It's Hard To Do Well

General / Miscellaneous
1
I have been clean for about 2 years now. It has taken alot of work, alot of time, alot of patientce, and alot of care. It is great to say "I am clean" there is nothing that feels better. Now the next part comes, the part no one can prepare you for, the part I have found the hardest, the part where you pull your life together and you keep it on track. I have done my running from life, I have tried to live it with nothing, and once again I have ended up back at the beginning, at mom's house. All I need is a job, register for school, health care, an abortion, and to find my oun place to live. Easy right. Just the fear that surrounds passing yourself off as a member of society that can handle a job, you aren't going to run anymore, you are smart, you can work, you can take care of yourself, you can be your own person, scares me more then the drugs ever did. At least then I knew what I was getting, Life out there in the real world, you never know what you will get. Somewhere inside you know it will all work one day, you just got to stick with it. If only there where a book or a tour guide to get you through. I guess in the end you just got to say I can do this, I am ready for this, I deserve this, I am going to do this. I wish everyone to have this, I find it just has hard has beating addiction, because you have to take responsiblity, I just wish for help for all of us to get there and to get through to the other side.

2
Troubled cow the way I deal with Life and recovery is to use the same energy and logic that got me through a very long drug run.

Nice to read some sincere insight to our disease.

Acceptance is the toughest for me but I must accept life on lifes term's. The minute I try to do things my way I get into trouble.

I am o.k today and that is all that matters. Hard not to project all the #hit going on but I try my hardest not to.

Take care--Jeff