The Value of a Drink: "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~ Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a fool.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
My gosh, I feel so much better knowing that all the wine I consumed went to something good! LOL!
Exactly! So why do I have to pay for MORE social programs? Hell, that one should be named after me! Oh WAIT! I know! It could have been called the, "VWGirlSKG Initiative" and we should've ben able to get some write-offs! Maybe some incentives in health care and rehab benefits?
:)
I probably OWN a significant part of Robert Mondavi.
:)
I probably OWN a significant part of Robert Mondavi.
Too funny, the "Robert Mondavi" thing, made me laugh out loud...me too, but it went to straight cheap vodka...oh and a very, very cheap bottle of Port that I ripped off from my Mom's garage ~ that was one of the last things I drank, can't recall but I think it was late at night that I took that bottle; then came off the booze with Coors Light in the fridge, just so I wouldn't seize, to quell the shakes and the nausea! I was sleeping and sweating it out at my sister's house, how very grateful I am that she helped me find my way back to AA!
bump
The whispering one cracked me up SKG. I think it makes you go deaf or something.
For me it caused me to repeat myself alot. What I figured out after some sober time was that all I was doing was wanting a different reaction from people when I said something. If I said something to them and I didn't like the reaction I got I would say or ask it again hoping for a different reaction. Totally nutty! :-) Attention seeking at it's core!
For me it caused me to repeat myself alot. What I figured out after some sober time was that all I was doing was wanting a different reaction from people when I said something. If I said something to them and I didn't like the reaction I got I would say or ask it again hoping for a different reaction. Totally nutty! :-) Attention seeking at it's core!
good stuff skg..lol
My hometown (a college town), used to sell t-shirts that read: "Bloomington, a drinking town with a basketball problem"
Dodsworth
My hometown (a college town), used to sell t-shirts that read: "Bloomington, a drinking town with a basketball problem"
Dodsworth
I hear you on that, Valarie. I'd repeat stories because DAMN IT you would listen. Never occurred to me that people DID listen, I was just too drunk to realize it.
Dodsworth...hilarious: a basketball problem. Love it.
Dodsworth...hilarious: a basketball problem. Love it.
Lol good ones skg. My friend who didn't drink when I was drinking said I used to drive her nuts repeating myself over and over lol . Your post also reminded me of one time I was going to a friends house and I had a bottle of wine tucked down the pocket of my jeans and had it covered up with my coat. On the way there I fell down and felt something wet on my leg and immediately I had said O God please let that be blood lol That is "how important" the wine was to me I rather had been bleeding than it be the wine broken. Insanity ..Yes indeed. but it's nice to have a laugh cause after all we are not a glum lot. right? Take care all and keep smilin
