Is This The Right Thing To Do?

Families / Partners of Addicts
1
I'll try to be brief. Our 29 year old son is a homeless heroin addict. Last night he came to my work. I gave him some food and went back to work. When I closed the store, I came out to see him having his things strung out all over the sidewalk and on my truck. I told him to get his things from my truck so I could leave. He procrastinated and I finally said he needed to get his things so I could leave or I'd have to call the police to assist me. He got his things off my truck and then started crying, saying how terrible of parents we were. "We didn't even get him a birthday gift". I explained that we took him out to dinner and as far as a gift, we couldn't, in good conscience, give him anything that he could return or sell to get drugs. We had offered a motel room for the night but he said no, not unless we gave him money to party too. So, I left work and he called my cell and told me to come back or I'd be sorry. I told him I was going home and shutting my phone off for the night. This morning I got up and turned on my phone. Their were two voice mails from him first (the same conversation as the night before) and then there was a text that said if I didn't get back there, he was slitting his wrist deep. There was also another text with a picture that I did not download. My husband said not to download the picture and be scarred for life. This would not be the first time he's cut himself. The first time was when he was 16 and got mad because I tried to get him up for school (yes, we've had many years of manipulation). My husband said we don't need to do anything. I said, "well what if he's hurt bad or it's a mortal wound" he said, "he's killing himself with heroin anyway and he is doing this to manipulate you". He rarely ever does this thing to my husband (his dad). So, what I did was send him a text this morning telling him I did not download the picture and if he's in this much distress, he needs to go to the hospital. I am in no position to help him mentally or with his substance abuse" My question is...did I do the right thing?
2
As hard as it was to do, it was the right thing. He IS trying to manipulate you. My son has done the exact same thing. They'll do anything, say anything to get through that crack in your armor. My son held a knife to his throat and drew blood, but not enough to hurt himself. He was mad because I was giving him a hard time about selling the car we bought for him and wanted to get his own way. I had no idea he was probably on drugs at the time. To say it's difficult to watch is an understatement. My heart and prayers go out to you and yours.

If possible, could you call 911 and tell them he's suicidal? I don't know where you live but here they'd pick him up and bring him to a psych center IF he's willing to go. Either way it may open his eyes that you're not going to fall for his manipulations.

Stay strong. You did the right thing.

My son never pulls that crap on my husband, his dad either. Maybe it's because they know dad won't fall for the bs?
3
I would call the police if I knew where he was squatting but I don't. Yeah, he's been put in the psych ward 3 different times for "suicide attempts". They keep him 3 days, set him up in outpatient and he quits after a couple times. This is isn't our first rodeo, it's just that up until recently, we've enabled. A lot of what we did, we didn't think of as enabling but it was. We're done with that way of life though. Thanks for the reassurance!
4
Well, I definitely did the right thing. It was for sure a manipulation technique. He's fine enough today to start texting me, begging for money because they guy he was working for doesn't have any cash today. I'm not even answering texts today. I'm going to try and enjoy my day, I hope you all can do the same!
5
Well, that's a relief.

Yes, put yourself first today. Enjoy your day and do what you want to do. He certainly is...

and I'm going to take my own advice and do what I want to do today... Have a great one Shell, and just enjoy your day.
6
Thanks for your advice. We have gotten tougher and we aren't giving in to his manipulations. Unfortunately, we have a 15 year history of drugs, mental illness, cutting and 3 suicide attempts with him. He may or may not hurt himself but I am trying to keep my distance. He's now skipped out another appointment for detox. I am now convinced that he will destroy himself and I'll deal with that when it happens. It will be hard but at least it will have ended.
7
Hi Shell. My heart goes out to you! I know what your going through. Your letter gave me strength when I was down, now I,m sending some back your way. That is a good idea to take a day off just for you. Maybe we all need to try that. It will get our batteries charged up for whatever comes our way next. Someone told me I need to let go mentally. Do you know how to do that? Maybe if we did it would help. I could never understand why God never answered my prayers about my daughter then I read " Footprints" you would think he would be sick of carrying us all by now eh? Makes you wonder. But it's a nice poem. Doesn't stop me from praying though. Hang in there Shell. Your in my prayers. M.
8
Shell,

I am so proud of you for saying if he destroys himself, you'll deal, and "at least it will have ended." So many of us think that to ourselves and don't say it aloud and it is so true. Keep focusing on yourself.
9
Thank you for the love and support! I'm sending it right back at you!