Still waiting to hear from you.
Please, Jodi. I'm not giving up.
I don't think anyone else here is either.
Lisa, I will e-mail you soon.
I got your e-mail too, Wendy. I'll get back to you, too.
I got your e-mail too, Wendy. I'll get back to you, too.
You both wanted to know what is going on with me so I figured I will just reply here. I'm sorry I haven't written. I guess I just haven't had anything new to say and, like I said the other day, I don't want to feel as if I am wasting anyone's time. You have told me that I'm not but it does make me feel bad.
Everything is the same here. I don't even know what else to say. For once, I am at a loss for words. It is very difficult for me to even see this happening for me...ever. Sure I may be able to pull off a few days or weeks. But, really, who am I kidding? I just really don't see it. And, how can you accomplish something when you don't really believe it can be done? How do you achieve something when it doesn't seem even remotely possible?
(And you were right Wendy, about how you think I might be feeling...I won't succeed in this environment, so why try? I say that to myself every morning when I open my eyes.) I sabotage myself right from the get go. I know...I know...then get the hell outta there. That's something I can't even begin to explain.
So, that's where I'm at. Stuck on stupid. I'm not asking for answers. I'm simply responding to someone asking what's been going on with me. Everything that can be said to me, HAS been said. And I appreciate every perspective and every word of encouragement and all advice that I have ever received from all of you. It's all on me now. I've educated myself on what needs to be done and what will probably happen if I don't do it.
I am forever grateful for the friends I have met here along the way. And I hold all of your words very close to my heart. I cling to them as if they are a life preserver. If I make it out alive, I owe it to each and every one of you who has ever taken the time out of your day just for me. It's been a long time since anybody has shown me that much kindness.
So much for being at a loss for words, huh? I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.
Everything is the same here. I don't even know what else to say. For once, I am at a loss for words. It is very difficult for me to even see this happening for me...ever. Sure I may be able to pull off a few days or weeks. But, really, who am I kidding? I just really don't see it. And, how can you accomplish something when you don't really believe it can be done? How do you achieve something when it doesn't seem even remotely possible?
(And you were right Wendy, about how you think I might be feeling...I won't succeed in this environment, so why try? I say that to myself every morning when I open my eyes.) I sabotage myself right from the get go. I know...I know...then get the hell outta there. That's something I can't even begin to explain.
So, that's where I'm at. Stuck on stupid. I'm not asking for answers. I'm simply responding to someone asking what's been going on with me. Everything that can be said to me, HAS been said. And I appreciate every perspective and every word of encouragement and all advice that I have ever received from all of you. It's all on me now. I've educated myself on what needs to be done and what will probably happen if I don't do it.
I am forever grateful for the friends I have met here along the way. And I hold all of your words very close to my heart. I cling to them as if they are a life preserver. If I make it out alive, I owe it to each and every one of you who has ever taken the time out of your day just for me. It's been a long time since anybody has shown me that much kindness.
So much for being at a loss for words, huh? I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.
Jodi, just remember being on this forum is about friendship. Please don't leave thinking you aren't welcome. YOu have helped so many people, why do you feel the need to stop doing it?
I just do NOT want see you go. I wrote a post the other day saying sobriety isnt a requirement. If you feel you have outgrown the site and need to move on thats cool....just remember your welcome.
Luv ya!
I just do NOT want see you go. I wrote a post the other day saying sobriety isnt a requirement. If you feel you have outgrown the site and need to move on thats cool....just remember your welcome.
Luv ya!
And then again Jodi you could get so frustrated at us breathing down your neck all the time you might just get to the point and say getting clean would be easier than getting harrased by these fools everyday.LOL
Jodi; I am very new to this board and was just reading when I cam across this. I had two responses. The first was/is, here is a woman in so much pain that she can't see past the hurt. The second is that I hope she will let herself be loved through it. I got the impression that you have not been able to maintain any long term recovery, and that you think you are just going to be willing to accept that. That's okay you know. It just means that you are starting where you are. If you do decide to try again, I would love to hear from you. See I was one of those people that looked so long at the big picture that I lost the small steps. I couldn't imagine a life without pills, and when I tried to stop over and over, I got so discouraged that I convinced myself that I just might as well go on since I couldn't go longer than a day tops. Well now I know that a day is a long time and that a minute is a mile. Plus, for me nothing got better with the pills anyway. They just stopped working as well and the amount I had to take to keep them working just put me to sleep. To make a potential long post short. I was touched by your remarks and I hope you keep trying.
elsiejean
elsiejean
Yes, Jodi, stick around. You just might hear something that makes sense. An answer that you're so sure isn't out there.
You don't have to be clean to post here, only a desire to get clean. And I know that desire is there for you. Yep, your living situation sucks. But you're still alive and you have beautiful children that depend on you to be their mom and all that entials. Keep talking, keep letting people in, something just might happen the way it's suppose to.
Love
Lisa
You don't have to be clean to post here, only a desire to get clean. And I know that desire is there for you. Yep, your living situation sucks. But you're still alive and you have beautiful children that depend on you to be their mom and all that entials. Keep talking, keep letting people in, something just might happen the way it's suppose to.
Love
Lisa
MOST of the things I read here make sense. I don't even know what to make of my own thoughts anymore. Elsiejean, thank you and I will hopefully talk to you more later...Lisa, I need to work on getting that phone card to call you. This computer is not enough. I don't know if anything will be. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. Talk to you all later.
Please, get the calling card Jodi. You have my number, I'll be waiting. It's the next best thing to being there.
Jodi;
This forum is great, no doubt about it. But getting some sort of f2f support is so important too. Make your recovery the number one priority in your life, and good things will come to you. It may take time...but you'll know in your heart that you're doing the right thing.
Sorry I can't stay online. I've got kid duty.
Take care;
Jim
This forum is great, no doubt about it. But getting some sort of f2f support is so important too. Make your recovery the number one priority in your life, and good things will come to you. It may take time...but you'll know in your heart that you're doing the right thing.
Sorry I can't stay online. I've got kid duty.
Take care;
Jim
These are the times I wish I could talk/type more freely...but Satan's evil twin is just in the other room. just joking...kind of. I just really hate the fact that I'm still breathing right now. Seriously...I know...too much for this forum. I can't help it. this is what addiction brings you down to. I'm just shooting for surviving thru christmas.
gotta go now
gotta go now
Jodi
I just wanted to say that I am always here for you. I can't say that I know how you feel, because I have never been in your shoes, but I can say I know the utter hopelessness that one feels during active addiction. I know in your heart of hearts that you want change, and you will get it. I just hope you don't wait to long, because the world is a much better place with you in it.
I know there is nothing any of us can say to make you take the first step. That one you have to do all by yourself, but once you start, we can help you every step of the way.
Have you ever thought about checking yourself into a detox center. It might be something to think about. Just think about it..okay.
michelle
I just wanted to say that I am always here for you. I can't say that I know how you feel, because I have never been in your shoes, but I can say I know the utter hopelessness that one feels during active addiction. I know in your heart of hearts that you want change, and you will get it. I just hope you don't wait to long, because the world is a much better place with you in it.
I know there is nothing any of us can say to make you take the first step. That one you have to do all by yourself, but once you start, we can help you every step of the way.
Have you ever thought about checking yourself into a detox center. It might be something to think about. Just think about it..okay.
michelle
Michelle is on to something here, Jodi...what if you just checked yourself in without telling anyone except maybe your dad. You've said how supportive he is. Don't tell satan's brother, just go. He can't do much about it after the fact. Your kids will be fine.
What do you think? I can help you research it.
What do you think? I can help you research it.
Jodi, I really think you belong here and not just because I like you. It may not be tomorrow, but one day you will be ready. Reading and socializing with your fellow addicts here will be helpful when that day comes. In the meantime, we can support you in all aspects of your life and you can offer your insight.
You are so very wanted.
Love, Kat
You are so very wanted.
Love, Kat
Jodi
I know how you feel and and many have been right where you are.I see this is a great recovery post to help someone at the lowest in a time in need.I do hope and will be praying for you as i do for all here every night.I hope you do take some of the advice i know lisa,has offered that you could call and talk with her.I have made a great friend here from the board and we talk daily.it really helps to talk with others that have been or where i am.I know im not alone...I
felt like my life was over and i didnt feel like it would get better.I felt i just wanted to die really.This board hasnt been much help lately.But,now things are getting back to recovery ....I hope you call Lisa or someone that can help you....Your even welcome
to call me also or email me just to talk.I hope you find a plan soon.I remember last christmas was so horriable for me and i felt like i couldnt get out and go shopping.infact did alot of ordering online.Things will get better you just
got to firgure out a plan for yourself.......Take steps rather they are
just a start big or small ones and continue going down that path that is make a differency..You have to get yourself together and keep praying and god will answer.I didnt think he was listening to me for a long time.Then finally i got the answer to get me on the path id been waiting for so long.Im still not where i need to be ...I hope you dont just leave and not find what you need to help suceed in your recovery.
.take care,crystal
lovelytobe23@yahoo.com
I know how you feel and and many have been right where you are.I see this is a great recovery post to help someone at the lowest in a time in need.I do hope and will be praying for you as i do for all here every night.I hope you do take some of the advice i know lisa,has offered that you could call and talk with her.I have made a great friend here from the board and we talk daily.it really helps to talk with others that have been or where i am.I know im not alone...I
felt like my life was over and i didnt feel like it would get better.I felt i just wanted to die really.This board hasnt been much help lately.But,now things are getting back to recovery ....I hope you call Lisa or someone that can help you....Your even welcome
to call me also or email me just to talk.I hope you find a plan soon.I remember last christmas was so horriable for me and i felt like i couldnt get out and go shopping.infact did alot of ordering online.Things will get better you just
got to firgure out a plan for yourself.......Take steps rather they are
just a start big or small ones and continue going down that path that is make a differency..You have to get yourself together and keep praying and god will answer.I didnt think he was listening to me for a long time.Then finally i got the answer to get me on the path id been waiting for so long.Im still not where i need to be ...I hope you dont just leave and not find what you need to help suceed in your recovery.
.take care,crystal
lovelytobe23@yahoo.com
