Hey,
How are you doing?
I'm feeling a little unreal today. Still haven't made it out the front door yet. It's a bizarre limbo la-la land. Have you ever gone thru this?
What I really wanted to ask you was how your scan went today. Are you okay? Can you tell me about it? Fingers crossed and I'm thinking about you.
glad you asked, i was going to post my results but wasnt sure exactly how to put it on the board, haha. i am fine, scar tissue, hum, but better than the big C. what a relief, i am trying so hard to be healthy, it is funny i finally get medical attention that i should have gotten while locked in my house high, now i spend most of my time at the docs, now just dealing with some weird blood work, nothing major, just annoying as hell, having to be away from work, etc. it is like i just really want to feel good, and i am doing all these preventative things to stay healthy (which is very unlike me), and even though more and more doctor issues, i know it could be worse and i am just whining. i have felt a little more depressed lately, not severe just down in the dumps some, no reason really, just not right. i guess my best friend got flushed down the toliet. i do feel that way a lot, my husband started a new job, and we have had bouts of disconnection over the years, i just feel very distant from him, we get along and laugh and do things as a family, but that deep down stuff just doesnt seem to be there, maybe it isnt supposed to be after 12 years. who knows i have been high for most of it.
get out of that damn house girl! how cold is it where you are, what continent are you on? haha. go to a tanning bed, and fake some sunlight. (if you arent concerned about skin problems, obviously i havent ever been.) hang in. and hang on.
get out of that damn house girl! how cold is it where you are, what continent are you on? haha. go to a tanning bed, and fake some sunlight. (if you arent concerned about skin problems, obviously i havent ever been.) hang in. and hang on.
Jamv,
So glad to hear it was only scar tissue! Doing a happy dance for you! I've only been clean for 10 days but I feel so much better now that it is gorgeous outside. Its so much easier to occupy my mind with 3 acres of yard to clean. I'm still finding places I didn't know about and yesterday I discovered 2 huge gorgeous lilac bushes I didn't know I had. LOL I never would have wandered the property if I was sitting in the house stoned. Hope you are feeling better and hope you can see the blessing you recieved with that clean test. Others are not so lucky. Sending my warmest wishes. Its supposed to be 80 today so I'm gonna do some gardening.
Me
So glad to hear it was only scar tissue! Doing a happy dance for you! I've only been clean for 10 days but I feel so much better now that it is gorgeous outside. Its so much easier to occupy my mind with 3 acres of yard to clean. I'm still finding places I didn't know about and yesterday I discovered 2 huge gorgeous lilac bushes I didn't know I had. LOL I never would have wandered the property if I was sitting in the house stoned. Hope you are feeling better and hope you can see the blessing you recieved with that clean test. Others are not so lucky. Sending my warmest wishes. Its supposed to be 80 today so I'm gonna do some gardening.
Me
Well jamv, what a relief! Not entirely altruistic on my part, speaking as someone who has tar on her lungs, too. I'm sorry you're having so many medical issues.
Have to go out the damn door today for a weekly meeting. Other than that, I work from home so there are very good reasons for staying in (not that I've worked much lately).
I've been tackling some issues that have been around for years -- the same ones that made being stoned so attractive. I think I hoped that I could work them through under a comfy blanket of drugs, but I couldn't think three consecutive thoughts when stoned. While I'm sorry I didn't deal with this seven years ago, I certainly don't want them hanging around seven years hence. I'm NOT taking a mind-altering substance ever again (if I had a percocet here, I'd be swallowing as I type this so I've just got to keep them out of my house).
On a positive note, I'm re-reading some really good books I read while drugged and it's like reading a new book -- no memory of them at all. Easy on the wallet, too, cause books cost a mint here.
Have to go out the damn door today for a weekly meeting. Other than that, I work from home so there are very good reasons for staying in (not that I've worked much lately).
I've been tackling some issues that have been around for years -- the same ones that made being stoned so attractive. I think I hoped that I could work them through under a comfy blanket of drugs, but I couldn't think three consecutive thoughts when stoned. While I'm sorry I didn't deal with this seven years ago, I certainly don't want them hanging around seven years hence. I'm NOT taking a mind-altering substance ever again (if I had a percocet here, I'd be swallowing as I type this so I've just got to keep them out of my house).
On a positive note, I'm re-reading some really good books I read while drugged and it's like reading a new book -- no memory of them at all. Easy on the wallet, too, cause books cost a mint here.
Hello my Mopsies (Moms on Pot -- good one),
Well, I done it. I told one person in the flesh today about my addiction and that's a new experience for me. I chose a good person, someone I knew wouldn't be nasty since she's a recovering alcoholic herself. And a mom.
She's taking me to AA on Monday.
Done. What a relief. It's indescribable.
Well, I done it. I told one person in the flesh today about my addiction and that's a new experience for me. I chose a good person, someone I knew wouldn't be nasty since she's a recovering alcoholic herself. And a mom.
She's taking me to AA on Monday.
Done. What a relief. It's indescribable.
congrats, soccermom, i am so proud of you for telling an actual person and good luck at the meeting. hope you share some insight with us folks that for our own reasons make choices not to go. I think there is no better comfort in knowing you have support from others that have been thru what you have. i find this board comforting for me in that aspect, and on some of the previous threads here seem to be predictinG that i will fail as i am not 12 stepping (as far as they know), so they can say i told you so if that makes them regain the feeling of power they claim to have given up. most people do relapse as augusts says, and i love his posts and hope he continues because he does reflect a positive side of recovery. we are all in the beginning stages it seems like here. on our own path and we may get there and we may not, but thank GOD, i found this site and know i am not alone in this, some help is better than no help, i know i have no contol over this addiction, otherwise i would be partying on the weekends like back in the early days. but that is not possible for me. i think the MA web site provides more of a focus on 12 steps maybe than this one does and i enjoy the visits, i also have read a book on rational recovery (interesting), still not sure about it, but it has also worked for a lot of people. we all are unique and our journeys are all different and thanks for the care of everyone
peace,
"A PROUD MARSHMALLOW"
peace,
"A PROUD MARSHMALLOW"
Hey jamv,
I'm so new to this site that I've only gotten passing references to the 12-step controversy. My feeling is that everyone will find their own way through and not knowing what the statistics are, have no idea about success rates of 12 step vs non-12 step.
Me, I'll try anything. At this point, what have I got to lose? Except time, and I've cheerfully blown more time than 90 meetings in 90 days on this addiction. By saying that I'm going doesn't mean I'm advocating anyone else go -- how could I? I haven't even been yet.
All I know is that I was invited by the first person I ever admitted this problem to in the flesh and it was an offer made from her heart. It may not be for me but I won't know that unless I go.
How are you doing today?
I'm so new to this site that I've only gotten passing references to the 12-step controversy. My feeling is that everyone will find their own way through and not knowing what the statistics are, have no idea about success rates of 12 step vs non-12 step.
Me, I'll try anything. At this point, what have I got to lose? Except time, and I've cheerfully blown more time than 90 meetings in 90 days on this addiction. By saying that I'm going doesn't mean I'm advocating anyone else go -- how could I? I haven't even been yet.
All I know is that I was invited by the first person I ever admitted this problem to in the flesh and it was an offer made from her heart. It may not be for me but I won't know that unless I go.
How are you doing today?
well put, good luck to you. i agree whatever works and all we have to lose is time right now, better than smoking.
i am having a rough day, have thought about smoke a couple of times, not really a desire to go get it and smoke again, just having some stress and know usually that is how i would handle it, i am praying as hard as i can and talked with a friend at work.
my friends i visited over the weekend (the stoners) called last night to check on my ct scan and were glad to hear the good news, and asked if i was now ready to party, i said no, and got a smart a** comment about wonder how long that will last. now i know i know, what would i expect. from a using addict themselves. but it was disheartening, when i tried to discuss my feelings with my husband he turned it all around to himself as he always does, everything is always about him and how everyone treated him like crap when he quit (i guess that meant me too) and he got an attitude. he is so focused on work and doesnt handle stress well, he is a nice and good man, just bitchy. my daughter tells me things he says to her that hurts her feelings too and she is only 8 and asks me not to tell him. i know i have to deal with it, but again he will just go on and on about how horrible he is and make it all about him, it is a no win situation. i know i cannot control his behavior, but i dont like it impacting the kids. my parents divorced and mom never remarried, all her boyfriends or most were violent, so i dont have much to compare healthy to. i am going to get an extra email. this really isnt addiction info. is it. haha.
i am having a rough day, have thought about smoke a couple of times, not really a desire to go get it and smoke again, just having some stress and know usually that is how i would handle it, i am praying as hard as i can and talked with a friend at work.
my friends i visited over the weekend (the stoners) called last night to check on my ct scan and were glad to hear the good news, and asked if i was now ready to party, i said no, and got a smart a** comment about wonder how long that will last. now i know i know, what would i expect. from a using addict themselves. but it was disheartening, when i tried to discuss my feelings with my husband he turned it all around to himself as he always does, everything is always about him and how everyone treated him like crap when he quit (i guess that meant me too) and he got an attitude. he is so focused on work and doesnt handle stress well, he is a nice and good man, just bitchy. my daughter tells me things he says to her that hurts her feelings too and she is only 8 and asks me not to tell him. i know i have to deal with it, but again he will just go on and on about how horrible he is and make it all about him, it is a no win situation. i know i cannot control his behavior, but i dont like it impacting the kids. my parents divorced and mom never remarried, all her boyfriends or most were violent, so i dont have much to compare healthy to. i am going to get an extra email. this really isnt addiction info. is it. haha.
hi jamv- actually it really is addiction related stuff. it all is. talk and share.... it all relates...
i'm glad your ct scan is a-ok!
keep writing... we are all in this together in some way.
peace,
jane
i'm glad your ct scan is a-ok!
keep writing... we are all in this together in some way.
peace,
jane
thanks jane, wanted to let some of you know i got an extra email account that i dont mind giving out because it does not have my full real name like my other one does. i would love to share emails with you guys. write me, then your emails will remain confidential. have a nice hump day.
jamvw@hotmail.com
jamvw@hotmail.com
{{{{Jane}}}} Just having a hard day, not much to say. ~Me
ps. I wish i had someone to attend a meeting with me, everyone I ask scoffs at the idea that I even have a problem because I seem fine. :( Things aren't always as they seem.
ps. I wish i had someone to attend a meeting with me, everyone I ask scoffs at the idea that I even have a problem because I seem fine. :( Things aren't always as they seem.
Hey jamv,
You have had a s*** day and I'm so sorry. Be proud of yourself for turning down the invitation to party. Way to go. That took strength. It's infuriating that these friends took that attitude when you have made it clear to them that you need to quit. I mean, weren't they calling you to ask about a LUNG scan? How messed up is that?
Your husband. (What follows is not advice, but what has worked for me.) My husband used to turn things round to always be about himself. I did it some, too. (But not as much as he did! lol) I found having a referee (couples counselling) helpful. She made each of us attend to what the other person said and what we ourselves said. We fight more productively now. Fairer. Cleaner. Mind you, this is an addict who hasn't told her husband yet saying this, so huge grain of salt... Anyway, it's not off-topic because marriages must contain bunches of triggers, don't you think?
You've done really well today despite temptation and aggravation. Can you reward yourself for this in some way? Is there anything I can say to help?
BTW, I told my therapist today. Something new and different to try out.
You have had a s*** day and I'm so sorry. Be proud of yourself for turning down the invitation to party. Way to go. That took strength. It's infuriating that these friends took that attitude when you have made it clear to them that you need to quit. I mean, weren't they calling you to ask about a LUNG scan? How messed up is that?
Your husband. (What follows is not advice, but what has worked for me.) My husband used to turn things round to always be about himself. I did it some, too. (But not as much as he did! lol) I found having a referee (couples counselling) helpful. She made each of us attend to what the other person said and what we ourselves said. We fight more productively now. Fairer. Cleaner. Mind you, this is an addict who hasn't told her husband yet saying this, so huge grain of salt... Anyway, it's not off-topic because marriages must contain bunches of triggers, don't you think?
You've done really well today despite temptation and aggravation. Can you reward yourself for this in some way? Is there anything I can say to help?
BTW, I told my therapist today. Something new and different to try out.
Hi Jane and AEA,
It's nice to e-meet you. I'm sorry you're having a rough day. AEA, I know I wouldn't have the nerve to walk into a meeting on my own and I don't like large crowds anyway. I was wondering if I could call AA and have them assign someone or give me their name so at least I'd "know" one person. Lucked out when I my friend offered me the lift.
It must be frustrating to know you have this disease, work up to admitting it, and then have people tell you you DON'T have a problem.
Be good to yourselves.
It's nice to e-meet you. I'm sorry you're having a rough day. AEA, I know I wouldn't have the nerve to walk into a meeting on my own and I don't like large crowds anyway. I was wondering if I could call AA and have them assign someone or give me their name so at least I'd "know" one person. Lucked out when I my friend offered me the lift.
It must be frustrating to know you have this disease, work up to admitting it, and then have people tell you you DON'T have a problem.
Be good to yourselves.
hi aea- i'm having a bad day too.... all is overwhelming.
wasn't your dad planning on joining you to a meeting? if he thinks you are 'cured' please tell him you need his help. at least he knows the deal, right?
you can write to me at home if you want....:)
hang in darlin',
jane
wasn't your dad planning on joining you to a meeting? if he thinks you are 'cured' please tell him you need his help. at least he knows the deal, right?
you can write to me at home if you want....:)
hang in darlin',
jane
hi jamv -
good you got a confidental e-mail address of your own.
it's good for lots of things i have come to find out...
i'll write you later, then you can have mine.
:)
jane
good you got a confidental e-mail address of your own.
it's good for lots of things i have come to find out...
i'll write you later, then you can have mine.
:)
jane
Hey jamv,
How are you?
I told my therapist on Thursday and my husband on Friday. Whew!
How are you?
I told my therapist on Thursday and my husband on Friday. Whew!
soccermom,
oh my! How did it go, what happened, let me know, i also posted my email, if you want privacy, above.
oh my! How did it go, what happened, let me know, i also posted my email, if you want privacy, above.
Hey jamv,
How's it going? I've been posting on the pain pills site -- there's a lot more activity and some really exceptional people there. It went fine with my husband. If you want the gory details, feel free to check the thread on the other site.
What have you been up to?
How's it going? I've been posting on the pain pills site -- there's a lot more activity and some really exceptional people there. It went fine with my husband. If you want the gory details, feel free to check the thread on the other site.
What have you been up to?
hi jamv-
to let you know i sent you an e- to your hotmail acct.
:)
jane
to let you know i sent you an e- to your hotmail acct.
:)
jane
