Gina, you said "Always in my mind, I hold the thought that I could have stayed stoned and in this abysmally messed-up relationship for another ten years."
That about says it all. That's exactly what I have chosen to do up until now and it's a no-win situation. Change is definitely hard. I admire you for your courage.
Boy, if Millbrae wasn't enough to convice us of fate, the definatly is!
How many lies did we have to discover to figure out enough is enough?
You'll discover soon how fun it is to just be with your kids without the tension in the house. Mine don't bicker near as much and it's drawn us all closer.
Truthfully, there will be things you miss but it won't be so bad. You'll have more responsibility but you'll adjust to that too. A real plus is not having to put up with inlaws, lol.
You'll find out that you are capable of more than you ever dreamed and that feels pretty good.
I'm glad you got a kick butt lawyer. Already you're showing what strength you have.
We can do this and when we have weak moments, we'll boost each other up.
Stiff upper lips for us, Gina!!!!
Love you, Kat
xxxxxxooooo
How many lies did we have to discover to figure out enough is enough?
You'll discover soon how fun it is to just be with your kids without the tension in the house. Mine don't bicker near as much and it's drawn us all closer.
Truthfully, there will be things you miss but it won't be so bad. You'll have more responsibility but you'll adjust to that too. A real plus is not having to put up with inlaws, lol.
You'll find out that you are capable of more than you ever dreamed and that feels pretty good.
I'm glad you got a kick butt lawyer. Already you're showing what strength you have.
We can do this and when we have weak moments, we'll boost each other up.
Stiff upper lips for us, Gina!!!!
Love you, Kat
xxxxxxooooo
Jodi,
To be honest, if it had been anyone but you who posted when you did, I probably wouldn't have blurted about the divorce quite so abruptly. But I remember that you're in a bad marriage and that we have kids roughly the same age. We're both addicts. I couldn't bring myself to say, "fine-fine" to you. I'm in a s***ty relationship and I need to get out. I know I've said to you any number of times that you need to get out of your relationship but it probably means more if someone else is doing it, too, rather than just telling you to.
Take it from Kat, who is my HP. It'll be fine.
Michelle, I'm sorry I lost the connection. You want the hourly update? Allan lied to me about the company he ordered the test from. I called them and the case numbers don't even resemble theirs. But I found a phone number on the report he gave me (though I'm sure he doctored it) and it's an entirely different company. Can't he even tell me the truth NOW? It's like he has to tell a lie at every step until I check up. It's exhausting.
Love,
Gina
To be honest, if it had been anyone but you who posted when you did, I probably wouldn't have blurted about the divorce quite so abruptly. But I remember that you're in a bad marriage and that we have kids roughly the same age. We're both addicts. I couldn't bring myself to say, "fine-fine" to you. I'm in a s***ty relationship and I need to get out. I know I've said to you any number of times that you need to get out of your relationship but it probably means more if someone else is doing it, too, rather than just telling you to.
Take it from Kat, who is my HP. It'll be fine.
Michelle, I'm sorry I lost the connection. You want the hourly update? Allan lied to me about the company he ordered the test from. I called them and the case numbers don't even resemble theirs. But I found a phone number on the report he gave me (though I'm sure he doctored it) and it's an entirely different company. Can't he even tell me the truth NOW? It's like he has to tell a lie at every step until I check up. It's exhausting.
Love,
Gina
Hey Gina
Thats okay, if you can get back on soon we will still be here. Kats here now too.
I really think he is going out of his way to hide something. You will fiqure it out in time, and he might need a little coaxing from the court system to be totally honest. Everything comes out in the wash Gina, don't forget that.
I'll be around for a little bit longer if you get back online.
Michelle
Thats okay, if you can get back on soon we will still be here. Kats here now too.
I really think he is going out of his way to hide something. You will fiqure it out in time, and he might need a little coaxing from the court system to be totally honest. Everything comes out in the wash Gina, don't forget that.
I'll be around for a little bit longer if you get back online.
Michelle
Gina, DeNae and Michelle had to go do dinner and the whole bath and homework routine. I'll still be around if you get back on. Just come find me.
Hey Jodi, Gina had a great point. If you can draw stregth from other women who are in the midst of learning to make it on their own, here we are.
Neither of us thought our lives would turn out this way. We're feeling the hurt and dissapointment but there's a light at the end of the tunnel too.
Imagine a household with no tension. Think of the closer bond you'll develop with your kids. Think of your freedom to do as your please and make your own choices without concern of what "he" will think.
Gina and I fully intend to be happy. No man has the right to take that from us.
We're just ordinary women. If we can do it, you can do it. Six months ago I would have told you I couldn't make it. Well, here I am, alive and well and making it.
I hope that helps.
xxxxxxoooooo
Hey Jodi, Gina had a great point. If you can draw stregth from other women who are in the midst of learning to make it on their own, here we are.
Neither of us thought our lives would turn out this way. We're feeling the hurt and dissapointment but there's a light at the end of the tunnel too.
Imagine a household with no tension. Think of the closer bond you'll develop with your kids. Think of your freedom to do as your please and make your own choices without concern of what "he" will think.
Gina and I fully intend to be happy. No man has the right to take that from us.
We're just ordinary women. If we can do it, you can do it. Six months ago I would have told you I couldn't make it. Well, here I am, alive and well and making it.
I hope that helps.
xxxxxxoooooo
Kat,
You are the second person who posted those words to me..."No tension"..."No screaming"...I think the other person was Sarah. I can only imagine. Some days it's so good, better than I could expect...but I never know when that will abruptly stop and the opposite occurs.
We obviously haven't talked in awhile, Kat. I didn't know that you aren't in the same situation anymore. My email is jroach1279@hotmail.com. If you'd like to talk more that way, I'd be forever grateful.
It's got to stop, Kat. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live at all.
You are the second person who posted those words to me..."No tension"..."No screaming"...I think the other person was Sarah. I can only imagine. Some days it's so good, better than I could expect...but I never know when that will abruptly stop and the opposite occurs.
We obviously haven't talked in awhile, Kat. I didn't know that you aren't in the same situation anymore. My email is jroach1279@hotmail.com. If you'd like to talk more that way, I'd be forever grateful.
It's got to stop, Kat. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live at all.
YGM, Jodi.
xxxxxxoooooo
xxxxxxoooooo
I wouldn't trade the four years of single life that I experienced for anything in the world. No one could have convinced me going into my divorce that it was going to be the most rewarding experience I have ever had...I was broken, in every way possible...but God as my witness...me taking a final stand for myself set the entire course of events of my life so far.
Once we win that independence and self love...there is no turning back, the old ways of loving are dead to us...and we will always require a new approach. In my case, Thank God. (Kat, I think you know a little of my story).
I don't advocate divorce...please, don't think that. I am married again, and I adore my husband...he is the best person I have ever met in my life. I am no man hater...for sure. But it is different this time...and I am independent.
(if I am reading this right, Kat, you are separated and I had no idea...and I hope you are okay.....and if there is ANYTHING I can do for you...just let me know. I am here for you, whether you ever need me or not!).
Anyway, Kat and Gina...the universe has more than you need...I am visualizing you both getting everything your hearts desire! You too Jodi!
Peace.
Sarah
Once we win that independence and self love...there is no turning back, the old ways of loving are dead to us...and we will always require a new approach. In my case, Thank God. (Kat, I think you know a little of my story).
I don't advocate divorce...please, don't think that. I am married again, and I adore my husband...he is the best person I have ever met in my life. I am no man hater...for sure. But it is different this time...and I am independent.
(if I am reading this right, Kat, you are separated and I had no idea...and I hope you are okay.....and if there is ANYTHING I can do for you...just let me know. I am here for you, whether you ever need me or not!).
Anyway, Kat and Gina...the universe has more than you need...I am visualizing you both getting everything your hearts desire! You too Jodi!
Peace.
Sarah
Kat,
You are the best. Your email made me cry....but that's a good thing. I will definitely be in touch as soon as I can.
You are exactly what I need, the voice I need to hear I think.
I need to know that I'm not just being irrational. That it really is THAT bad, you know?
Well, I could go on and on, but I'll save it for when we can talk, okay?
Thank you so much.
You are the best. Your email made me cry....but that's a good thing. I will definitely be in touch as soon as I can.
You are exactly what I need, the voice I need to hear I think.
I need to know that I'm not just being irrational. That it really is THAT bad, you know?
Well, I could go on and on, but I'll save it for when we can talk, okay?
Thank you so much.
Sarah,
I knew it was you who said so many wise words to me. I read every one of them. And it all made so much sense.
If I get through this in one piece, you will be one of the first that I thank.
I hope I get through this and that I can turn around and help someone else.
Thank you so much, Sarah.
I knew it was you who said so many wise words to me. I read every one of them. And it all made so much sense.
If I get through this in one piece, you will be one of the first that I thank.
I hope I get through this and that I can turn around and help someone else.
Thank you so much, Sarah.
Jodi:
I think these old ways of living just aren't good enough for you anymore.
I think your pain is because this using life just doesn't feel authentic. I know addiction is a part of the behavior...I know this, I have lived it too...but somewhere in there, our hearts also know we are corrupting our spirit with these substances/bad relations and at a certain point it just doesn't fit. Does it?
Babe...do WHATEVER it takes to find your way to clarity. Jodi...I believe this with all of my being...Once you find your clarity again....much of this pain you are feeling with simply not be worth your time or energy...(the psychic pain, I mean).
God will grant you GRACE through this and you will KNOW without a doubt that some of these thoughts just aren't worthy of you or your time. Whether you realize it or not, you ARE on your way. Jodi....STOP AT NOTHING to get your sobriety. The time away from family that it may take will be multiplied many times in love and respect that your family will have for you.
I am praying for you daily...and want to share in the day when some of this is behind you. You will never owe me anything...you will owe someone behind you in this struggle the hard won experience you will have to share.
Much love and peace.
Sarah
p.s. my hand is always out Jodi!
I think these old ways of living just aren't good enough for you anymore.
I think your pain is because this using life just doesn't feel authentic. I know addiction is a part of the behavior...I know this, I have lived it too...but somewhere in there, our hearts also know we are corrupting our spirit with these substances/bad relations and at a certain point it just doesn't fit. Does it?
Babe...do WHATEVER it takes to find your way to clarity. Jodi...I believe this with all of my being...Once you find your clarity again....much of this pain you are feeling with simply not be worth your time or energy...(the psychic pain, I mean).
God will grant you GRACE through this and you will KNOW without a doubt that some of these thoughts just aren't worthy of you or your time. Whether you realize it or not, you ARE on your way. Jodi....STOP AT NOTHING to get your sobriety. The time away from family that it may take will be multiplied many times in love and respect that your family will have for you.
I am praying for you daily...and want to share in the day when some of this is behind you. You will never owe me anything...you will owe someone behind you in this struggle the hard won experience you will have to share.
Much love and peace.
Sarah
p.s. my hand is always out Jodi!
You're a sweetie, Sarah and thank you. Maybe one night I'll be bummed out and you can make me laugh over old television shows, lol. Seriously, nothing beats caring and supportive friends, it makes all the difference.
Jodi, whenever you're ready. You'd be amazed the power behind friendship. When life seemed unbearable, they didn't let me fall. Try not to be afraid, just imagine the peace and serenity that you deserve.
Talk to you soon.
xxxxxooooo
Jodi, whenever you're ready. You'd be amazed the power behind friendship. When life seemed unbearable, they didn't let me fall. Try not to be afraid, just imagine the peace and serenity that you deserve.
Talk to you soon.
xxxxxooooo
I am afraid. Definitely afraid. Of what? I can't define it. Just plain old scared.
I'll be okay though. I have to believe that. We will all be okay, won't we?
I'll be okay though. I have to believe that. We will all be okay, won't we?
I was scared too, Jodi, real scared. But look, I'm okay! We're going to be just fine, more than fine, we're going to be better than before.
Keep believing it!
xxxxxooooo
Keep believing it!
xxxxxooooo
Sarah,
Thank you. It's good to hear again that people get through this okay. I'm going through a little spate of kicking myself for not having done this decades ago -- pointless exercise, but I'm gonna do it, so I might as well get it out of my system.
I guess I needed to get my parents out my life, the drugs out of my system, get some solid recovery under me before I could get at this issue.
Cracks me up that whenever we were having a bad spell Allan would say that he thought that through it all, we were meant to be together because our boys were meant to be. And it turns out all along, he never thought they were his. What a line of bs I've been swallowing all these years. How could I have been so stupid? (LOL, short answer -- 10-30 mg of percocet, give or take, per day will make you stupid.)
Jodi, I haven't been keeping up. Have you left him? You cleaned up? That's so great. Give it time. It's interesting when the brain fog lifts.
Kat, Michelle, Sorry. I got caught up in late evening momming thing, too. How's Cody doing today? I'll try to be online for a while. Allan is blissfully at the sleep lab today getting his apnea checked up on. Gosh, it'll be nice to sleep without his snoring -- for the rest of my life.
Love,
Gina
Thank you. It's good to hear again that people get through this okay. I'm going through a little spate of kicking myself for not having done this decades ago -- pointless exercise, but I'm gonna do it, so I might as well get it out of my system.
I guess I needed to get my parents out my life, the drugs out of my system, get some solid recovery under me before I could get at this issue.
Cracks me up that whenever we were having a bad spell Allan would say that he thought that through it all, we were meant to be together because our boys were meant to be. And it turns out all along, he never thought they were his. What a line of bs I've been swallowing all these years. How could I have been so stupid? (LOL, short answer -- 10-30 mg of percocet, give or take, per day will make you stupid.)
Jodi, I haven't been keeping up. Have you left him? You cleaned up? That's so great. Give it time. It's interesting when the brain fog lifts.
Kat, Michelle, Sorry. I got caught up in late evening momming thing, too. How's Cody doing today? I'll try to be online for a while. Allan is blissfully at the sleep lab today getting his apnea checked up on. Gosh, it'll be nice to sleep without his snoring -- for the rest of my life.
Love,
Gina
Jodi:
I would be concerned for anyone facing life changes without a healthy amount of fear.
Fear is only there in the beginning...and the very beginning, because soon afterwards you are in the moment and the fear kinda fades because you get involved with yourself...the day to day of living.
Fear exists only in the projections of future...and the very beginning of something new...as Rachel has told me....Just lean into it...it gets better quickly.
When you have some perspective on all of this...meaning hindsight, I feel certain you will be amazed how much easier taking the stand for yourself was as opposed to living an unfulfilled life. I also think you will understand how strong you really are to have endured so much. That is strength honey, not weakness.
S.
I would be concerned for anyone facing life changes without a healthy amount of fear.
Fear is only there in the beginning...and the very beginning, because soon afterwards you are in the moment and the fear kinda fades because you get involved with yourself...the day to day of living.
Fear exists only in the projections of future...and the very beginning of something new...as Rachel has told me....Just lean into it...it gets better quickly.
When you have some perspective on all of this...meaning hindsight, I feel certain you will be amazed how much easier taking the stand for yourself was as opposed to living an unfulfilled life. I also think you will understand how strong you really are to have endured so much. That is strength honey, not weakness.
S.
Hey Gina,
two marriages and four kids later, I still believe with all certainty that my kids were meant to be. That sure doesn't mean I had to stay married to their Fathers, though.
I think when you get through kicking yourself (my bruises are fading now) you won't regret a thing. I had to be with those men to make the exact children that I did. Remember what you told me about feeling like you'd known them forever?
In the end, it's all worth it. We got the best those men had to offer, our kids.
And now we begin a new phase in our journey.
xxxxxxoooooo
two marriages and four kids later, I still believe with all certainty that my kids were meant to be. That sure doesn't mean I had to stay married to their Fathers, though.
I think when you get through kicking yourself (my bruises are fading now) you won't regret a thing. I had to be with those men to make the exact children that I did. Remember what you told me about feeling like you'd known them forever?
In the end, it's all worth it. We got the best those men had to offer, our kids.
And now we begin a new phase in our journey.
xxxxxxoooooo
Yeah, Kat. Since I found out about the paternity test in that email where he called himself the "alleged father" of two boys, Rainman has become "Sperm Donor."
Maybe facing the fear of giving up drugs was practice for giving up a failing marriage. They were both very false lovers.
I've had the application for UNC's social work school sitting on my desk since the summer of 2005. Dr. M and another therapist friend of mine told me to look into it ages ago. I always end up following you around anyway. When you told me you were going back to school, I dusted the papers off. Shall we both become students again in the spring?
Loving more all the time,
Gina
Maybe facing the fear of giving up drugs was practice for giving up a failing marriage. They were both very false lovers.
I've had the application for UNC's social work school sitting on my desk since the summer of 2005. Dr. M and another therapist friend of mine told me to look into it ages ago. I always end up following you around anyway. When you told me you were going back to school, I dusted the papers off. Shall we both become students again in the spring?
Loving more all the time,
Gina
Gina,
Where are you? I don't see you. LOL
Where are you? I don't see you. LOL
I was invisible. Sorry, since I reloaded yahoo, it signs me in that way and I forget to change the settings.
LOL
Hey! Where are you now?
LOL
Hey! Where are you now?
