This time last year the guy I was seeing told me tearfully that he was on heroin. He had gone cold turkey before but thought he could "dabble" again. I, being naive, and compassionate thought that I could help him in the midst of his addiction. We had a strong connection but I had no idea what I was getting into...
After following threads and being a support to him as he's been on opiates for the past 11 months of our relationship. He was procuring primarily Suboxone illegally from the streets and yo-yoing milligrams. He had a "wean" planned but the drop off date was a moving goal post.
I finally had to move out. We lived together about 8 months.. I foolishly co-habitated with him. I am only 23. He is only 24. I couldn't trust him fully, never knew what his plan was. I got so paranoid I bought a Suboxone drug test. He finally went into treatment kind of on a whim. His mother and myself accompanied him to a doctor and then to an ER where he was admitted. He stayed the minimum 5 days and is now back to his life - just without me in it.
I think the most loving thing at this point which I can do is to give him time to heal on his own. His addiction caused me anxiety and stress while also tearing me away from my family and friends who were worried about my mental state. I believe in him when he says he wants to get better but at this point only his actions can prove that. I am so drained. It was awful having to second guess him, accuse him and always wonder if he was lying or not.
He sounds great now that he is out of rehab. Though, I've heard ppl describe going through "honeymoon" phases right after leaving. He says he is more clear headed than normal, his libido is back, he is excited for his future. All GREAT THINGS. I am just worried it is too soon to tell for sure. He is very upset that I left just a note and broke up with him over the phone while he was in there. It sounds pathetic but I was addicted to him in an unhealthy way and it might have been the only way I could get out of there and focus on getting happy & healthy myself
I guess I'm just here for support. I still feel slightly guilty but I think in the long run he will see it is for the best. I told him he is free to see other people but until months past and he is well and moving forward with his life, I don't want to be his girlfriend. I don't want to set myself up for this all over again and the disappointment and heart break that follows. Am I doing the right thing or am I just being unsupportive?
THANKS FOR READING, I KNOW IT WAS LONG
the hard way,
As much as I am sure you don't want to hear this, what you did was the smartest thing you could have done, and that was look out for YOU first.
Addiction is a tricky thing. When we are in the throes of our addiction, using or wanting to or trying to clean up we are the most confused mass of energy you can imagine. Now I am only talking about what I know personally, but because of my heroin addiction I became a person I didn't recognize nor wanted to be. I tried numerous detoxes ( suboxone etc was not available when I first detoxed) and was in no shape to even deal with myself much less keep a relationship together.
In the end I chose methadone and that has worked for me.
The groups out there, NA and AA, rightly suggest you do not get involved in ANY type of new relationship during the first year of being clean, at a MINIMUM. All of his energy needs to be spent going to meetings etc. Relapse happens frequently and most do not make it on the first try.
You did the right thing. If it was meant to be, then at some point WAY DOWN THE ROAD, you may get back together but if he stays clean a recovery plan will need to continue in his life forever.
Please go to the Family board here and get input from MANY others who have been where you are.
Good luck,
granny
As much as I am sure you don't want to hear this, what you did was the smartest thing you could have done, and that was look out for YOU first.
Addiction is a tricky thing. When we are in the throes of our addiction, using or wanting to or trying to clean up we are the most confused mass of energy you can imagine. Now I am only talking about what I know personally, but because of my heroin addiction I became a person I didn't recognize nor wanted to be. I tried numerous detoxes ( suboxone etc was not available when I first detoxed) and was in no shape to even deal with myself much less keep a relationship together.
In the end I chose methadone and that has worked for me.
The groups out there, NA and AA, rightly suggest you do not get involved in ANY type of new relationship during the first year of being clean, at a MINIMUM. All of his energy needs to be spent going to meetings etc. Relapse happens frequently and most do not make it on the first try.
You did the right thing. If it was meant to be, then at some point WAY DOWN THE ROAD, you may get back together but if he stays clean a recovery plan will need to continue in his life forever.
Please go to the Family board here and get input from MANY others who have been where you are.
Good luck,
granny
Ive realised that healing and getting better and to be addiction free. Its a long process, quite tiring at times. Specially mentally draining. Hopefully as my third week kicks in ill have more energy.
