Never heard back?
How are you doing? The suboxone a weaning plan yet??
Jeff
hi jeff
i have managed to get back down to 4 mg of sub, when i had the cravings, and the using dreams i did increase my sub to 8 mg. i will tell my sub dr on wed what i did, also will see my therapist, i have back to back appts that day and i will discuss what was bothering me,
today i am happy to say that my sleep has returned and no more using dreams, those nightmares i should say were coming every single night (ugh!) saw my endocrinologist thurs for my diabetes check up and he always asks me if i have nightmares and i always say yes, i wonder if blood sugar plays a role in nightmares,
i always seem to learn something after a dark period in my life occurs, this i find to be true concerning recovery.
thanks for caring jeff, i know you have had a rough time with your health and your dads health, yet you stay clean thru all all of that. i learn from people like you, i am so amazed how you quit caffiene, that for me is one of my worst addictions and i know you struggle with the seroquel but one day you will kick that too, i want what you have and that is to one day be totally off any drugs and be stable in who i am. i am getting there, i am not the same person i was when i entered rehab 21 mos ago. and i know i will have alot more growth and alot more to learn, i believe sub saved my life like it did yours. i tried NA when i went cold turkey, you want to talk about closedmindedness? i wouldnt even try because i was so uncomfortable with wd's, wouldnt look at the basic text, too afraid to get a sponsor. steps? whats that i thought? i was mandated to go to meetings and i just went to satisfy my IOP counselor and another time to satisfy an addictions dr. i was seeing,
this time when i was induced with sub at a second rehab try that word NA comes up again, and of course you have to go the meetings while your there, so i tried NA again and this time i was open minded to try, i got a sponsor, after many bad ones, and i got a step workbook, and i started to read the basic text and after attending regularly i started to make friends in the fellowship, i started service work and before i knew it i had started to aquire the keytags and medallions and realized that the program does work if you want it to.
then i continued to come here and this place gives me a wonderful opportunity to vent,and the friendships and advice i have been given have been absolutely amazing! after all, if i hadnt stumbled on this site one day (my God helped me there) i would have never known about another opportunity to get clean and it was here that i learned and read about the success of sub. i was able to vent all my concerns about sub and educate myself more, like tim says it is like a credit card with interest to be paid back and that is always in the back of my mind, but i know i will have support here when i finally taper to zero. i worry about that day too, but i know my higher power God and you people will help me and i need to stop projecting, change this stinkin thinkin, let go of resentments, be grateful, accept the things i cant change, change the things that i can, detach, realize i am powerless, love julie and stop beating her up, stop allowing people free rent in my head, learn to believe that i dont have to use no matter what, attend meetings regularly, call my sponsor, work the steps and most importantly believe and have faith in a power greater than myself and that is my loving Father in Heaven!!
since i started sub, this is what i have learned, i never knew one thing of the above mentioned when i sat at those very first NA meetings and tried to embrace recovery, i never want to go back to that person i was, where i thought that if i had surgeries i was going on a morphine vacation, getting up every single day basing my feelings on how many vicodins were in my bottle, or having to think of a plan to get more, which was going to urgent care and lying that i had a headache or tooth ache, to get just one more, its a relief to know that i dont have to go hide somewhere to smoke pot so i can tell my sons some excuse why i am taking a shower in the middle of the afternoon, or why i am hiding in the shed or copping weed in a dangerous situation for which i did.i attend sat meetings at the hospital and i walk by the ER everytime and that place was my favorite "bar" what a relief to know that i am not sitting there in the waiting room hoping that i can somehow con the dr to believe i need pain meds, i dont have to use at my job, i risked by beauty license that i worked so hard for by going outside with other employees that smoked too and we would hide in one of those "electrical closets" i think thats what they were, behind the building of a salon i worked at and then spray ourselves with air freshener so our customers didnt smell pot, the guy at that particular job was one of the hardest things i had to break, he had me so consumed with using at my job, always had a bag on him and he would roll up joints in the back room and say to us, its time for a smoke break and i was stoned on my job, fortunate for the customers i did, their hair cuts were fine and never was there a complaint, but i look back now and i am so happy those days are gone, and what made matters even harder for me is that guy who supplied all the pot lives one block from me with his wife and children and i used to "go for walks" (so i told my sons) and my walk always ended up at his house where i knew i could get high,
and i was so close with he and his family, and i had to change my people places and things and one of the hardest things was to cut off that relationship, when i got clean this time, i havent stepped foot near that house and i always wonder what they must think, why i stopped coming there, they know i went to rehab but like i said i stopped going over there for i had to, that place and them are such a trigger for me, i look at that house everytime i drive by and think to myself how glad i am that i am not caught up in that anymore, it was in his gargage where a "yet" occurred towards the end of my run and that is where i smoked crack a few times and when i say "yet" i mean: i never will smoke crack........YET!!! you learn in NA that those yets are something to really look at, where could anymore "yets" have led me? jails, institutions or death? 3 strikes your out, and i already used up one strike and that was institutions, looks whats left? omg ! i dont want those two.
anyway i have rambled on enough here, i typed this all in hopes of helping a new comer or anyone else stuggling out there today. i am glad that i have come over to the "other side" that is where recovering people are and the other side is where people caught up in the grips of their disease are, ask yourself, what side do you want to be on? God bless you jeff and everyone else here, take a moment of silence and say a prayer for the still suffering addict out there or the the babies born today who will walk the road of addiction. jewels
p.s now i ask myself why is it that at meetings i clam up and am paralyzed in fear in a no cross talk situation?????? i can profess anything in a normal conversation or in letters or here on the board but when all eyes are on me and its soooo quiet, i am a bundle of nerves. i know that it is a performance anxiety, see here i go again, i HATE HATE HATE anxiety, i know it is the major culprit in many areas of my lifes problems,
i have managed to get back down to 4 mg of sub, when i had the cravings, and the using dreams i did increase my sub to 8 mg. i will tell my sub dr on wed what i did, also will see my therapist, i have back to back appts that day and i will discuss what was bothering me,
today i am happy to say that my sleep has returned and no more using dreams, those nightmares i should say were coming every single night (ugh!) saw my endocrinologist thurs for my diabetes check up and he always asks me if i have nightmares and i always say yes, i wonder if blood sugar plays a role in nightmares,
i always seem to learn something after a dark period in my life occurs, this i find to be true concerning recovery.
thanks for caring jeff, i know you have had a rough time with your health and your dads health, yet you stay clean thru all all of that. i learn from people like you, i am so amazed how you quit caffiene, that for me is one of my worst addictions and i know you struggle with the seroquel but one day you will kick that too, i want what you have and that is to one day be totally off any drugs and be stable in who i am. i am getting there, i am not the same person i was when i entered rehab 21 mos ago. and i know i will have alot more growth and alot more to learn, i believe sub saved my life like it did yours. i tried NA when i went cold turkey, you want to talk about closedmindedness? i wouldnt even try because i was so uncomfortable with wd's, wouldnt look at the basic text, too afraid to get a sponsor. steps? whats that i thought? i was mandated to go to meetings and i just went to satisfy my IOP counselor and another time to satisfy an addictions dr. i was seeing,
this time when i was induced with sub at a second rehab try that word NA comes up again, and of course you have to go the meetings while your there, so i tried NA again and this time i was open minded to try, i got a sponsor, after many bad ones, and i got a step workbook, and i started to read the basic text and after attending regularly i started to make friends in the fellowship, i started service work and before i knew it i had started to aquire the keytags and medallions and realized that the program does work if you want it to.
then i continued to come here and this place gives me a wonderful opportunity to vent,and the friendships and advice i have been given have been absolutely amazing! after all, if i hadnt stumbled on this site one day (my God helped me there) i would have never known about another opportunity to get clean and it was here that i learned and read about the success of sub. i was able to vent all my concerns about sub and educate myself more, like tim says it is like a credit card with interest to be paid back and that is always in the back of my mind, but i know i will have support here when i finally taper to zero. i worry about that day too, but i know my higher power God and you people will help me and i need to stop projecting, change this stinkin thinkin, let go of resentments, be grateful, accept the things i cant change, change the things that i can, detach, realize i am powerless, love julie and stop beating her up, stop allowing people free rent in my head, learn to believe that i dont have to use no matter what, attend meetings regularly, call my sponsor, work the steps and most importantly believe and have faith in a power greater than myself and that is my loving Father in Heaven!!
since i started sub, this is what i have learned, i never knew one thing of the above mentioned when i sat at those very first NA meetings and tried to embrace recovery, i never want to go back to that person i was, where i thought that if i had surgeries i was going on a morphine vacation, getting up every single day basing my feelings on how many vicodins were in my bottle, or having to think of a plan to get more, which was going to urgent care and lying that i had a headache or tooth ache, to get just one more, its a relief to know that i dont have to go hide somewhere to smoke pot so i can tell my sons some excuse why i am taking a shower in the middle of the afternoon, or why i am hiding in the shed or copping weed in a dangerous situation for which i did.i attend sat meetings at the hospital and i walk by the ER everytime and that place was my favorite "bar" what a relief to know that i am not sitting there in the waiting room hoping that i can somehow con the dr to believe i need pain meds, i dont have to use at my job, i risked by beauty license that i worked so hard for by going outside with other employees that smoked too and we would hide in one of those "electrical closets" i think thats what they were, behind the building of a salon i worked at and then spray ourselves with air freshener so our customers didnt smell pot, the guy at that particular job was one of the hardest things i had to break, he had me so consumed with using at my job, always had a bag on him and he would roll up joints in the back room and say to us, its time for a smoke break and i was stoned on my job, fortunate for the customers i did, their hair cuts were fine and never was there a complaint, but i look back now and i am so happy those days are gone, and what made matters even harder for me is that guy who supplied all the pot lives one block from me with his wife and children and i used to "go for walks" (so i told my sons) and my walk always ended up at his house where i knew i could get high,
and i was so close with he and his family, and i had to change my people places and things and one of the hardest things was to cut off that relationship, when i got clean this time, i havent stepped foot near that house and i always wonder what they must think, why i stopped coming there, they know i went to rehab but like i said i stopped going over there for i had to, that place and them are such a trigger for me, i look at that house everytime i drive by and think to myself how glad i am that i am not caught up in that anymore, it was in his gargage where a "yet" occurred towards the end of my run and that is where i smoked crack a few times and when i say "yet" i mean: i never will smoke crack........YET!!! you learn in NA that those yets are something to really look at, where could anymore "yets" have led me? jails, institutions or death? 3 strikes your out, and i already used up one strike and that was institutions, looks whats left? omg ! i dont want those two.
anyway i have rambled on enough here, i typed this all in hopes of helping a new comer or anyone else stuggling out there today. i am glad that i have come over to the "other side" that is where recovering people are and the other side is where people caught up in the grips of their disease are, ask yourself, what side do you want to be on? God bless you jeff and everyone else here, take a moment of silence and say a prayer for the still suffering addict out there or the the babies born today who will walk the road of addiction. jewels
p.s now i ask myself why is it that at meetings i clam up and am paralyzed in fear in a no cross talk situation?????? i can profess anything in a normal conversation or in letters or here on the board but when all eyes are on me and its soooo quiet, i am a bundle of nerves. i know that it is a performance anxiety, see here i go again, i HATE HATE HATE anxiety, i know it is the major culprit in many areas of my lifes problems,
