hi.. i'm 23 years old and been using since i was 13... wow..i didn't realize it's been 10 long years already. Lotz of things had messed up while i was on it. I never admit that i'm a chronic user because i use on and off... i use for a year or so, then quit for 3 month the most. Now i started using again :( i always think it's okay since it's only been a month since i used again... i was like okay i just started again, the withdrawal isn't going to be that bad.. but i think i'm in denial.. i don't know... it's hard to explain.
when i want to recharge or pick up again, i remembered i was telling myself that there is nothing wrong for me to use it... while i messed up on my previous years.. this time i haven't actually messed things up. i tried to keep up on the payment and my job... unlike previous time..
my boyfriend know i used.. in fact the first time i used again it was with him.. but his case is different than mine.. he could use for one time or for 5 days straight without having any problem quitting. with me, once i take one hit then i know i'm hooked. stupid stupid stupid.. why i didn't tell myself that before i pick up again? for some reason i thought this time i was just gonna do it one time and one time only.
i know deep in my heart that if i keep using.. our relationship will not last. i'm pretty sure he's tired of seeing me getting stuck and stay awake no matter how much he loved me but one day he'll get so sick of it... even i'm tired of feeling bad and uncomfortable being stuck around him. the thing is i choose to get stuck at home because i don't want to get too f*** up by hanging out with my old friends.. and i do it because i love him too.. so even though i use... at least i stay at home with him...
he wonder why i said i want to quit but seems like i didn't put any effort to it.. he said if he was on my shoes he would quit for me and stuffs.. don't get me wrong.. i want to quit for him.. but while i know i still can't, instead of suffering and sleeping all day, no desire whatsoever and feel like it's the end of the world, i choose to enjoy the stuff while i can. i don't wanna pretend i'm sick of it while i actually don't.
i feel like and idiot when i said i know it's bad... ive been through crazy times on my previous use.. and yet why i still do it?
i told him yesterday is really gonna be the last time i pick up.. when i ran out then fun time is over. otherwise, he could leave me right there and then. i hope it won't bite me in the a**.
from my experience... i remembered before i finally sober for months i did some attempt to quit and failed. keep trying and failed.. for some reason i just don't wanna get out of bed and can't stand the feeling of hopelessness. whenever i experience that then i won't quit for sure. there's couple times i succeed.. but those time i always had this out of the blue feeling of trully wanting to quit.. i don't know how it happened and what makes me feel that way.. but whenever it comes, i could just quit like that. not passing out for days and days. the first week may be i have longer hours of sleep but the rest of the hours i'm able to watch tv peacefully and do some things.
i'm really hoping those feelings comes back to me again... cause i know without them i won't quit no matter what happens.. but the problem is i don't even know what makes it happen and why.
Oh YES that's the norm for us meth addicts. I know far too well how you are feeling. I started using at 15 yrs old and never even really considered I had a problem or wanted to stop using untill I was 30 yrs old,......I became a father and for the first time there was something more important than getting high.
Long story short,......the longest I was ever able to stay clean was 3 months. Another 20 years of making excuses and reasons to use just one more time. Sure,....I could, would,...and did blow a bunch of smoke up my a$$ convincing myself it wasn't "that" bad! I managed to keep a roof over our heads for the most part,...but in trying to justify things and make the most of a situation,....God only knows how much I shortchanged my kids,.....my family,....my self,...my friends,.....my community,...my employers,....the list goes on.
In my opinion,....you are in this same situation,....you started using young,...when we really should have been developing socially,.....we were/are slamming our brain chemistry........Meth affects the pleasure and reward centers of the brain. It was my 50th birthday when I finally made the decision enough was enough,....My kids grown,.....their mother goin off on me because "she" thought she didnt have a problem with meth and only I did,.....so why did she have to go without because my "problem". I'm not a total 12 step program guy,....but I do believe there are many extremely valuable things to learn and take from them,......first and foremost of all is admitting that the addiction is stronger than I/you. I wont say I'm powerless to meth,......because I do and did have the power to remove myself from my friends, connections, triggers. I moved 2500 miles away from everyone and everything I knew. The only way to win a battle against a stronger foe is to not even allow the battle to happen.
Then the deal with starting use so young is ,.......in a way,....when you stop using, you are 13 years old again,......you have to learn how to live without being affected by meth. I talk with a lot of ex-meth addicts,....and so many of em started way later in their lives,....they have memories of how they used to be,....how they handled their lives "as adults" before being ravaged by meth,......Learning to live life on it's terms, without being high was one of the most difficult things for me. The sooner you stop using,....the easier it will be,....or I should say,....the longer you continue to use,.....the harder and more difficult stopping will become.
About those "thoughts" about how a "use" here or there will just "help" a bit just this one time?? Those are always going to pop up,....Life's just way too hectic and busy,......come on? be real!! there's a freakin coffee shop on every corner,....to me,...and probably to you,......and a heck of a lot more people than we realize,....METH, is our cup of joe! and while we simply think it's a burst of energy,.....it twists our minds to depend on it,......it burns out our dopamine reserves,....wipes out our ability to feel joy, pleasure,....a sense of accomplishment without it,.....and eventually even with it.
Give yourself time to recover,....I'm not a doctor, but thru my experience and those of many other long term addicts,.......the brain and it's balancing act of chemicals and neurological patterns ,.....that mystical wonder of nature,....slowly repairs, rebuilds,....finds a way to work how it's meant to over time. One to three years depending on how long one used,...how heavily,...and each individuals health status,....nutrition, etc etc. I was almost 3 years clean before I really began to feel free of meth. Up untill then,....it seemed like every 30, 60, or 90 days I'd go into some serious mad cravings for it.......
Take the time, effort and money you'd usually use for getting and using meth,...and instead become a health nut......LOTS of good clean water,....a good diet with possibly a few supplements ( a whole 'nother long topic) get some exercise at least 3 or 4 days a week if not everyday. And never forget,....if you're feelin tired with no energy,......maybe you are just tired and need some rest!! thats how it is in the real world!! lol. ( ya, I know....who'd a thunk??)
I apologize for being so long winded here,.....but I'll be honest here and admit that with my 4+ years clean time,......for several days now I've had the "thoughts"
Been kinda in the dumps lately,.....and I'll run the idea thru my head, "I may be clean,...but at least when I was using,...I was happy!!" SEE!! after all this time,....meth still tries to make me lie to myself and justify.....
Is what you're feeling normal??? damned right it is. Quitting meth was the hardest thing I have ever done,.....and one of the things I am most proud of accomplishing,......You've made the first and most important step,.....and that's to realize you have a problem that needs to be dealt with. Congratulations,......May love and light guide you and your angels surround you with protection and purpose........I promise you,...it does get easier and better.
Long story short,......the longest I was ever able to stay clean was 3 months. Another 20 years of making excuses and reasons to use just one more time. Sure,....I could, would,...and did blow a bunch of smoke up my a$$ convincing myself it wasn't "that" bad! I managed to keep a roof over our heads for the most part,...but in trying to justify things and make the most of a situation,....God only knows how much I shortchanged my kids,.....my family,....my self,...my friends,.....my community,...my employers,....the list goes on.
In my opinion,....you are in this same situation,....you started using young,...when we really should have been developing socially,.....we were/are slamming our brain chemistry........Meth affects the pleasure and reward centers of the brain. It was my 50th birthday when I finally made the decision enough was enough,....My kids grown,.....their mother goin off on me because "she" thought she didnt have a problem with meth and only I did,.....so why did she have to go without because my "problem". I'm not a total 12 step program guy,....but I do believe there are many extremely valuable things to learn and take from them,......first and foremost of all is admitting that the addiction is stronger than I/you. I wont say I'm powerless to meth,......because I do and did have the power to remove myself from my friends, connections, triggers. I moved 2500 miles away from everyone and everything I knew. The only way to win a battle against a stronger foe is to not even allow the battle to happen.
Then the deal with starting use so young is ,.......in a way,....when you stop using, you are 13 years old again,......you have to learn how to live without being affected by meth. I talk with a lot of ex-meth addicts,....and so many of em started way later in their lives,....they have memories of how they used to be,....how they handled their lives "as adults" before being ravaged by meth,......Learning to live life on it's terms, without being high was one of the most difficult things for me. The sooner you stop using,....the easier it will be,....or I should say,....the longer you continue to use,.....the harder and more difficult stopping will become.
About those "thoughts" about how a "use" here or there will just "help" a bit just this one time?? Those are always going to pop up,....Life's just way too hectic and busy,......come on? be real!! there's a freakin coffee shop on every corner,....to me,...and probably to you,......and a heck of a lot more people than we realize,....METH, is our cup of joe! and while we simply think it's a burst of energy,.....it twists our minds to depend on it,......it burns out our dopamine reserves,....wipes out our ability to feel joy, pleasure,....a sense of accomplishment without it,.....and eventually even with it.
Give yourself time to recover,....I'm not a doctor, but thru my experience and those of many other long term addicts,.......the brain and it's balancing act of chemicals and neurological patterns ,.....that mystical wonder of nature,....slowly repairs, rebuilds,....finds a way to work how it's meant to over time. One to three years depending on how long one used,...how heavily,...and each individuals health status,....nutrition, etc etc. I was almost 3 years clean before I really began to feel free of meth. Up untill then,....it seemed like every 30, 60, or 90 days I'd go into some serious mad cravings for it.......
Take the time, effort and money you'd usually use for getting and using meth,...and instead become a health nut......LOTS of good clean water,....a good diet with possibly a few supplements ( a whole 'nother long topic) get some exercise at least 3 or 4 days a week if not everyday. And never forget,....if you're feelin tired with no energy,......maybe you are just tired and need some rest!! thats how it is in the real world!! lol. ( ya, I know....who'd a thunk??)
I apologize for being so long winded here,.....but I'll be honest here and admit that with my 4+ years clean time,......for several days now I've had the "thoughts"
Been kinda in the dumps lately,.....and I'll run the idea thru my head, "I may be clean,...but at least when I was using,...I was happy!!" SEE!! after all this time,....meth still tries to make me lie to myself and justify.....
Is what you're feeling normal??? damned right it is. Quitting meth was the hardest thing I have ever done,.....and one of the things I am most proud of accomplishing,......You've made the first and most important step,.....and that's to realize you have a problem that needs to be dealt with. Congratulations,......May love and light guide you and your angels surround you with protection and purpose........I promise you,...it does get easier and better.
Justone more...thank God you are here.
i tried to be strong and didn't use for 5 days.... but this time it's different. usually each day i got better.. this time each day i got worse. i couldn't smoke ciggarette.. nothing. today i gave up. i picked up again. what should i do? does it mean i am back to square one again? help me..
5 days is 5 days, now there are some people that will say you're back to square one. They'll say you failed and must start all over. My opinion, and that of many other meth addicts is ,......well in the interest of being polite,.....to heck with that.
To those of us meth "owned" , only we know the real issues and struggle with breaking free. For instance, heroin has an actual physical addiction, the vomiting, sweating, shaking are all real,....they are symptoms others are witness to. Meth on the other hand, pretty much clears out of your system in 3 days,.......the only symptom that shows is total lethargy.........which everyone else (the normies) view as just plain being lazy.
I could go on and on about ways to combat these feelings,.....way too much to write here and now. To keep this short from now,....remember this above all else. "Any and ALL clean time is a victory" never feel like a failure due to a slip,....as long as you learn something from that slip. Learn your triggers,..stress is usually the biggest one,.....people, places, situations can all be triggers,......if you become aware of what causes you to say the hell with it and use. Then you can avoid them.
The biggest problem for an awful lot of us is we never learned to live life on it's terms. Believe it or not,.....it took me the longest time to come to grips with the fact in real life, people actually feel tired......it's a normal feeling. who'd a thunk??
This was the first website I started visiting when I wanted to quit using. first it was a few days,....then weeks,.......then I made it a year,.....now I am coming up on 4 years clean. From the very deepest part of my heart and soul I can honestly say "if I can get free of meth,.....anyone can,.....you can, I promise you,...it may take one more try,.....or maybe more,.....but if you want it, you can obtain it.
To those of us meth "owned" , only we know the real issues and struggle with breaking free. For instance, heroin has an actual physical addiction, the vomiting, sweating, shaking are all real,....they are symptoms others are witness to. Meth on the other hand, pretty much clears out of your system in 3 days,.......the only symptom that shows is total lethargy.........which everyone else (the normies) view as just plain being lazy.
I could go on and on about ways to combat these feelings,.....way too much to write here and now. To keep this short from now,....remember this above all else. "Any and ALL clean time is a victory" never feel like a failure due to a slip,....as long as you learn something from that slip. Learn your triggers,..stress is usually the biggest one,.....people, places, situations can all be triggers,......if you become aware of what causes you to say the hell with it and use. Then you can avoid them.
The biggest problem for an awful lot of us is we never learned to live life on it's terms. Believe it or not,.....it took me the longest time to come to grips with the fact in real life, people actually feel tired......it's a normal feeling. who'd a thunk??
This was the first website I started visiting when I wanted to quit using. first it was a few days,....then weeks,.......then I made it a year,.....now I am coming up on 4 years clean. From the very deepest part of my heart and soul I can honestly say "if I can get free of meth,.....anyone can,.....you can, I promise you,...it may take one more try,.....or maybe more,.....but if you want it, you can obtain it.
