I need help guys. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have only been dating for 4 months and I've started to noticed how much he drinks and how much it affects me. So since we've been together I've probably seen him drink/get drunk every weekend. I usually come over to his place once or twice a week and he usually has 7-12 cans of beer after work. 99% of the time he will get drunk and drive himself home (to him it's ok cuz he's a "pro" and not that far of a drive) he's blacked out once and drove himself home, once that I know of.
He got drunk last weekend, I went over to his house on Tuesday and he had his normal 7-12 beers, on Thursday of this week he got wasted and doesn't remember talking to me on the phone afterwards. I bring up my concerns to him and to him it's not a big deal, I'm nagging, I'm overreacting. I told him I don't want to get serious with you and marry you, have kids with you and it get worse or him driving drunk w kids in the car. He just doesn't think it's a big deal.
So now idk what to do
Hi I cant say if He's an alcoholic, but social drinkers dont drink like that. Pretty cut n dry...except for all the emotional stuff that goes with it that usually clouds our judgement. Been there done that. Take good care of yourself.
The important thing here is that you think that it's a problem so that means it is. I say cut your losses and move on. It's a new relationship and he is not validating that you think he drinks too much. Good luck.
sounds like an alcoholic. 7-12 beers sounds scary. idk how he gets up every day to go to work? just one glass of wine or beer makes me feel groggy in the morning.
Based on my own experience with my own husband (who is now a recovering alcoholic) I would guess he probably is an alcoholic and most likely is drinking more than you see or he tells you (when you are not around or before you meet up with him). Alcoholism is a progressive disease and if he is drinking that much it will only increase until he kills himself or gets treatment and stops. When I first dated my husband years ago we would go out and party with friends on weekends and that was totally normal in our 20's, by his 30's he was drinking almost every night, and by his early 40's he had lost jobs, money, was lying to cover his drinking, trouble with the law, etc. Trust me when I say it only gets worse, and by worse I mean eventually unbearable! This is a new relationship so you still have the option to cut and run which is what I would absolutely recommend at this point. If you have a problem with him drinking that much all the time (as you should since a normal person doesn't drink like this at) and he doesn't the only future is pain and heartache for you while he continues to deny he has a problem and falls deeper into the disease.
You can not change him - period!! And you have nothing to do with him drinking or not drinking - he will do this if you are around or not - it's inevitable unfortunately for him. The only question is do you want to keep going down this path with him? You are not married so do yourself a favor and respectfully tell him you don't want to live your life with someone who drinks like that and for that reason you are breaking up with him. Wish him the best and run! If he says he will cut down - don't believe him, it's the disease talking and then you just get into a situation where you are emotionally more invested in him and he will just start hiding and lying about to you about his drinking. I wish someone had told me this years ago before marriage, children, mortgages etc.
You have to take care of yourself and going down this road he will take everything from you and unfortunately he will not care once he gets farther into the disease - alcohol will be more important than anything! More important than you, his children, family, money, health - anything you can think of unfortunately. I would suggest going to an Alanon meeting and just listening, or maybe an AA meeting (open speaker meeting) and you will see yourself or him in either of those and that will give you the answer you need. Good luck
You can not change him - period!! And you have nothing to do with him drinking or not drinking - he will do this if you are around or not - it's inevitable unfortunately for him. The only question is do you want to keep going down this path with him? You are not married so do yourself a favor and respectfully tell him you don't want to live your life with someone who drinks like that and for that reason you are breaking up with him. Wish him the best and run! If he says he will cut down - don't believe him, it's the disease talking and then you just get into a situation where you are emotionally more invested in him and he will just start hiding and lying about to you about his drinking. I wish someone had told me this years ago before marriage, children, mortgages etc.
You have to take care of yourself and going down this road he will take everything from you and unfortunately he will not care once he gets farther into the disease - alcohol will be more important than anything! More important than you, his children, family, money, health - anything you can think of unfortunately. I would suggest going to an Alanon meeting and just listening, or maybe an AA meeting (open speaker meeting) and you will see yourself or him in either of those and that will give you the answer you need. Good luck
