time in a lot of ways -
This board is one of those rare places (like the rooms) that you can share in that selfish way if you want to and its OK. Its what we ALL are doing.
And in actual fact, it only seems selfish - in reality its not - because everytime you post about this stuff WE all read it and you can't know who you might have helped keep sober who read what you posted that day.
so spill it out girl.
You know Pirate - opinions are like a**holes, everyone's got one. Sorry I know that's crude - but its the truth.
I read a lot of stuff that irritates the heck out of me on these various forums from time to time. I am learning to separate the opinions from the ESH (experience strength and hope).
Its the ESH that matters to ME because it is what's real.
cheers Idgie.
BTW Vally - Branch Dividian - OMG I almost choked to death on my brownie when I read that - you KILL me girl. RFLMAO.
Glad you got a laugh Idgie. What a "Guru" that crazy guy was huh?
Pirate: How are you doing today girlfriend?? I just got online so if you posted it somewhere else I haven't read it yet. Keep up the good hard work you have been doing! You are doing FANTASTIC!!
Peace out Peeps!
Pirate: How are you doing today girlfriend?? I just got online so if you posted it somewhere else I haven't read it yet. Keep up the good hard work you have been doing! You are doing FANTASTIC!!
Peace out Peeps!
