Dear One way
Going off the rail out of controle thoughs that I cant push out of my mind so been on the bottle since Thursday well as you know its easter and Im not with my boys and have not been able to get hold of them and its getting me down.
Feeling tied, anxious and weak and when I wake feel worse.
I just dont thingk I can do this any more or dont know if I even want to, being high is on my mind all the time I cant find a way to make my mind quiet the thoughts in my mind are getting to me I cant breath am I going mad?
You asked me about rehabs well yes I have looked around for free goverment substised recover well I live in South Africa there are none here this country. You need thousands to get into a rehab there are no funds collectons for addiction. It is getting to the point that I feel helpless and Im lossing hope that I can do this I know i need help real bad but there is none here.
This is the only shot I have and if I fail there is no going back for me I know that I don't have the strenth to get this far ever again its now or never.
So for now I'm holding on to life with all I have.
Sorry to off load like this but if it means any thing thanks for listening
Sighing Out Jadene
You know what, Jadene? You sound pretty tough to me...I think you're going to make it. I wish things were going a bit more easily for you, but know that somewhere far away under the same sky, someone is saying a prayer for you.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Peace ~ MomNMore
Dear Jadene,
We have different backgounds, but know that I am feeling exactly the same way as you right now. I am utterly consumed with it but just want my life back as well. Keep holding strong there, sister. I so admire how far you've come and what you're struggling through. You should be proud of yourself for how far you've come so far.
Lots of love,
Rachel
We have different backgounds, but know that I am feeling exactly the same way as you right now. I am utterly consumed with it but just want my life back as well. Keep holding strong there, sister. I so admire how far you've come and what you're struggling through. You should be proud of yourself for how far you've come so far.
Lots of love,
Rachel
Dear Rachel
THANKYOU
Like we have agreed we come from differant back grounds but ended up more or less the same. Yet I feel that you have a possitive out look on every thing so you hanging in there were as I feel like I am out of control not strong because I feel so weak so negative.
Can't put the past behind me.
Like on the weekend had a braai and I don't know how the conversation started but people were talking about whores and crime, and how discusted they felt towards these people and I am sitting there and all I can thingk about is how would they feel knowing they were talking to one of those people or would no one ever talk to me again.
I am the person that has kids and left them, I am the person that has stolen robbed and mugged. I am the person that has had sex for money with womans husbands and I am that person that sits there listening and agreeing with them and know that I am lying to their faces like I have done so many times.
How can I feel good about myself when I know what I am and who I am.
And I know that what I have done has gotten me to the person I am.
It does no help to blame a bad child hood or blame any one or event for what I have done.
Sorry for venting like that and I may regret telling you.
Ok I'm going now cheers Jadene
THANKYOU
Like we have agreed we come from differant back grounds but ended up more or less the same. Yet I feel that you have a possitive out look on every thing so you hanging in there were as I feel like I am out of control not strong because I feel so weak so negative.
Can't put the past behind me.
Like on the weekend had a braai and I don't know how the conversation started but people were talking about whores and crime, and how discusted they felt towards these people and I am sitting there and all I can thingk about is how would they feel knowing they were talking to one of those people or would no one ever talk to me again.
I am the person that has kids and left them, I am the person that has stolen robbed and mugged. I am the person that has had sex for money with womans husbands and I am that person that sits there listening and agreeing with them and know that I am lying to their faces like I have done so many times.
How can I feel good about myself when I know what I am and who I am.
And I know that what I have done has gotten me to the person I am.
It does no help to blame a bad child hood or blame any one or event for what I have done.
Sorry for venting like that and I may regret telling you.
Ok I'm going now cheers Jadene
Dear Jadene,
Nothing you have done matters to me, because none of it matters to God. If only you accept His forgiveness. Don't you know that he already faced your punishment and took all your sins upon himself? The real meaning of Easter! He died for you, so that you can have a NEW life, a new identity as His child. He's already taken your punishment so you don't have to. So you can be His precious daughter and belong to HIm.
Everyone has skeletons in their closet--even me. I'm the black sheep of the family. Always in trouble, always doing things wrong, always disobedient and rebellious in a way. Stubborn is the word.
I have something to confess. If I had no money and was desperate for gear, I know I would sell myself to get money. So you are no worse than me. Do you believe me? It's true.
So take care of yourself, Jadene, and give yourself a break. Nothing matters now except the future and what you do with it.
Much love,
Rachel
Nothing you have done matters to me, because none of it matters to God. If only you accept His forgiveness. Don't you know that he already faced your punishment and took all your sins upon himself? The real meaning of Easter! He died for you, so that you can have a NEW life, a new identity as His child. He's already taken your punishment so you don't have to. So you can be His precious daughter and belong to HIm.
Everyone has skeletons in their closet--even me. I'm the black sheep of the family. Always in trouble, always doing things wrong, always disobedient and rebellious in a way. Stubborn is the word.
I have something to confess. If I had no money and was desperate for gear, I know I would sell myself to get money. So you are no worse than me. Do you believe me? It's true.
So take care of yourself, Jadene, and give yourself a break. Nothing matters now except the future and what you do with it.
Much love,
Rachel
Rachel
Felt good to get that off my chest just wanted you to know what kind of person I am and though it does not scratch the sufface of my sins but can never tell any one around here who I am thanks for listening and one day will explain my life to you if I can
Cheers Jadene
Felt good to get that off my chest just wanted you to know what kind of person I am and though it does not scratch the sufface of my sins but can never tell any one around here who I am thanks for listening and one day will explain my life to you if I can
Cheers Jadene
To who ever
Does anyone think *** this world it backward and inside out?
Does anyone think **** this life it is to hard?
I feel so anxious I have had enough of this life.
What is going on with me I can't stop thinking about getting high getting wired ****e.d off my face and the thoughts go on and on.
I feel so alone in this world.
Dreamt about shooting up pethadine.
Dreamt about crack and woke up and vomited, shaking uncontrolably the thoughs will not leave me for a minute.
Forgot to phone my boys in the mess of this day and have not phoned them the whole week why I don't know.
Just when I thought things were going to get better or things were getting easer it gets worse.
I should go and find a lawyer Monday but I don't thingk I want to any more I don't want to do anything just give up.
Please give me some advice to get over this if no one minds I am down and I am low down.
Jadene
Does anyone think *** this world it backward and inside out?
Does anyone think **** this life it is to hard?
I feel so anxious I have had enough of this life.
What is going on with me I can't stop thinking about getting high getting wired ****e.d off my face and the thoughts go on and on.
I feel so alone in this world.
Dreamt about shooting up pethadine.
Dreamt about crack and woke up and vomited, shaking uncontrolably the thoughs will not leave me for a minute.
Forgot to phone my boys in the mess of this day and have not phoned them the whole week why I don't know.
Just when I thought things were going to get better or things were getting easer it gets worse.
I should go and find a lawyer Monday but I don't thingk I want to any more I don't want to do anything just give up.
Please give me some advice to get over this if no one minds I am down and I am low down.
Jadene
Jadene,
I've just read your heart rending account of what must have been a horrific day. My advice would be
!) seek some professional help,a psychologist,a counsellor anyone.
2) learn the path to inner calm,i.e. meditate.. I've recently read a book called "The secret side of self". This books tells of how all the secrets,the shameful things we do that we hide and never admit to, they eat away inside us ,consumming us. There are other books. Mark Johnson's "Wasted" is a good one. If you think your life is bad Jad,you should read this guys story. If you pick up his book and look at the picture of him, you'll see that his left eye is slightly askew. Read the book. You'll be horrified how he got that. But he survived. From a street urchin whose socks had to be surgically removed from his feet as he had not removed them for years,to the eprson he is now. I even believe he's been to South Africa.
3) Breathe. When your heart is thumping and your mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour, just concentrate on breathing.
4)Music. music soothes the savage beast. I like to lie in the dark and listen to "dark side of the moon" or "shine on you crazy diamond" by Pink Floyd. It's a real experience. I guarantee you it will take you out of yourself.
Best of luck Jadene.
Rooting for you.
Reshie
I've just read your heart rending account of what must have been a horrific day. My advice would be
!) seek some professional help,a psychologist,a counsellor anyone.
2) learn the path to inner calm,i.e. meditate.. I've recently read a book called "The secret side of self". This books tells of how all the secrets,the shameful things we do that we hide and never admit to, they eat away inside us ,consumming us. There are other books. Mark Johnson's "Wasted" is a good one. If you think your life is bad Jad,you should read this guys story. If you pick up his book and look at the picture of him, you'll see that his left eye is slightly askew. Read the book. You'll be horrified how he got that. But he survived. From a street urchin whose socks had to be surgically removed from his feet as he had not removed them for years,to the eprson he is now. I even believe he's been to South Africa.
3) Breathe. When your heart is thumping and your mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour, just concentrate on breathing.
4)Music. music soothes the savage beast. I like to lie in the dark and listen to "dark side of the moon" or "shine on you crazy diamond" by Pink Floyd. It's a real experience. I guarantee you it will take you out of yourself.
Best of luck Jadene.
Rooting for you.
Reshie
Dear Reshie
How are you my friend? Hope all is going wel with you.
Reshie it sounds to me that we have a few things in common I love reading and have a good colection of book. And ever since I was a little girl I used to lay in the dark in my room and listen to music when everyone was asleep.
And even now when I am feeling down I sit alone and listed to music and by the way I love Pink floyed.
Thanks for taking the time to write to it means so much to me you have no idea thankyou.
About the professional help I'm going to go back to my doctor on Thursday to do this damn opperation, get it out of my way. Then I am going to do a 12 step program at the hospital and after that I can start looking for a job.
Reshie I went to see a lawer about my case and for my boys hope it all works out some times I just don't know were to even start.
Phoned boys last night so good to hear their voices and miss them so much it hurts they just want to know when they can come home so was down last night and the worst part is that I caused all this pain on my own and hurt my boys so much in the prosses. Had a good cry last night and today I going to do my CV over and begin with what needs to be done so wish me luck.
Hope to hear from you soon
Jadene
How are you my friend? Hope all is going wel with you.
Reshie it sounds to me that we have a few things in common I love reading and have a good colection of book. And ever since I was a little girl I used to lay in the dark in my room and listen to music when everyone was asleep.
And even now when I am feeling down I sit alone and listed to music and by the way I love Pink floyed.
Thanks for taking the time to write to it means so much to me you have no idea thankyou.
About the professional help I'm going to go back to my doctor on Thursday to do this damn opperation, get it out of my way. Then I am going to do a 12 step program at the hospital and after that I can start looking for a job.
Reshie I went to see a lawer about my case and for my boys hope it all works out some times I just don't know were to even start.
Phoned boys last night so good to hear their voices and miss them so much it hurts they just want to know when they can come home so was down last night and the worst part is that I caused all this pain on my own and hurt my boys so much in the prosses. Had a good cry last night and today I going to do my CV over and begin with what needs to be done so wish me luck.
Hope to hear from you soon
Jadene
Jadene,
My heart really goes out to you. Everytime I see my little girl, it is always a bittersweet day. It's lovely to be able to spend time with her,quality time,take her to the park,take her to see the animals at the wildlife park as she loves animals, teach her the names of all the flora, even eilly things like swinging her around and around,turning her upside down, chasing her around pretending to be a monster which makes her squeal with delight ( she has the cutest little squeal you've ever heard). But with the good comes the bad. Eventually she has to go back to mummy and she cries for me,begs me to stay another 5 minutes. I know I have to be firm and I am. We do it in such a way that it does not draw out the process. A hug,a kiss and a quick cuddle and then it's "bye bye daddy". I can't tell you what it does to me to have to see her with tears streaming down her little face waving at me,reminding me of when I'm next to visit. And the one thing I'm proudest of is that I have never,not even once, promised to come for her and not turned up. I have kept every single promise I have ever made to that little girl.
It's difficult Jad, I feel you on this and as a father who is seperated from his own daughter,I know just exactly how u feel. I feel so awful that I break her little heart every week,when I have to leave her. I cry all the way home because I cannot do it in front of her. So I do it in my car.
I wish you all the best with your impending court case. I have faith that your efforts at staying clean off drugs, nightmares and cold sweats notwithstanding will ultimately pay dividends. At the very least, your boys will see that their mumy loves them so much that she has been willing to fight this terrible disease of addiction. And never underestimate children Jad. They see everything and they know when someone is trying their best to be a good mum or dad. My little girl is only 3;she knows how much I love her and she treasures that love. The most vivid (and heart-breaking) illustration of this fact came when she once said to me that she would let me take bunny bunny (her favorite dolly, bunny bunny goes everywhere with her,to school,to the shops, to bed,she can't actually sleep without bunny bunny). She was prepared to give up the most precious of all her possessions if it meant I would stay with her. Believe me when I say this Jad, your boys SEE exactly what you are doing and the efforts and lengths to which you are prepared to go in order to secure a future for you all as a family. For a child,on any list of their wants or needs this will always rank as the greatest and the most important of all their desires. They want nothing more than they want to have their mummy back,and what do you think they see. They see their mummy fighting tooth and nail to achieve this,against insupperable odds and impoosible obstacles, they see their mummy fighting her way through the court system,fighting her way through her many addctions but most important of all, they see their mummy fighting.........for them. To have them. It shows them without you having to utter a single syllable just how much you truly love them. And that Jadene, is worth more than all the gold or silver you could give them, more than all the thousands of diamonds down those mines in the Transvaal,the Transkei and the Orange Free state, more than all the kings horses amd all the kings men. It tells them everything that is important, that they have their mother's love.
Reshie
My heart really goes out to you. Everytime I see my little girl, it is always a bittersweet day. It's lovely to be able to spend time with her,quality time,take her to the park,take her to see the animals at the wildlife park as she loves animals, teach her the names of all the flora, even eilly things like swinging her around and around,turning her upside down, chasing her around pretending to be a monster which makes her squeal with delight ( she has the cutest little squeal you've ever heard). But with the good comes the bad. Eventually she has to go back to mummy and she cries for me,begs me to stay another 5 minutes. I know I have to be firm and I am. We do it in such a way that it does not draw out the process. A hug,a kiss and a quick cuddle and then it's "bye bye daddy". I can't tell you what it does to me to have to see her with tears streaming down her little face waving at me,reminding me of when I'm next to visit. And the one thing I'm proudest of is that I have never,not even once, promised to come for her and not turned up. I have kept every single promise I have ever made to that little girl.
It's difficult Jad, I feel you on this and as a father who is seperated from his own daughter,I know just exactly how u feel. I feel so awful that I break her little heart every week,when I have to leave her. I cry all the way home because I cannot do it in front of her. So I do it in my car.
I wish you all the best with your impending court case. I have faith that your efforts at staying clean off drugs, nightmares and cold sweats notwithstanding will ultimately pay dividends. At the very least, your boys will see that their mumy loves them so much that she has been willing to fight this terrible disease of addiction. And never underestimate children Jad. They see everything and they know when someone is trying their best to be a good mum or dad. My little girl is only 3;she knows how much I love her and she treasures that love. The most vivid (and heart-breaking) illustration of this fact came when she once said to me that she would let me take bunny bunny (her favorite dolly, bunny bunny goes everywhere with her,to school,to the shops, to bed,she can't actually sleep without bunny bunny). She was prepared to give up the most precious of all her possessions if it meant I would stay with her. Believe me when I say this Jad, your boys SEE exactly what you are doing and the efforts and lengths to which you are prepared to go in order to secure a future for you all as a family. For a child,on any list of their wants or needs this will always rank as the greatest and the most important of all their desires. They want nothing more than they want to have their mummy back,and what do you think they see. They see their mummy fighting tooth and nail to achieve this,against insupperable odds and impoosible obstacles, they see their mummy fighting her way through the court system,fighting her way through her many addctions but most important of all, they see their mummy fighting.........for them. To have them. It shows them without you having to utter a single syllable just how much you truly love them. And that Jadene, is worth more than all the gold or silver you could give them, more than all the thousands of diamonds down those mines in the Transvaal,the Transkei and the Orange Free state, more than all the kings horses amd all the kings men. It tells them everything that is important, that they have their mother's love.
Reshie
Dear Reshie
My friend what can I say just that you have given me the insparation to go on.
When I phone my boys it breaks me to know what they have had to go through because of me and yet they are there to back me up i every way and give me the strength to go on.
As you sayed they know what is going on and man I have such intelligent boys they always ask me mom have you used any of that stuff and when I say no I have not they praise me for my efforts, it makes me so proud and I think to myself how did a person like me make such perfect kids.
When I was still using they would phone me and ask me if I had food and if I needed any money and it would make me cry all night I guilt in my heart weighed me down.
If it was not for them I would never have had any reson to stop using so in a way thay have saved my life in more ways than they could ever know.
I think that I feel so much for my boys because no one in my life has ever stood by me except my boys, friends come and go.
In the end maby I just can't trust people to let them in or get to close to me because in the end you get hurt.
One of my cases I bought drugs for 3 'friends' and when I was caught and was arrested by the time I came out of the flat they had driven away and left me there, when I phoned them from the holding cell they had taken the rest of my money and bought drugs with it. I spent the whole weekend in the holding cell had to pay bail and a fine and they were not even there for me at all infact my dealer payed my bail.
That is just an examlpe of the friends I had.
Do you ever feel like you can't trust people and you wait for the moment that they will stabe you in the back?
Sorry for laying that on you but it is some thing that is on my mind.
Hope to hear from you soon
Regards Jadene
My friend what can I say just that you have given me the insparation to go on.
When I phone my boys it breaks me to know what they have had to go through because of me and yet they are there to back me up i every way and give me the strength to go on.
As you sayed they know what is going on and man I have such intelligent boys they always ask me mom have you used any of that stuff and when I say no I have not they praise me for my efforts, it makes me so proud and I think to myself how did a person like me make such perfect kids.
When I was still using they would phone me and ask me if I had food and if I needed any money and it would make me cry all night I guilt in my heart weighed me down.
If it was not for them I would never have had any reson to stop using so in a way thay have saved my life in more ways than they could ever know.
I think that I feel so much for my boys because no one in my life has ever stood by me except my boys, friends come and go.
In the end maby I just can't trust people to let them in or get to close to me because in the end you get hurt.
One of my cases I bought drugs for 3 'friends' and when I was caught and was arrested by the time I came out of the flat they had driven away and left me there, when I phoned them from the holding cell they had taken the rest of my money and bought drugs with it. I spent the whole weekend in the holding cell had to pay bail and a fine and they were not even there for me at all infact my dealer payed my bail.
That is just an examlpe of the friends I had.
Do you ever feel like you can't trust people and you wait for the moment that they will stabe you in the back?
Sorry for laying that on you but it is some thing that is on my mind.
Hope to hear from you soon
Regards Jadene
Hey Jadene,
Don't worry about "laying" stuff on me. It's what I'm hear for. Speak your mind,pour your troubles out, I'll always have time for you and will do my best for you and to answer as truthfully as I can.
I think it is the nature of this game that trust is the one thing in very short supply because in the world of the addict,it's every person for themselves. People end up doing things and behaving in ways they never would were they not under the influence. It's the nature of the beast.
On a previous post,I related a story that once happened to me. I overdosed in a squat with some "mates". All of them except one wanted to just drag me outside and dump me in the ditch and leave me there. They didn't want to call an ambulance because it would mean the cops turning up and they had drugs stashed all over the place which they would have had to have got rid off in case the cops ripped the place apart. They were going to take my drugs,my money, my jewellry and watch( I have an expensive watch which is a family heirloom,it still amazes me I never sold that watch as I sold everything else of value that I ended up sticking into my veins including a beautiful handmade classical guitar that my parents bought me for my 21st birthday.It was worth almost US$3,000 (I don't know what that is in Rand) and I sold it for an once of heroin and half an once of crack( worth less than a thousand quid). I still think about that with a great deal of shame as my parents are gone now. You know Jad, I've never told anyone this....I don't know why I'm telling you....catharsis I expect.
There are no friends in this game,only associates.
Stay strong kay Jadene.
Reshie.
Don't worry about "laying" stuff on me. It's what I'm hear for. Speak your mind,pour your troubles out, I'll always have time for you and will do my best for you and to answer as truthfully as I can.
I think it is the nature of this game that trust is the one thing in very short supply because in the world of the addict,it's every person for themselves. People end up doing things and behaving in ways they never would were they not under the influence. It's the nature of the beast.
On a previous post,I related a story that once happened to me. I overdosed in a squat with some "mates". All of them except one wanted to just drag me outside and dump me in the ditch and leave me there. They didn't want to call an ambulance because it would mean the cops turning up and they had drugs stashed all over the place which they would have had to have got rid off in case the cops ripped the place apart. They were going to take my drugs,my money, my jewellry and watch( I have an expensive watch which is a family heirloom,it still amazes me I never sold that watch as I sold everything else of value that I ended up sticking into my veins including a beautiful handmade classical guitar that my parents bought me for my 21st birthday.It was worth almost US$3,000 (I don't know what that is in Rand) and I sold it for an once of heroin and half an once of crack( worth less than a thousand quid). I still think about that with a great deal of shame as my parents are gone now. You know Jad, I've never told anyone this....I don't know why I'm telling you....catharsis I expect.
There are no friends in this game,only associates.
Stay strong kay Jadene.
Reshie.
Dear Reshie and Jadene,
May I butt in? I just can't read all of the above and not respond in some way. Sorry if I'm interrupting the conversation.
You guys make me really clucky and really want kids. Kids are really cluey, aren't they? I remember how much I knew what was going on when I was little and I don't underestimate kids now! Jadene, it's wonderful that your boys know and they're such great support. Now I know why you're doing so well and staying so strong. Because you have them as the goal! You will make it, Jadene, you really will. They know how hard you're working to spend time with them and get them back. In those dark moments, remember their smiling faces and remember that all of this is only temporary, for long, long-term gain. Reshie, your little daughter giving you bunny bunny is such a good example of how big kids hearts are and of their unconditional love. She is such a treasure!
Friends.... Friends let you down and the closer they are, the easier it is for them to let you down. And then there are those friends who never were friends in the first place. And there are definitely no friends in the drug game. Friends think of each other first. Addicts think of themselves first. Of course that doesn't mean addicts can't be friends, it just means it's less likely you'll find a true friend in that group. Don't know if any of this is really making sense as I keep stopping and starting typing again. Sorry guys!
At work so had better go.
Lots of love to you both,
Rachel
May I butt in? I just can't read all of the above and not respond in some way. Sorry if I'm interrupting the conversation.
You guys make me really clucky and really want kids. Kids are really cluey, aren't they? I remember how much I knew what was going on when I was little and I don't underestimate kids now! Jadene, it's wonderful that your boys know and they're such great support. Now I know why you're doing so well and staying so strong. Because you have them as the goal! You will make it, Jadene, you really will. They know how hard you're working to spend time with them and get them back. In those dark moments, remember their smiling faces and remember that all of this is only temporary, for long, long-term gain. Reshie, your little daughter giving you bunny bunny is such a good example of how big kids hearts are and of their unconditional love. She is such a treasure!
Friends.... Friends let you down and the closer they are, the easier it is for them to let you down. And then there are those friends who never were friends in the first place. And there are definitely no friends in the drug game. Friends think of each other first. Addicts think of themselves first. Of course that doesn't mean addicts can't be friends, it just means it's less likely you'll find a true friend in that group. Don't know if any of this is really making sense as I keep stopping and starting typing again. Sorry guys!
At work so had better go.
Lots of love to you both,
Rachel
Dear Rachel
LOL man you make me laugh yes you can butt in any time you want my friend.
You now what yes I am doing better because of my boys now. But when I am on drugs the only thing on my mind is getting my next fix, that is all and then the thought of my kids sends me spiriling down into depresion and hatred for myself and even though I have kids it did not get me to slow own in any way.
I love them and I thought of them but it made my addiction worse.
I can not tell you how much drugs I used to supress my pain. One day I sold my car and went straight to the dealer and used that money in one day and I whored for more drugs.
My pain ran so deep that my life was no more than a blure for 3 years.
Don't mean to go on a downer on you but it is the truth.
I don't know if I will ever be the same and I know that my kids won't.
Well let me be on my way read you post about more on my boy
Chin up my friend
Regards Jadene
LOL man you make me laugh yes you can butt in any time you want my friend.
You now what yes I am doing better because of my boys now. But when I am on drugs the only thing on my mind is getting my next fix, that is all and then the thought of my kids sends me spiriling down into depresion and hatred for myself and even though I have kids it did not get me to slow own in any way.
I love them and I thought of them but it made my addiction worse.
I can not tell you how much drugs I used to supress my pain. One day I sold my car and went straight to the dealer and used that money in one day and I whored for more drugs.
My pain ran so deep that my life was no more than a blure for 3 years.
Don't mean to go on a downer on you but it is the truth.
I don't know if I will ever be the same and I know that my kids won't.
Well let me be on my way read you post about more on my boy
Chin up my friend
Regards Jadene
Dear Reshie
You never to say sorry to me for over sharing I will never judge you in any way my friend I have done worse things that most people can even imagine.
And all by the age fo 30 no not some thing I am proud of but believe me when I say I understand.
Let me share with you my ex bf was a druggie for 10 years and he used to have seizers all the time we would be heigh and all of a sudden he would have these fits. As heigh as I was I would take him to the hospital but he also had friends that one day stole everything on him his money his drugs and left him for dead he nearly died.
I could never do that and in the end he started hitting me he has even broken my nose and one rib and one day I nearly just sat and watch him and wanted to leave him but ok I did help him but the thought was there.
Reshie I know what it is like to loose all my things I have sold every thing and have nothing to show for it.
The same guy also stole some of my things he had been steeling robing and crime for year so I learnt form the best as he alway sayed.
But there is nothing we can do about the choises we have made just make right ones we are going to make.
Listen I am going to the hospital tomorrow to see if I can hae my operation done so if you do not hear from me then I have been admited but hope to still hear from you when I come out so don't go any were ok.
Please let Rachel know aswell if she does not see this message.
Thankyou I am a little scared.
How is your daughter hope you will let me know when you see her.
I really want to go and see my boys it has been so long but there is so much going on at the moment but as soon as I am done with the last couts case and the hospital I am going to see them
I have pick up weight which they will be so happy about every time I have seen them in the past my son says to me mommy are you eating or must I send some momey with you so you buy food so you can eat. They don't like me being so thin so this will make them happy and more that anything I want to see those smiles on their faces.
Well let me be on my way chat again soon
Cheers Jadene
You never to say sorry to me for over sharing I will never judge you in any way my friend I have done worse things that most people can even imagine.
And all by the age fo 30 no not some thing I am proud of but believe me when I say I understand.
Let me share with you my ex bf was a druggie for 10 years and he used to have seizers all the time we would be heigh and all of a sudden he would have these fits. As heigh as I was I would take him to the hospital but he also had friends that one day stole everything on him his money his drugs and left him for dead he nearly died.
I could never do that and in the end he started hitting me he has even broken my nose and one rib and one day I nearly just sat and watch him and wanted to leave him but ok I did help him but the thought was there.
Reshie I know what it is like to loose all my things I have sold every thing and have nothing to show for it.
The same guy also stole some of my things he had been steeling robing and crime for year so I learnt form the best as he alway sayed.
But there is nothing we can do about the choises we have made just make right ones we are going to make.
Listen I am going to the hospital tomorrow to see if I can hae my operation done so if you do not hear from me then I have been admited but hope to still hear from you when I come out so don't go any were ok.
Please let Rachel know aswell if she does not see this message.
Thankyou I am a little scared.
How is your daughter hope you will let me know when you see her.
I really want to go and see my boys it has been so long but there is so much going on at the moment but as soon as I am done with the last couts case and the hospital I am going to see them
I have pick up weight which they will be so happy about every time I have seen them in the past my son says to me mommy are you eating or must I send some momey with you so you buy food so you can eat. They don't like me being so thin so this will make them happy and more that anything I want to see those smiles on their faces.
Well let me be on my way chat again soon
Cheers Jadene
Jadene,
If u send me an email adress I will send u piks of my little girl. I have laready done so for rache,loat,kitteekat and others, If u want.
God luck 2moro. God speed.
R>
If u send me an email adress I will send u piks of my little girl. I have laready done so for rache,loat,kitteekat and others, If u want.
God luck 2moro. God speed.
R>
Dear Reshie
Well it is 6 am here have not fallen asleep at all last night and I'm leaving in a hour to the hospital I just hope that they will book me in today or I will punk out again.
I should have done this op a year ago.
I will send you my e-mail add when I get back ok.
Ok let me go and get ready.
Cheers my friend
Regards Jadene
Well it is 6 am here have not fallen asleep at all last night and I'm leaving in a hour to the hospital I just hope that they will book me in today or I will punk out again.
I should have done this op a year ago.
I will send you my e-mail add when I get back ok.
Ok let me go and get ready.
Cheers my friend
Regards Jadene
Dear Jadene,
I was wondering if you could email me? My email address is castlerache@hotmail.com. I'd love to email you. :)
I really hope you get in for the operation and it goes well. I am praying for you, my friend.
It's great that you have put on some weight. I know your boys will be excited to see you again. I hope you're able to see them again really soon. Are they happy where they are living now? What are the people like who are taking care of them?I pray that you get through your court cases and they go well for you. And I pray that you are able to continue making the right choices and staying strong.
Take care my friend.
Lots of love,
Rachel :)
I was wondering if you could email me? My email address is castlerache@hotmail.com. I'd love to email you. :)
I really hope you get in for the operation and it goes well. I am praying for you, my friend.
It's great that you have put on some weight. I know your boys will be excited to see you again. I hope you're able to see them again really soon. Are they happy where they are living now? What are the people like who are taking care of them?I pray that you get through your court cases and they go well for you. And I pray that you are able to continue making the right choices and staying strong.
Take care my friend.
Lots of love,
Rachel :)
P.S. Jadene, I am SO PROUD of you!
well i use alot of crack every day and smack but now is the time to say no but its hard man i need help but where is the right help for me i need to learn a hole new life without ndrugs scorein makin money to buy everything needs to change in my liffe i was with my man before i was usin hard drugs and i still want to be with him after he quit 5 weeks now of smack but he uses crack cause i buy it everyday he nearly died cause of me he still ill now my actions hurt so many it unreal
