JJJ, Hey, I was away for a few days to northern Arizona to hike. My fiancee and I hiked up to the top of the highest point in AZ. It's 12,6000 feet up there. It was a 7 hour hike. I remember a year ago I could hardly walk out of the driveway I was so sick with withdrawals, etc. Anyways, I read your post on the other board. I guess the one thing that hit me about it was why haven't you told your husband that you still struggle with this? I know that the one thing I always read and hear is that "secrets keep you sick." I think just the lying about it is so hard on us that we use more to cover up how badly we feel about lying. I don't know what the story is about your husband...does he make you feel bad if he thinks you are still smoking? Let me know! What AD do you take? I took them for years, but they lose their effectiveness after a while and you need to either change drugs or doses or both or try some new approaches...I am into new approaches! CAS.
hi cas- i've been taking prozac for a long time. 40mgs and i'm still blue. klonopin for anxiety. my husband knows about meds and all the 'right' stuff, i don't share my mess with weed with my him (as he sits across the room as i write this) because of so many reasons, issues and situations. mostly i know it's better this way. there was a point i could have, when we were closer and a better unit. then i didn't want to upset things, now it would just be used against me in hurtful ways. yes we are as sick as our secrets, i know well. and i am a sick for sure. and part of the cure is to get off this wacky back and forth of 'taking the edge off my life' with weed and just live and be motivated again. i have no motivation on or off it. and i really can't think straight. i'm deep in therapy and i do share all of this with my therpist ...
i had some good clean time this year. then a snafu. i'm going for it again....
it's just taking a huge leap of faith in me and that's hard to muster:)
but almost ready...
a year clean, bravo to you!
if you have thoughts please share....
best, jojo
i had some good clean time this year. then a snafu. i'm going for it again....
it's just taking a huge leap of faith in me and that's hard to muster:)
but almost ready...
a year clean, bravo to you!
if you have thoughts please share....
best, jojo
I read a book Called "Talking Back To Prozac: by Peter Breggin M.D. It is very good. How long have you been on Klonopin and what dose? I have done a lot of research on benzodiazepines. I'm just curious because of what it can do over time even when you take it as ordered. It's a tricky drug. Of all drugs I think benzos are the least understood by doctors. Anyways, I'm going to sleep. Talk to you later. CAS.
hi cas- are you out there? i've been taking klonopin for as long as the p-zac, too long.... many years. i'm taking 2mg... i know, i know it's a lot but i can function. i work close with my doc on this. on less i get really panicy. my family parents, sister, aunts, cousins, grandparents all were/are all a bunch of worriers and phobics etc. i am considered the stable one - truth! .... i think it was the substance abuse in my teens that kept me from going over the top.
i don't much think about going off klonopin ever. unless there is a miracle substitue. i feel fine dying on the stuff if i don't have to exp. a panic attack again.
though i know it clouds my mind, my blood....
i took some 'becalmed' today because i keep wanting to give it another try and it gave me that focused mind that i love from it. no headache either today. i'm thinking maybe just take in the afternoon. keeps craving away too. amazing stuff.
i don't want to give up on it!
what else do you have up your sleeve?
thanks for the rec, of the p-zac book, i'll give it a read for sure!
hope you are well. i am seriously hanging in there.
-jojo
i don't much think about going off klonopin ever. unless there is a miracle substitue. i feel fine dying on the stuff if i don't have to exp. a panic attack again.
though i know it clouds my mind, my blood....
i took some 'becalmed' today because i keep wanting to give it another try and it gave me that focused mind that i love from it. no headache either today. i'm thinking maybe just take in the afternoon. keeps craving away too. amazing stuff.
i don't want to give up on it!
what else do you have up your sleeve?
thanks for the rec, of the p-zac book, i'll give it a read for sure!
hope you are well. i am seriously hanging in there.
-jojo
JoJo, Please send away for a DVD of Heather Ashton giving a lecture this past April about benzos. It is VERY important that you see it. She is a doctor from the UK who ran a benzo WD clinic for 12 years. Doctors in this country don't understand the use of benzos and after a short time (2 Weeks) the drugs lose their effectiveness and you really are just taking them to prevent WD symptoms...which is severe anxiety. Klonopin is one of the very most difficult to be on. I understand what you are saying about never wanting to be off it, but please just inform yourself before any more time goes by, okay? I know you are taking it as ordered, but it doesn't really matter, it still isn't doing what you think it is. I say this only because my Mom has been on Ativan as ordered ofr 24 years and it has pretty much made her a basket case. The Neurelieve is to get off of benzos. I was on Valium myself amongst other drugs. It was the hardest to come off though. The video is at www.psychmedaware.org. It will be the most informative thing you have ever seen! Your friend, CAS.
cas- you are so sweet. i'll go order it rite now. i understand what you are saying. it's scarey. my sister is in some sort of anxiety group and she told me about some benzo-less alternatives that they were discussing. she is manic/depressive....she too i think will happily die on the stuff. i'll share the dvd with her too. thanks - i'll be in touch, you too okay?
thanks -jojo
edited to say- i don't want to be a basket case in more years. my mother is a basket case too. i ordered the dvd:)
thanks -jojo
edited to say- i don't want to be a basket case in more years. my mother is a basket case too. i ordered the dvd:)
The thing is you can't EVER just stop taking benzos. You actually could have seizures if you just stop. There is a way to taper off, but you will have to see the video and see what you think. Benzos stop your body from making it's own anti-anxiety neurotransmitter called GABA, so if you just stop the benzos or even are late on a dose you will have SEVERE anxiety and horrible WD symptoms....people confuse these feelings with the anxiety they might have had when they began the drugs, but now it is much worse, so usually they will have to increase their dose and not for the high, just to feel somewhat normal. If you do suffer from anxiety you can learn techniques to reduce it, but benzos are no cure. They are really only to be used at the longest for 3 weeks...that is what is recommended in the literature. So I think maybe since you've been on them for a wile that it may be affecting you in more ways than you realize. I think many times drugs get in the way of us learning how to deal with our depression and/or anxiety...they will still be there when we stop the drugs and it's like getting out of Iraq...what is the exit plan for stopping the drugs? You are are creative, intelligent person and maybe these drugs are getting in your way. I would still be on the ADs and I hated them. I am better without them, but I need to be on top of my feelings and manage them with exercise, diet, supplements, counseling, etc. It's a heck of alot of work, but what is more important than your brain functioning at it's best? I mean people can't not exercise and eat like crap and take meds and feel normal. I know you are not one of those people...you have a great diet from what I remember. Exercise is key for me and I mean everyday for over an hour at a very high level. What do you think JJJ?
hi cas- i think it's scary. i know all about the seizures. i'm so full of drugs of all shapes and sizes and reasons. i wonder if one at a time is best to let go and get rid of the worst first or the easiest. i'm sticking with weed for #1 and am getting info about the benzos. i will also talk to my dr. who is pretty open minded. i too have often wondered as has my husband how much of my blahs are from the rx'd meds.
i am numb mostly. and that's not just weed i won't kid myself.
but weed is the word these days. i've got to get off, stay off and done is done. no more dabbling. sorry if i said that already but it's my mission.
yes i eat well. no meat, nothing that once was alive at all. no fish. i have an issue with eating dead life, esp when it stuggled to live. even my 5 year old can not stand to see a fish truck roll by.
i am active youthful and my daughter keeps me on my toes. though lately i just am so tired. have not worked on myself. ie yoga, time for me....
i just sit. wonder why.... gee.
thanks cass... truly it helps!
jojo
ps. what kind of exercise do you do?
i am numb mostly. and that's not just weed i won't kid myself.
but weed is the word these days. i've got to get off, stay off and done is done. no more dabbling. sorry if i said that already but it's my mission.
yes i eat well. no meat, nothing that once was alive at all. no fish. i have an issue with eating dead life, esp when it stuggled to live. even my 5 year old can not stand to see a fish truck roll by.
i am active youthful and my daughter keeps me on my toes. though lately i just am so tired. have not worked on myself. ie yoga, time for me....
i just sit. wonder why.... gee.
thanks cass... truly it helps!
jojo
ps. what kind of exercise do you do?
JJJ, I would just look long and hard at the benzos first. It is a really slow taper...like over a year to give your body a chance to adjust to making the GABA again. Get a copy of The Ashton Manual...you can download it I think actually. Give a copy to your doctor after you read it so he/she can understand where you are coming from. Doctors in this country have no clue as to how to taper a person off of benzos or how their longterm use will affect a person...they aren't encouraged to learn this or are not taught this, so it's really not their fault..it's just a poorly run medical system we have...I know I was an RN for 13 years and I saw it firsthand. I know I'm gonna start something here, but my opinion is that the mj is a lot less harmful than the benzos and a lot easier to get off of. I think with your intelligence and desire that you can be off of everything and feel great. Of course it will take a lot of research and effort to get there, but I think you would feel awesome. I was diagnosed with depression at age 13 and they wanted to hospitalize me, but my parents wouldn't do that. I delt with it through exercise, eating disorders, Prozac, Paxil, Celexa and more SSRIs, addiction to alcohol, Valium, Soma, mj, all kinds of narcotics, ending up on heroin...great trip! Now I am on nothing except supplements and back to exericse...hiking mostly...have to be out in nature, but will do gyms when I have no other choice. I also see a counselor now and am honest with it. Everyday I have some ups and downs and I HAVE to watch my diet, get sleep, keep my stress down, and ALWAYS start the day with a good hike...enough to get my heartrate up into the 150s-160s. It ain't easy, but I know it's all me now and I have to solve it I can't turn to a pill. I agree there are some people who need meds, but I think it is after they try EVERYTHING else. Someone who is psychotic needs meds, but they also need the diet, exercise, etc. Depression isn't always bad, there are positive things about it. I mean we have to be so honest with ourselves about this stuff and it's really hard. Life isn't really supposed to be easy though and we aren't always supposed to be happy all of the time. I didn't have a clue before last August. My motto was "better living through pharmacology." I now realize that all I needed was within me I just needed to step up to the plate and learn how to do it. This total abstinence isn't for everyone that's for sure, but some drugs like the benzos are just not mean't to be used long term. It makes me VERY angry that doctors don't read the research that has been around since the 1950s....they are ruining people's lives and they don't even know it. If I would have gone to a doctor a year ago I probably would be addicted to some form of bezo because I didn't sleep for so long, but now I sleep on my own very well. Anyways, I'll stop now. All I can say is educate yourself as much as possible and don't listen to anyone if it doesn't sound right. That includes me! Later, CAS.
CAS...has anyone told you lately how wonderful you are ? Good to see you again. Inspiring and impressive recovery work, thanks for sharing your knowledge.
JoJo-I'm concerned about having an anxiety attack on this trip actually...my husband said he'll help me through it, but still.....you know what I mean ?
Love and light,
D
JoJo-I'm concerned about having an anxiety attack on this trip actually...my husband said he'll help me through it, but still.....you know what I mean ?
Love and light,
D
ww- yes i understand. did you take your meds with you? i'm sure your husband will help you thru it, my husband has so many times. is it the nyc part or just the trip? i understand and can fully understand how nyc can make a visitor nervous/anxious. why not? the place is huge, has a bad rap and not to mention violence and terriorism. but trust me, it's okay. you really must experience it. parts of it are historical and charming..... and lovely. there's a little something for anyone here:)
cas-ditto to what ww said. you ARE wonderful. i understand what you are saying and i can just begin to digest it. letting go of weed alone makes me anxious so your suggestions i can consider, talk to my dr. and see... i'm not nicely saying this, i mean it. but it's a huge thing for me to consider going for. you are right i know it, i just don't know if i can do that too. it's all much. (oy i sound like my mother!)
at present i'm getting the family ready for a weekend at the shore. so i must run... we stay with friends but i like to make sure i pack the right stuff.
a nice looong walk on the beach is what i need!
have a great weekend ladies.
cajun lady where have you gone?
ww- if you have any nyc plans (or fears) to discuss i'll be back late sunday....always here for you gf!
xo jojo
cas-ditto to what ww said. you ARE wonderful. i understand what you are saying and i can just begin to digest it. letting go of weed alone makes me anxious so your suggestions i can consider, talk to my dr. and see... i'm not nicely saying this, i mean it. but it's a huge thing for me to consider going for. you are right i know it, i just don't know if i can do that too. it's all much. (oy i sound like my mother!)
at present i'm getting the family ready for a weekend at the shore. so i must run... we stay with friends but i like to make sure i pack the right stuff.
a nice looong walk on the beach is what i need!
have a great weekend ladies.
cajun lady where have you gone?
ww- if you have any nyc plans (or fears) to discuss i'll be back late sunday....always here for you gf!
xo jojo
It's comforting to have a husband who'll be there....:-) yes
I have an a/d and seroquel (for sleep) and one of the amazing women in my meetings recently told me that her mother is a psych nurse and is seeing more patients dealing with psychosis due to weed use. Information I'm taking seriously. Oh, I've only ever had a weeks prescription of Ativan.
Interesting that the seroquel is listed as an anti-psychotic. I swear my Doctor told me I'm not psychotic.....
So I guess the meds work. :-P
And my husband and I share a love. And that's my story
BTW, Are benzos also called bennies ? What the hell was that I took in high school ? Black beauties ? Damn those drugs damn them all !!!!!!! Grrrrrr
Oh and for me, the anxiety of NYC and it's crowdiness (lol) and the fast pace and hey, on one hand I could get caught up in it all and love it......here's hoping.
My hubby mentioned concern about terrorists picking us off the top of those busses.....I hope he wasn't serious....I must check back with him on that....geesh...
I have an a/d and seroquel (for sleep) and one of the amazing women in my meetings recently told me that her mother is a psych nurse and is seeing more patients dealing with psychosis due to weed use. Information I'm taking seriously. Oh, I've only ever had a weeks prescription of Ativan.
Interesting that the seroquel is listed as an anti-psychotic. I swear my Doctor told me I'm not psychotic.....
So I guess the meds work. :-P
And my husband and I share a love. And that's my story
BTW, Are benzos also called bennies ? What the hell was that I took in high school ? Black beauties ? Damn those drugs damn them all !!!!!!! Grrrrrr
Oh and for me, the anxiety of NYC and it's crowdiness (lol) and the fast pace and hey, on one hand I could get caught up in it all and love it......here's hoping.
My hubby mentioned concern about terrorists picking us off the top of those busses.....I hope he wasn't serious....I must check back with him on that....geesh...
WOW Cas!! Thanks for your informative posts!! I didn't realise that about benzos!!!
