Hello, I've got a serious issue(as we all here do) going on. I'm currently on Suboxone 16mg daily. I was at one point 24mg but I just felt as if it was "too much", making me feel ill which I find extremely odd because when it comes to heroin and/or other opioids there is no limit to how much I can take, never once got sick. I'm 22 years old and have been playing around with opioids since 14/15 years of age. Anyway, I'm on a good bit of Suboxone and I've also had the same amount of Subutex as well and my point is that I still, constantly, want nothing more than heroin. The Buprenorphine does nothing for these very deep cravings, at all. I mean while I'm at work, school, etc all I can think about is, "...I just need heroin". I makes me cry daily. I don't want to relapse, but at the same time I say that I'm trying to get a connection. Bottom line, would methadone work better for me? I never felt right, even as a child, but the first time I took an opioid it was like I went from seeing in black and white to living in full 1080i HD color! Notmeaning high just feeling alive. somebody out there offer some guiding words I really need it.
you may want to read my story in recovery Diaries. It might help you come to a decision. was on suboxone and then I relapsed because I was selling it all so I went on methadone and i detox off of that slowly and steady like you are supposed to but the withdrawals were soooooo bad even when i got down to 4mgs a day and I had surgery after I got off of it and the pain I was in was excruciating so I relapsed again and now I am on suboxone again and I can't tell you what will work for you but suboxone is what works for me my problem was that the first time I was on suboxone I sold it and I wasn't working my recovery I was just staying clean and there is a big difference...you have to attend Narcotics anonymous meetings I promise you they will help but you have to want to stay clean for it to really happen. You have to realize that being clean is a much better life than using but if you don't feel that way then surely you will find yourself back in your active addiction. I really wish you the best but YOU have to want this and you have to put in the work to get the results. Maybe you haven't hit rock bottom yet and that's why you are straddling the fence so much. As for suboxone, 8mgs daily is plenty, for any addict no matter how much you use, if you are still having cravings that is something you need to talk to your suboxone doctor about. Methadone worked for me but its just another trap. Those withdrawls are so unbearable, much worse than heroin. You have to truly believe that you can stay clean without a drug replacement or you simply won't be able to. You can't use suboxone or methadone as a crutch, suboxone is supposed to help you get back on your feet and help your cravings within the first six months of early recovery but if your not working your recovery and "just staying clean" then it won't work. You should see a therapist or drug counselor. It is normal to have cravings but it seems like you have given up on your sobriety. Give yourself a break and give yourself a chance at a happy life. The meetings and other recovering addicts you will meet there will help you get through the hard times. I really wish you the best.
