If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ... Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ... The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ... I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know ?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ... I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safty net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar.
Passion
thanks for posting passion, this was really good.
made me cry... and think
thank-you
thank-you
bump
That was awesome and really hits home.. Thank you for that confirmation.
How true!
WOW!!!
Bump for all of the new members struggling with an addict in their lives.
I must print this off & let my Family read it!
Definatley worth a "bump" every now and again! :)
Thanks!
Thanks!
This touched me so i ahve sat down and wrote itout-as my printer is not working i am going to post to my daughter who is almost 20 and an addict liar and she is in jail at the present time.this made some sense to me.real sense
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bump
bump
bump
wow, that is amazing. It is so hard to let the son are daughter fall. What if they never come back or they die... I wouldn't want to live with myself knowing I didn't go and tell them I love them and it would be ok if they got clean. I just tell you it hurts so bad. What makes a person use drugs like that ? I don't understand. I wish that I did. I pray that God will help me get through the day and that the drugs won't be what my son wants anymore. I pray that I can handle gods will. I know I feel like I don't know what to do at this point. Thank God for people who understand.. Peace & Love be with you.
rcmama
rcmama
RC I hope you will find & go to alanon meetings. www.alanon.com There are also many books you can read about codependency, alot of good ones are by Melody Beattie. I've been where you are -- and you can let go with love & find a life for yourself no matter what the addict is doing or not doing. It's not easy but it can be done. I'm living proof. We cannot control them or make choices for them. Acceptance is the key. Keep telling your son you love him & encourage him to reach for recovery. I hope you will reach for recovery for yourself, too. Pray for yourself. You deserve to have a life, too.
RC
You have to let them fall but that doesn't ever mean you don't tell them that you love them.
Why does a person use drugs? I've just opened up a can of worms by answering that question to someone else. Who accused me of promoting Heroin. Drugs make people feel good, drugs are pleasurable which is why they are so so dangerous and evil.
If we don't face up to that and start being honest and telling our kids that, then we can't ever prepare them against this. It is because drugs make you feel so good that you can never try them not even once, that's why there are so many addicts.
If you tell teenagers that sex is horrible then they don't understand why so many of their friends are doing it and they want to try it. Drugs aren't any different and no one takes drugs thinking they will get addicted that's all there is to understand.
Keep posting try to focus on you, in the end that is the only way that we can help them. Enjoy our lives stay healthy and at some point they might want a piece of that too.
x
You have to let them fall but that doesn't ever mean you don't tell them that you love them.
Why does a person use drugs? I've just opened up a can of worms by answering that question to someone else. Who accused me of promoting Heroin. Drugs make people feel good, drugs are pleasurable which is why they are so so dangerous and evil.
If we don't face up to that and start being honest and telling our kids that, then we can't ever prepare them against this. It is because drugs make you feel so good that you can never try them not even once, that's why there are so many addicts.
If you tell teenagers that sex is horrible then they don't understand why so many of their friends are doing it and they want to try it. Drugs aren't any different and no one takes drugs thinking they will get addicted that's all there is to understand.
Keep posting try to focus on you, in the end that is the only way that we can help them. Enjoy our lives stay healthy and at some point they might want a piece of that too.
x
This is amazing, actually perfect.. I am a recovering addict..my first drug of choice was opiates (mostly oxy & heroine), then speed (adderall & Meth), but I didn't descriminate, I'd do whatever was in front of me. I am currently 64 days clean, after 5 years in heavy addiction. My parents enabeling me was what made me get so bad, I had the resources, so it took me way longer to hit the bottom. I have hit "rock bottom", or what I thought was the bottom, many times, each time I thought it couldn't get any worse, and I found out I was wrong!
It took me about a year after my parents cut me off, I took off, they didn't know whether I was dead or alive, and I was using that to try to make them feel guilty! I was furious with them, at first, because I thought they loved me and I decided that they must not. They also had my two kids. They had tried multiple times to help me, pay for re-habs, put me on "lock-down", they financed my attempts to get back on my feet, and even paid off my debts. They did everything they thought was going to support and "fix" me. Only, it made it worse. More lying, more cheating, more stealing, and more bad feelings about myself and how I was failing and hurting everyone, so I kept using, cause it numbed the pain. What people can't understand about an addiction like that is that it's not about wanting to get high- it becomes about being able to function, both mentally and physically.
Please, if you want them to come back, before they fall too far, let them smack their face on the pavement, and want to change their lives, because that is the only way that it will happen, no-one can do it for you, you have to want it yourself. Then when they do come back, just give them love and support, and not judgement or critism. If you can help them to accept themselves, find themselves, and love themselves again, and have faith that God will show them the way as long as they have faith that they will figure it out eventually, that will be their best chance! At least in my experience.
I feel like I walked around deaf, dumb, and blind for the first 27 years of my life, now I can see!! And I am happier than I have ever been!! I have no regrets about where I've been, because it makes me who I am, and without it I wouldn't have found myself!! I feel that God put me through it, so that now I have the life experience for whats coming next. Thank God my parents let me battle my demons on my own, I take alot of pride in the fact that I am capable of surving, and I made it back!! I did that!! I can own every ounce of it!! I know I have a long road ahead, but I look forward to my next lesson, and meeting my next teacher, cause I am grateful for each new day and every person that God puts into my life, I know now that I will be okay, and I am loving it! Free at last, free at last, God almighty, I'm free at last!!
It took me about a year after my parents cut me off, I took off, they didn't know whether I was dead or alive, and I was using that to try to make them feel guilty! I was furious with them, at first, because I thought they loved me and I decided that they must not. They also had my two kids. They had tried multiple times to help me, pay for re-habs, put me on "lock-down", they financed my attempts to get back on my feet, and even paid off my debts. They did everything they thought was going to support and "fix" me. Only, it made it worse. More lying, more cheating, more stealing, and more bad feelings about myself and how I was failing and hurting everyone, so I kept using, cause it numbed the pain. What people can't understand about an addiction like that is that it's not about wanting to get high- it becomes about being able to function, both mentally and physically.
Please, if you want them to come back, before they fall too far, let them smack their face on the pavement, and want to change their lives, because that is the only way that it will happen, no-one can do it for you, you have to want it yourself. Then when they do come back, just give them love and support, and not judgement or critism. If you can help them to accept themselves, find themselves, and love themselves again, and have faith that God will show them the way as long as they have faith that they will figure it out eventually, that will be their best chance! At least in my experience.
I feel like I walked around deaf, dumb, and blind for the first 27 years of my life, now I can see!! And I am happier than I have ever been!! I have no regrets about where I've been, because it makes me who I am, and without it I wouldn't have found myself!! I feel that God put me through it, so that now I have the life experience for whats coming next. Thank God my parents let me battle my demons on my own, I take alot of pride in the fact that I am capable of surving, and I made it back!! I did that!! I can own every ounce of it!! I know I have a long road ahead, but I look forward to my next lesson, and meeting my next teacher, cause I am grateful for each new day and every person that God puts into my life, I know now that I will be okay, and I am loving it! Free at last, free at last, God almighty, I'm free at last!!
Taylor Made, Thank you so much for posting that. I hope the newbies & oldies read it.
