I kicked him out a few days ago, rather he left once confronted. The evidence was overwhelming. I had no idea it was so intense. Though he took most of the paraphernalia with him, after I cleaned the room, I found over 50 syringes. They were everywhere. It was crazy, the filth, molded food and he was urinating in bottles in his room. Of course I suspected but needed proof. When I got it, he had to go. We told him he had to go to rehab. He said he was tired of everyone thinking he could not handle his .... He texted me trying to make me feel responsible for ruining his future plans of going to school. Now he will have to worry about where he will sleep and eat. This is the second time he has been homeless because I caught him doing drugs in my home. Yes, I am worried to death. Not a day goes by that I do not cry. He said he would go to rehab if we promise to give him a trailer and a car we have. I said we would but I don't believe he will go. I worry everyday that I will get a call that he is dead. It would be better to hear he is in jail.
Tmimaw,
I so understand how you feel. Can you go to an Alanon meeting? Meetings have given me the strength to stand by what I knew I had to do. Supporting, enabling, protecting, helping, are all the things we want to do, need to do... but are not necessarily the best things we can do for our addicted family members. When it comes to our kids, we really feel we can fix it, and we want to help. When they blame us, or guilt trip us, we want to fix the problem, or prove to them that we care and we are willing to do anything. Analon helped me understand that I can't fix him, and I need to take care of myself and let him make his choices and live his life.
I have learned that I can't fix him. I am not responsible for the decisions he makes, and I am not helping him when I try to save him.
You have support here. Keep reading posts, and don't feel guilty about setting healthy boundaries for yourself.
Sombra
I so understand how you feel. Can you go to an Alanon meeting? Meetings have given me the strength to stand by what I knew I had to do. Supporting, enabling, protecting, helping, are all the things we want to do, need to do... but are not necessarily the best things we can do for our addicted family members. When it comes to our kids, we really feel we can fix it, and we want to help. When they blame us, or guilt trip us, we want to fix the problem, or prove to them that we care and we are willing to do anything. Analon helped me understand that I can't fix him, and I need to take care of myself and let him make his choices and live his life.
I have learned that I can't fix him. I am not responsible for the decisions he makes, and I am not helping him when I try to save him.
You have support here. Keep reading posts, and don't feel guilty about setting healthy boundaries for yourself.
Sombra
Thank you Sombra. I have been looking for a type of support group. I will look for an alanon meeting near me.
How old is he? One of the things that has gotten me to stop enabling is something I read on a post on here. Enabling is doing anything for him that he should be doing himself. Now, that is not to say that I've been perfect about it because there have been many times that I've brought my son a meal when he was homeless. I think about that statement and try and apply it to the situation at hand though. The one thing that I stand firm on is that he won't live in my house again. Our son is 29 though and should definitely be taking care of himself. He's never figured out how to do that though but he can get heroin in a heartbeat. Thankfully, he's in jail right now and I really hope he gets several months so he can have a chance for his body to be rid of the drugs and to get his mind clear enough to think that he might want something different. I'll end this post with saying that you can't bribe him into getting clean with a trailer and a car. If it was that easy, we wouldn't be on this forum. He has to want it. God bless.
Michelle
Michelle
My son is also 29 years old. A disabled vet, barely getting out with an honorable discharge because of cocaine use. That was a little over 2 years ago. Now he is shooting up meth. He is currently in rehab, I think. He is angry with me for me supposedly ruining his plans to start school. I don't believe him and hope that when he is clean, he will see the ridiculousness of his lies. I did promise those things to him but have decided to hold the pink slips for one year after he has completed rehab and started school. I am worried about his reaction but have decided that I owe him nothing but my love and that he will always have. Everything else must be earned, as is life. My husband and I work very hard to enjoy the life we have. Our other two children are also working hard to have decent lives. He will never have the kind of life we have unless he fights for it himself. He needs to want to live.
Thank you for your comments. It gives me strength to stand on my ideals.
Thank you for your comments. It gives me strength to stand on my ideals.
