It's like the more is stay off drugs the more i find my head is minced. I can;'t stop thinking, sometimes my head is like a pin ball machine. Don't get me wrong on a whole life is ok right now, but i'm always thinking ( even right now ) that something is bound to go wrong. In lots of aspects of my life the negative voice inside my heads always wins... my self esteem is at an all time low. I'm doing so well right now, the best i've done in a long time, but this thinking is doing my head in. Why can't i be like the normal people of this world???? Somebody help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I truly know how you feel, sometimes i find myself thinking--maybe iwas happier then in a way, like things were simpler, then i talk to someone else whos not having "a bad day" and they remind me of all the good, i hope im making sense. The stress of everyday life--responsibilities, pain,fear, guilt, its NOT FUN, but it makes the good even just that much better--i know that is way simple thinking, and it's no solace when your going through the ringer, not much is....but its true--so is thae fact that it will get better--no wait....it IS BETTER!!!!!
SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!!! I was beginning to worry, and i know im not the only one...whats going on, talk it through, get it out...your not alone :) xoxoxox
SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!!! I was beginning to worry, and i know im not the only one...whats going on, talk it through, get it out...your not alone :) xoxoxox
Alrite.....Kev me ol mucker......whats normal???im not saying addiction is a good path to go down ......but getting clean and being resposable.....that takes alot of guts guts.So chill bro......by the way i might have stolen lol.....Amity from ya.........but youve got yeer g/f to play in the park with......so alls fair in love and war.Take it eze on yerself.A.T.B MATE...........Davey
Stark reality.
Ain't it the truth, Kev?
Doubt we'll ever be normal.........whatever that is like Davey said.........Kev, it's kind of like an "Is that all there is?" feeling............like is this it.........Big Whoop it's not all that..........like that?
Yeah I feel like that every single day.
Self esteem wise give yourself some credit because kicking and staying kick is not for weaklings.............at least we have that..........Kev, the way you're describing how your head is a pinball machine................ya think maybe you're like manic or something............well not manic but whatever they call it where your head is going faster than everything else..............not trying to give ya a title or diagnose ya............it just sounds like Tres gets all the time exactly........and she was on something for it.............maybe you better get you some Fish Oil, Kev..............it won't hurt.
Sooooooooooo happy to see you here.............we all missed you.............hope your girl is well too and knows what a good man she has.............YAY Kev is back.................hope ya feel better today, Kev.........it stinks, but I know you're not alone.
Ain't it the truth, Kev?
Doubt we'll ever be normal.........whatever that is like Davey said.........Kev, it's kind of like an "Is that all there is?" feeling............like is this it.........Big Whoop it's not all that..........like that?
Yeah I feel like that every single day.
Self esteem wise give yourself some credit because kicking and staying kick is not for weaklings.............at least we have that..........Kev, the way you're describing how your head is a pinball machine................ya think maybe you're like manic or something............well not manic but whatever they call it where your head is going faster than everything else..............not trying to give ya a title or diagnose ya............it just sounds like Tres gets all the time exactly........and she was on something for it.............maybe you better get you some Fish Oil, Kev..............it won't hurt.
Sooooooooooo happy to see you here.............we all missed you.............hope your girl is well too and knows what a good man she has.............YAY Kev is back.................hope ya feel better today, Kev.........it stinks, but I know you're not alone.
Kev also i think its got sumthin to do with ya working those long hours and having cash in yer pocket .....you feel the need to reward yerself and being an addict ...drugs are the first option......just a thought.....take it eze.........Davey
I always LOVED drugs they were a reward of sorts. Everything will be great in life .....then i'll think but, if i was high it would be the BEST ever!. No matter how great things are i do always miss the H rush. When thing are going great i feel like i need a shot of dope to top it all off. When things are bad i need a shot to make it better so it's a no win situation. I think it's part of the struggle of addiction. Just the other day i told myself well maybe if i don't do it all the time i can still do it every so often LOL i've been down that road before i know it don't work that way one is to many one million not a enough. I know i can't do a little every now and again yet i still tried to tell my head i can.
Cheers for the replies peeps, yeah heads a bit f'd up at the mo unfortunately. I think it all has to do with self esteem. On fri was meant to be going to a gig with my G/F, but one minute i was dressed, doing my barnet when i spat the dummy right out and refused to go out. I think deep down i was only wanting an exuse to go as i'd be surrounded by people drinking and i do want to have a drink, i really do, but i mean it this time, i'm giving this 100%. And being out NOT drinking puts the fear into me... fear of what i don't know ( answers on a postcard please) I've tried to explain to her but she doesn't understand. Somrtimes i can be out in pubs and all is well, but sometimes it isn't. On Fri was one of those nights. This is so f***ing hard sometimes... why did i do this to myself all these years? I'm paying for it now though!! BUT even with this all going on it beats all the sh*t that went with using... Cheers all
Peace, Love, Empathy, Kev
Peace, Love, Empathy, Kev
