Going insain coming off 'H' I dont thingk going to hell could be this bad or what. Came off on my own and man that sucked i thought i was going to die or at least wished i could just die. Vomiting on average 32 times a day getting high for the last 4 years ive got heart problems over active thyroid shacking more that a fish hot and cold swets goose bumps some times i feel like im breathing so fast but cant get any air into my black tar lungs. So im 30 years and have 2 boys who have not lived with me for the last 4 years the worst part is that i loose track of time and days of the year so quick i dont even phone them and hate myself for that im a bed person and cant shack the giult. Been clean for 2 months now and still feel like s*** and still just want to go and get wired off my face. I have 3 court cases against me 1 of whitch is the final on Wednesday for posession and will probly be sent to prision for a while so pls if any one has SOME ADVICE 4 ME PLS HELP i just dont know what to d is there any hope for me and still i want to get wired
There is always hope. For some reason it is pretty quiet here tonight, but it would do you some good to read some posts on this board and even the Pain Pills board...just read...see what others have gone through and what others have said to them. And check back in tomorrow to see what they may have to say to you. I wish I could be mroe help to you, but I have not been through it myself...I am the mother of a recovering H addict.
I do have to say though, this sounds like far more than the average addiction recovery...have you seen an addiction specialist? Can you? It's all worth it, it really is...and your children will agree with you.
Peace ~ MomNMore
I do have to say though, this sounds like far more than the average addiction recovery...have you seen an addiction specialist? Can you? It's all worth it, it really is...and your children will agree with you.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Hey well done on your 2 months!! Keep it up, you're doing great. It's natural for you to want to get high, you're an addict, that is what we do best....
I know it is hard, but it does get easier with time. Have you got people around you that can support yo and that are clean?
Good luck with court, hope it all goes well. Keep the faith, Kev
I know it is hard, but it does get easier with time. Have you got people around you that can support yo and that are clean?
Good luck with court, hope it all goes well. Keep the faith, Kev
Think about this- - If there is ANY chance you might be going to prision, going in clean is the way to go. Going in sick and strung out just makes you an easy target.
Believe me- - they stole my sneakers right off my feet the same day(while I was passed out from exhaustion)- and that was only the county jail
Best of luck friend,and I know all about giving up the kid for awhile- as I had to do that too. -My mom took him for awhile while I keep trying to get it together.
Now he,s with me and has been for 20 years- (I almost wish she would take him again- -lol-only kidding}
jack
Believe me- - they stole my sneakers right off my feet the same day(while I was passed out from exhaustion)- and that was only the county jail
Best of luck friend,and I know all about giving up the kid for awhile- as I had to do that too. -My mom took him for awhile while I keep trying to get it together.
Now he,s with me and has been for 20 years- (I almost wish she would take him again- -lol-only kidding}
jack
Proud of you Jack....
Hi Jad,
It heart breaking to hear how desperate you are. I'm so sorry. You have in TWO MONTHS though. That's HUGE!!!!!!! Good for you. You should wear that proudly.
Jad, the guilt. I swore it used to be my downfall of going back and picking up. Ya know what? You stay clean and eventually it goes with it. It truly does wittle down. Ya just have to stay clean.
Like Jack and Kev said as well. Keep at it. You're getting to the other side.
Plus yeah going into court clean is a big deal. Hoping you won't have to do any time. I'm sorry you're still feeling so sick. It's the PAWS crap. The old adage we always hear that it gets better? It really does. You're doing good. If we all did it so can you. Best of all you'll be able to parent correctly.
If it helps I'm a mother also. Alot of us have kids. We did it too. Now like Jack said we got them all grown. Nightmare. LOL Honestly you can do this.
It heart breaking to hear how desperate you are. I'm so sorry. You have in TWO MONTHS though. That's HUGE!!!!!!! Good for you. You should wear that proudly.
Jad, the guilt. I swore it used to be my downfall of going back and picking up. Ya know what? You stay clean and eventually it goes with it. It truly does wittle down. Ya just have to stay clean.
Like Jack and Kev said as well. Keep at it. You're getting to the other side.
Plus yeah going into court clean is a big deal. Hoping you won't have to do any time. I'm sorry you're still feeling so sick. It's the PAWS crap. The old adage we always hear that it gets better? It really does. You're doing good. If we all did it so can you. Best of all you'll be able to parent correctly.
If it helps I'm a mother also. Alot of us have kids. We did it too. Now like Jack said we got them all grown. Nightmare. LOL Honestly you can do this.
I feel like every thing that is going on with me is out of my control the court cases my boys how can I get some normality in my life.
I dont see the light at the end of my tunnel
I dont feel positive
I dont know if I can stay clean
WHAT DO I KNOW I DONT
How did all of you guys do this?
So the court worked out signed my boys over now what? Feel so down and the only cure I know for me is getting high so if any one has any suggestions please feel free to give me some.
Still own my crack pipes and wanted to break them but could not do it why is that my brother paid my fine sentance 3 years on conditin that I stay clean but can't get ride of this s***.
Phoned my dealer today maby habit when I NEED some company I NEED somthing but I don't know what.
All I can say is well done to all of you that have done it I TAKE my hat off to all of you.
My brains are cooked
Jadene
I always seen to punish my self over the things I've done in my past and it holds me down like a weight on my shoulders.
So I took my crack pipe and spares box that I keep for when I go buy drugs it is one thing that I have held with me for many years and if I had to loss it at any time in the past I would go insain and today I threw it away.
I thought it would make me feel better I did it for me, my brother and my kids but I don't feel any thing.
The guilt eats away at me day by day and I some times feel like I have lost myself some were along the line.
So I took my crack pipe and spares box that I keep for when I go buy drugs it is one thing that I have held with me for many years and if I had to loss it at any time in the past I would go insain and today I threw it away.
I thought it would make me feel better I did it for me, my brother and my kids but I don't feel any thing.
The guilt eats away at me day by day and I some times feel like I have lost myself some were along the line.
Jad,
What you CAN do is NOT get high.
That's a start.
Honestly, Jad, we all know the guilt. We do. Using makes it better for maybe 12 hours. Maybe.
You sound like a strong person. You can do this. You need some help is all.
Once you start working on you then you can work at getting your boys back.
If we all got clean you can too. It's tough. It stinks. It's difficult, but everything is that much tougher when you're using.
What you CAN do is NOT get high.
That's a start.
Honestly, Jad, we all know the guilt. We do. Using makes it better for maybe 12 hours. Maybe.
You sound like a strong person. You can do this. You need some help is all.
Once you start working on you then you can work at getting your boys back.
If we all got clean you can too. It's tough. It stinks. It's difficult, but everything is that much tougher when you're using.
Hi BRENDA
Dont worry I did not go and use
Geusse what I ASKED MY BROTHER IF HE WOULD TAKE ME TO SOME NA OR AA OR WHAT EVER I SHOULD GO TO.
Is that not great
cheers ja
Dont worry I did not go and use
Geusse what I ASKED MY BROTHER IF HE WOULD TAKE ME TO SOME NA OR AA OR WHAT EVER I SHOULD GO TO.
Is that not great
cheers ja
Jad,
How old are you honey?
How old are you honey?
Hi Jazwan
I'm 30 years old whydo you ask/
I'm 30 years old whydo you ask/
Just need to chat to who ever or even just to myself but if anyone can help that would be great
Does anyone have it were they can't remember what they did day to day well my brain is a little fryed so my memory is not to great.
I could not remember what I used to help me come off herion so I asked my brother and it is called Subtex what ever that is.
Even though I have used it on 3 occasions for 10 days at a time, I dont now what it is? I also have other problems so used other medication so my brother would give me my tabs as I need them and if it made me feel better I took it.
Any way that helped me alot well with the withdraws but in my mind still wanted to use and when the tabs were finished I just went back to using.
So is there any one that can tell me what Subtex is and what I can use after the Subtex.
And what I also want to know is what I can take to help my with my crack craving how can I say this I know crack is a mental addiction that is the one thing I know because I can't stop thinking about having just one more hit so my question is what can I do or take to stop that.
I,ve been on so many drugs all at the same time so I don't know what drug is causing what problem. Stupped how I,ve used but never learnt about drugs.
I almost went out last night not good for me it's just to eay to score so went and had a swim down stairs insted I PROUD.
Cheers Jadene
Phoned my boy today his leg is better but he has this sadness in his voice.
Is it to late to make my wrongs right?
How am I ever going to do the right things when all I've been doing is the all wrong things? I feel like by me trying to clean up and get them back I'm going to make things wores.
I DON'T trust my own judgement I mean how can I all I do is make the wrong judgment call.
Regards
Jadene
Is it to late to make my wrongs right?
How am I ever going to do the right things when all I've been doing is the all wrong things? I feel like by me trying to clean up and get them back I'm going to make things wores.
I DON'T trust my own judgement I mean how can I all I do is make the wrong judgment call.
Regards
Jadene
Hi Jadene,
Subutex is what they had before Suboxone (here anyway). It has buprenorphine in it and is an alternative to methadone. I'm on Suboxone. You need to go to a doctor to get the script, and if it's anything like here in Australia you'll have to go to a drug and alcohol addiction specialist to get the script. Where do you live?
I'm so proud of you for throwing away your little treasure stash. I have a treasure stash. It was in my handbag until I cleaned it out yesterday. Oh my goodness, didn't realise that pocket of my handbag was such junkieville! Old fits, new fits, etc. I don't know when I'll be able to throw everything away. I'll throw most of everything. In fact, I am planning to dump all of my rubbish outside the door of the person who gave me heroin in the first place, as a special thank you. What do you think? Is that too terrible? It's not very often I let myself feel angry at him.
Take care of yourself and keep posting.
Rachel :)
Subutex is what they had before Suboxone (here anyway). It has buprenorphine in it and is an alternative to methadone. I'm on Suboxone. You need to go to a doctor to get the script, and if it's anything like here in Australia you'll have to go to a drug and alcohol addiction specialist to get the script. Where do you live?
I'm so proud of you for throwing away your little treasure stash. I have a treasure stash. It was in my handbag until I cleaned it out yesterday. Oh my goodness, didn't realise that pocket of my handbag was such junkieville! Old fits, new fits, etc. I don't know when I'll be able to throw everything away. I'll throw most of everything. In fact, I am planning to dump all of my rubbish outside the door of the person who gave me heroin in the first place, as a special thank you. What do you think? Is that too terrible? It's not very often I let myself feel angry at him.
Take care of yourself and keep posting.
Rachel :)
HI RACHEL
Hi my friend how are you doing? Well hope you are hanging in.
I live in South Africa (Durban)
Have a doctor that my brother gets the subtex he just writes me a script I have never been to a rehab in fact I have never even been to the doctor.
SOME ADVICE: Throw that stash of yours away find the strength in you and just do it you can do anything you put your mind to.
Well at least I have learnt some advice from some one in this sight. I don't know who but it was good advice. It took me so long to do it because I am not strong or I just don't have the will power.
So how long have you been using herion and how did you start using?
Don't worry there is not much that shocks me so chat away when ever you want and I will get back to you as soon as posible.
Stay strong
Cheers Jadene
Hi my friend how are you doing? Well hope you are hanging in.
I live in South Africa (Durban)
Have a doctor that my brother gets the subtex he just writes me a script I have never been to a rehab in fact I have never even been to the doctor.
SOME ADVICE: Throw that stash of yours away find the strength in you and just do it you can do anything you put your mind to.
Well at least I have learnt some advice from some one in this sight. I don't know who but it was good advice. It took me so long to do it because I am not strong or I just don't have the will power.
So how long have you been using herion and how did you start using?
Don't worry there is not much that shocks me so chat away when ever you want and I will get back to you as soon as posible.
Stay strong
Cheers Jadene
Hell any one
My mind is in a mess today, thinking about crystal meth, herion, mandrax and crack all the things that I have chosen to use to get me were I am today.
Got up early to go and see a rehab but it is to expensive for my brother to pay. So that is why I am thinking about drugs when ever I go some were I am scared and afraid and think about drugs well that is how I have alway coped. And in my mind I just don't thingk I can get better with out some help.
I know that I can't go back into the world with out help because I will f.u.c.k. everything up.
If I work or I'm out of the houseI will buy drugs I'm just not strong enough to have money and not buy drugs. Why am I freeking out like this what is going on with me and I always go through this same emation.
If any one can help that would be great
Thankyou Jadene
My mind is in a mess today, thinking about crystal meth, herion, mandrax and crack all the things that I have chosen to use to get me were I am today.
Got up early to go and see a rehab but it is to expensive for my brother to pay. So that is why I am thinking about drugs when ever I go some were I am scared and afraid and think about drugs well that is how I have alway coped. And in my mind I just don't thingk I can get better with out some help.
I know that I can't go back into the world with out help because I will f.u.c.k. everything up.
If I work or I'm out of the houseI will buy drugs I'm just not strong enough to have money and not buy drugs. Why am I freeking out like this what is going on with me and I always go through this same emation.
If any one can help that would be great
Thankyou Jadene
Last 2 days I have had bad shakes so I went and slept over at my friend and he has been off drug for about 4 years we had a dringk and I asked him if he wanted to buy some thing to smoke so he said if I want to then we can.
It was about 3 in the moning phoed around but no one answerd and there is no way any of us were going to drive to one of the drug dealers houses 1 I am on probation and I could never let him go because of me just now he gets caught.
So in the end we never got anything felt like crap today but glad we never went.
cheers Jadene
It was about 3 in the moning phoed around but no one answerd and there is no way any of us were going to drive to one of the drug dealers houses 1 I am on probation and I could never let him go because of me just now he gets caught.
So in the end we never got anything felt like crap today but glad we never went.
cheers Jadene
Hi Jadene
I hope everything with you is ok and you're still holding out. I'm in London, England and a few years ago when I was in prison I done a course about drugs and their effects etc. One of the things you had to do was chart your drug use over the years eg when you started what was going on for you then and record events up to today. What I realised was that at the height of my drug use lets say the from the mid nineties for about ten years I could not remember a flipping thing I'd lost ten years of my life cos I was too busy frying my brains and comotosing myself.
I don't know what it's like for you where you are but here in London we have government funded drug agencies that will work with you and try and put together some sort of treatment programme for you.
Subutex helped me to wake up and start to make a difference in my life I can only sing it's praises and I get it from my doctor who writes me a prescription
every two weeks after I've seen my drug keyworker.
Like I said I don't know what's where you are but maybe try googling funding for rehabs to see if you can get some financial help to help meet the costs.
HOLD ON BE STRONG WHEN IT'S ON IT'S ON
I hope everything with you is ok and you're still holding out. I'm in London, England and a few years ago when I was in prison I done a course about drugs and their effects etc. One of the things you had to do was chart your drug use over the years eg when you started what was going on for you then and record events up to today. What I realised was that at the height of my drug use lets say the from the mid nineties for about ten years I could not remember a flipping thing I'd lost ten years of my life cos I was too busy frying my brains and comotosing myself.
I don't know what it's like for you where you are but here in London we have government funded drug agencies that will work with you and try and put together some sort of treatment programme for you.
Subutex helped me to wake up and start to make a difference in my life I can only sing it's praises and I get it from my doctor who writes me a prescription
every two weeks after I've seen my drug keyworker.
Like I said I don't know what's where you are but maybe try googling funding for rehabs to see if you can get some financial help to help meet the costs.
HOLD ON BE STRONG WHEN IT'S ON IT'S ON
Hi Jadene,
Sorry you've been having a few crappy days. Stay strong, parter!
How did I start using? It was only last year in probably September or so. I had just separated from my husband (I cheated on him, everyone blamed me, but there are of course reasons why I left that no one sees or hears, they just throw blame around easily enough.) Anyway, no friends left, family devastated (they live in a different state), and no support and a new friend who completely understood me and my past and my feelings and mental situation, EVERYTHING, and he was a user--for the past 10 years. A part of me knew what I craved was what he was having, so I snuck some behind his back and shot it when smoking it didn't work (didn't do it properly of course). For months I was really careful not to become addicted, but more and more I had it every day and then more than once every day and then I was gone. Now I'm on 24mg of Suboxone each day. I'm no longer going out with that guy (thank goodness, not for a few months now) and my partner, Sam, is incredibly supportive, but also if I relapse it would half kill him, which is really difficult for me.
What's your story, Jadene? You might think I'm a sheltered church girl, but I'm not really and nothing shocks me and I do not judge people. Just accept you where you are, for the wonderful person that you are.
Take care, Jadene.
Hugs,
Rachel
P.S. I've never heard of mandrax before. What is it?
Sorry you've been having a few crappy days. Stay strong, parter!
How did I start using? It was only last year in probably September or so. I had just separated from my husband (I cheated on him, everyone blamed me, but there are of course reasons why I left that no one sees or hears, they just throw blame around easily enough.) Anyway, no friends left, family devastated (they live in a different state), and no support and a new friend who completely understood me and my past and my feelings and mental situation, EVERYTHING, and he was a user--for the past 10 years. A part of me knew what I craved was what he was having, so I snuck some behind his back and shot it when smoking it didn't work (didn't do it properly of course). For months I was really careful not to become addicted, but more and more I had it every day and then more than once every day and then I was gone. Now I'm on 24mg of Suboxone each day. I'm no longer going out with that guy (thank goodness, not for a few months now) and my partner, Sam, is incredibly supportive, but also if I relapse it would half kill him, which is really difficult for me.
What's your story, Jadene? You might think I'm a sheltered church girl, but I'm not really and nothing shocks me and I do not judge people. Just accept you where you are, for the wonderful person that you are.
Take care, Jadene.
Hugs,
Rachel
P.S. I've never heard of mandrax before. What is it?
