I just wanted to check in and let you know I am alive and well. Just had breakfast and a walk with my parents. I was able to sleep last night and no word from DM, thank God.
It is amazing how only a few days of thought has brought me so much clarity and determination about the situation. I am going to change my phone number and will hopefully be moving soon. I hate to move again but I think that after a few days of silence the toxic cycle will begin again. Right now I am carrying a lot of anger and find myself continually praying for DM, though it feels phony at this point. Fake it till I make it, I guess.
Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there. I think my cats forgot it is mothers day as neither of them have given me a card yet. LOL. :)
Hi Zipper,
I'm relieved to know you are OK! I'm thankful you have been able to talk with your parents and have friends in place who are supporting you! Val gave you excellent advice in changing your phone number. I know it would be an inconvenience to move and costly to. But, I hope you can because I want you to be safe and remove yourself as far away from this "toxic" situation.
Your prayers may at times feel "phony", but it's more than what many people could, or would do. It just again shows what a beautiful and caring woman you are. Please know that your hp is at work in your life. Many people are praying for your protection. That you are being guided by God's wisdom. God's love has no boundaries!!! I feel a sense of peace that you are being watched over by angels. But, please keep doing what your doing handing this over to God.
I will continue to pray for your protection of mind, body and spirit. I will pray he receives the help he needs. Which is not from you!! I will pray that you are able to move out of that complex and heal from this "toxic" relationship. I will be with you in spirit and have faith that God will work this out. That it's his will to get you the heck out of Dodge.
I think one of your cat's names is Dwight. I'm not sure about your other kitty's name. Maybe I should pray they have a dream that my big Lab is chasing them to the Hallmark store. Where theres an abundance of greeting cards and Mothers Day Gifts, lol.
I'll try and check in more often and see how you are. But, like I said, I sense you are being watched over, so I won't worry. Hope you can spend the rest of the day with your Mom and family. Where I hope you find love and support.
Love,
Chris xxx
I'm relieved to know you are OK! I'm thankful you have been able to talk with your parents and have friends in place who are supporting you! Val gave you excellent advice in changing your phone number. I know it would be an inconvenience to move and costly to. But, I hope you can because I want you to be safe and remove yourself as far away from this "toxic" situation.
Your prayers may at times feel "phony", but it's more than what many people could, or would do. It just again shows what a beautiful and caring woman you are. Please know that your hp is at work in your life. Many people are praying for your protection. That you are being guided by God's wisdom. God's love has no boundaries!!! I feel a sense of peace that you are being watched over by angels. But, please keep doing what your doing handing this over to God.
I will continue to pray for your protection of mind, body and spirit. I will pray he receives the help he needs. Which is not from you!! I will pray that you are able to move out of that complex and heal from this "toxic" relationship. I will be with you in spirit and have faith that God will work this out. That it's his will to get you the heck out of Dodge.
I think one of your cat's names is Dwight. I'm not sure about your other kitty's name. Maybe I should pray they have a dream that my big Lab is chasing them to the Hallmark store. Where theres an abundance of greeting cards and Mothers Day Gifts, lol.
I'll try and check in more often and see how you are. But, like I said, I sense you are being watched over, so I won't worry. Hope you can spend the rest of the day with your Mom and family. Where I hope you find love and support.
Love,
Chris xxx
| QUOTE |
| Right now I am carrying a lot of anger and find myself continually praying for DM, though it feels phony at this point. |
In my quest for recovery, forgiveness begins in handing the offenders over to MY HP. There are some that I actually DO say, "HP, PLEASE help that S.o.B. with his problems, because I SO want to be able to let it go," or something to that effect. Handing it over takes time, but if it's affecting my sobriety, I want it OUT. Forgiveness doesn't mean forget-ness, either. Ignorance is forgiving and forgetting. Stupidity is not forgiving and not forgetting. Wisdom is forgiving and not forgetting--learning from my mistakes. That doesn't mean I am suspicious of every person, place, or thing, but I am careful to make sure my sobriety comes first. Every single time.
Selfish? Perhaps, but I'm willing to hand it over to MY HP because it's worked thus far. Someone said, "How do you know that your HP is the one that got you sober?" Well, hell, that's easy. MY HP's the only one I asked!
:)
That is such a wonderful sentiment SKG...HP's the only one you asked.
Lookinup...your post made me cry. I have felt these angels all around me lately. I know I am being assisted and given the strength because it isn't just coming from me. Today I have grieved and cried...not wanting to get back with him but damn, it is so hard to say goodbye to a relationship, albeit in an unhealthy one. It is so weird and painful to not pick up the phone and call him, text him, stop by. I literally feel like I am detoxing right now. I will tell you, this is a lot more painful than quiting alcohol.
I've prayed A LOT in the last few days and I continually get the impression that I am making the best and most helpful choice I can. I know that time does heal but in the moment it sure feels like time stands still.
Thanks for listening. Lookinup...I think your lab will have to give my "boys" (Dwight and Rowdy) a call and remind them about mothers day. :) xoxo
Lookinup...your post made me cry. I have felt these angels all around me lately. I know I am being assisted and given the strength because it isn't just coming from me. Today I have grieved and cried...not wanting to get back with him but damn, it is so hard to say goodbye to a relationship, albeit in an unhealthy one. It is so weird and painful to not pick up the phone and call him, text him, stop by. I literally feel like I am detoxing right now. I will tell you, this is a lot more painful than quiting alcohol.
I've prayed A LOT in the last few days and I continually get the impression that I am making the best and most helpful choice I can. I know that time does heal but in the moment it sure feels like time stands still.
Thanks for listening. Lookinup...I think your lab will have to give my "boys" (Dwight and Rowdy) a call and remind them about mothers day. :) xoxo
{{{{{{{{{Zipper}}}}}}}}
Hey Girl! Try to stand firm and keep your boundaries. I can't stress enough that you have to expect the unexpected. He has no idea what the hell is going on. Once he figures out that you are serious this time, all the tricks are gonna come out. I sense major guilt trips coming your way. When he can't rattle you he will start trying to get to you through your family and friends. JMHO
I'm proud of you and hang in there. I know from personal experience how fricken hard this is.
I'm glad your family is aware of what is going on too. :-)
btw...ygm
Hey Girl! Try to stand firm and keep your boundaries. I can't stress enough that you have to expect the unexpected. He has no idea what the hell is going on. Once he figures out that you are serious this time, all the tricks are gonna come out. I sense major guilt trips coming your way. When he can't rattle you he will start trying to get to you through your family and friends. JMHO
I'm proud of you and hang in there. I know from personal experience how fricken hard this is.
I'm glad your family is aware of what is going on too. :-)
btw...ygm
How goes it today Zip?
Just was thinking about ya and hoping you were okay. Check in when ya can. :-)
Just was thinking about ya and hoping you were okay. Check in when ya can. :-)
I am doing alright today. I did end up talking to DM last night...I reiterated that I do love and care about him but needed to act according to my highest good that did not compromise my sobriety or sanity. Anyway, I am just trying to find a balance. I love him, miss him, and want only good to come to him but at the same time recognize the severe co-dependent, manipulative nature of our dynamic.
It's OK to love somebody. It's OK to care. It's OK to want to see them get well. In fact it's the right thing to do. It's OK to set him free. It's OK to distance yourself now. It's OK to let God take care of him. It's OK to love yourself.
It's not OK to be the Dr. It's not OK to be the mental health professional. It's not OK to be his Mom. It's not OK to jeopardize YOU ANY MORE!!!
It's not OK to be the Dr. It's not OK to be the mental health professional. It's not OK to be his Mom. It's not OK to jeopardize YOU ANY MORE!!!
Hey Zip how ya doing? I can only imagine how difficult the situation must be for you. You just can't stop loving somebody who is important to you and whom you care so much about. I know it's got to be so hard for you. I don't know what to tell you. I don't have any advice for you.I wish I did. I want you to know that I am thinking of you and whatever choice you make I hope it's the right one for you. Remember it's GODS' WILL ----not yours or anyone elses'. God bless and take care sending you smiles and hugs . :) (((( )))))
Gidday Zipper
Your idea of love at the moment and his may be worlds apart....
Pray for 2 weeks for the intuition and clarity of thinking for anything to do with DM and if for 1 split second if your intuition sends doubt then act on it accordingly no matter how small it seems.
Sometimes what i percieve as games can be reality for the person concerned.
Set some procedures in place and stick to them and trust your intuition
light and love Zac
Your idea of love at the moment and his may be worlds apart....
Pray for 2 weeks for the intuition and clarity of thinking for anything to do with DM and if for 1 split second if your intuition sends doubt then act on it accordingly no matter how small it seems.
Sometimes what i percieve as games can be reality for the person concerned.
Set some procedures in place and stick to them and trust your intuition
light and love Zac
