Posts: 1
Joined: September 21, 2014
I am new to this site.....I found it while searching the internet throughout the night for some help to deal with my 28 year old son who is an drug/alcohol addict. At 2:45 am this morning, my son was arrested for assault. This will revoke his probation from a previous drug conviction (meth) and he will most likely be sent to prison. He barely remembers what he did.....I am devastated and emotionally drained to say the least. He had been doing pretty good this past year staying off drugs and drinking. He was wearing a court ordered drug patch and has been drug free for almost a year. He had only 2 weeks left to wear the patch and there was a possibility of an early probation release if he kept his nose clean!! And now, an assault charge!!???? He said he had been drinking with others and a fight erupted with his girlfriend. He was just was so angry and doesn't know why he hit her but says he feels awful about it. It is so conflicting to me to love your child in the way a parent will, and feel a terrible anger towards them at the same time. Where does a parent go from here? Is there a point where you just give up on him entirely? He has been in and out of jail for the past 8 years.....He tried to hang himself in jail on two separate occasions. I know I'm not responsible for his decisions and he is suffering the consequences of his own actions, but what if he simply can't help himself anymore? He has lost pretty much everything over the years....he used to have money but he spent it on drugs, court fees/fines and lawyers. He has no good friends...lots of debts....lots of bill collectors....he is bullied at work, very low self-esteem and he is totally depressed right now and says he should just swallow a bottle of pills and get it over with.....How should I respond to that??? It pains me to no end to see him in this way. He tried to get help several years ago when he was on meth but they rejected him because he didn't have health insurance. So where does he go from here? How does one get a much needed treatment without insurance? And how far should a parent go to help him if he wants treatment? Help......
I am so sorry you are going through this with your son. Yes, it is a tough thing to love them and hate what they do.
You know in your heart that there is very little you can do to get your son sober....that is his job.
I hope you get counseling for yourself so you can come to terms with the situation you are in. You need support, as drug addiction is such a devastating thing for a parent to deal with.
There are resources for your son, even with no insurance. Have him call the state mental health department, to see if he can get funding for himself for rehab. The Salvation Army has inpatient programs that are free. He can go to AA or NA meetings for support. The court may also order him to get treatment, and pay for it if he has no money.
Remember, rehabs are not the magic cure. Many people spend thousands of dollars going to
in-patient centers, only to relapse shortly after because they are not truly ready to get sober. As much as we love our addicted children, there is very little we can do to change them. They have to be ready to do it for themselves.
Keep posting, as there are many others who walk the same path as you.
You know in your heart that there is very little you can do to get your son sober....that is his job.
I hope you get counseling for yourself so you can come to terms with the situation you are in. You need support, as drug addiction is such a devastating thing for a parent to deal with.
There are resources for your son, even with no insurance. Have him call the state mental health department, to see if he can get funding for himself for rehab. The Salvation Army has inpatient programs that are free. He can go to AA or NA meetings for support. The court may also order him to get treatment, and pay for it if he has no money.
Remember, rehabs are not the magic cure. Many people spend thousands of dollars going to
in-patient centers, only to relapse shortly after because they are not truly ready to get sober. As much as we love our addicted children, there is very little we can do to change them. They have to be ready to do it for themselves.
Keep posting, as there are many others who walk the same path as you.
Welcome findhope
Terribly sorry to know that you are in this situation.
It sounds like he did quite good until he drank and got arrested. I can only imagine how tired you are. I'm probably wrong in saying this but don't entirely give up on him especially since his been sober and only slipped a bit. Suggest the NA meetings, they can probably help him get another job. He will need to get another job if his being bullied at his current work, that is probably why he ended up drinking.
I know we all have our problems, I also know that we as addicts think it is right to use those who we love and use our problems for the excuse for being addicts. It really does sound like he want to make a change but the world are not allowing him that small chance. The best thing now would be to go to NA meetings and try to get help through them.
And you most importantly need help as well. It is good you found this site. Everyone here are supportive, straight to the point and cares. You deserve to see some light for you and your son
All of the best
x
Terribly sorry to know that you are in this situation.
It sounds like he did quite good until he drank and got arrested. I can only imagine how tired you are. I'm probably wrong in saying this but don't entirely give up on him especially since his been sober and only slipped a bit. Suggest the NA meetings, they can probably help him get another job. He will need to get another job if his being bullied at his current work, that is probably why he ended up drinking.
I know we all have our problems, I also know that we as addicts think it is right to use those who we love and use our problems for the excuse for being addicts. It really does sound like he want to make a change but the world are not allowing him that small chance. The best thing now would be to go to NA meetings and try to get help through them.
And you most importantly need help as well. It is good you found this site. Everyone here are supportive, straight to the point and cares. You deserve to see some light for you and your son
All of the best
x
I would like to respond toLilys post I saw absolute red when you said and I quote he slipped just a bit ? THERE IS NO SLIP A BIT. That's a addicts mentality.Its black or white no in between that's like saying I'm gonna to give up drinking I just want to finish my beer.I lost my only brother to alcoholism at age 32.I have had my son addicted to herion for 10 years now I have never been infected with substance abuse but I have been effected .Angry your dam right I am I have tried everything for him.Right now once again he is in jail at least at the moment he's not using.Now what he gets out and then what...Until he decides to stop all that he will do is add commas to the list. I have made up my mind when I do see him again at jail, I will tell him that it might be the last time we see each other I can't save him but at this point I will save myself.I can't do it anymore.Stop making excuses for bad choices and actions .As long as you have that mind set you will never get better.Also stop being so selfish it's not all about you and your high , everytime you get your high you hurt those who love you.
Hi ChristophersMom
What ever I say would probably not rectify by the 'just a little bit' to make you not see red. I am truly sorry
There is no words or imagination that I can place myself into your shoes or any one else on this site. I can try and use many words which you probably wouldn't even give 2 seconds to read. And I do make mistakes just like anyone else does in this universe.
I am working on staying clean just by the way. And I am all to familiar with the lies of an addict thank you. I am working on using my struggles and addiction not as excuses but as examples for others to learn. Each person must come to their on conclusion to change their life around doesn't matter if your an addict, affected by an addict or have no idea about addicts and their addictions. It's what we do with the knowledge that makes a difference.
Again I am sorry that I offended you and any one else with those words.
What ever I say would probably not rectify by the 'just a little bit' to make you not see red. I am truly sorry
There is no words or imagination that I can place myself into your shoes or any one else on this site. I can try and use many words which you probably wouldn't even give 2 seconds to read. And I do make mistakes just like anyone else does in this universe.
I am working on staying clean just by the way. And I am all to familiar with the lies of an addict thank you. I am working on using my struggles and addiction not as excuses but as examples for others to learn. Each person must come to their on conclusion to change their life around doesn't matter if your an addict, affected by an addict or have no idea about addicts and their addictions. It's what we do with the knowledge that makes a difference.
Again I am sorry that I offended you and any one else with those words.
Lily, I am not the ultimate judge. I cannot judge you , yes Lily we all make mistakes but with each mistake life gives us a lesson.Life for all of us here would be so much easier if it came with a handbook. I don't know you personally but I will pray for you .I love my son more then any words can ever express. I would take on any enemy that wanted to harm him, but I cannot fight this invisible enemy ..addiction. I have such a heavy heart not only for him but yes Lily for you as well and everyone who takes a drug or drink to try and feel better or to cope.I wish you could stand outside feel the breeze witness a sunset and be grateful you are able to witness it.Hear the laughter of a child smell a flower bring a smile to someone's face.Realize someone loves you.Lily you have been given life ...cherish it .One day at a time one foot in front of the other...don't look back yes Lily I to make mistakes I have made many, but I look forward I try and be the kindest person. I can be I try and find beauty even though my heart yearns for my son Chris...I can't imagine not having him I'm angry I'm scared I can't imagine not having him.Lily I am here I will try and give you encourgement..Lily be strong life awaits you.
Hi Christophers Mom
Thank you very much for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
It isn't easy to be a parent, not talking out of experience but what I have seen of friends and family. It broke my mother when she found out I was using heroin, she turned to a very close friend that got her through it. Sadly you can't protect your child from everything, all children must fall and get up by themselves.
I do cheris life, even so much that it hurts. I can't watch the news because I get so upset with bad things that happens to other people and too the world. Yet there is nothing like seeing the sunrise in the morning and knowing that it's going to be a beautiful day.
You are welcome to talk to me via mail
Have a great day
Thank you very much for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
It isn't easy to be a parent, not talking out of experience but what I have seen of friends and family. It broke my mother when she found out I was using heroin, she turned to a very close friend that got her through it. Sadly you can't protect your child from everything, all children must fall and get up by themselves.
I do cheris life, even so much that it hurts. I can't watch the news because I get so upset with bad things that happens to other people and too the world. Yet there is nothing like seeing the sunrise in the morning and knowing that it's going to be a beautiful day.
You are welcome to talk to me via mail
Have a great day
There's always hope .. hope you'll try an alanon meeting .. I didn't go there for alcohol in the beginning, I went because I was effected by my x partners (at that time) meth addiction .. it's up to us to decide if it's right for us .. recommended 6 meetings .. know you'll get lots of good support here .. even when it's our kids; we can't control it change it .. we aren't the reason for it .. it's a hard drug to kick .. the obsession we have on them is even harder .. good thing is when we start getting to meetings we find repetition of meetings replaces our obsession with faith .. sorry you're going through this .. I know it's hard ..
Lily Good Morning a new day has come a day to show the world and your family you have something to offer. I can see through your words your smart and have a kind heart.As I said everyone makes mistakes but, if you take that mistake and learn from it , it is no longer a mistake it becomes a lesson.I am a bundle of emotions as I'm sure any parent is who's child has a addiction. My son choose herion and cocaine. Christopher has is such a handsome man but his once handsome face is showing the wear of addiction His eyes that once smiled so brightly are lifeless...Chris once was a amazing baseball player he could've gone to the top...Now its not that I'm sad about that Chris could've been anything and I would've been happy for him.It breaks my heart that he can't see in himself what I see. It hurts me when his younger brother who before Chris got into this Web of drugs , he was a hero to his brother...Now his brother says I haven't known my brother in ten years..I feel alone....I stay awake at night now I have no clue what will happen when Chris gets out of jail...He is broke he's lies about everything he pawned all his jewelry lost his car all his clothes. .I have one shirt of his here that's all he has..He lost his fiance he has nothing..materialistic stuff yes...but it's more so what he has lost within himself and his family...I don't want him to come here it wouldn't help either one of us ...I can't enable him and I can't allow him to leave It up to me to fix him and this mess...but what's the answer..His Dad and I are divorced over this and my new husband and I are under constant stress of this....my god I wish I had even one answer I dont.....Lily I am glad you are clean trust in yourself you seem like a good person who made a bad mistake. ..put a period on all the bad...Focus on Lily show Mom what she has in you....Mom knows what you have to offer...and I can see through your words you have something to offer...I don't know you personally but through your words I even care about you I am here to cheer you on whenever it....I'd like to stay in touch with you....You have a good day today :-)
Hi christophers mom
Again thank you for those kind words. lily202@outlook.com feel free to drop a mail when ever.
I can only imagine how hard it must be for both of you.
All of the best and looking forward to your mail
xx
Again thank you for those kind words. lily202@outlook.com feel free to drop a mail when ever.
I can only imagine how hard it must be for both of you.
All of the best and looking forward to your mail
xx
The only requirement for membership in NA is the desire to stop using. It is not used to get addicts jobs.
Wishing you all the best and hopes tomorrow may look a little brighter.
The best thing I did for my addict daughter was detaching with love and leaving her in the hands of her Higher Power.
It takes time and work to change ourselves and to learn what works and what doesn't. Alanon is free and located around the world.
Don't ever give up hope.
Wishing you all the best and hopes tomorrow may look a little brighter.
The best thing I did for my addict daughter was detaching with love and leaving her in the hands of her Higher Power.
It takes time and work to change ourselves and to learn what works and what doesn't. Alanon is free and located around the world.
Don't ever give up hope.
