People like to blame drugs and alcohol for various favors. I'd say they do affect behavior but that behavior is frequently a reflection of how they really feel. Most can keep our emotions in check and be diplomatic our entire lives through self control, courtesy and discipline but these are what the addict/alkie lack-impulse control.
Listen and observe carefully on someone's drunken rant or gab while high. There is plenty of truth there. I'm currently witnessing a full fledged gray haired adult show their resentment towards their parents for not being rich or giving them the things alot of their richer friends got. Or their siblings and relatives treating them like royalty simply because their family. They can't handle not being in charge or getting their way. They are absolutely bitter and resentful, not just when drunk but it shows when sober with their corrupted thinking. They are greedy and arrogant narcissists. It's always about them. Maybe not enough hugs 30 years ago but when one is adult it's up to them to fix themselves. If they addict cannot get that lesson of self reliance and independence they will abuse others to get what they want, not what they need. It's all about the gratification and/or continuous state of gratification when high or drunk.
Don't be so quick to write off someone's behavior as drug or alcohol related. Many of these people have to make a decision to lie, steal, commit crimes, refuse treatment, change their ways because that's how they really feel. Look and listen closely and see their true character which is why I stopped blaming the substance and looked at the person for how they act and/or what they do.
Correction, first sentence, reasons, not favors. Apologies
It's complicated for sure. With my son, he is a totally different person when he is not using drugs. I have friends in long term recovery and they are amazing people (much different than their using days). At some point, the longer people live the lifestyle, the more corrupted their thinking becomes (and maybe their brains actually change). It is easier and easier to accept really bad behavior. Also, some may have personality disorders/mental illness before using. They say people are emotionally and socially stunted at the age they began using. This sounds kind of like what you describe, with maybe a dose of personality disorder on board. Addictive behavior needs an excuse to keep up the denial and playing the victim (even when you are gray-haired) works well to fuel the addiction.
The bottom line, is it really doesn't matter the reason. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior. And, we don't have to put up with it in our lives. Addiction is a nasty, nasty disease.
The bottom line, is it really doesn't matter the reason. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior. And, we don't have to put up with it in our lives. Addiction is a nasty, nasty disease.
I agree it's a catch -22 trying to figure a person with an addiction out. Generally speaking, they don't make sense and their logic is skewed. There is denial and rationalizations on top of lack of self responsibility. To be blunt.....its a cluster (bleep). Their whole life evolves around the addiction 24/7. Everything else and everyone else is a side show.
Parenting2, that's exactly how the adult here started out. Light drinking and drugging in the late teens. Decades later they are still looking for the next party like a teenagers looking for someone with pot or where they're might be a beer keg.All that time high or recovering takes away time from thinking about other issues. Run with the same type of crowd long enough their life is 'normal'. Apparently if one prefers the sober life they judgemental.
It is the drugs. when in addiction (my son) has a 'false normal'. He thinks he the drugs (his self medicating) makes him normal. when he is off the 'meds' and is clean he feels the regret and remorse of his past. and the unsurmountable mountain of the future. (this is my analysis) 5 years into this, there are a lot of regrets. he may have a bit of depression/illness and the 'medicating' helps him with an energy boost and an ability to 'get things done' . it is temporary. soon the pendulum swings and he is in the addiction cycle - he is the victim, has done nothing wrong, he is normal, we are the enemy, we are harassing him. that's why he stays out of the house, cant stand to be in our house (these are his words). truth is his actions of addiction cause us to react with questioning and 'harassment'. he does not see this. He sees that society is against him, the government, salary is too low, cant live on his own... etc....
I know of a young man (aquaintance) who was in addiction. now is clean, he had a plan, 1.have a job (now he has two - it keeps him out of trouble) 2. purchase a phone, 3. purchase a car. 4. move out of parents house. 5. social life - cant afford it, does not want it. he has a drive to be independent.
on drugs = unreasonable, off drugs = reasonable
if there is an underlying illness it can be worked with and learned to live with.
I would rather have a sober son with limitations, than an addict living in my home. Problem is that he would rather not have limitations and do what he wants and not be responsible for his own life style. he does not want to 'stay home at night in order to save money. It is not fun for him".
for 5 years he has been broke and working full time most of the time - he can not see that his own actions make him broke and depressed. I think if he had a long enough time sober he would be able to see the good results with saying this, it brings to mind that other people have been sober many years - and fall back into addiction - does not matter how rich or poor - on that note - maybe it is the person
I know of a young man (aquaintance) who was in addiction. now is clean, he had a plan, 1.have a job (now he has two - it keeps him out of trouble) 2. purchase a phone, 3. purchase a car. 4. move out of parents house. 5. social life - cant afford it, does not want it. he has a drive to be independent.
on drugs = unreasonable, off drugs = reasonable
if there is an underlying illness it can be worked with and learned to live with.
I would rather have a sober son with limitations, than an addict living in my home. Problem is that he would rather not have limitations and do what he wants and not be responsible for his own life style. he does not want to 'stay home at night in order to save money. It is not fun for him".
for 5 years he has been broke and working full time most of the time - he can not see that his own actions make him broke and depressed. I think if he had a long enough time sober he would be able to see the good results with saying this, it brings to mind that other people have been sober many years - and fall back into addiction - does not matter how rich or poor - on that note - maybe it is the person
One of things I'm noticing in common is that it seems many addicts started young and wind up with a distorted view of things especially once the high becomes their life. Here the man child's best friend are now literally 1/2 his age. His older friends got out of that life years ago. I think he hangs with the younger ones because they validate his behavior and/or will do what he wants-hang out a bar without question. He's also contaminating them with some of his views on drinking, dwis and/or life style.
