Jayde,
I sure hope you will have a better day today! Getting all of the alcohol out of your house is a huge step. I mean HUGE!. At first, when I wanted to recover, I was so scared and kept some in my house "Just in case I "Had to have it""
It was my little security blanket ( in my mind). I thought if I had it there, (even though I had good intentions of not drinking it) I would be able to handle the stresses, withdrawals etc just knowing it was there If I just HAD TO HAVE IT.
I came to realize that I was just using it as an excuse. Although in my mind I was really trying hard, that "security" of having it there was not helping me at all. I ALWAYS found a reason to drink that little stash I had hidden away ( IF I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT and couldnt' take it any more) I would celebrate my day or so without it with a drink. I would drink it when I was stressed, happy, sad, and even indifferent. That security blanket was smothering me. I am now on Day 10 and a long way to go ONE DAY AT A TIME. I found I really like Ice tea now (LOL) In fact, now, the first thing I grab when I get home from work is a large glass of it. I grab it now instead of the vodka. My body and mind have been tricked! Yes, Tricked! It's all in what you get used to. I think now if I had to go home and had no ICE TEA, I would go into dt's. I do however, make it with Equal instead of sugar. Tastes good to me as I didn't drink sweet tea before, therefore my body knows no difference.
Another thing I am finding now that I would like to share is that before, when I was drinking I found that I would tollerate alot from alot of people because of the guilt I felt from the secret I was hiding ( my closet drinking). Now, I not only handle situations a little better, I don't put up with as much as i used to from hubby or anyone else due to my guilt. The guilt is not there. I am stronger, handle things a little more maturely and stabley.(sp). I also find I am not as angry. I was an angry person due to my guilt and shame. I hope this helps you.
Just wanted to share my experiences with you.
I pray your hubby will be supportive and you will be strong. Jayde, you have been there to help and encourage me as well as so many others on this site.
You ARE LOVED here. Hang In and Hang On. Keep posting and taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME!
Tremor
Hi Tremor, and thanks so much for caring;) I can really relate to alot of what you said. Everything got ALOT better for me too when i got and stayed sober before. But it just seems right now, i have great intentions to not drink and then i just give in sooo easily when something goes on. My husband and i haven't been getting along at all, he's laid off of work, and we are getting on each others nerves...plus money is very tight right now so that doesn't help anything. He is an alcoholic too, but he would NEVER admit it. He does not respect my sobriety at all. I have actually talked him into laying off the drinking for awhile a few different times (i know i shouldn't try to make him, because it won't do any good if he doesn't want to) but when he hasn't drank for a week or so, he is just terribly rude to me. He treats me terrible sometimes. I just feel so alone all the time;( Sometimes, as ironic as it sounds, i want him to drink just so he'll be nice to me. I'm just so confused right now, sometimes i feel like i'm having a nervous breakdown.
I am doing a bit better today, and i know drinking won't help anything, so i won't pick up today.
Thanks again for caring;) You are doing great!!!! Congrats on 10 BIG days;)
I am doing a bit better today, and i know drinking won't help anything, so i won't pick up today.
Thanks again for caring;) You are doing great!!!! Congrats on 10 BIG days;)
Just echoing what Tremor said Jayde, we're all here for you, just like you've been here for us. Hope things are going OK, stay in touch. And hugs!
Hey Jayde!!
I'm glad Tremor started this thread! We are all here for you! Jayde I totally relate to you with the Hubby issues. Your wanting him to drink just as I wanted my Hubby to also. That is part of our co-dependence my friend Jayde. It sucks but it's true! You will be okay. I found a long time ago that I couldn't control what anyone else did except myself. There is booze everywhere and people do not care if we can't control our alcohol. Bastards!!! LOL....
Hang in there and you will be fine.
Tremor.....I love ice tea too. I use splenda instead of Equal. Tastes more like real sugar. Also have you dried Diet Snapple? It is FABULOUS! Peach is my favorte!
Take Care,
Your Friend Valarie
I'm glad Tremor started this thread! We are all here for you! Jayde I totally relate to you with the Hubby issues. Your wanting him to drink just as I wanted my Hubby to also. That is part of our co-dependence my friend Jayde. It sucks but it's true! You will be okay. I found a long time ago that I couldn't control what anyone else did except myself. There is booze everywhere and people do not care if we can't control our alcohol. Bastards!!! LOL....
Hang in there and you will be fine.
Tremor.....I love ice tea too. I use splenda instead of Equal. Tastes more like real sugar. Also have you dried Diet Snapple? It is FABULOUS! Peach is my favorte!
Take Care,
Your Friend Valarie
Thanks girls;) and great post Valerie! I am trying to remember i can only control myself, although sometimes i have a hard time even doing that!
Hope you all have a nice day;)
Hope you all have a nice day;)
